Saturday, May 22, 2010

week 8: backwards AGAIN!

well i have broken my promise. i'm not so much worried about the disappointment my readers might have, but of the disappointment in myself. i went on a huge binge tuesday and wednesday and ate a lot of vanilla oreo cookies. cookies are not on plan. even worse i've never done something like that before, what i would consider a "binge". never. i honestly felt like i had no control. i just kept eating cookie after cookie after cookies. thinking about it now, it's disgusting. but i couldn't (didn't) stop.
i think my problem is that i'm looking at this program as a diet. which in turn causes me to look at this as restricting myself. i haven't fully accepted this as a new way of life. i need to work on that so that what happened earlier this week doesn't happen again. lesson learned. the other main lesson is to not going to the grocery store when i'm starving! ...that is what caused me to buy the cookies.
the small victory is that i immediately went right on plan thursday, friday, and today is going good as well. it is so hard to not get discouraged. to see a positive number when i am on a plan of going in the negative. i'm speaking of the scale of course. right now the scale is not my friend. even worse is i know it is me who is making it so much harder than what it needs to be. and that disappoints me even more.
i emailed with my cousin about this yesterday, and she pointed out something i had forgotten. that i'm in this process of changing 30 years of habit. thirty years! that's a long time. i know i sound like a broken record, but gosh this is hard. as hard as breaking a habit that you've had for 30 years, just imagine! but it feels so good when i have a good week, when i see that negative number. what is my problem to not continue to strive for that?! why do i keep going backwards? that's the most frustrating part. losing pounds that i've already lost. but i'm striving to continue on this journey. i'm not giving up. i'm going to keep trying.
to end on a positive note as i've been writing this post i've been doing laundry, and getting ready for a night out. ....and the first 2 shirts i tried on were too big! it's a good problem to have and one that i think i'm going to have to get used to!
zumba 60min
elliptical 15min
761

+3lbs

6 comments:

Nikki said...

I love you, hang in there. I am cheering for you.

Anonymous said...

Sorry you had a setback, but important thing is that you picked right back up where ya left off...your progress is more than you know! Keep workin at it, it'll get easier. -Kari

valerie said...

april....i soooo feel your pain...for the last couple of days i have done the exact same thing...and i just don't know why...truly...please know i am rooting hard for you as well as myself...here is one of my favorite quotes, love ya girl!

I'm not saying it's going to be easy-I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

Emily said...

I heard years ago that to start a new habit you have to do it for 21 days straight--so to start a habit of exercising/healthy eating, etc., it takes 21 days to START, and then 21 more days to set it in stone. So Give yourself 42 days...and you're THERE. :) Easier said than done, eh?? Especially when there are Oreos to be had.

Anonymous said...

But you corrected! And we love you and are very, very inspired and proud of you.

Love You MOM

Anonymous said...

You got right back on track! That's awesome.