oops

My very first thought this morning was: Did I blog yesterday? Answer: No! I worked out yesterday so there should have been a blog. But for some reason I totally forgot. This is weird, well just because it is weird. How could I forget to blog? I think about blogging a lot. Mainly I think about what it is I'm going to blog about. Maybe I forgot yesterday because I didn't really have anything to blog about. And now here I am writing a blog post, and blogging. Exciting I know.

I've been having lots of weird vivid dreams lately. Last night I woke up at 4am deeply concerned about Madison. And couldn't calm my head down until 5am. Who is Madison? I have no idea. I don't even know a Madison. All I can think is that I had a dream about her, and I woke up super worried about her. I've had dreams about my friend April and her puppies, and about shootings. Just scary stuff.

So this blog is for yesterday's workout, FYI.

treadmill 50min
elliptical 15min

tattoo of dreams

so the other night i had this super crazy dream where i decided i wanted to get another tattoo. this is weird because i'm doing getting tattoo's, and i've known this for a long time. but in this dream i decided to go get another. what's weird is while going to get this tattoo i had forgotten about the tattoo's i already have. i get to the tattoo parlor and i start telling the tattoo artist (who happened to be this very kick butt type of chick ...that was my impression of her anyways) what it is that i want. i tell her i want the flower bird of paradise. that i want it really colorful and elegant. she starts drawing it up and it's gorgeous. somewhere during this conversation with her i realize that i already have a tattoo of the bird of paradise. she's about to ask me where it is that i want this tattoo. and again i realize i went to this tattoo place wanting this tattoo on my ankle, which in reality where this tattoo really is. so i think, i can't take off my shoe and sock, and show her where i want this tattoo of the tattoo i already have. so i tell her i want it on my arm, like my upper arm. but in reality i don't. i don't want a tattoo on my arm!! i don't want a tattoo at all. in my dream i start to panic, and i try to think of ways i can get out of this. i see that this woman has drawn a beautiful flower, and that we've spent all of this time together, and all i can think about is leaving. that i have to leave. that i don't want another tattoo, that i have this tattoo already. all of this is going on in my head, and the tattoo artist is talking about how cool it is going to look, and how she can do all of this cool stuff with it. and all of a sudden she's talking about doing a 1/2 sleeve on my arm. and it's just spinning out of control. at some point in time while i'm trying to figure out how to escape this, the dream ends, or i wake up. who knows. that's my crazy dream.

STRIKE! 60min

three dreams

i'm currently re-reading the Twilight Saga. I'm almost half way through "New Moon". When I originally read this series earlier this year, throughout majority of the saga I had very vivid dreams. Mostly about Jacob, with random things as well. well right now i'm having those very vivid dreams again. last night i didn't sleep to well. i had trouble getting to sleep, then once asleep i'm pretty sure i awoke at least 3 times at different times in the middle of the night. once getting up to use the restroom. waking up this morning i remembered some very weird details about my dreams last night. i have no clue if i had one big long weird dream, or if these were three different dreams throughout my sleep.

the first part of the dream it was my birthday. i was on an island, and the island was swaying back and forth(as if i were on a boat), and i had a huge cake with icing all over it, and i was afraid that the rocking back and forth of the island was going to damage my cake. i think i was turning maybe 12 or 13. and i wanted to make sure all my friends had a good time and that i was "cool". one of my childhood friends was there, and she brought a bunch of her friends that i didn't know. and i remember thinking in my head "why did she bring all of these people to my party, that i don't know?" it was outside and beautiful with the ocean in the background.

the second part was in Albuquerque. i was up in a hot air balloon with my cousin Nikki, my cousin Greg, and my Aunt Patti. the balloon wasn't a full size balloon though. we were going around in circles around my aunts neighborhood. around and around. and then all of a sudden my aunts house was on fire. we somehow landing the balloon in a nearby field and ran to the house. once inside the house to fight the fire that was on the upstairs patio my aunt kept telling me over and over to get the embarcardero's. and she was saying it as if i should know exactly what a embarcardero is, and i'm thinking to myself "oh crap, i have no idea what a embarcardero is!"

