Tuesday, March 29, 2011

pity party

Last night I gave into temptation. My couch got the best of me. When I woke up yesterday morning to a dusting of snow I immediately knew the gym was not going to make an appearance in what is my normal Monday workout. I just wasn't feelin' it. Granted I don't feel like going to the gym most of the time, but I force myself to go anyways. I of course, talked myself out of it as the day went on. Basically telling myself that I deserved a night off. I was (am) feeling sorry for myself. The gym is the one constant and stable thing in my life right now. Always there, open 24 hours a day, gives me a great feeling, so I guess in a way I wanted to disappoint the one thing that has been there for me the past 2 and half years. Setting myself up for self destruction I guess. Take the one good thing, and turn it against me?! I’m nervous about my job, worried about my friends/co-workers that might lose their job, I’m sad that I’ve gotten no attention lately from either M or R, I want to plan my year but am uncertain about my finances. Frustrated that I can’t seem to find a quality guy to date but that my friends are finding quality people. Of course that is jealously and that’s not attractive, and I know that. But if I am one thing, it is honest. So I declared last night a mental health night, zoned out, ate some pizza, watched some TV, and threw myself a little pity party. And you know what? It felt good. I got it out of my system if you will, and now staying home just isn’t an option. I don’t have that nagging devil screaming in my ear “don’t go the gym April…you know you don’t want to go April…just take the night off April…the gym is lame, all the cool kids stay home…” So tonight I went and did barbell. Lifting weights is always good. Low key, and the hour goes by fairly quickly. Then tonight I talked with a good friend of mine, we talked about our healthiness journey. How it will always be a struggle. I told her about what I read today on a Prior Fat Girl blog. I also told her about the comment that I posted. That you can't look at it as the rest of your life. I think that if you do that, you set yourself up for failure. Because that is just overbearing. It is too much. Of course you know that you will do it for the rest of your life, but you make that decision everyday. Take each day, individually. One day at a time.
barbell strength 60min

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Places I've Been: TX

nikki and i on the Texas A&M campus in College Station, TX
the Texas State Capitol in Austin, TX
College Station and Austin, Texas

I traveled to Texas in April 2009 to visit my cousin Nikki and her husband Dan. At the time they were living in College Station attending and working at Texas A&M University. Prior to this trip I had never really been to Texas before. (in 2005 I flew into Houston to travel to Galveston, to catch a cruise ship.)
I spent two days in College Station and two days in Austin. I had a great time. What I remember fondly about this trip are my times and quality chats with Nikki. I remember Nikki taking me on a long fun windy tour of the A&M campus. I remember this because it was shortly before this trip that my left knee started to hurt from the beginning of my workout journey. (both of my knee's hurt now everyday.)
Nikki and I often talk about our love of just hanging out and talking. This trip was full of all that, all in between some fabulous food, shopping, taking a tour of the Texas State Capital, fresh strawberry shortcake, and lots of fun in general. Oh and of course some Texas bluebells!
Thinking about this trip I can't help but remember my life from two years ago. I have more to share from the changes that my life has made over the last two years, but right now I want to focus on my relationship with Nikki.
She truly wants the best, and cares for me. She recognizes that the work that I have done has put years on my life, so that we can be friends and cousins for many many years to come. She is someone that I can just talk to about this healthiness journey, because she lives it. She runs, and hikes, and eats healthy. She gives me something to strive for, which is priceless! Love you Nikki!
Can't wait for more memories.
master step 60min

Saturday, March 26, 2011

healthy cooking 101

we workout together, we party together, we go to events together, we shop together, we travel together, and now we cook together. well we've cooked together before, but tonight we had only healthy food! tonight my friends and i all gathered at christina's house for some healthy cooking. as usual a fun time was had by all! everyone brought a healthy dish to share, along with the recipe. good times. we had a little bit of everything. some soups, veggies, mashed potato's, wanton's, stuffed peppers, and desserts.
these desserts are made out of sweet potato's and garbanzo beans. (not pictured are brownies made out of black beans.) all so good, seriously!



