I'm Not Ok

my mom shared this today on FB it's sorta perfect.  Thanks Mom.

Ever heard of the expression “when it rains it pours”?  That’s my life right now.  Although I feel extremely blessed that there are only a few rare moments in my life when I’ve thought “when it rains in pours”.  This moment?  It is one of them.

I found out on Monday that I’m being laid off and that my last day of work is next Friday 9/4.  This news obviously doesn't mix well with what I wrote about here.

With everything going on I’m currently in the denial stage of grief and I feel like the verge of depression that's been creeping in me is about to take a full on nose dive.  I honestly have no idea what to do.  I feel like the last few days of my life have been fake, how else can it be explained, except for it didn’t really happen?  But it did.

My first thought goes towards Helena and the fact that she now has two unemployed parents.  To say I’m scared is an understatement.  The silver lining in all of this is I’ve been with this company for almost 12 years and I’m getting a somewhat decent severance package.  Let’s go back to that 12 year deal.  Twelve years, that’s a long time.  I’ve always been an extremely stable person, and a good employee.  I have extremely good work ethic so being without a job makes me uncomfortable.    When I got my first fulltime job at 19 I stayed with that company for almost four years, that’s a long time when you are 19.  Then I moved to Denver, the job I moved for laid me off after 6 months.  (the company went out of business.)  after that I was without a job for six months, I remember at the time I had never been without a job, but how all the pieces just worked out…the same month that I got laid off I got a roommate (so my rent was cut in half) and I paid off my car (so I no longer had a car payment).  Having those two big expenses off of my shoulders helped relieve me a little.  After searching for a job for six months I got a job as a assistant manager at the fine jewelry counter at Foley’s (which is now Macy’s).  I excelled at the management stuff and sucked at the selling jewelry part.  I can’t remember exactly how it happened but while I was working there I got connected with Qwest.  And well the rest is history.  I went from selling jewelry to working for the phone company.  And now we are at present day.  I’ve been through so many changes and transitions since I started working here.  From working on the phones, having my first real boyfriend, working in the Union, changing positions, previous lay offs, losing weight, meeting Chris, merging from Qwest to CenturyLink, getting married, having a baby, getting promoted.  A lot has changed personally and professionally.  Through it all one thing was consistent.  And now that identity is gone.  In a flash.  I get lost in all the elements that I give myself a headache. 

Chris as a lot of prospects and we hope to find something out soon, but I’m not going to lie, that doesn’t give me a lot of comfort.  I feel like I’m in limbo and I hate it.  I had a really good thing with CenturyLink, good benefits, good pay, good vacation time.  Now I have to start over.  I’ve been doing what I can do, and that is praying.  I’ve been praying a lot.  I know that God will take care of us and put us in the space that we need to be in, but I’m so damn scared.  So I ask of you blogland give me all the good stuff you can give!

a day to me

Easter 2012 ~ all the kiddos ready for the hunt

so the transition from Qwest to CenturyLink is complete as of 4/1. with this change a few things have effected me. the big bummer was a pay decrease. although not too significant, still sucky to be told your salary is decreasing, especially when everything else around me is increasing(so it seems, anyways). my vacation time when from 25 days to 22 days, and i had to change insurance providers (from kaiser to united). their are some positives. the first one is i get $25 compensated to me for my gym membership (this helps make up for my salary change) and we get an additional paid holiday! that holiday you ask is Good Friday.
so i had yesterday off. it was so nice to have a full day off to myself. it was definitely something to look forward to. i had a morning cardio workout. followed by breakfast at Village Inn. i have to say this was a completely different experience from what it used to be. and a good reminder of where i came from. i used to go out to eat by myself just to pretend i had a life. just to get myself out of the house. to have some social interaction even if just with a waiter. it was sad, and you can read about this depressed part of my life if you go back in my blog to 2008 and part of 2009. but this time going out to eat by my self, i did it because i could. i was able to truly enjoy it, and my time alone. back when i was depressed out eating by myself i used to think about what it would be like to one day go out to eat by myself and not be lonely or depressed. and take comfort and appreciation with everything. i accomplished that feeling yesterday. to experience a feeling that you've wanted to have but never thought you would have it, it's surreal. to actually feel confident and ok with eating by yourself was a sigh of relief for me. to enjoy it and appreciate it, and know that my everyday life isn't eating by myself brought me comfort. but a happiness feeling of knowing that i still enjoy it, every once in awhile.
after my leisurely breakfast, i then headed to Body and Sole Spa for an extra special treat. a facial! i'm not a big spa person, but my spa treatments of choice are a facial and pedicure. i haven't had a facial since October 2010. and i've been wanting to get one for a really long time. i love going to this spa. i go see Erin who i've been going to since 2005. the spa is super close to my old apartment and i would go see her for my eye-brows, then i experienced her facials. and she's just fabulous all the way around! it was great to see her and catch up. i unfortunately don't go see her as often as i used to because of the location, which is why this was such a treat. it was great to see her and come out with a fresh face! ~thanks Erin!
later that day Chris and i went over to April's house for the 2nd annual night time Easter egg hunt. it was a great time to see everyone and all of the kiddos.
it was just a great day all around. time to me, time with chris, time with my friends. a pretty good mixture!