the last part i was at my desk where i work. my mom was there, and all of a sudden Jeremy comes in with a whole bunch of his friends.
Jeremy was my boyfriend from high school. we are friends on facebook. yesterday was his birthday, and i sent him a "happy birthday" message. well in my dream he was coming around to say thank you. i haven't actually seen Jeremy since the summer of 2000. he lives in Clovis, NM, which is Eastern NM. all of his friends where there and my mom, and we didn't really know how to act. it was fun because it was obvious that we both wanted to flirt with one another. but didn't want to be inappropriate.

i'm not too sure what's going on during these dreams, but i'm hoping for a good nights sleep tonight!

Who is Shiny?

Who is Shiny? She is a super cute adorable little girl, around the age of 4 or 5. Running around enjoying her mom and grandma chasing her, laughing and having a great time. Who is the mom you ask? The mom is me. The grandma is my mom. This was my dream last night. I had a little girl. I had a daughter. In the dream I called her Shiny. In the dream I'm pretty sure "Shiny" was a shortened version of her real name. I of course knew what my daughters name was in my dream, but when I woke up all I could think of was Sunshine. And although their is nothing wrong with the name Sunshine, when/if I ever have a little girl, I'm pretty sure I won't be naming her Sunshine, or Shiny for that matter.

Now that I am awake and thinking about this dream and her name in the dream, maybe it was because when I was little, my mother would always sing to me "...you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray...." and maybe just maybe if I ever am lucky enough to be a mom and to have a little girl, my nickname for her will be "Shiny" as in my Sunshine.
In the dream the 3 of us (me, my mom, and my daughter) were at a outdoor flea market. Walking around, enjoying the day, not really looking for anything in particular. Shiny (I really wish I could remember her real name) was running around enjoying getting all of the attention from her mom and grandma. I remember having this very specific feeling in the dream of "wow, I am a mom. This is what it feels like. My mom is a grandma." In that moment I felt so happy and content. Although in this dream, I knew that I wasn't a mom, that I didn't have a daughter, that my mom wasn't a grandma. But feeling it in my dream gave me some hope. That maybe those relationships could be out there in my future somewhere. That someday I'll be a mom, which will create grandparents. Even though I may only experience motherhood in a dream, I'll take what I can get and document those feelings so that I can always remember them.

Girls Trip

I've had an upcoming girls trip on my mind recently, and I think that is where last nights dream came from. Let me tell you about it.
But first a little bit of history. Back in HS I was never really part of a "clique" until my senior year. Michelle, Sarah, and I were The Spice Girls Trio. I'm not one to be in or have a group of friends, and I was individual friends with Michelle and Sarah, and then the three of us bonded. We were a group. Our senior year the three of us went to visit Michelle's dad in Los Angeles for spring break, and it was such a fun trip, we even went to Las Vegas. Unfortunately once HS ended we went our separate ways. Throughout the years Sarah and I have stayed close, but Michelle now lives in Chicago, and I'm happy to report that our friendship rekindled last year at our 10 year HS reunion. Anyways, last nights dream included these two ladies.
We were in Florida, on a girls trip. Just the three of us. We started in Orlando, and then at the last minute we decided to go to Miami, which is about a 4 hour drive. Michelle knew exactly where to go, and was very prepared with a map, and a place to stay once we arrived in Miami. We drove down having a blast. Once we got to the hotel, we checked in and arrived at this child center, were Sarah and Michelle got to bond over motherhood. I was happy to be along for the ride. I had a part of me feeling extremely sad that I couldn't talk to them about being a mother, but happy that they could talk about it with each other.
I'm not too sure how exactly the dream ended, but I woke up misses these girls so much. Since our HS days and beyond I've had some pretty amazing experiences with these girls, and I miss the bond we used to have.