i made some green chile chicken enchilada's found on sparkpeople.com.
everything was delicious! all the kids played while the adults chatted and enjoyed all of the fabulous food! what a fun saturday night i had!!
elliptical 30min treadmill 30min

Thursday, March 24, 2011

~all kinds of crazy~

i could eat breakfast
especially a good
huevos racheros
red chile
of course.




i'm pretty sure
i'll have some sort
of deformity
on my feet,


i think i'm finally
getting used to
my new hair cut.


i really wish that i got a
spring break.


speaking of break.
i need to go somewhere.
i haven't been on a plane since


"you look like paradise.
and i need a vacation."




i really hate to say no.


i know of 2 new babies
that were born this week.
welcome to the world
Grace Ann
Reid Christian!

strike! 60min

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

knock knock

another first happened tonight...well i'm pretty sure i've never done this before. tonight i did two classes back to back. a full 120 minutes of gym time!
barbell strength...

...and Step!

I’ve been going to the gym consistently for 2 and a half years now. I’ve seen people do two classes back to back before. And there have been times I’ve thought about doing something so crazy. Well today I was that crazy. I did Barbell Strength and Step.

Barbell is my main Tuesday workout. I mainly did this because Step had Stacie as the instructor. Stacie was filling in, and I love Stacie. She’s an awesome instructor. I’m not a big fan of Step, but she makes if fun. She has something in her voice that just keeps pushing you. After barbell I feel like a pile of jello. My legs feel like they are going to give out under me, and it’s as though I can’t even lift my arms. But when opportunity knocks you gotta take it, right?! I’m a hella tired, and I hope to sleep good tonight, as I didn’t sleep too hot last night.

I was super slow in step, but I did it.

An hour of weights and an hour of cardio.

Here’s to my first ever 2 hour workout.

Good thing tomorrow is my day off!!!

* * *

I wrote the above before I left work. (i do that sometime, write my blog posts at work ahead of time so i'm not on the computer for forever when i get home.) And to be honest while I was driving to the gym for barbell at 5:30pm, I had myself convinced that I would just do barbell and leave. That I wanted that extra hour to myself, cook dinner, relax. Being at the gym from 5:30pm - 7:30pm was just a lot. I also kept going back and forth. I told myself I'll wait and see how I feel after barbell. Plus I put this declaration out there on Facebook. I didn't want to let down my friends who were (are) encouraging me. Then I thought about my blog. I knew I already had part of today's blog written, but that the writing was based on the fact that I do both classes. And if I didn't do both classes I would have to come up with a post from scratch. Christina was in barbell and she too was also planning on staying for step. Plus I knew both Denise and Annabelle would be doing step. Once barbell was over and I connected with my friends, I knew immediately that I wasn't going anywhere. Having them there pushing me even though they didn't have to say a word to me to convince me to stay, was such motivation for me to stay. There presence was all I needed! Because I knew that if they hadn't been there, I would have bailed!

Stacie's step was a blast, and the hour went by super fast. I definitely slowed down, and at times just had to step in place, but I kept moving the whole time. Annabelle is the master stepper and she kept up the whole time. Denise, Christina, and myself, um not so much. The three of us just had our own little "mess up" party in the corner a few times.

Now that I am home and giving my body a rest, I can tell that my joints and muscles are recuperating from something they have never done before...a 2 hour workout! It is so amazing that when you do something different, how your body reacts. Tomorrow I will be hurting, but it'll be a good, a really good hurt!

barbell strength 60min

step 60min

Monday, March 21, 2011

ABC's of Me

A. Age - 31

B. Bed size - Queen, fitting don't ya think?! :)

C. Chore you hate - Doing the dishes, as it is probably the one that is most constant. I leave dirty dishes in my sink overnight all the time and have no problem doing so.

D. Dogs - First and foremost I am dog person, even though I am currently a cat owner. I grew up with dogs, and wish that my parents would get another one. RIP Lady.

