Monday, May 31, 2010

this holiday

i think it is safe to say that the military affect our everyday lives. regardless of what you believe it is because of the military that we get to live the life that we lead freely everyday. i know a lot of people in the military. my dad was in the air force up until about 15 years ago, i've had friends join the military, and lots of other family members serve our Country. one of the most amazing things about a man or woman who serve in the military is the family that they come from. my cousin kari was a military wife for many many years. her husband retired within the past couple of years, but seeing her support the man that she loves while he would be flying all over the world risking his life, it is inspiring.
my cousin joseph is also in the military. he's my dad's nephew, and unfortunately i don't keep in touch with my dad's side of the family, but my dad just sent me these pictures of my cousin in Iraq and i thought i would share. it's pretty incredible. he's been there a few times in the past and this particular tour will most likely last until november. joseph's military family is a little bit unique. his wife is also in the military. they have 3 boys, which includes a set of twins! i can't tell you timelines or anything, but i think it is safe to say that these kids haven't had both of their parents home for more than a 4 or 5 year time span. how crazy is that?! i can't even imagine having a small children at home, and not having both parents always around. they usually take turns leaving and serving so rarely are they both home at the same time for any great lengths.

so i would like to personally say thank you to the service men and woman who make America what it is. thank you! as we have a nice relaxing 3-day weekend lets remember those you have fought and those who are currently fighting.
the mixx 60min

Sunday, May 30, 2010

full circle

yesterday morning i met my friend sarah to go see "sex and the city 2". i was looking forward to seeing my friend and going to the movies with her. you see when the original "sex and the city" movie came out 2 years ago, it was sarah i went with. it was 2008 i was sad and depressed, and sarah was pregnant 7 months with her first child. i remember crying at the end of this movie, because it seemed as though everyone got their happy ending, and i was sad because it seemed like i was never going to get mine. i felt so heart broken, actually broken all around and i just broke down. i think both sarah and i were both surprised by my sudden out burst of tears.
this go around was completely different, but in some aspects were exactly the same. sarah is now expecting her second child(next month)! as for me. i'm not sad, and i'm not depressed. i'm working on creating my happy ending.

as for the movie, even though i cried at the end of the first one i enjoyed the first one so much better. i would have to say that you can definitely pass on SATC 2. the story was just ok, and parts of it were just too much. especially some of the clothes. some of the outfits weren't even fashionable, it was like the wardrobe people were just trying to be over the top just to be over the top. and it didn't look good. and i'm all about having some R rated fun, and SATC is known for that, but in this movie it just wasn't good. it was like they put it in there just to have it in the movie. with that said, nothing really flowed in this movie. the destinations were amazing, so that was nice, but that was about it.
what i did take away from this movie is one of the quotes carrie said at the end. it had something to do with going along with tradition but decorating it your own way. as much as i would like to be living the "tradition" i thought my life would take, marriage, kids, i'm decorating the tradition my own way. focusing on myself, being happy, creating my happiness.
STRIKE! 60min

Saturday, May 29, 2010

week 9: half way there!!!

first let me say i hate to be the debbie downer that i was in my last update. i'm not that person. and i strive to not be that person. however we all do have our down moments, but right now i'm moving in the direction i want and i feel that i'll definitely be having more positive moments than negative.
now for the big news and some of the numbers. the big news is that i have officially crossed my half way point! when i first started this journey the big goal was to lose 120 pounds. and when this journey comes to an end that will be the end result. as of today i have lost a total of 63 pounds, 23 of those pounds on this slimgenics program. so technically i'm more than half way to my goal. with that said, i'm ecstatic! i haven't been able to sleep i'm so flippin' excited, tossing and turning about what the next few months will bring. plus this week is my biggest weight loss with 8 pounds lost! it still seems surreal that all of this is happening.
i had a turning point this week that focused all of my attention on what it is i ate. a light bulb went off inside of my head and my mental being convinced my physical being that i can do this.
last night a friend came over and i did some shopping in my closet.
along with losing these 63 pounds, this coming week i'll cross another big threshold. i'll be the thinnest i remember being in my adult life. i have 3 more pounds to lose and every number after that will be a number i have never been. ....well i have, i just don't remember. i've been one of those over weight people, who have always been over weight. so i don't know what it is like. even now, i feel like i'm starting to look "normal" and it's weird. but i am most definitely looking forward to seeing the numbers continue to decrease, and crossing that line in uncharted territory.
anyways, this friend came over and i decided to go shopping in my closet. i got rid of a bunch of clothes, and found that i easily fit into clothes that i haven't worn for the past 5 years. it was great to have her there and hear her say "yeah, that's waaaaay too big for you." although i will admit that some of the stuff i got rid of is pretty cute, and i was sad to see it go. but, i have a feeling i'll get over it. :)
although this journey is still a struggle, and is still super hard, i can see a clearer picture of this plan becoming a way of life. and the sooner that picture becomes completely clear the easier this plan will be created as a way of life.
elliptical 50min
treadmill 35min

Friday, May 28, 2010

the in between

i'm currently in the in between.

the in between of i have lots i could write about on my blog, but at the same time write about nothing at all.

the in between of winning, or losing.

the in between of some big news, and some small news.

the in between of rising above all, or failing.

the in between of being serious, but not really.

the in between of having a busy weekend, but not super busy.

the in between of being tired and just rambling, and blogging just to blog.

the in between of what will be a line to cross to never go back to again.

the in between of what will come tomorrow!!!
treadmill 31min
dance jam 60min

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

just a random funny

i got this email back on april 16, 2009 as a forward. i thought this would be a funny post one day on my blog when i have nothing to post about. well today is that day. so enjoy this random, funny story about a woman's week at the gym.

