Thursday, February 26, 2009
Monday - my friend Michelle texts me asking me if I can take Friday March 13th off from work, so she could come see me this weekend. I say "ya!".
Tuesday - she books her flight! So I will have a visitor in two weeks!
Jump to today. I'm at work, my friend Brisa emails me, saying that she'll be in Albuquerque the weekend of the 21st, and will be having a baby shower on the 22nd! I was worried we would miss each other because the weekend of the 27th I'll be visiting my cousin Nikki in Austin/College Station, TX. But now I can do both. So I'll most likely be in Albuquerque the 3rd weekend in March.
Jump to tonight, me sitting on my couch eating dinner. I get a call from my friend Shaun. Him: "What are you doing tomorrow?" Me: "Working?" "What time?" "Well I worked late today, so I hope to leave at 3pm" "When do you go in?" "8" ....pause "Why?" "Well I'm flying in for Ayla's(his niece) birthday and I was hoping you would be my date. Can you call in sick?" "No." "oh." "But I could call my boss and see if I could leave early." And well before you know it I have a house guest this weekend! And just like that I have to clean my house! So well that's what I've been doing.
In case you weren't following here is the break down
This weekend: Shaun here
In two weeks: Michelle here
In three weeks: I go to Albuquerque.
In four weeks: I go to Austin/College Station.
As you can imagine when I got that text from Michelle on Monday, I was elated! I felt so blessed to have something to look forward to. And now life just seems to be happening all around me!, and I am so thankful. Just like that Hotel April is open! I seriously have the greatest friends, who have perfect timing. I love to feel loved <3!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Chloe's Dedication was beautiful. Once the pastor said his prayer and her parents vowed to lead Chloe to know God, the pastor started talking. And what did he talk about? Being alone. On the stage they brought two chairs and a table with 2 settings, to represent a dinner table at a restaurant. The pastor asked: "How many of you have ever seen someone sitting alone out at a restaurant?" "Probably not many of you." Immediately in my head I'm thinking "Me. Me, I'm the one sitting alone at a table out at a restaurant." And I started cry. At this point in time the pastor is talking about how we aren't meant to be alone, and that God is always their with us. And I'm thinking, I know I'm not meant to be alone. Has humans we aren't meant to be alone. But out there in the world, people are alone. This is what scares me. I don't want to be alone. People tell me how they would love to go out to a movie by themselves, go out to eat by themselves. Or some people tell me that I'm brave that I do these things by myself. Well the main difference between you and me? I don't have a choice. If I didn't go out by myself, I would be more alone that what I am already, and well I don't think I could really stand that. Their are some levels of loneliness that I can live with, but doing absolutely nothing, that isn't one of them. I have to do something, even if it by myself.
One big part of being alone, is that I lack any physical contact. In the past month, I've been hugged a total of 4 times. By 4 different people, and about 4 weeks apart. In my current world of normal, often I can go a month, 2 months, maybe 3 months where I touch no one, and no one touches me. This isn't normal. Has human beings we need that physical touch, that presence of being around someone. In my daily life I don't get that.
This is why I love my baby love. Right after Chloe's dedication her mother sat next to me, holding Chloe and Chloe was rubbing my arm. If felt so good, to have another human touch me. It was the most constant touch I had had since I held Chloe a month ago. Hugs go by rather quickly, and I think that is why I love to hold baby's so much.
My point in all of this is that I'm scared. I'm scared that this is my life. This has been my life for three years. The pastor talked about the fact that God is in our life. That He is in my life. That He knows what is in store for me, tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. And if this is all their is, for me, to be alone. I. Don't. Want. That. People say that someday I'll find someone, but nobody really knows. They don't. If I knew that their was going to be more to my life I wouldn't be so scared. I would know that their is something to look forward to. But I don't know that. The main focus in my life right now is going to the gym and my blog. That's it. I'm so thankful for the gym, because I know it gets me out of the house, and gets me moving. And I know that if I didn't get those endorphin's moving around my body 5x's a week, I would be much more worse off right now than what I currently am. And for that I'm so thankful, and thankful that I know that. Which is one of the reason's why I keep myself going to the gym. Because if I stopped right now, I would just be plain depressed. I've been depressed before, and well it's no fun.
So next weekend I will probably actually answer what my bucket list is. For now that is a deeper look into me.
In all honestly, I feel like I have asked for this life. Because I do have a select few friends here in town to do things with. My past experiences however usually go with me asking a friend to do something, they agree to do something, but then they cancel, or we never get together. So now most times I do things by myself, because I don't want to be rejected by a friend. Most of the time now, I don't even ask. Which I understand is my fault, and I take full accountability for that, and now it is just what I do, because now I'm used to living my life that way. Now for the most part I don't even consider asking someone to do something with me. This is how I live my life.
The good news is, I think I'm going to bring God and His church back in my everyday life. This church as a Saturday evening service, that I can go to without it effecting my workout schedule. So I'm looking forward to building my relationship with God, and seeing where His Light will take me. For that I'm happy, instead of questioning everything. And learn to be more trusting.