E. Essential start to your day - Toilet and shower.

F. Favorite color - Blue. Any shade really.

G. Gold or Silver - Both, I'm a two-tone type of girl.

H. Height - 5'6'' I like to think I'm tall for girl.

I. Instruments you play - Once upon a time I played the flute in elementary school.

J. Job Title - Sr. Administrative Assistant, A.K.A. ~ the floor b!tch.

K. Kids - Kids are great. I hope to one day have my own. For right now my "kids" are Otis and Denali. They are pretty darn cute.

L. Live - Westminster, CO, and honestly sometimes I find it hard to believe I still live here, and moved away from New Mexico. Not because it is sad, just because I actually did it.

M. Mom's name - Legally it is actually Kathryn, but she goes by Barbara. The "b" is for beautiful!

N. Nicknames - I've never really had one.

O. Overnight hospital stays - well I was a premmie by almost 6 weeks, so I was in the hospital for a long time after I was born. And I'm pretty sure I stayed overnight when I broke my left arm when I was 6.

P. Pet peeve - People not reading and following simple instructions...that was a big frustration for me today.

Q. Quote from a movie - "Do you like apples?" "Yay." "How about 'em apples?! I got her number." from Good Will Hunting.

R. Rigthy or Lefty - Well I write left-handed, but do everything else right-handed. I'm cool like that.

S. Sibling - I'm an only child, but blessed to have cousin's that are like sisters.

T. Time you wake up - Around 6:30am if I'm getting up on time. ;-)

U. Underwear - Only Victoria's Secret.

V. Vegetable you dislike - Broccoli and cauliflower. Ew.

W. What makes you late - My own poor planning. But usually I'm right on time.

X. X-rays - Last time I got x-rays they were of my teeth.

Y. Yummy food you make - I make lots of good food.

Z. favorite Zoo animal - Peacock, so pretty and colorful.

I actually think I've done this before, or maybe not. Honestly I don't remember. But it was fun.
stolen from here.

elliptical 35min
treadmill 35min

Sunday, March 20, 2011

good on paper vs. a feeling

i like to think that this world of dating that i have going on currently is just me making up for my lack of dating in my early 20's. it's fun, but frustrating.
case in point, just when i say that both M and R are out of the picture, they magically reappear. i saw them both this past weekend, and i have lots of friends wondering why in the world i even bother with R. and seeing both guys the last couple of days i came to a few realizations.
M is a hard guy to get to know. i've let him know this and he agrees. the fact that he is such a hard guy to get to know, i'm really not 100% comfortable around him. whenever we hang out a good amount of time as to go by before we start to feel comfortable. and establishing that each and every time we hang out, it is just a lot. and in my opinion something that should have been there by now. but he also has these really good qualities. he has a good job, he loves what he does, is passionate about it and is great at it. he has goals for what he wants to do. plus he has these moments where he makes me feel great. like asking me to be his valentine and letting me know he things that i'm awesome. since re-connecting at the beginning of february he's been very consistent with texting me, and the times we actually see one another.
R is the opposite. i can sit and talk with R all day long. we can talk about everything and nothing. i'm very comfortable around him. cuddling with him, hugging him. i feel like i truly know R's personality and there are lots of things that i like. just as much as i talk, he'll talk as well. we communicate. i like R. he doesn't have a good job, isn't really all that consistent the past couple months with the texts or seeing me, but i just can't seem to let him go. he too has these moments where he makes me feel great. with letting me know he's attracted to me, and that he thinks about me and misses me.
i don't see something serious with either one of these guys, but i do like the attention i'm getting, and just enjoying having fun!
50/50 60min

Saturday, March 19, 2011

lighten up

i've been kissing lots of frogs lately.
in hopes of finding that one quality prince.

