Friday, March 21, 2014

the past 2 weeks

This pregnancy journey as definitely been an emotional one, and I know the extremes of emotions haven’t even entered my world yet.
But I want to document all facets of this journey, all hurdles, bumps, and milestones along the way.
The past two weeks have been crazy.
It started when we went on our hospital tour. Chris wasn’t impressed. He works in the hospital industry, specifically Environmental Services. Environmental Services AKA how clean the hospital is. After the tour he mentioned how dirty the hospital was. I of course didn’t notice, but Chris is trained to look at the details. (he did the same thing when we toured hotels for our wedding guests.) I took his remarks into consideration, but at almost 30 weeks pregnant at the time, I didn’t want to start the search for a new hospital to give birth at.
Two days later we had our monthly ultrasound at Obsetrix, to check baby’s growth. The week prior at my regular OB I was told to have the doctor at Obsetrix look at my blood sugar report, and decide if I needed to be put on insulin. I was immediately hesitant about this because every single time in the past when I had gone to Obsetrix and asked the doctor to look at my numbers, they always declined. I told my OB this, and she said she would let them know that they needed to look at my numbers. Long story short: the doctor came into the appointment in the middle of my ultrasound, looked at the baby (4 pounds 4 ounces), said it was big, and to come back in a month. I had never met this specific doctor before, and told him my regular OB had advised me he needed to look at my numbers and decide if insulin was the next best step for me. He said he didn’t look at numbers and basically walked out. I was beyond frustrated, and Chris was pissed. …Later the doctor made a referral for me to get diabetic counseling. Which I had back in December, but really I want to know based on what information did this doctor make this referral?!
At this moment in time and almost 31 weeks pregnant, I had an “A-HA” moment. I was questioning why I had been sent to Obsetrix in the first place?! I knew I had been sent there because of my high-risk pregnancy condition of being pre-diabetic, but they weren’t really doing anything with that information. The only thing they were doing is checking the growth of the baby, and can’t my regular OB office do that?!
At that moment, and then later receiving a phone call (on that same day) from the hospital that the breastfeeding class I was registered for had been canceled (and the next one isn’t until May) Chris and I decided to look into a different doctor and a different hospital.
I was scared to be tackling such a big obstacle so close to the end of this pregnancy. But I felt I wasn’t get this best care for myself and my baby. I was mad at myself for not “shopping around” when I first became pregnant, and just going with my GYN office for my new OB needs. We found another hospital and doctor’s office, but the doctor’s office wouldn’t see me until they received my medical records. While all of this is happening Chris is calling the current OB office trying to get some answers to our questions. He was told that we were sent to Obsetrix atour request! And that a risk for a big baby is a C-section. He spoke to one of the doctor’s that just really made him more upset, as all she advised us to do was to bring a list of questions to our next visit, which was just the next week (I’m going to the doctor weekly at this point in time). I hated to delay this by another week, but that seemed inevitable.
Last week we had what I’m calling our “make it or break it” appointment with the current OB. Originally this appointment was set up 2 weeks ago for a Non-Stress Test. I got set up for the test, and shortly after the doctor comes in (not the one Chris had spoken to on the phone). Dr. Jones came in trying to get a reading on the NST which was unsuccessful, and questioned why I had been set up for a NST when they usually don’t start those until around 32 weeks (I was 30 weeks 4 days at this appointment). And I voiced to her this was exactly part of our frustration. Needless to say Dr. Jones spent a good hour with us, hearing us out, answering our questions. I let her know that prior to all of this, we had never even heard of Obsetrix, so how could we ask to be sent to a place I’ve never even heard of?! I asked her about the C-section, and how nobody as even asked me about my wishes for the birth of this baby, and how unprofessional it is for her to mention it before even asking me, and then mentioning it to my husband before me! She did ask about my birth plan, and also voiced her dissatisfaction for the process this office has in place for pre-diabetic/diabetic/gestational diabetes patients. She did let me know that if baby does get too big that she’ll induce me in my 39th week. I agreed, but said how frustrating that is since I have nothing to compare it to. So if my OB sends me to my local King Soopers pharmacy for diabetic counseling I don’t think of that as a bad/unprofessional process, because it’s all that I know. She agreed I should have never been referred to Obsetrix, and will no longer go there to check the growth of the baby, because they can do that.
Dr. Jones did look at my numbers (this was the first time an actual doctor looked at my numbers!, keep in mind I’ve been testing my blood sugars and keeping a log since the beginning of December), and decided that insulin would be the next step. By the time we left the doctor’s office I had an appointment set up to go see someone at the hospital about administering the insulin, and if it is something I do need to do.
We had a quick ultrasound (since the NST didn’t really work), and left the office feeling a little bit more confident in the care I am receiving.
From beginning to end we were at the doctor’s office close to 3 and half hours. We’ve decided to stay where we are, and will only see Dr. Jones throughout the rest of this pregnancy. The chances of her being the one at the birth are slim, but since only one doctor will be seeing us at the rest of the appointments my hope is that’ll decrease the lack in communication.
This past Friday Chris and I went back to the hospital to talk about insulin and get some practice with the needles and everything. This was highly emotional for me, and I’m so so so thankful that Chris was there. After that appointment I took the rest of the day off and had the afternoon to myself. I did errands and just spent some time with just me. I went to the post office, had lunch at Applebee’s, went shopping (Target, Gymboree, Motherhood Maternity, Old Navy), had some frozen yogurt. It was the first time in the past week and a half I wasn’t on the phone calling different hospitals, signing up or canceling different birthing/baby classes, checking on my medical records, making a list of questions/complaints, doing baby research. Friday afternoon all by myself was a perfect release and a moment to just enjoy this growing/moving baby and pregnancy. To enjoy this time for what it is: a time to do things while I can without a baby in tow, and just enjoy it. And that’s what I did.
The lesson taken from all of this is knowing that when/if baby number two comes along, I’ll do some searching, and ask a lot more questions.
I’m happy with the decision right now, and I know everything will be ok. Only 8 weeks left (approximately)!