My Bucket List: Part 2 of 2

I figure I've been putting this off long enough. Well, more like a combination of being busy, and now going back to being alone, I figure I should write about what I really wanted to write about when I first wrote this blog.

Sarah had originally asked about what "My Bucket List" is, and this is really hard because a lot of the things I want to do with my life involve love and having someone in my life to love and to love me. Which is why I felt I had to write the previous blog on this subject. And it's difficult because I'm starting to have to come to terms with the fact that a lot of things that I want for my life may not happen(getting married, having a family). So I had to think of things that I want to do with my life that don't involve another person being in my life, or having a family.

In no particular order My Bucket List:

• Travel - Specifically Beijing (this became high on the list after the Summer '08 Olympics), New Zealand, Australia, Iceland, and all the places in "Eat, Pray, Love".
• Write a book.
• Keep on the look out for opportunities to move to Central Florida.
• Ride in a hot air balloon.
• Visit all 50 states.
• Learn American Sign Language.
• Attend a showing of "The Rachael Ray Show".
• Shower in a waterfall.
• Get passionate about a cause and spend time helping it.
• Overcome my fear of failure.

I'm sure I have more, but in all honesty this was a lot harder than I thought.

I have a Crush

Nathan Fillion

One of the things I really really enjoy is TV. I very easily love TV. Thank goodness for my DVR! One of my first TV crushes was on Joey Buchanan on "One Life to Live". OLTL was the soap opera my parents watched when I was younger. I got into OLTL when I was in middle school. And now for the past 3+ years I DVR OLTL everyday, and have watched it everyday since. Nathan Fillion played Joey Buchanan, and I thought he was so cute. Back when I was in MS the younger cast did a ad for American Eagle. And when I saw the print ad in a magazine I went to American Eagle and bought the shirt he was wearing in the ad. I thought that was the coolest thing ever.

Anyways he was the type of crush where a part of me seriously thought we would end up together. Of course I knew it would never really happen, but in the fantasy part of my heart I always thought "just maybe..." It was always either him or Carson Daly. ;) I seriously thought we would end up together one day too ...until I found out recently he had a baby with his girlfriend, that was a sad day for me.

Anyways, Nathan Fillion hasn't been a regular on OLTL since I was in MS. He was recently on "Desperate Housewives", and he just recently got his very own show on ABC called "Castle". And well I haven't had a chance recently to watch "Castle" until this weekend. And yesterday and today I got to watch all 5 episodes that have come out so far. And I have to say I really enjoy the series so far. Very funny, and some good twists and turns. I would highly recommend it! And seeing him so much this weekend my part of my heart that is full of my fantasies has been going back to my thoughts of us living happily ever after!

Who is your celebrity crush?

Hope

My friend Michelle sent this to me. It is quite powerful. I have hope that we can be the opposite of what everyone else says.