thanks sarah for making my day!
elliptical 30min
treadmill 30min

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

let me be real

another before and after...
"after" february 2011
"before" may 2008

Can you change without truly changing? Back in October or November I bought a pair of size 12 jeans from the Gap. At the time I did try them on. I had to literally squeeze into them. They looked horrible, BUT I got them on zipped and buttoned. Right now I only really have one pair of jeans that I like, and truly fit me. They are the size 14’s I got from the Tommy Hilfiger store on Thanksgiving. A couple of weekends ago I decided to try on the size 12’s from the Gap just to see what they would look like. To my amazement I decided that they looked good, that they fit, and that I would wear them out...in public. Never in my life have I been a size 12. Never.ever. I will admit they are still a little bit tight, but I can wear them and feel somewhat “normal”. With this accomplishment you would think that since my pant size has gone down, that so has my weight. Not true. In fact the opposite. I am still struggling. I weighted myself a few weeks ago, the first time since I was at the doctor in January. 182. Back in the 180’s…UGH!!!!!!!

Want to know why? Because I went on a couple of binges. I’ve mentioned in the past that prior to my weight loss journey I never did such things, like binging. Never. But going on a “diet” creates this mental block in my head, and because I’ve done it before, I feel the need to consume all things bad. I would say about a month ago now, I bought a tube of cookie dough. I ate that whole thing in about three days. How disgusting is that?! Then just as I made my proclamation that Monday was THE day, while doing all of my healthy food shopping in preparation for the week, I bought some Ben and Jerry’s ice cream (frozen yogurt) AND some Klondike bars. Um, hello….since when are those items “healthy”. You want to know what is worse? I had a blog in my head where I threw the remaining five Klondike bars in the trash after having one, taking a picture of them in the trash and posting about said binge, but being proud that I threw them away. That blog never happened. Why? Because I ate all of those stupid bars, and all of that ice cream. How about the more obvious question of: WHY did I buy those items in the first place?! I can’t even begin to tell you the conversations I have in my head while grocery shopping. Or making decisions about what to eat. When I’m not hungry and thinking about it, but also knowing that eventually that sweet tooth will come back and haunt me I chant to myself: “just say no, April. Just say NO!!!” Like it is a drug…which I have discussed before. But why when I am hungry and when that sweet tooth is aching inside of me, I just CAN’T say no? That whole prior conversation of “Just say no” is nowhere to be seen. So I will start again, all of the bad things are (again) out of the house, because I consumed them all (again), in combination of all the healthy items. I will say that I have been eating more veggies, and I hope that soon my mental being will catch up to the rest of me. One thing that I forgot about eating healthy is the prep work involved. This whole thing just takes a lot of work. Nothing about this is easy.

So how is it that I am changing? Lately I’ve had people at the gym come up to me and tell me how great I look. When in my honest opinion I feel like I haven’t changed at all since October. Even weirder is that these people are ladies I swear I have never seen before in my life. I like to think that I’m a pretty observant person, that I take notice of the people around me. So it catches me completely off guard when someone in the locker room comes up to me and tells me how great I look, especially when I don’t ever remember seeing them. Then there are the regulars around me that tell me I’ve lost more weight…these people are usually people who work at the gym, and I have a theory that they just tell me I look like I’ve lost more weight, because they know I have more weight to lose but they see I haven’t changed over the last few months, and are encouraging me to keep on going. I actually told this theory to one of the guys that recently complimented me on my new weight loss and sees me regularly and he told me that I was mistaken. That if he thinks I have lost weight, he will tell me so. So I guess that is good to know. So again, how can I change without actually changing? Why can’t the numbers and the sizes not play such a big part? Rather than just be healthy?! What describes you? Small, Medium, or Large?! Who cares? For me what matters, is that I gonna keep on keepin’ on. And honestly I feel better being more open and honest about what it is that I eat. That these are my slip ups. Putting it out there lets me tackle it more fully rather than being in denial and just saying “yeah I’ve eaten like crap lately.”