Monday, March 17, 2014

memory monday

Greg, Kari, Grandpa Egan, Nikki on grandpa's lap, Charlene, me on Charlene's lap 2/26/1983
I've been meaning to do a "Throw Back Thursday" post about this picture for forever, just because I love this picture.  I have it on display on my fridge, and I really need to get it framed because it is the original picture, and it's in great condition.
But since today is Saint Patrick's Day and a very meaningful holiday to me, I thought I share the picture now and start a new tradition with "Memory Monday" and actually share the memory/story behind the picture.
As I've written in the past, I was extremely close to my Grandpa Egan.  In my eyes he was an Irish gentleman through in through, and today is the day he passed away 23 years ago. 
I still remember all of the details of 3/16/1991 and 3/17/1991 like they were yesterday.  But I don't really want to talk about those days.
I of course don't remember the picture above, but one of the things I do love about that picture is that it was taken at my parents house.  Where my parents still live, and still have that break fireplace.  
One trait that I have of my Grandpa's is his organization to document things.  The back of this photo has all of the details of this photo, along with some code in the bottom left corner.
If I had to take a guess the:
stands for:
It's Margaret's, Patti's, Kathleen's, and Barbara's kids that are in the photo.
Not too sure the meaning behind the "Grandma" since my Grandma Egan passed away when my mom was 18, well before I was born.  And then "Michelle" written below that, who is the youngest of the Egan siblings.
Or the "18A-19" is the upper left hand corner.  Not too sure what that means either.
back of the picture.  i love my Grandpa Egan's handwriting
I remember my Grandpa Egan always having a smile on his face.  He was always cheerful.  He also always had a cigarette in his hand, which I hated.  I loved driving to Santa Fe to visit him, and I loved his Santa Fe house.  I loved his backyard where he had lime green patio furniture and lots of apricot trees, where we were paid like 5cents a bag for picking apricots.  I love his cooking, he made wonderful waffles.  And he always had maraschino cherries in the fridge that I loved.  I remember going on long car rides with him and my mom during the fall to see the leaves change, and going on long car rides during Christmas to see Christmas lights.  He also had a bowl of nuts, I can't remember the type of nuts, but they were good.
He was a great Grandpa and I miss him.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Random Pregnancy Thoughts II

@ 30 weeks 3/8/14

I finally feel like I have a bump.  

I’m still loving not having my period (excluding the first three weeks of November when I spotted off and on).

I feel like I have a pregnancy wobble.