(If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. )

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster.. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other stuff too.
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny chick to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
I hate that girl Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

I' m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little sh*t) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

zumba 60min

Monday, May 24, 2010

~something I love~

fresh cut strawberries

super yummy. lately when doing my weekend grocery shopping i get a tub of
these beauties and cut them up to enjoy for breakfast.


i have half on monday and the other half on tuesday.
mix it in with some oatmeal and i'm almost in heaven!


gotta love this time of year for the fresh produce alone!
elliptical 45min
treadmill 30min

Sunday, May 23, 2010

new outing

last night i went out with a friend for the first time. sarah is an instructor at the gym that i'm sure i have mentioned before. ...she is the instructor for STRIKE! and sometimes subs for dance jam. sarah is awesome. upon taking her classes and seeing her personality i immediately thought to myself "i could be friends with this girl." we chat easily at least once a week, and i love LOVE her STRIKE! class, it's her class that makes it possible for me to workout 6 days a week.

the difficulty about actually making friends is i like to do things outside of what it is you have in common. meaning, i know sarah from the gym, and would like to to expand our friendship by doing something outside of that element. well last night was that opportunity. yesterday was sarah's birthday and she invited me out with her group of friends to dinner then dancing. i knew some of people that would come would be people i see from the gym, but don't necessarily know. i was really looking forward to going out, talking with new people, making new friends, and seeing sarah outside of the gym and outside of our "element".

we all met at pf changs for dinner and the first 4 people there were 2 couples that i see at STRIKE! all the time, so i sat down introduced myself and all of us starting chatting. more people came, more people from the gym i was able to met. it was a lot of fun. after dinner we went downtown to TRACKS night club. to dance. this was interesting. TRACKS is a gay night club. now i have been to one another gay night club in my life, that was in Minneapolis. however, this experience was completely different. the bartenders were super hott and shirtless!, they did have a woman's restroom but it was used as co-ed, and shirts were optional for all the guys in the club, in fact i saw 2 different guys with nothing but briefs on. as the club got more crowded and hotter more guys kept taking off their shirts! ...needless to say i was very over dressed! the club did play awesome music and i had a great time dancing. i do want to make another mention of the co-ed use of the bathrooms. it really wasn't that big of a deal, and it kinda makes sense. guys go to the bathroom much quicker, so the line moved faster! i actually liked it.

i forgot my camera so no pictures to document the night which really bums me out, but it was a great night to hang out with some great people, and start what i hope will be the beginning of some true friendships. it still shocks me a little to think that i have friends at the gym. to have created this lifestyle that i could go out to dinner and talk with a group of people about classes at the gym, about races, 5k's etc... i truly had no idea this person was in me.
50/50 60min

Saturday, May 22, 2010

week 8: backwards AGAIN!

well i have broken my promise. i'm not so much worried about the disappointment my readers might have, but of the disappointment in myself. i went on a huge binge tuesday and wednesday and ate a lot of vanilla oreo cookies. cookies are not on plan. even worse i've never done something like that before, what i would consider a "binge". never. i honestly felt like i had no control. i just kept eating cookie after cookie after cookies. thinking about it now, it's disgusting. but i couldn't (didn't) stop.
i think my problem is that i'm looking at this program as a diet. which in turn causes me to look at this as restricting myself. i haven't fully accepted this as a new way of life. i need to work on that so that what happened earlier this week doesn't happen again. lesson learned. the other main lesson is to not going to the grocery store when i'm starving! ...that is what caused me to buy the cookies.
the small victory is that i immediately went right on plan thursday, friday, and today is going good as well. it is so hard to not get discouraged. to see a positive number when i am on a plan of going in the negative. i'm speaking of the scale of course. right now the scale is not my friend. even worse is i know it is me who is making it so much harder than what it needs to be. and that disappoints me even more.
i emailed with my cousin about this yesterday, and she pointed out something i had forgotten. that i'm in this process of changing 30 years of habit. thirty years! that's a long time. i know i sound like a broken record, but gosh this is hard. as hard as breaking a habit that you've had for 30 years, just imagine! but it feels so good when i have a good week, when i see that negative number. what is my problem to not continue to strive for that?! why do i keep going backwards? that's the most frustrating part. losing pounds that i've already lost. but i'm striving to continue on this journey. i'm not giving up. i'm going to keep trying.
to end on a positive note as i've been writing this post i've been doing laundry, and getting ready for a night out. ....and the first 2 shirts i tried on were too big! it's a good problem to have and one that i think i'm going to have to get used to!
zumba 60min
elliptical 15min