Let the journey continue!
strike! 60min

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

another point of view

I'm watching an episode of "What Not to Wear" right now. And they are featuring a 32 year old woman who is a breast cancer survivor and has also lost 90 pounds. She's 5 feet and was 230 at her heaviest. There are obviously some big differences in our stories, but also a similarity. Like myself she's been over weight her whole life, and has always been labeled as the "fat" one. Sometimes when I think about the new friends in my life I question if we would be friends if I were still fat. I know it is a stupid "what if" question, especially since the answer doesn't really matter. But it still is a thought in my head. Sometimes I think if they can truly relate to my struggles. I have so many friends that just want to be what they weighted in high school. I was easily 30+ pounds heavier in HS than what I am now. It is a struggle that not everyone can relate to, is what I'm saying. The struggle of being over weight your entire life. ...I remember being called "fat-so" in kindergarten. Being called names your whole life, you get a complex. I'm learning that this fat person complex my stay with me forever. This is a struggle that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's like I'm living a constant uphill battle.
Watching this woman shop on "What Not to Wear" and hearing her say these comments like "chunk" and "thunder thighs" and "heavy" gives words to my many thoughts when I go shopping or am out with my friends. I don't appear "normal", I'm still the fat one of the group. And that is exactly how this woman feels like. She is very much so normal, and not fat at all. Now I know I still have some weight to lose, but I just had to document seeing this woman from a different view, and hearing her insecurities and realizing that mine are the same.
When you are overweight all you can think about is getting skinny. Wanting to lose weight. You hope that one day it'll just fall off of you, that no work will be needed. While hoping for that, you end up just getting bigger. Then something finally clicks to do.the.work. All you can think of is what is at the end of the road. Skinny. That is the goal. So much is focused on the physical. What about the mental?, the emotional?
Seeing this woman be proud of her many accomplishments and accepting her body the way that it is, and coming to the realization that she is normal gives me something to strive for, and something I see that I can accomplish.
barbell strength 60min

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Places I've Been: SD

Black Hills, South Dakota

I haven't spent a lot of time in South Dakota. But I do feel it has been long enough to mention here. I had lunch in the Black Hills of South Dakota on my road trip to North Dakota in March 2005 with my ex-boyfriend Aaron. Wow...just about 6 years ago. Six years almost to the day if I think about it, because I was in Bismarck on St. Patrick's Day 2005. Talk about timing...anyways.

I remember on the drive Aaron was so excited to show me the Black Hills. And I was excited because he was so excited. I'm not too sure what I was expecting, but it was something different. Something other than mountains. But let me be honest, the Black Hills are just mountains. In my opinion nothing too special about them. We had lunch in a cute little area that I can describe as Black Hawk, CO for those of you that have been there. A classic cowboy town.

It was a fun little venture in the Northwest corner of South Dakota.
elliptical 30min
treadmill 30min

Sunday, March 13, 2011

another round of babies

It seems as though every few years or so, a new round of my friends have babies. Well this year seems to be that year. Last year I had 2 friends have babies, this year (as of right now) I know seven ladies that are pregnant. All but one are boys. I also know of two bloggers (women I don't know but stalk their blog) that are also pregnant with boys.
My friend Milena will be welcoming her little boy sometime in mid-April, and today was her baby shower.

Milena, I, and baby boy
a cupcake cake! you bet i had one!
The miracle of life. Such a simple statement, but yet so complex. If you truly think about that sentence and the meaning, I can't help but get a little bit teared eyed. It truly is a beautiful thing.
50/50 60min

Saturday, March 12, 2011

what's old is new

I have a new friend, that used to be an old acquaintance. Jill and I went to high school together. I didn't really know her, but of course knew of her. We have a mutual BFF, Michelle. Shortly after I moved to Denver, Jill moved to DC. Then last year she decided she wanted to come back West, but didn't want to go back to NM, so she picked Denver as the next best thing.