PS After Chloe's Dedication I went over to Sarah's house, and got to hold her for a good 45 minutes, if felt so good!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
- She truly wants the best for me, as I do her.
- She's been up to Denver a handful of times since I've lived here, and always gives me great advise.
- She always makes me feel comfortable in her home, and her family is just awesome! She has a lovely husband who is a Rock Star, and two boys that are amazing.
- We can complain about our Mom's and still understand how much we love them, and don't know what we do without them.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Today I got to talk to my 2 year old God Daughter Katherine. For Valentine's Day I got her a Colorado Avalanche sweatshirt, and she said to me "Go Avalanche", plus she sang to me the "A, B, C's". It completely made my day!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I love my parents! Today is their 34th Wedding Anniversary. They were married on February 15, 1975. Like most marriages they have been through ups and downs. But throughout their journey of marriage they have lots and lots of memories, love, and a pretty cool daughter! They have showed me unconditional love, which is something words cannot express how thankful I am for that. So happy anniversary Mom and Dad! I love you and I miss you tons!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
This Valentine's Day I went to my hydro water class, went to breakfast at Village Inn, got my eye brow's waxed, and did some shopping at Kohl's. I got 2 shirts for $15!!! (one of the shirts was a size "L"!) And tonight I'll be doing some grocery shopping at Wal-Mart.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
One; I want to use my blog as a way to document things that happen around me. This event was historic because everyone survived. I remember seeing the images on the TV thinking "whoa that looks crazy." I can't even imagine going through something like that.
Second; I recently had a dream that involved this very event. Let me tell you about it.
I was in New York with my friend Tina, who lives in Florida. And we were about to fly from New York City to Orlando. In the dream I thought this was weird because although when I visit my friend Tina I could either fly into Tampa or Orlando, I always fly into Tampa, not Orlando. Anyways, both Tina and I like to fly, and we were about to take off, and this was after the US Airways plane crash. In the dream we are flying over the Hudson River and the captain points out the plane in the river. I remember looking out of the window thinking "wow, that is crazy." But also thinking it was kinda cool to actually see it in person from a plane flying over it. Well just as the plane was suppose to be ascending it started descending. That's right, instead of going up we were going down. Both Tina and I were freaked out, but not as freaked out as I would really be in a situation like that, which I thought was really weird. Before we knew it we crashed into the Hudson River. I don't really remember any of the other passengers or the crew. I do remember crashing, and my camera falling out of my purse and thinking "I have to get my camera!". I grabbed my camera while walking towards the Exit, and I sat and went down the deflatable slide. I remember getting wet, but I don't remember it being cold. I remember boats being their immediately to get us. It was weird because it almost seemed like the crash was planned. Like we all knew it was going to happen. Which I guess is why I wasn't totally freaking out thinking I was about to die etc... I remember thinking "they are only doing this because they know we'll survive, and the caption only wants his 15 minutes of fame." So once I slid down the slide I got into a boat, and prior to sliding town, Tina was right behind me. When I got a seat on the boat, I looked up to find Tina, who was nowhere to be seen. That was when I started freaking out. I was thinking "Where is my friend?!" Then I see her across the way, in another boat. She sees me, and what does she do? She gets out of the boat and swims over to my boat. This was specifically weird because Tina isn't a great swimmer. So we are on the same boat together. And well that is all I remember. It was a really weird dream.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Thank goodness I get to take tomorrow off!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I stole this from Emily.
Welcome to my first weekly series of something I love. With my pattern of workouts, I'm slowly coming up short on things to write about. So Emily gave me an idea to do a weekly series. So this is what I'm doing.
I bought my house in April 2002.
I often question if Denver is my home, but this house is definitely my home. And it feels like my home. I love it. I'm tucked away in a cul-de-sac, where I feel safe.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
So you know that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie talks about living in New York is fabulous because you can go out on a date with the city? Well I had a date with Denver on Wednesday night. It was a lot of fun, I went to eat downtown at a diner called Sam's No. 3, then I went to go see "Chicago"~the musical. I really enjoyed it. Whenever I go see a play in my head I critique it. In HS I was in drama and we had to two critiques a semester. We had to write about the costumes, if the play started on time, and if the audience was courteous.
The costumes were barely their! Very small pieces of clothing, but it did fit the atmosphere of the production. The actress of "Mama" I thought could have had a little bit more attitude. But Queen Latifah is hard to follow. I loved "Roxie", she was fabulous, and very funny. I loved the set up of the stage. The orchestra was actually part of the stage, and had their own character in the musical. My favorite part was when they sang "Cell Block Tango". Loved. It.
It was a great night, out on the town! Sometimes I have to remind myself that this is where I live. In Denver. That I live in this city. The Denver Performing Art center downtown, is beautiful. Their are probably 8 to 12 theater's in this facitlity.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
So who are the winners?! ....Drum roll please.........
I'm in too and I'm glad Emily took herself out of the contest, I was totally going to say that was not fair but she opted out before I could say that;) It really just means I have one more chance of winning!!
January 29, 2009 7:57 AM
Congrats Jessica! Please email me your address, and your very own copy of something cleverlish is on its way.
and now winner number two...