from blue to green

Jerri's farewell gift

The company I work for officially changed from Qwest to CenturyLink today. Qwest originally announced it was going to merge with CenturyLink back on April 22, 2010. Almost one year ago. Lots of work, and now it is done. In some ways today was just like any other day at work. But it was really a new beginning a new start. The attempt of today was to have the change be a celebration. But the energy just wasn't there.
Last night my co-workers and I had a Thank You dinner for who is now our ex-boss. We took Jerri out, and celebrated her 25 years with Qwest, and being an overall awesome leader, who created a fantastic team. I miss her. It was a great celebration, that was so bitter-sweet. We had some drinks, food, and shared stories. We laughed and we cried, as we sent her off in style. It was a lot of fun, and very meaningful.
Jerri means the world to me. She's done so much, and is overall a great person. It's hard to guess why things happened the way that they did. It makes the most sense to just let it be because you can't do anything about it. But when it is personal and it effects you, that's hard to do, because you want to know why. You want to have that closure. Obviously we'll never know. But we can keep in touch, and hope for the best. Do what is in our control.
I still don't know about my position. I heard today that all final announcements won't be made until June. It is so nerve-racking wondering if today will be the day I'll get my notification. I'll either get 30 days or an offer with the new company. I'm hoping to stay where I'm at, and then focus on growing.

elliptical 35min
treadmill 25min

work review 2010

i recently had my yearly review at work. i love my boss. she's awesome. always so encouraging and positive. when you talk "business" with her, she's all professional, and focused on you, building and creating the best professional that you can be. she'll help move you forward to become what it is that you want to become. she is also great at taking you out of the office just when you are about to break. she'll offer a "coffee break" just to get out. she's a great boss!

here are some highlights of what she wrote about me and working for her in 2010:
"April had a year of good growth and continued to be an important team member of QBPP that we have come to rely on for so many things. April is effective and efficient in her communications, information sharing, coordination of events, calendaring, etc. In addition, she steps up to every additional need we ask of her and excels at them. She is always willing to help, thrives in an environment where she is busy, productive and appreciated. She managed a complex move into a new building and made it look easy. The move went very smoothly thanks to hr attention to detail and organization and communication skills. She approaches her work with a positive attitude and is a great player.
"April has great potential and can take on additional responsibilities. I encourage her to think about career moves outside of administration and to start education, training and hand on experience now if possible. She is conscientious, capable and caring."

my challenge is figuring out what it is that i want to become. honestly i could pretty easily move along in the position i'm in for the next few years and be very content. will i be challenged?, no. will it be easy?, yes. do i think about spreading my wings and moving forward?, yes. but, with so much change it is scary. qwest is set to become centurylink effective april 1st. ...bad choice of date, if you ask me. at this point in time, i'm just hoping to hold onto my job, and just stay under the radar if you will. then when the timing seems more appropriate i can search for something that might pay a little bit more and be a little bit more of a challenge for me to learn, and become good at. in the past my jobs always seem to find me, just when it is meant to be. i've always been very fortunate in that regard.

jerri gave me my review on my birthday, after she took me out to lunch. it was a great gift for her to give me. and an afternoon i won't soon forget. once this merger is complete, i will truly miss her as my boss.

elliptical 30min
treadmill 30min
682

another QMP

Thursday at work was our annual event Q. Marketplace. Another stressful successful year. The vibe this year was definitely different with the pending merger, and the changes that are coming. But I enjoyed seeing all of the Channel Sales Managers, and all of the Partner's that I'm still trying to learn and remember.