Friday, May 21, 2010

two out of five stars

book review
the tourist
this book was just ok. on my last trip to the library to return the help i had to actually go inside the library. ...majority of the time i have a book being held for me, but on this particular trip i knew i had some overdue fines so i decided to spend sometime inside searching for some new books. i enjoy doing this because it is habit to always go to the same type of book, or the same author over and over. on this trip, i wanted to go away with something new. while strolling the aisles i stumbled upon the tourist, read the back and thought "i'll give it a try." i find big differences between female and male writers, and i liked that this book was written by a male because i do lean more towards the female authors. one thing that i don't take notice of too heavily when it comes books is the artwork on the front. because majority of the time it doesn't mean anything. you know the saying "don't trust a book by it's cover". for this particular book cover, it definitely means something, and it becomes clear when reading the first chapter of the book. i'll let you ponder what those 2 chairs might be representing.
this story takes place in current day NYC. it's about 4 college "friends" who all grew separately after graduation then find themselves connected 6 years later(or something like that, i can't remember how many years after graduation this story takes place). the tourist is a story about growing up, traveling, working in corporate america, love affairs, lust affairs, and never really knowing the full truth. the whole book is really sorta random.
the 4 main characters all attended and graduated from Yale University, they all know of each other, but they don't really know one another. so because their aren't any super strong ties amongst the four of them you don't ever get to form a close relationship with any of them as the reader. the only thing that all of them have in common are their days at Yale.
it is a secret that the reader and narrator knows of that moves this book along. wondering how the other 3 friends in the story will find out about the secret is what kept me reading. the story itself is interesting, but i think their are a few random parts i could have gone with out. for example one of the friends brothers gets drunk, falls off the top of a building and dies. the death had no place in this book, it didn't prove a point, and no real lesson was learned from it.
with such randomness going on i wouldn't recommend this book.
treadmill 22min
dance jam 60min
treadmill 15min

Thursday, May 20, 2010

all kinds of crazy

i bought a new toy today.
a HRM ~ Heart Rate Monitor.
i've been wanting one for awhile now,
to see how many calories i burn during my workouts.
so in addition to my workout at the end of each blog
you will now see how many calories i burned!


i stained my fence again this
past weekend.
i hope my HOA will leave me alone now.


water is in
the outdoor pool
at the gym!!!


i know i said the marriage ref is a stupid show,
on tonight's episode one of the couples is from denver.
erica is a morning show DJ on Alice 105.9
which happens to be the radio station i listen to.


an elevator at work today had these
cool blue lights,
they made me feel like i was riding
in a spaceship.


what if the hokey pokey
what it's all about?


if you were me,
what you want your parents to bring you back
from their summer vacation
in germany?
(no dolphins, cats, or bird of paradise)


i really need to file my left thumb

STRIKE! 60min
626 cal. burned

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

question of the week:

what makes you, you?

as lightly as i'm trying to make this question be, this isn't really a question to be taken lightly. because believe it or not, i'm trying to be really deep with this. as in, deep in thought. it is a question to really make you think. what truly makes you, you? the characteristics that you have, the type of personality you portray. where did you get those traits from? your parents? friends? other family members? your teachers? your religion? and if that is the case does that mean you resemble how they are as a person?
last week i was talking to a close friend of mine, who happens to also be my cousin. we talk a lot about family because we come from the same one. let me start of by saying, i am lucky. very very very lucky. in most aspects my family is very "normal" as was my upbringing. we ended up talking about how "crazy" some of our family members are. and i asked the question: how is it that we came out the way that we did? i would imagine someone in my particular upbringing to be very unhappily married, maybe a kid or two, living in albuquerque, with a mediocre job, and extremely over weight. i consider myself lucky because i am just over weight(but as we all know i'm working on that one). now i won't get into too deep of issues, but i didn't grow up living in a very healthy marriage. i didn't really see what a good marriage looked like until i was 19. because of this and because of certain things said to me when i started dating i truly am surprised that i'm not married right now, although unhappily. this brings me back to the main topic. so what was it in me, that decided to do something different? ...because i know that as a fact it wasn't my parents. so what was it?
let me say that i also post this question because i know that a few young mother's read my blog who are raising their children to be loving "normal" good people. and not that i want those mothers to be discouraged by this, but part of my answer for this question is another question: does it really matter? meaning, does it matter how my parents raised me? would i have still come out the way that i did?
of course their are many ways in which i am like my parents. for example, my father. some of my personality traits are the exact opposite of his. but as much as i hate to admit this, i know that my lack of patience comes from him. BUT i'm definitely not as impatient as he is. but lets go back to how i am different. i am nice. my dad really isn't all that nice. lets take a simple scenario. like eating out at a restaurant. he's rude to the wait staff, isn't a very good tipper, and gets upset if the wait staff can't hear him. dad is a mumbler. he doesn't pronounce his words very good and has a pretty deep voice, with both of those things combined he is difficult to hear. i used to be so nervous and scared for a waiter or waitress when i was little and would go out to eat with my parents because i knew it wouldn't be a good experience for them to wait on us. now that i'm "all grown up" and i go out to eat with my parents i do things to make sure things are a little easier for the waiter or waitress. things that i was afraid to do when i was a kid. i make eye contact, i say "please" and "thank you". and the nice thing about that, sometimes now i hear my dad say "please" and "thank you". so i like to think that my kindness is rubbing off on him. but again, what made me change?, what made me be different? now i will say that my mom is like me, or maybe i'm like my mom? my mom is extremely nice. she follows the "golden rule". and between my parents, it was my mom who i was close with, which is true to this day. in all honesty i'm scared of my dad. i was scared of him when i was little, and a part of me still has a fear of him to this day. ...i'm pretty sure that fear will always be there.
back to the question at hand. i have some very close friends in my life who i love because they are in many ways like me. they are nice, considerate, friendly, ambitious, fun, ...yes, i like to think i am all of those things. but these friends of mine, didn't grow up in such an "easy" house as i did. in fact their upbringing was just plain screwed up, and that is putting it mildly. which in my opinion makes room for them to lead a screwed up life for themselves. in fact one particular friend has siblings that have followed in their parents footsteps. except this friend decided to be different. completely different. and not even different as an adult....because i think as we get older and we can recognize that something is screwed up, it is then we can change it, although then it is that much harder. this friend changed as a kid. she took the hard road. she did just about everything opposite than what was given her, and the life she was "suppose" to lead. just how i'm "suppose" to be unhappily married right now.