Jill came out to Denver for the first time in November with Michelle. And Jill moved to Denver the first of the year.
Since then we've hung out quite a bit. She came out for my birthday, and so has met my big group of friends, and she fits right in. We went out the night she finished taking the Colorado State Bar (did I mention that she's a lawyer?!), she was at the Mammoth game last Friday, and last night we went to the Village Cork for Denver Restaurant Week.
Jill and I @ the Village Cork
the Village Cork
We had a fabulous dinner. We got there early and enjoyed a happy hour drink and appetizer. My dinner was a delicious jicama salad, salmon on spinach and pine nuts, ended with a pound/lemon cake with raspberries.
Jill and I
I'm super happy that Jill and I hit it off as friends. It really isn't that much of a surprise as we both have Michelle in common, and we love her. The dynamic that I have with Jill that I don't have with a lot of my other friends is that like me, she is single, and out there in the dating world. So we get to tell stories, and give advice, and can be empathetic as we both know where the other is coming from.
I truly look forward to my time spent with her, and look forward to more dinners and hang-outs!
elliptical 30min
treadmill 30min

Thursday, March 10, 2011

~all kinds of crazy~

i really want to go to
like yesterday.


i have some
spring fever.


i always try
to at least have
10 random thoughts
for random


on sunday
my toenail
the runner's toe i got
fell off.


i did skype for the first time last night.
it is


love this quote that my friend april shared with me today:
"it is better for a girl to sleep a hundred years and be kissed and awakened by the right prince than to stay awake and be kissed a hundred times by the wrong frog." ~ unknown




did bed, bath, and beyond
stop mailing out 20% off coupons?
because i really need one.


at night i put my TV on sleep
for 60 minutes.
and the volume has to be at a 1.


i gonna take full
responsibility for turning all my friends onto saying the phrase
woot w00t!
oh yes, i am that cool.



Tuesday, March 8, 2011

just curious ~ a winner!

we have a winner

i gotta say that i thought i would get more comments. but, that's ok. i'm grateful for my little "following" as the majority of you i know personally, and are on this fight with me and for me. i truly appreciate that.
sarah ~ all of these fabulous things are yours!!!
via random.org, picked comment # 12!!!

I know that your blog is surrounded by talk of weight loss. When I read your words, I find that all along that's just the surface of it all. For me, I see something that goes much deeper. You are a thinker April. When you share your life with people, I see that you are making yourself accountable for YOUR LIFE and can clearly see that (even though you don't always know your paths choice) you live with intention. If you say your going to do something, you do.

One of my favorite things to do is exercise. (Yes, I am one of those endorphin craving people.) And now that I can't- I want you to know that many days I peek at your blog just to read the little numbers at the bottom of your posts for your workout. Simply said: My workouts are lived through you.

We were reunited from MySpace. At least that silly site was good for something! I am so glad we were 'hooked up' that way.

March 3, 2011 9:46 AM

this win happens to be so appropriate as sarah is one of my biggest advocates. she is always so encouraging. what she doesn't know is that i push that much harder just for her, because she can't and because i know that if she could she would. i think about her frequently when i'm working out, especially when i want to give up or when i can't imagine doing one more rep.
sarah i know where you live, and your prize is on its way to you!
barbell strength 60min

Monday, March 7, 2011

a happy weekend

this past weekend i had lots of fun-filled events! it started early, and went all the way into today! it's so hard to believe that this truly is my life. i think about what living my life was like 12 months ago and the huge turn that my life has taken, and it seems like it was a lifetime ago. when in reality my life 12 months ago was completely different to what it is today. just goes to show that if you want something to change, you can do the work and change it!