I get weirded out when my friends call me “Mamma” or “Mom”.

I’m so thankful to be pregnant during the winter months.  I’m normally a very cold person, but with a baby growing I’m super hot.   It’s bad enough when it’s already cold outside, I can’t even imagine being hot and the temperature outside also being hot.

People have started sending us gifts from our baby registry.  Even though I’ve purchased countless items for unborn babies, it’s completely weird to me that people are buying things for our baby that isn’t here yet.

My favorite moments are lying in bed with Chris, his hand on my tummy feeling the baby move. It’s just the three of us, and it feels perfect.

I’ve noticed I’m extremely sensitive to the bumpy ride on the bus.  I’ve never been one to get motion or car sickness, but I definitely have a sensitivity to a bus driver who is break happy.

My current habit is scoping out where the restroom is with any new public place I enter.  “Holding it” is no longer an option.

I’ve rationalized that pregnancy is a year round thing.  We conceived in the Summer (August), majority of the 1st trimester was in the fall (1st trimester ended beginning of November), 2nd trimester and the beginning of 3rd trimester has been in the winter, and Spring officially begins this month, and will bring us our Spring Baby!  All four seasons are covered.  

I'm going to miss race season, and this makes me sad.  I've done the Mother's Day 5k since it began, and I'm sad I'll miss the race this year.  Although I'm excited to do it next year as an actual mom!

I’m super confused about baby’s gender.  I thought for sure I would have a “gut” feeling in regards to either boy or girl.  When I first found out I was pregnant I thought ALL girl.  In early pregnancy I had a dream that I was holding a toddler boy, and called him by our boy name.  Then two weeks ago I had my first birth dream.  It was the dream birth that I imagine having.  Baby came out and was put immediately on my chest and the doctor announced: “It’s a Boy!”  Then last week before our ultrasound I had a dream we were getting our ultrasound and the tech slipped and said something to the effect of: “Here is her arm.”  So we knew it was a girl.  Gender aside, we of course, just want baby to be happy and healthy!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

something amazing

the beginnings of a crib
I’ve had a highly emotional day, and I guess at this point in the pregnancy game I feel like every day is emotional.  The type of emotion is the fluctuating factor.  I’m tempted to just complain about my doctor’s, and the frustration of this pregnancy.  Instead I’m going to talk about my amazing husband who calms me and is there for me, in hopes that sharing his awesomeness will help take away my current frustration.
Seeing Chris form into the role of Dad since we found out I was pregnant has been such an amazing sight to see.  I can see him want to comfort me and take away my discomfort and frustrations.  I can see his amazement when he gets to feel or see the baby move.  I feel him blessing the baby when we get to pray together.  I feel his concern when we talk at night and he asks me how the baby is doing. 
He’s there for me to tie my shoes, and help lift me from the couch.  He’s there to rub my back when I’m mad at the fact that I’m pricking myself for the third time in a row to check my blood sugars.  He’s there to stand up for me when the doctor, yet again won’t look at my blood sugars. 
He assures me that I’m not a bad wife when I don’t feel like cooking dinner for the second (or third) night in a row.  He assures me that I’m doing the best job I can to take care of our baby.  He assures me that I'll be a good Mom.
He tells me I'm beautiful/sexy/pretty, when I feel like the fattest and ugliest person ever.
He makes all the phone calls to make sure all of the bills are paid. 
He has put together the whole entire baby room.  He painted it, put together all of the furniture, hung the curtain, hung the crosses, and put up the wall decal.  I haven't done any labor at all in that room, that room is all his.
He lets me relax when I've pushed myself too much.  During the moments when I feel like I'm not doing anything, he gives me credit for carrying this baby.  He helps makes the decision process easy.  From picking out names, to where to register, coming with me to doctor's appointments, joining me for the baby classes.  He's there to listen when I freak out if I haven't felt the baby move.  He's supportive of me taking 16 weeks maternity leave.  

He's there to tell me it is going to be ok.
He's been absolutely phenomenal during this pregnancy.  From beginning to the almost very end (baby isn't done cooking yet!) and seeing him start his true fatherhood role.  It's been something so special to share.  I feel so blessed that this baby is going to have such a great Dad.  That this baby will get to know us and see our type of love.  I'm so thankful and I truly appreciate everything that he has done to help me throughout this pregnancy.