let me try and make this more basic because i don't mean to ramble. what makes a good person? what makes a bad person bad? of course we know what is good and what is bad, but how does a person create such traits?

what makes you, you?

zumba 60min

Monday, May 17, 2010

never say never x2

today i have done two things that i never thought i would do. so lets get started. i decided to take part in an online challenge i read on this blog. this is something i never really pictured myself doing. i've been following this blog for a couple of months now and this whole blogging world is just so crazy.
today lyn wrote about finding something that you like about your body that doesn't include your hair or your eyes. she specifically asked: what's your best part? when she wrote that and you couldn't pick said parts i immediately thought "i have nothing." nothing that i really like about my body. and then i continued reading and i thought to myself "my neck". and this is fairly new. i'm finally losing some weight in my face, and you can literally see my face, see my neckline, see my shoulder blades. ....i think they are kinda hot, if i'm being honest, which i am!
check 'em out for yourself: part of the challenge was to post pictures of your part:


now for the second thing, which i'm much more excited about. ever sense i finished my last 5k i've gotten the urge to get outside. i really enjoy being outside and i've read a few different places that it is best to get 30 minutes of sunlight a day. ...i think it has something to do with getting calcium or something like that? anyways.
the neighborhood that i live in is surrounded by lots of parks and open spaces. i've driven by this specific open space lots of different times, and each time i see it i tell myself that one day i'm going to go walk around it. today was that day! on friday i had myself convinced that i would go jogging outside as my saturday morning workout. well it rained pretty much all friday afternoon into evening, and this specific trail is a dirt trail. and well running in mud isn't really my idea of fun.
then today as i was pulling into my garage to go change then go to the gym i decided that today was the perfect day for my first ever by myself outside workout. the weather was perfect. i had no excuses like "it's too hot" "it's too cold". i have no set monday workout, so outside it was. i went to this beautiful open area with a huge pond and geese all over. their are many advantages to working out outside. first, you are outside in nature, the blue sky the bright sun, fluffy clouds. being active. but their are some disadvantages as well. you don't know how fast you are going, or the distance you have gone, and unless you want to jog with a water bottle you have no water.
it took me about 20 minutes to complete one lap of this particular "track". so i'm guessing 1 lap is a little bit more than one mile. ...i figured out how to see the time on my ipod! i went around 3 times so i'm thinking i did between 3.5 miles - 4 miles. and boy, jogging outside is so completely different than on a treadmill. jogging against the wind is not fun. but i truly enjoyed being outside. it was pure joy, and i feel so lucky to have this space to explore here in colorado! i definitely see outdoor workouts in my future.

doing all of these things i never thought i would do makes me appreciate so much. i'm enjoying being on this journey. doing things completely out of my comfort zone. pushing myself to do things completely out of my comfort zone. it is a slow process getting to know the new "me" but i'm pretty sure i'm going to like her!
jog/walk 64min

Sunday, May 16, 2010

a story about shoes

both of my parents are cheap. they are both cheap for different reasons. growing up my mom took me clothes shopping at wal-mart and shoe shopping at payless shoesource. i remember going to these 2 places annually in elementary school and middle school for back to school shopping.
i'm pretty sure it wasn't until i was in middle school that i actually went inside of a mall. i didn't even know what banana republic was, all i knew was that all the cool kids wore their t-shirts and i didn't have one. what my friend emily is wearing here.
it was in middle school that i really learned about "brand names". one of which was keds. everyone had fancy white keds with the blue "keds" branded on the back of the shoes. i wanted a pair of keds. my mom said no. so on our trip to payless i saw, and tried on the cheap version of the white canvas shoes at payless. after trying them on and looking at the back hoping that the all important blue "keds" would show up on the back and seeing that it didn't i decided to go ask the sales lady at the front of the store. and in all honesty i had no idea what i was doing.
i went up to her and asked "do have kids?"
she replied "kids?"
i said "the shoes."
she said "oh the shoes? you mean keds."
me "yes, keds, sure whatever. do you have those?"
"no we don't carry those here."

i didn't even know how to say the word keds and so i walked away devastated and embarrassed.