Miracle on the Hudson

So back on Thursday January 15, 2009 a plane crashed in the Hudson River in New York City. I bring this up for two reasons.
One; I want to use my blog as a way to document things that happen around me. This event was historic because everyone survived. I remember seeing the images on the TV thinking "whoa that looks crazy." I can't even imagine going through something like that.
Second; I recently had a dream that involved this very event. Let me tell you about it.
I was in New York with my friend Tina, who lives in Florida. And we were about to fly from New York City to Orlando. In the dream I thought this was weird because although when I visit my friend Tina I could either fly into Tampa or Orlando, I always fly into Tampa, not Orlando. Anyways, both Tina and I like to fly, and we were about to take off, and this was after the US Airways plane crash. In the dream we are flying over the Hudson River and the captain points out the plane in the river. I remember looking out of the window thinking "wow, that is crazy." But also thinking it was kinda cool to actually see it in person from a plane flying over it. Well just as the plane was suppose to be ascending it started descending. That's right, instead of going up we were going down. Both Tina and I were freaked out, but not as freaked out as I would really be in a situation like that, which I thought was really weird. Before we knew it we crashed into the Hudson River. I don't really remember any of the other passengers or the crew. I do remember crashing, and my camera falling out of my purse and thinking "I have to get my camera!". I grabbed my camera while walking towards the Exit, and I sat and went down the deflatable slide. I remember getting wet, but I don't remember it being cold. I remember boats being their immediately to get us. It was weird because it almost seemed like the crash was planned. Like we all knew it was going to happen. Which I guess is why I wasn't totally freaking out thinking I was about to die etc... I remember thinking "they are only doing this because they know we'll survive, and the caption only wants his 15 minutes of fame." So once I slid down the slide I got into a boat, and prior to sliding town, Tina was right behind me. When I got a seat on the boat, I looked up to find Tina, who was nowhere to be seen. That was when I started freaking out. I was thinking "Where is my friend?!" Then I see her across the way, in another boat. She sees me, and what does she do? She gets out of the boat and swims over to my boat. This was specifically weird because Tina isn't a great swimmer. So we are on the same boat together. And well that is all I remember. It was a really weird dream.

Crazy Dream II

I know I know, I haven't posted pictures of Chicago. But I will, just not now.

I had another really weird dream last night. I was on the bus heading to work, and the bus driver didn't know where he was going. ...this happens sometimes, the bus driver has no idea where they are going. I've been riding the bus daily since June, and this has happened 3 different times. It makes me curious, because really how can you be a bus driver and not know where you are going? Anyways, on the bus I read so if the bus driver doesn't know where they are going I am usually not aware of it but I do hear a lot of talking around me because their are other people on the bus wondering where in the world we are going. Let me say that this dream takes place in 3 different places, Denver, Albuquerque, and Chicago. The first part of the dream I'm in Albuquerque but was in Denver heading to work. I work off of the 16th Street Mall in downtown Denver. The bus driver was all the way at the Fairgrounds in Albuquerque. But both the 16th Street Mall and the Fairgrounds were in the same city. Also when I get off of the bus to go to work, a lot of people get off at my stop. So while being distracted by everyone telling the bus driver where to go, everyone just go frustrated-told the bus driver to stop the bus and everyone got off the bus to walk to there destination. Since all of us were going primary in the same direction I just followed along and assumed the 16th Street mall wouldn't be far. Along the way I walked through the Fairgrounds where the New Mexico State Fair was going on(the fair really happens in September). I walked through a bunch of vendors, art, and food. Sopapilla's specifically. I love sopapillas, and they are very rare in Colorado. So I decide to stop in line at a place that has sopapillas. Once I get in line the 2 people behind the counter just walk away. Keep in mind I was not the only one in line. Thinking they would come back right away so I could buy my sopapilla and be on my way. Well this never happened, and decided I didn't want to waste anymore time, since now I would be late for work. So I walked away with the craving of a sopapilla in my mouth. At one point in my dream I became a journalist, interviewing Meg Ryan. At this point in time I was in Meg Ryans house, in Albuquerque, still running late for work, and all of sudden I was there to interview her. So I did. In my dream she had 6 kids and is happily married to a man named Cole. Her house was beautiful and big, but also very homey and a little messy-as you can imagine with 6 kids. In the house she had a cat that had just kittens. There were about 5 kittens 2 months old running all around the house-SO cute! We started the interview in her youngest kids nursery-I believe a boy, around 4 or 5 months old. I didn't have anything to write with and in my head I was thinking how am I going to remember this? I remember writing the first part of the article in my head: I arrived at Meg Ryan's home where she was just putting down her youngest child for his morning nap. We sat in his nursery while she put him to sleep. She was wearing...(I can't remember what she was wearing), her hair cute as always, and looking wonderful with no make up on. I remember asking her personal questions all of which she was very honest about. I also asked her about her tattoos. Now I don't know if in real life Meg Ryan has any tattoos but in my dream she did. A bunch of really small ones majority of which were on her feet. I think majority of the tattoos where her kids names. It was very cool, and she didn't mind telling me about any of them. After she put the little one to bed we checked on the 4th and 5th child, 18 month old twins. Super cute! After that we went into her bedroom. She was very proud of her bathroom, which was huge and very New Mexican looking. And that was pretty much it with Meg Ryan.
Once I left I was still trying to find the 16th Street Mall to get to work. While walking I realized I was much further than I thought. I was over by my mom's old job. Off of I-25 and Jefferson, and the 16th Street Mall was up by where Coronado Mall is-which if you know Albuquerque isn't in walking distance. All of a sudden I'm walking by this girl who I don't know, but was on the same bus I was on, with a bus directory. I was asking her if I could look at to see if there was a bus that would take us to where we needed to go. She wouldn't let me look at it, so I just followed her. Along the way I ran into my friend Michelle. All of a sudden we were in a part of Chicago. She was walking really fast and didn't have time to talk to me. But we were in front of these stairs similar to what is in front of the Art Institute of Chicago. Eventually I made it to the 16th Street Mall, not too sure how, but I did. And that's all for Crazy Dream number 2! Any interpretations I am open to.