friday night started with a mammoth game. this was the second mammoth game that i have been to, and they are so much fun. the announcer is hilarious and loud. in attendance were lots of my friends, with good food and drink! everyone had a blast!
scott, keita, kim, and sara
justine and i
brandi, kevin, and april
saturday morning was spent sleeping in and not getting to the gym until 11:30am. followed by three boys' birthday party's! it was time to celebrate Adison, Kaison, and Zack at Xtreme Challenge Arena. hanging out with all the kiddos seems like it would overwhelming, but all of these kids get along great. the afternoon was lots of fun.
the birthday boys
kyler, olivia, zack, and adison ~ a train of kids on giant balls!
singing happy birthday
saturday evening i had a date with M. i know i said he was out of the picture...but i've found that just when you count them out, they make an appearance. the date was good, we went to go see "hall pass". pretty funny. honestly i'm still trying to figure out if i like this guy. then last night he sends me texts that say "just thinking about an awesome girl!" and "i really like her." we'll see.
sunday was strike! with sophie. sophie is my cousin's cousin, she currently going to school in greeley, and this is the second time she has come down to workout with me. after our workout we went to have brunch, followed by some shopping. sophie introduced me to the RACK, as in nordstrom rack. i found a really cute dress, but took a pass, as it's pretty pointless for me to buy clothes right now. but i'll definitely be going back to the RACK! it was lots of fun to hangout with her. i spent last night cuddled up at home watching "love and other drugs" super cute movie.
i took today off for the sole purpose of getting my updated tags for my car. i chose monday because the MIXX is on monday's. this is a super fun working taught by sarah, and is only available monday mornings, so i can only take it a handful of times a year. think of it as a combination of dance and kickboxing. so today was productive as i got in a great super fun workout, followed by getting an emissions test and a $130 sticker to put on my license plate that says 12.
gotta love nice long weekends spent with friends and being productive and creating memories.
the mixx 60min

Sunday, March 6, 2011

mental games

i have lots and lots going on inside of my head right now. i'm asking myself the classic question i ask myself just about everyday: "why is this so hard?" when truthfully it isn't that hard, because i've done it, and i've been successful, i've felt the hard work payoff.

today i had breakfast with an old family friend Sophie. she said that she just wanted to get to a point where her food wasn't something she was always thinking about. i advised, that it will always be something that we'll think about. maybe it won't be as much, or as time consuming, but because we are trying to be healthy living individuals. food is something that we (i) will think about the rest of my life. it is somewhat sicking to be honest. their are parts of this battle that are truly never ending.

my mind is not on the same page as the rest of me, and it is setting me behind. i know what the right decision is, but when it comes to actually making the decision and putting what is right into my mouth, i put what is bad. and i know that it is bad. it's like my mental self is saying "you'll lose that 20 pounds another time." i need to kick that mental part of me in the ass, literally. i need to take over control. i mean people lose 20 pounds all the time. it really isn't all that much. i would maybe even say that's the average amount of what people say they want to lose as their new years resolution. you could probably name a handful of people who have lost 20 pounds. how many people do you know have lost 90 pounds? that's probably a little bit more rare. or maybe you just don't know people who would need to lose 100+ pounds. what i'm saying, or what i'm trying to tell myself is that i can do this. and i know that i've typed these words out tons of times before...but nearly not as often as i tell myself as i try to fall asleep at night.

i just wish that it got easier. but the brutal truth is that it doesn't. if anything for me, it has gotten harder. i wouldn't trade it for the world, but having the social circle that i now have and going out with friends, dating, all of it and dieting, it is hard. but it is life. it has been almost one year since i started slimgenics. and i'm still in my weight loss stage. am i discouraged by this?, no not really. i have memories that will last me a lifetime, along with some lifelong friends. i know that they support me, and will always be there for me.
strike! 60min

Saturday, March 5, 2011

work review 2010

i recently had my yearly review at work. i love my boss. she's awesome. always so encouraging and positive. when you talk "business" with her, she's all professional, and focused on you, building and creating the best professional that you can be. she'll help move you forward to become what it is that you want to become. she is also great at taking you out of the office just when you are about to break. she'll offer a "coffee break" just to get out. she's a great boss!

here are some highlights of what she wrote about me and working for her in 2010:
"April had a year of good growth and continued to be an important team member of QBPP that we have come to rely on for so many things. April is effective and efficient in her communications, information sharing, coordination of events, calendaring, etc. In addition, she steps up to every additional need we ask of her and excels at them. She is always willing to help, thrives in an environment where she is busy, productive and appreciated. She managed a complex move into a new building and made it look easy. The move went very smoothly thanks to hr attention to detail and organization and communication skills. She approaches her work with a positive attitude and is a great player.
"April has great potential and can take on additional responsibilities. I encourage her to think about career moves outside of administration and to start education, training and hand on experience now if possible. She is conscientious, capable and caring."