mom and i walked out of the store with the plain white canvas shoes a.k.a. the fake keds. my solution to this problem? simple. take a blue pen and write "keds" on the back of my shoes. yes, i did this. i remember feeling so cool the next day walking to the bus stop, and then the cool 8th grader making fun of me for it. she asked "did you write keds on the back of your shoes?" my once brilliant idea of coolness and owning a pair of "keds" turned into everyone at the bus stop laughing at me.
i don't remember what happened after that moment, but i do still remember this happening like it was yesterday. of course i can laugh about it now but i was heart broken when it happened.

a few years later i did own an actual pair of keds. i can still remember trying them on and thinking "wow this is what it feels like to try a pair of shoes on that have an actual arch." because those shoes at payless, they were flat. no support whatsoever, but at that time i didn't know any better.

in fact, last summer i bought a pair of gray keds. i bought them because i could and because i don't buy my shoes at payless, and because i wanted those blue letters on the back of my shoes without me having to put them there! they are my go to casual/weekend shoe!
50/50 60min

Saturday, May 15, 2010

week 7: good but not great

i made a promise, and i try to do everything to keep my promises. i made a promise to not gain. as of right now i have kept my promise. this week was another difficult one. but for every week that does pass i'm slowly realizing how much of this struggle is mental. so right now my focus is keeping my mental health in check, along with my emotional health and physical health. ....the body is crazy. so much to keep up with. know what i mean?

just when i thought this journey was just about the physical i learn that it's not. this journey is about so much more. which really makes it that much harder. it isn't just about asking my mouth what to eat, but it is also about asking my head, and my stomach. i have 3 little angels and 3 little devils. a set for my mental self, a set for my emotional self, and a set for my physical health. and they like to challenge me, because most of the time they aren't on the same page. my job as the controller over all of them is to get them all on the same page for all of the time. this is not an easy job.

right now it is my emotional time of the month, and my challenge for myself is when i go in on tuesday is to be down. ...because majority of the time i'm up. weekends are hard. as much as i try to plan, the weekends are full of temptations. right now my hunger is being driven by my emotions and by my cravings.

i was hoping to be at a certain point for this post, but that didn't happen, so i'm hoping it'll happen later this week for me to share with you.

so for right now i'll be happy with my small accomplishment of a 2 pound loss. and work towards what i hope will be a bigger number for next week.

STRIKE! 60min

Friday, May 14, 2010

fill in the blank

i want to be skinny.
i can't get enough good hugs.
i think batteries fit into too small of places.
i think it's annoying when people are rude.
i'm not sure i like the weekend i have planned, because i have nothing planned.
i'm hungry for all the bad stuff i can't have!
for cinco de mayo i went to the gym and picked up my mamma from the airport!
i'm mad at the post office for losing $200 worth of pictures.
i'm glad it is friday.
i'm nervous about being skinny.
i have so much to look forward to.
i need to not worry.
i wish that people would just be nice, it really isn't that hard.
i'm excited for all my summer plans!
i'm happy knowing that everything will happen just as it should.
treadmill 18min
dance jam 60min
elliptical 15min

Thursday, May 13, 2010

all kinds of crazy

this container was on our table
saturday night at the oceanaire.
my mom thought they were


as i was walking to the gym today
an older man was walking behind me.
as i walked through the door i held it open for him.
now usually when a person does something like this
the person goes and grabs the door
says "thank you" while you let go of the door
because they are now holding it.
well this man says "thank you" but
grab the door and lets me
hold the door open and while he walks through.
i'm sorry, but how rude is that?!


i added chopped up
cilantro to my tuna this week.
and it was tasty.


STRIKE! was super fun today.
it wasn't crazy crowded
and i was actually able to move!
here's one of sequences we did:
knee knee, left kick right kick, cross jab cross jab, elbow.


i had to bring out
my heavy quilt this week,
because it has been that cold.


personalities are

STRIKE! 60min

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Mother's Day 3 of 3: MD 5k

i'm actually in this picture
i'm right in the center, jogging, do you see me?!

beautiful city park
walking to meet my mom, to cross the finish line together
...rather than look at me, lets notice the shirtless guy!
aren't we the cutest mother/daughter team ever?!
after the race!

on sunday i did my fourth 5k! the mother's day 5k at city park in denver. i was really looking forward to this, and trying to beat my previous time. i told my mom about this race about a month before her visit, and she was instantly on board! is so helpful when your loved ones are on the ride with you through this be healthy journey! i got us registered and we were good to go.
i felt good going into this race because i actually trained for it. sort of. i've been spending more time on the treadmill, and actually jogging/running on the treadmill. I've gone as fast as 5mph, and I've lasted as long as 8 minutes jogging. Which for the typical runner is nothing, and I realize that, but considering I couldn't even jog for 2 minutes when I first started I'm slowly improving. my goal has always been to finish a 5k in 45minutes. that's 15 minutes a mile, which i say isn't that bad.
i left my mother behind as i jogged across the start line and was feeling pretty good. this race only had about 500 people so i had plenty of room and space. i was well prepared with baseball hat and ipod attached to my brand new arm thingy that held my ipod (thanks Mom!). i did a mixture of walking and jogging. once i passed mile 2 and was entering mile 3 i found myself growing curious about my pace and what time it was. ...i started the race at 9am. in my head it seemed as though close to an hour was already gone, and i was telling myself their was no need to push myself because no way was i going to reach my goal. so i continued walking. then i turned the corner to see the finish line and the time. was at around 41minutes. immediately i think "oh i'm doing great! i have plenty of time!" at that moment i picked up my feet and jogged through the finish line at 42:33!!! i was extremely proud and happy that i beat my goal!!! but then at the same time frustrated because i know i could have pushed myself to do even better. but now i have something to accomplish for my next 5k!!!
once i finished and let my heart rate come down, i walked back to find my mom where we walked the finish line together a little bit over 60minutes.
it was a super fun way to spend mother's day, and never in my wildest dreams would i think i would be doing a 5k on mother's day with my mom! city park was beautiful to run around! more and more i'm enjoying my outside workouts, and i wish i wasn't so attached to my gym.
after wards we went to a place called the berkshire for breakfast. i really wanted some french toast, but went for the omelet instead.
i'm so blessed to have such a great mother. she's so supportive in so many ways, and i'm so lucky! if i could, i would live these 3 days of celebrating mother's day over and over and over again!
treadmill 20min
zumba 60min