A couple of weeks before the Christmas break the VP our organization announced that my boss will not be in her position post merger. This was a huge shock to all of us. And similar thoughts of what happened back in August 2009. Life just isn't fair. Jerri is an amazing woman to work for, and has been doing two director level jobs wonderfully for the past year and half. The most amazing part is that she's still doing both jobs up until she asked to no longer do so. Her head held high, and working harder than ever.

She attended this event, talked to the partner's and received lots of hugs.

I am yet again, asking myself where this will lead me. For now, I don't know. I've had Jerri and one of her co-workers that I also support tell me I will have a job. I truly hope so. But again, so much unknowns out there in the world.

I've always thought that if I were to get laid off I would move to FL. But lately I've been reconsidering that. Because I have friends here now. I have a reason to stay. If I were to go, I would miss my friends, and my gym so much. So much, that I think I would stay. It has taken me a long time to build that foundation for myself here, and it feels good that I finally have that quality of life here, and with the people around me.

50/50 60min

thursday and friday

so the problem with the slowing down of the workouts is that it is effecting my blog. because i'm obviously not posting as much, since the "rule" is to only blog when i workout. hopefully i'll get all caught up, eventually. and since i am behind, here are two nights in one post!

thursday december 16th.
last thursday my boss took all of us (her direct reports) out to the corner office for some drinks and appetizers. we left work early, and had a joyous time. i love my boss, and our group! they are such an amazing group to work with/for.

karen, me, julie, jerri, cathy, and anitra

julie, cathy, jerri, and i
what get together isn't complete without:
cotton candy!?

friday december 17th was ladies night at the ave's game. my friend annabelle works at the pepsi center, and got us these fabulous tickets! i love live sports, and i love that i've been able to go to so many events this year! this game was super entertaining. the avalanche won big: 6 - 5 in overtime!!!

annabelle, me, and denise

(april was there in spirit...she had mommy duty with a sick kiddo)

lots more to update about the weekend i had. the fact that i'm not working out as much, but still keeping so busy seriously makes me love my life! i once worked out and blogged as a filler, because i didn't have anything else better to do. almost like it was second choice to this life that i knew i wanted but didn't know how to get. now it is more a choice, something i want to do. because i now do have the life that i was seeking. it feels great knowing that i can have this life that i want and continue with the habits that i got along the way, like working out. if anything i feel like working out is a social thing for me now. going to the gym, seeing my friends. it is such a great feeling.

barbell strength 60min

the big move

a huge part of what i do, is doing what i'm told...although i suppose that is most jobs.
back at the beginning of the year it was announced that the lease for the building i work in is coming to an end, and that we'll be moving buildings to one that the company owns about 4 blocks away. well my VP and boss picked me to manage the move over to the new building. this has been a rather big project on my plate since about april of this year. and last monday we officially moved. now that the move is finally done a whole other set of problems and headaches have come my way.
the prep work for this move wasn't necessarily easy but because we started this project so many months prior to the actual move i was able to time everything out. it actually started out kinda fun. i got to pick out colors and accents because the building we moved into go a whole new makeover in preparation for our occupancy. it was a lot of fun being part of a team that got to decide that type of stuff. next was the creation of "the spreadsheet". a excel spreadsheet with all 57 qbpp employees moving to the new building, that i was(am) responsible for. creating the master spreadsheet was a bite time consuming but once i had everyone listed and something to actually work off of it wasn't that bad. and in the end i actually ended up working on the big master spreadsheet with all 110 employees that moved to the floor of where i now work.
the actual deadline for our move was a mess. and honestly not something i want to talk about, because it is done and over with. let me just say that we really only had 4 business days notice in regards to our actual move date. having it be last minute looked poorly on myself since i was(am) the messenger but it was at no fault of my own.
now that we have physically moved, it is such a headache because i am the point of contact. so everyone comes to me about everything. i don't mind it, and the fact that we moved during a holiday week was definitely in my favor, because i didn't have to deal with everyone all at the same time, because lots of people had last week off. i was truly afraid i would snap at someone who asked me a common sense type of question and that i would come across as unprofessional, but i kept myself in check...most of the time.
i'll be super happy once this big move is over and done and all the details have worked themselves out.