my challenge is figuring out what it is that i want to become. honestly i could pretty easily move along in the position i'm in for the next few years and be very content. will i be challenged?, no. will it be easy?, yes. do i think about spreading my wings and moving forward?, yes. but, with so much change it is scary. qwest is set to become centurylink effective april 1st. ...bad choice of date, if you ask me. at this point in time, i'm just hoping to hold onto my job, and just stay under the radar if you will. then when the timing seems more appropriate i can search for something that might pay a little bit more and be a little bit more of a challenge for me to learn, and become good at. in the past my jobs always seem to find me, just when it is meant to be. i've always been very fortunate in that regard.

jerri gave me my review on my birthday, after she took me out to lunch. it was a great gift for her to give me. and an afternoon i won't soon forget. once this merger is complete, i will truly miss her as my boss.
elliptical 30min
treadmill 30min

Thursday, March 3, 2011

~all kinds of crazy~

enter my
do it!


do you remember
channel one?
do they still
show it
in homeroom?


i hate it
i forget
to bring
my water bottle
to the gym.
hate it.
you would think that by now i would remember it.
but i forgot it once last week,
and once this week.


the countdown is on
for a second


i've know a total of
8 people
who have had


lately i've been
"missed connections"
on craigslist.
something so
romantic about that.


i have
recently become
addicted to the cooking show
i'm pretty sure the host
on that show, used to be
an anchor
on channel one.


can you believe it is


for the first time
i created
my very own
chicken bake
oh yes, i will share it.


i think i'm
finally getting used
to my hair.
and i think i like it!


i need to do some serious
especially in my closet.
i need to get rid
of the fat clothes!

strike! 60min

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

just curious ~ a giveaway!!!

I am going to start the new month off right!
In tribute to all of my readers, and finding out who all of you are?!?!

I have a little bit of a hunch that my blog has quiet the following. But I don’t know how big and I'm super curious about who all is out there reading my blog! I’ve thought about throwing a giveaway for awhile now, just for the sole purpose of finding out who reads my blog! That is exactly what I’m going to do! I’m super curious to know who reads my blog or rather “stalks” my blog.

When I thought about what I would actually give away, I stumbled, because I didn’t want it to be just some boring giveaway. Then I had a thought “I should give away items that I love, and have helped me along in my weight loss journey.” I seriously wouldn’t be able to go without these items. So if you win, here is what you will get!

  • A Camelbak water bottle! I had never even heard of this wonderful product until I met my friend Michelle in Chicago in October 2008. That Winter I immediately got 2. One for work, and one for home. I love this water bottle, and use them every single day.
  • A Jillian Michaels workout DVD! I got the 30 Day Shred DVD as a backup to use on cold snowy Colorado days that prevent me from driving to the gym. This is one hard workout!
  • Extra Long Lasting Gum! This is a trick I got from watching the Biggest Loser. I'm not a big gum chewer, but just about every afternoon, when I get that sweet tooth, I go for a piece of gum. It seems to do just the trick!
  • The Body for Life Cookbook! I of course don’t follow the Body for Life diet, but I love this cookbook. Lots of tasty recipe’s, including one of my favorites: Taco Pasta!
  • A $30 Target Gift Card! Who doesn’t love Target?!


  • A $10 donation to Susan G. Komen, and Race for the Cure! I am a huge supporter of this group, and will make a donation in your name when I sign up for this year’s race which is taking place in Denver on Sunday October 2nd!

The total price value for this fabulous giveaway is over $100!!!

So what do you need to do in order to win all of these fabulous prizes?! Simple. Leave me a comment.

If you remember, tell me how it is that you found my blog. Or how you know me.

the fine print...

You have until Monday March 7th at 10pm MT to enter. The winner will be announced on Tuesday March 8th.

One comment per person.

U.S. Residences only ages 18 or older.

For those of you that link to my blog via Facebook, please leave a comment through the blog, NOT through Facebook. Facebook comments will not be considered as an entry.

If you don’t have a Blogger account, no worries. Click the “Anonymous” radio button and leave your comment that way, and make sure to leave an email address.

barbell strength 60min