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day 2 of 3: date with mom‏

saturday was date day/night with my mom. that morning we slept in, had a great workout, followed by a yummy breakfast at delectable egg. that afternoon i had a special surprise waiting for my mom. she had no clue what it was! i find it extremely difficult to keep secrets from my mom, because she basically knows everything about me but i kept it to myself until the very last moment.
leading up to the event, the only thing i told her was that i had a surprise and that we had to be downtown by 2pm. we were running late and caught some horrible traffic driving into denver. i was seriously stressing that we were going to make it. when we were closer to downtown i finally spilled the beans. i said "mom, we're going to a musical, we can't be late!!!" thankfully we got there just in time for the showing of "In the Heights". my mother was pleasantly surprised, even better - she had no clue! score one for me!!!
"In the Heights" takes place in brooklyn, NY on the eve of july 4th. the story is centered on a street corner of small family businesses all trying to live the american dream. all of the businesses consider each other family as they can share stories of struggles and hoping to make it big!, or by winning the lottery, whichever comes first. the story itself is truly uplifting, and shows how much families can love each other, and because of love will do anything to make someone happy or to help realize their dreams.
my favorite part of the show was definitely the dancing. because the story takes place in brooklyn the clothes, language, hair, music, and dancing all had a strong latin flare! the dancing was edgy and creative. it is so amazing how talented people are when then can sing and dance, and not only that, they can sing good and dance good! pure talent right there!!! the show was super fun, if you have a chance to see it, take it!
after the show we walked over for a fancy dinner at the oceanaire. i saw this place downtown years ago, and have been wanting to try it for sometime. i'm a big fan of seafood, so mom and i check it out. it was great! the food and service were excellent. we shared an amazing crab cake before our meal, that was outstanding! my main course was Alaskan halibut in a chorizo sauce topped with your mouth watering yet, because mine is! mom had scallops with jasmine rice in a coconut sauce. seriously so good! we did indulge in some dessert. we shared a peach cobbler, and since it had fruit that also means their were no calories! ;)
the day was perfect! i enjoyed sharing it with my mom and doing something that we both enjoy!
elliptical 45min
treadmill 25min

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day 1 of 3: first pedicure

Happy Mother's Day to my Beautiful Mother!!!

Happy Mother's day to all Mom's! You are amazing!

my mom was here this weekend, for a fun-filled mother's day visit! its been awhile since we've spent this holiday together, and it was great to have some mother daughter time.

my mom's first pedicure!
at times it was very ticklish!

on friday i took my mom to body and sole day spa for a pedicure and manicure!
this was my mother's first pedicure, and she loved it! it was a great time.
the finished product! (special appearance by otis)
after our mani's and pedi's we headed up to boulder to tour the Celestial Seasonings factory. we got to try lots of different tea, see lots of beautiful artwork, and see how the tea is packed and shipped. we also survived the mint room, in which they hold all the mint. it is a very potentate smell that makes your eyes water!

mother's day 5k 42min

Saturday, May 8, 2010

week 6: back on track

this week was a good week. i'm back to feeling positive and my numbers are back in the negative! which is right where i want to be.
thus far, it seems like this journey is one big roller coaster. drastic ups and fast downs. i need to find a good balance and start coasting. since i started slimgenics i haven't had a full solid 2 weeks of where i'm on plan and i've lost. i'm hoping to create this pattern starting with next week.
i feel like when i write these weekly updates on my new plan, and i've lost weight i'm thinking "that wasn't that hard". and i try to think if i felt deprived at all during the week, and honestly nothing really stands out. so i kick myself for the times i gained. but like i've put so many times, and i know i'll put it out there again and again, it is hard. i basically try to psyche myself out into thinking that i can do this.
although it will be a challenge. my mom is in town and visitors are my weakness. so i hope her visit doesn't disrupt me too bad. i have indulged a little, but i've also kept up with my workouts. in fact today i did a new class. it's been a long time since i've done a new class, but i've needed a new saturday workout since my hydro swim class got a new instructor that doesn't push me. so i asked around and spoke to a couple of instructors at the gym and i was recommended to try strictly strength. so that's what mom and i did today. it was a great workout. we worked all major muscle groups and did a lot of upper body combined with lower body which is always hard.
honestly i'm looking forward to the rest of the month, because i have some big mile-stones coming up, which i'll share once i reach them, and i'm looking forward to actually hitting them! i've realized that the more i get to talk about this journey and the changes that they are making in my outward and inward appearance the fears although still there, are dwindling. it's all kinda exciting.
strictly strength 60min