the new building

i will miss my old office with a window view
back to cubicle life

the old office

all in all the new space isn't that bad. our floor is newly remodeled and everything is brand new. what i don't like is i now have to take a different bus which no longer drops me off less that a block away and now that the bitter cold is coming in, walking more than half a block is not fun. but i will definitely enjoy the walk in the summer months. another dislike is the lack of convenience. the old building had a deli and convince store right inside. this new building has nothing. so the downside is if i want a snack or forget to pack a lunch i've got to go outside (again not fun in the cold) the upside to that is since i don't want to go outside, that forces me to plan my lunch and to not spend money.

barbell strength 60min

job well done

a part of my job is managing the tickets for the all the special events. QBPP is allocated games to sporting events, concerts etc...every month. it is my job to get the request for these tickets fulfilled to help generate revenue and relationships with our partners. last week we got 4 ice side tickets to a pre-season colorado avalanche game. unfortunately (or fortunately) no partners were available for the game, so the tickets were used for employee recognition. my boss was the one to host the game so she chose 3 of her direct reports to give kudos to.
i was one of the three! it was fabulous, and kind of a big deal. ...these seats are $200 seats! they are 1st row right behind the goalie! it was sooo much fun!
i got into hockey when i moved here, and it is such a fun sport to watch, especially live. and having seats as close as you can get was amazing.
it felt great to be recognized by my boss. ...we all want to be told we are doing a good job, so i felt special for being included on this outing.

(so i downloaded the pictures in opposite order and i'm too lazy to fix it, so please look at them from the bottom up.)

avs win! final 2-1

the goalie doing some low low stretches...

colorado avalanche vs dallas stars
my camera isn't zoomed or anything, we were that close!

jerri (my boss), me, anitra, and cathy

jerri even treated us to dinner!
jerri, anitra, me, and cathy

treadmill 12min
legs
zumba 60min
805

team outing

yesterday at work we had a team meeting followed by a team outing. i was really looking forward to this because 1. i planned and organized majority of it and 2. we were going to be spending the afternoon outside in the heat!

one thing that i truly appreciate about my boss is that she's very team oriented. i like to feel like i am part of a team and being on Jerri's team i have that feeling. i truly like all of my peers, and it was great to have a whole day to spend with them.

we spent the morning doing a training session on our various products followed by a book review my boss had all of us read: Outstanding! 47 Ways to make your Organization Exceptional by John G. Miller. This was a fun exercise because all of us got to share views of ourselves and our team. once we gave our review Jerri(the boss) each gave us a "magic wand". it really is the little details that do the most!

Jerri's direct reports

top row: Anitra and Alan
bottom row: Liz, Marlene, me, Cathy, Julie, and Wayne
(not pictured Teri, who is are one team member not located in Denver, she joined us via phone from Greenville, SC)

for the afternoon we traveled to coors field to watch the colorado rockies battle the houston astros (we lost 4-5). for this event we extended the invite to the rest of Jerri's team in colorado. we had a total of 30 people at the game, and it was so much fun. the weather was nice and hot, and the company was fabulous!

me, Jerri, Anitra

coors field

me, Carol, and Debi

Julie, Kevin, and Cathy

Wayne and Liz

Anitra and Jerri

their is definitely a bonding experience when you spend time with your co-workers outside of the work place, which is why i enjoy doing stuff like this. you get to see more personalities, people are relaxed, and plus it gets you out of the office! it was a great day!