Crazy Dream

For the most part I have very detailed dreams. Sometimes when I wake up and the dream just happened I'll tell myself to remember it, so I can write it down. Majority of the time that doesn't happen. But this morning I woke up from a very crazy dream. And it hasn't gone away. I keep thinking about it, and thought I would share it. I'm hoping I can remember all of the details.
I was in my parents house in Albuquerque. But it was there house on Snow Heights. This is weird because I myself have never been in this house. The house on Snow Heights was there first house, before they moved into the house they live now, and the house that I grew up in. Anyways, I was driving with my friend Ginny, and we went down a wrong turn. We couldn't see very well because all around the neighborhood there were fires going on EVERYWHERE. Almost every house was on fire, but in different parts. So it wasn't like one big fire, it was a bunch of small fires. The street we went down was a cul-de-sac and I was terrified when I found out there was no exit, except for the way we came in. Well Ginny decided she wanted to go into one of the houses at the end of the street(she was the one driving.) I can't remember exactly, but I think the house she went into wasn't on fire, but I do know all the houses around that house were on fire. I went into the house with her-and the house was filled with people going along there day. There were a couple of firemen in the house, doing there "putting fires out" thing. And one of the firemen I knew. It was Matt Waltstrom who I went to HS with. This is weird because I don't keep in touch with Matt. I did see him, and talk to him and his wife at my 10 year high school reunion though. Anyways, the next thing I remember was walking to I-40 @ Juan Tabo(again everyone doing there normal daily thing, even though there are fires going on) to catch the bus, because Ginny wanted to stay in the house. Once I was at the bus stop, it was exactly like the Thornton bus stop(a stop that is on my way to work). I go to get in the bus, and I see that the bus driver has ran over this woman who is laying on the road, right behind one of the buses tires. And for some reason the bus driver was outside of the bus. When I sat down in the bus, I was telling everyone about this girl that is run over, and looks dead. And nobody cared. So I called 911. And well, 911 was like an advertisement. It had all of these weird prompts for non-emergencies. But no option for a real emergency. I personally hate dialing 911. For a couple of reasons. One if you do dial it, it is because a major emergency is going on, and that is really scary. Two, the 2 times in my life I have had to dial 911, the operator's transferred me 2 or 3 times because where I was calling from wasn't in there "jurisdiction". ...whether you are on the North side of the road or the South side of the road is a huge deal, in determining what ambulance is going to come! So I think I had this anxiety in the dream about calling 911, because I am always scared that if I ever have to dial 911 again I'll be transferred again and again, but won't be able to stay on the call, because I'm dealing with an emergency! Well I think that is all from my dream. I am welcome to any interpretations!