Thursday, May 6, 2010

all kinds of crazy

mom & i ~ stanley hotel ~ 11/08

my mom is 5 foot 1 of
she did STRIKE!
tonight with me!


on tuesday cathy (a co-worker of mine)
and i wore the same shirt.


my aunt patti got me a
japanese lucky charm,
from japan.


i hate driving in reverse,
but i am an expert parallel parker.
(yes i made up the word "parker".)


i have tomorrow off!
mani/pedi here i come.


name something


where you live do you have
7 digit or 10 digit
here in the denver metro area
we have 10.

STRIKE! 60min

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Places I've Been: NY


i've been to new york twice.
the first time was the summer of 1999. my parents and i took a trip to rhode island that summer, and during our visit my aunt and uncle took us on a day trip to NYC via bus. it was me, my dad, my aunt margaret and uncle john. my mom had some pretty bad back issues during this time, so she didn't make the trip, and i don't remember why my cousin charlene didn't come along.
i still remember the movie they played on the bus drive "shawshank redemption". anyways, once we arrived in the city it was raining. i'm pretty sure it wasn't pouring but i think it was a pretty steady rain. upon getting off of the bus near the statue of liberty there were all of these vendors right outside our bus door selling umbrella's. i can't remember if we bought any. my uncle john had given us the option to either go up the statue of liberty or go shopping. i chose to go up the statue of liberty. we took the ferry over to the statue of liberty. i remember the ferry stopping at ellis island, but we didn't get off. looking back now, i wish he would have. i remember walking up to the entrance to go up the statue and the awesome looking torch that's in the lobby area as you enter. the tour guide told us how lucky we were to be entering to quickly because of the bad weather there weren't as many people as on a nice weather day. my dad told me that you used to be able to go up her arm to the torch, and when we went we were able to take the stairs to her crown. i'm not too sure if you can still do that. i remember going up hundred's of stairs and the section right before you did the loop of her crown being super super tight. the stairs went up in a spiral and they were so close together. i took some awesome pictures with my cousin's super fancy camera of lady liberty that i cherish to this day. i don't remember the details, but i remember almost missing the bus to go back to RI. i went with my dad and uncle to the statue of liberty and i'm pretty sure it was my uncle who made us late. it was a pretty big deal, my aunt was p i s s e d! i don't really remember it being that big of a deal, but still to this day my dad still gives my uncle a hard time about it.
once we were back on the bus headed back to RI we drove down a street that if you looked down one of the intersections you could see times square. so i saw times square from a distance. that was my day trip to new york city.
i have always wanted to travel back to NYC, stay in the city, and spend more time there. ...i have something in the works for late next year!!!
my second trip to new york was december of 2000. i traveled to upstate new york to see a boy i was sorta dating. ...oh to be young and stupid! the boy wasn't worth it, but the scenery was gorgeous. snow everywhere and classic country surroundings. the boy was living in his dad's house, and this house was amazing! i believe it was built in the early 1900's on this huge lot with a frozen lake in the backyard. i wish i had a scanner so you could see the pictures. it was christmastime so everything was decorated beautifully. i have to say i regret the situation with the boy, but that i don't regret this trip because i got to see part of the country that i might not ever see again. i flew into the albany airport, and for the life of me i can't remember the name of the little town his dad lives in, but overall the trip was a great experience.
treadmill 15min
zumba 35min