treadmill 55min
520

the news of change

via*

last thursday qwest announced it is merging with a company called centruylink out of monroe, LA. to be honest when you work for such a big company in such an economic time like today rumors are constantly being whispered about big change. question is: big change good, or big change bad? plus all the changes qwest has made in the last 12 months. looking back at it all, this all is starting to make a little bit of sense. which is good. we have been trying to become "attractive" to a potential buyer for quite sometime. even way back in december 2005 when we sold the downtown qwest building i was working in and our whole center was moved to work in a qwest building in littleton. and then a few months ago they announced that we are moving buildings because the building we are currently in is being leased and "they" want us to use the space we already have in buildings we already own. ...makes sense to use something that we are buying, rather than a space we are renting.
onto the more important stuff. where does this leave me? well it's strange because now that the announcement has been made and a few days have passed, everything has gone back to pretty much normal. nothing truly official with the merger will happen until early next year, and they say it won't be finalized until June 2011. until then they say to act as if each company is independent of itself, and well that's because technically as of right now today we still are two separate companies.
everyone in my work group seems to be optimistic and looking at this change as a good thing. the organization that i work for within qwest is called the Business Markets Group (BMG), and part of that channel is the Qwest Business Partner Program (QBPP) which is the group i specifically work for. word is that CenturyLink (used to be CenturyTel) has a very small Business Group and that our big BMG group really attracted them to us. not to brag, but BMG is the only group within Qwest that has brought actually earnings for the past 4 quarters! meaning, we bring in the money. not only that, but the money that we bring is a profit. the VP of BMG has already been named president of what will be the BMG group of the new company, or something like that. he has stated numerous times that the headquarters of our group will remain in denver and that he is NOT moving to monroe. all of which seems promising. all of this definitely makes the change of last august seem clear. it is scary, because i have lots of questions and it will probably be a year before i get my answers and all i can do is look at this change as a positive thing because that is what everyone around me is viewing it as.
my boss stated it very well by saying that where we (qwest) is weak, centurylink is strong, and where centurylink is weak we are strong. with the combination of two it will be very flattering. i hope and pray that i will be part of it! so as of right now no news on my job. seeing as the new company doesn't have a big business group and a very small partner program i like to think that i am safe. for right now all i can do is continue what it is that i do, which is my job, and continue to do a good job.
as for that big blue qwest sign that's a big part of the denver sky line? ...i'm pretty sure that'll be going away, which is kinda sad. hopefully bigger, better, brighter things will follow.

zumba 60min

lovely day

i feel so good. today is professional administrative day. my boss walked into the office this morning with huge beautiful bouquet of flowers and a card. such a surprise, much like last year! they are gorgeous.

here are the other things i got on professional administrative day:

a powerball lottery ticket
a tall skinny vanilla latte
a gift card to the macaroni grill

am i lucky or what?

treadmill 20min
zumba 60min

something positive

so i do apologize for my negative rant i went on a few days ago...but if you were working as hard i me, and got the same results you would be a little pissed as well. i'm just sayin'. ok, i've made my point i'm moving on.

this week at work i had my 2009 review at work. this year at work has been crazy. of course the main change was that i got a different boss. and well she said some really nice things about me and i feel like i want to share them.

"April is organized, smart, takes on challenges, needs little direction, solves problems, is very helpful and has a great attitude. she manages several people's needs and prioritizes so we all feel like we're #1. she is very resourceful and people utilize her knowledge and help. April is a key contributor to the team because we all know we can depend on her to do a good job with her work. April needs to make sure she isn't doing other work, helping one time has turned into expected support from marketing group.

i look forward to giving her additional growth opportunities in 2010."

i really like my job. and right now i have a huge comfort in knowing that i do my job well. going into the unknown is always scary. and when i took this job i left the comfort of leaving a job i knew i did a good job at. but now that i have this routine and the same feeling for this job i feel content and satisfied.

i got some other good news today. and i have weird feelings about it because i don't really know how it makes me feel. tonight at the gym i went to dance jam, and kali wasn't there to teach it so the group fitness director person taught it, her name is emily. emily is new to lifetime but she has subbed for some classes in the past and she always compliments me. she once said to me "i wish i could bottle you up and sell you." ...it was cute. anyways. i give her feedback now on classes because she knows that i frequent them and give good feedback and because she is the group fitness director. so tonight after today's class i talked to her and she asks me "have you ever thought about teaching? you are a good dancer etc..." and i said "well you know i have thought about it." she says back "well let this plant the seed. think about it and we'll talk. think about that you could come to the gym get your workout in, get paid, and get a free membership." that's probably one of the best compliments i have ever received! in all honesty i wanted to respond to her and say "you want some fat chick teaching a dance class?" but i didn't say that. but i think about it, and i think about what would the other members think?...seeing me teach a class? and of course that is when i started to doubt myself. but at the same time i think "wow what an opportunity!" i would make it so much fun! so i don't know. i would love to sit down with emily and have a serious conversation about it. get all of the details etc... again the unknown. so scary. not knowing.

chest/abs/arms
elliptical 35min
dance jam 60min

a thing of beauty

so i've mentioned in the past 2 blogs this spring fling cake. the question: what is spring fling cake?
well as of thursday i had spent 30 years of my life deprived of this fabulous cake.
my boss recently started doing a monthly celebration of her teams birthdays and service anniversaries. thursday was one of our managers 30th service anniversary! (crazy to think that i was just 2 weeks old when he started working for what was Mountain Bell at the time.) jerri (my boss) wanted to do something special to congratulate alan on his accomplishment. she mentioned this spring fling cake. i had never even heard of it before.
lets just say that it is good enough to be worthy of its very own blog post.
this cake comes from the market at larimer square in downtown denver. i had heard about the market a few years after moving here, saying i had to go there if i ever wanted a really good dessert. i think i've been there once, and i honestly couldn't tell you why or what i had.
back to this cake.
its a white cake (my favorite) and jerri says it has zucchini in it. with a whole bunch of layered fresh fruits in and on top of it! it was so good, and so moist. to die for. i'm pretty sure the market is my new best friend. the market's website doesn't have any information as to what exactly is in this cake, so i really can't tell you anything except for that.
if you want a reason to visit denver, let this be it. i'll even come share a piece with you!

abs/legs
elliptical 25min
dance jam 60min

let the celebration continue!

amanda, wayne, me, and anitra

so yesterday afternoon my work family had a little belated birthday happy hour get together for me at the british bulldog in downtown denver. it was a lot of fun. and seeing your coworkers after hours in a more relaxed setting, is well always so much more relaxed than at work in a work setting. :)

cathy and i

katherine, coral, cathy, me, wayne, anitra,
reid, maggie, and amanda

katherine and i

45min elliptical
abs/chest/back

lots going on

so i'll start tomorrow at the hyatt convention center in downtown denver,
attending the second day of Q. Marketplace.

then at 4:30pm i'll be on a plane headed to tampa, fl
en route to savannah, ga on friday!

via

i can't wait!

lots & lots of walking
45min elliptical w/arms

denver rescue mission

a couple of weeks ago my boss had a 2 day team meeting, including a visit to the Denver Rescue Mission. the Denver Rescue Mission is a large homeless shelter in downtown Denver. i unfortunately couldn't go for this visit because i had to make sure the normal weekly calls were held, so i stayed behind. the following week i was invited to go with some of my peers.
i could say so much about this experience. in one word it was amazing. in this time of thanks i know i have so much to be thankful for.
as i served the men and women coming in to get food from the streets i was humbled. i wanted to sit and talk with them and hear their stories. i know that what has been "hard" in my life, is nothing compared to what these individuals have incurred.
if you have the time to volunteer at a homeless shelter i would highly advise it. what i got from this experience has made me so much richer and appreciative for the things that i do have.

Jim, Amanda, Mindy, Terry, Jamie, me, Wayne, and Gary

Wayne, me, and Mindy

we served a total of 134 meals, in 2 waves. prior to the first wave we helped prep the food. i cut up green onion, fresh pineapple, and tossed the salad ....literally. in the pic above Mindy is pouring ranch dressing into the salad we made and i was making sure the dressing was distributed throughout the greens. i have to say it was a lot of fun.
about 80% of there food is donated from local grocery stores, hotels, and restaurants. that morning King Sooper's dropped off 2 crates full of fresh pineapple! the lunch we served was chicken and shrimp gumbo. my job was to put a piece of cornbread on the serving tray with the gumbo then put the tray up on the counter to be handed out.

lIFe

what is this thing called life? why do we lead it when it isn't up to us? why do we make these decisions, when just about everything can be reversed? what is the point? yesterday my work life as i have known it for the last 15 months got swept underneath me. my boss got laid off. he had no clue, i had no clue. i don't want to go into all the details, but it has me questioning everything. right now i have a huge fear that my job is next. everyone says i'll be fine, but nobody 100% knows i'll be fine. you really don't ever know anything at all. that's my point.

throughout the events of the last 36 hours my heart has been aching. not for me, or my fear of my job, but of the relationship i have/had with my boss. i miss my boss. we had a great routine, we worked really well together. i like my boss. he made it easy for me to get up and go to work in the morning. we meshed really well together. and now all of it is gone. although not completely. he still calls me. we talked a handful of times both yesterday and today. he has access to nothing, and i still have access to everything, including all of his information as i always have. he was with Qwest for 11 years. so has his whole life is in his contacts and calendar, and i'm just trying to help him out. but soon, he won't have a reason to call. soon it will truly be all over. i'm not looking forward to that. talking to him isn't easy. every time we talk i want to tell him how grateful i am to him, how he was such a great boss to work for. but as i try to form the words in my mouth i get choked up with too many tears in my eyes all while trying to be professional. i have sent him an email. letting him know some of feelings. but i feel it just isn't enough.