Monday, May 3, 2010

give and take

i'm pretty sure this is a girl thing, woman thing, female thing ...whatever. maybe a hormone thing, even a motherly instinct type of thing? the thing where us type of humans give and give and give. but rarely do we take. am i right? let me explain myself. when it comes to dating i'm trying super hard to only give what it is that i receive. because until i know that there is an actual shared mutual interest why give anything more? but as a girl in general this is hard. i'm pretty sure that is most aspects of a females life, she will tell you that she gives a hell of a lot more than she gets. why is this?
this brings me to M. yes, he's back in the picture...sorta. case in point, he gave me something to respond to, so i did. shame shame on a girl to think that 2 weeks of no communicating resulted in the end of things. not for a guy, ...i guess?
M called me up the night nikki and i were at the nuggets game. we were downtown chatting, and enjoying some spring fling cake (maybe i just wanted to share this story just so i could bring up that cake again?!) when we're about to walk to my car to call it a night i look at my phone. 3 missed calls. THREE in a 2 minute time frame, 1 voice mail of M stating "i'm in town for tonight, please please call me back." honestly, i was flattered. it feels great to feel wanted. to know that you are thought of, to want to me seen. i was immediately giddy, and had joy is sharing this with nikki and having her listen to his pleading voicemail for me to call him.
i call him and i pick him up. he was hanging out at a restaurant with some friends drinking....he is drunk. and rude. he meets nikki and is rude to nikki. sorry nikki! once we get back to my place and he's sobered up a little bit we have a conversation about twilight of all things. was pretty interesting.
nikki goes to bed which leaves me alone with M. i decide that it is time for "that" conversation. you know, the one where you decide as adults where this going, if this is anything. i did this mainly because of his mixed signals. saying one thing acting another. he tells me what i want to hear, sorta. he tells me i'm beautiful and that he likes me, and if i would go on this journey with him! ...but that this "job" he has is for another 3 years. traveling, leaving at the drop of a needle, etc... i say "you know that's crazy right?" he proceeds to tell me that he told me before we even met that this is what he does, that this his life style. i tell him i agree, but that their is a difference between him telling me, and me actually seeing him live this life. one of the things i really like about M is he is very passionate about what it is that he does. and people recruit him and his talent to work for them. at this moment in time though, there are no jobs in the denver area.
anyways, we left things unresolved. i took him home, and once i got home i got a text from him that said "so now what???" i responded "you tell me?" he replies back "you tell me." i say "i like you, and would like the chance to continue to get to know you." during our earlier conversation i told him that i wanted some sort of communication with him, rather than once a month. he then told me that we could talk every night. ...i told him that was a bit much, that maybe we should start with every other night.
(typical girl, right? to ask for something then get it, but don't want it.) after i sent that text i didn't hear from again. ...until tuesday night. he sends me a text "hi". that's all it said. he sent it when i was already asleep so i didn't respond until wednesday morning. i replied with a "hey". let me just say that it took everything in me to do that. here are some examples of things i wanted to say "hey, how are you? how's MT? what's up? good to hear from you. when are you coming back to CO?" but i stopped myself. he texted me. so i gave him what it is that he gave me. nothing more nothing less. but i wanted so badly to give him more. to try and start a conversation with him. but i didn't. he gave me one word, so that is what i gave him. i haven't heard from him since.
it's frustrating because i have yet to figure out if i even like him. we met 4 months ago. but have only seen each other 4 or 5 times. that's crazy, right? i should just let it go, right? but like i stated, he makes me feel wanted(when he does contact me), which is a feeling that regardless if you are male or female it is a feeling that we like and on some level a feeling that we need.

elliptical 45min
treadmill 15min

Sunday, May 2, 2010

"the help"

book review
the help by kathryn stockett

this book took me forever to read. and caused me $3.80 in late fees at the library. but it was well worth in. i first read about the help on i guess it is being made into a movie.

despite the fact that it took me a full month to read i really enjoyed this book. it takes place in jackson, mississippi in the early 1960's. what's crazy is that was only 50 years ago and the things that happened during that time seem absolutely unimaginable now.
the story is about a white neighborhood and their hired African American help. the book is written by a talented Caucasian woman, which to me was surprising, because more than half the book is from the perspective of a black woman raising a white woman's children and cleaning her house.
the whole dynamic is foreign and entertaining. i really enjoyed this book. at times it was hard to follow because the author will periodically change narrators, but once i realized the name of the woman was titled at the beginning of the chapter made it easier! :) combine that with the busy month i had, i wasn't reading everyday.
the point of this book is change. change for the better. and i really like that. it is crazy that "normal" used to be having "colored" schools, libraries, and bathrooms. that "those" people carried diseases just because of the color of their skin. how closed minded were we? it makes me so proud that we no longer think that, that those ideas seem absurd! that change is possible for the greater good. for equality for all.
i would highly recommend this book.
50/50 60min
elliptical 10min

Saturday, May 1, 2010

week 5: no excuses

this week wasn't good. and i'm frustrated. even worse is that i have no excuses. nobody to blame except for myself.

i start out super strong on monday, tuesday, wednesday ....the beginning of the week i'm good. i think "wow i can do this", "i am doing this". all temptations are created later in the week and on the weekends. i have no will power. none. zero. i think last week i got overly confident with my weight loss and i let food take over. unfortunately that followed into all of this week. i planned all of my meals and started strong but something happened. what that something is i have no clue. well no, i take that back, i do have a clue. fear. last week i was the thinnest i had been in 4 years. i was getting compliments and even going shopping. i figured out that if i kept my weight loss going at that rate i would be done by the end of august. i have everything going for me. i truly truly do. but i'm scared. as much as this is physical it is emotional as well. having to keep everything in check is hard. have i said how hard this is?! is super hard. really, extremely hard. i'm scared to get to my goal and i'm scared to fail. one is an option the other one isn't. i have to do this.

this week rather than going one step forward i took two steps back. so now i'll play another round of catch up and re-lose the pounds that i just previously lost.
you know that saying "nothing tastes as good as thin feels"? i'm so not mentally there. i'm starting to get obsessed with the scale. i hate it. that's one thing i really don't like about this program. i get weighted in every single time i go in. and on the days i don't go in i find myself on the scale at the gym. it sucks. well it sucks when the numbers on the scale don't go down. when they go down, it is like a little party!
i want this for so many reasons. the main reason is of course myself. i want this. i need this. so i'm making a promise. because i've seen this plan work, and i've seen in work well. i just need to stick to it. i have to stick to it. my promise is to never gain weight again. that just isn't an option. that means cheating isn't an option either. it will be hard, but i know i can do it. i have done it, i just need to find that again and don't give up. just keep going. and before i know it i'll be exactly where i want to be.
elliptical 45min
treadmill 35min