i haven't really let myself go. and honestly i don't really know what it is that i'm waiting for. yesterday i kept telling myself to make it through the day, to get home, and then i can have my own little melt down. but it didn't happen. i've cried on and off the past 2 days. but i haven't really let it all out.
i feel so supported. it feels amazing. i had know idea this many people cared. yesterday was a huge shock to everyone, and so many people stopped by my desk to see how i was doing. to see if they could do anything for me. to let me know that they are there if i want to talk. they realize that a piece of me is gone, and they want to make sure i'm ok. honestly, it a very foreign feeling for me. to have support, to have people to lean on. i've gone the past few years without that. and on some level i still feel like i don't have it. these people are my co-workers, yes we have some level of a personal relationship, but at the same time they aren't my closest friends. i have all of these people wanting to be there for me, and i find myself questioning who i should turn to? my first instinct is to turn to myself. because that's what i do. but they can empathize with me. they know Sandy, they know my relationship with him. they can understand. i know that at a time like this, that is what i need. i know that i don't have to go through this alone. but that is what i'm used to. all of this is so overwhelming. i talked to both my mom and P about this last night. but with them, i have to tell them what happened. i have to explain all the details, which is hard because i feel like i don't even know all the details. whereas with my co-workers they already know what happened. so i don't even know how my closest friends (who are outside of work) can be there for me. because all of it just seems too much to explain over and over.

it's so weird how we create work to be just work. but when it comes down to it, its not just work. it is our livelihood. we spend 8+ hours with these people most days. when you meet someone, after knowing their name, what is usually the number one thing you always ask? "what do you do?" we ask about a persons job. but at the same time our job doesn't define us, we like to think it doesn't take up majority of our lives. but, doesn't it? right now i'm trying to figure it all out.

over the next couple of months i'm going into the unknown. i suppose everyday is unknown, but this is a totally different level. as of right now i'll be providing administrative support for 5 people. possibly 6. it'll definitely be interesting how this all plays out. wish me luck!

Weekly Re-Cap

St Julien Hotel, Boulder, CO

I've had a great week. Things were very productive and fulfilling at work. Every summer the department I work for puts on an event called The Advisory Council, or AC for short. The Advisory Council members are our Top Partners. They come into town to basically tell us what we are doing good, and what we need to improve upon. Basically they bring us in the most money, so we truly value their opinion. This year it was in Boulder at the St Julien Hotel. On Tuesday 7/28 we held a pre-AC meeting in Boulder, with my boss, his directors, and the marketing team. I was invited to go as well. At first I really didn't want to go, but it was nice to get out of the office. For lunch we all drove to Sandy's (my boss) house (he lives in Boulder) for lunch. This was a nice little get away, and I was super excited because I got to meet his wife! It was a good day.
Wednesday 7/29 was the first official day of the Advisory Council, and it was the activity day. A group went golfing, and another group went on a hike. I unfortunately wasn't invited for the fun part, so I was in the office. But that night I had a good date with P, at the Melting Pot. It was very nice. P had never had fondue before, so it was an extra special treat for him.
Thursday 7/30 was the 2nd day of the Advisory Council, and it was the meeting day. I headed back to Boulder for the day, to take notes, and get what my boss needed. The meeting wasn't all that exciting for me, just because I don't really know what everyone is talking about. But I got a lot of stuff done. I worked literally side by side with Sandy, which was a first, and helped us with creating some rapport with one another. After the long day, we all went to have dinner at Brasserie Ten Ten. This was a great dinner. Sandy brought Christie (Sandy's wife). At one point Sandy was out of his seat talking, so I decided to go and talk with Christie. She was asking me if I was working tomorrow (Friday) and I said yes, but that I was planning on asking Sandy if I could come in late. Christie responded, by saying I'll approve it for you, of course you can go in late. As Sandy comes by Christie tells Sandy that I'm coming in late. Sandy says that that's fine. Then he asks me "are you exempt or non-exempt?" I say "I don't know, but I do have to track my time daily."
Sandy: "Then you are working right now. You need to make sure you leave early tomorrow. You need to make sure to keep me on track about this, because my time is different."
at this point in time it is almost 9pm.
Me: "Well I did get hear at 7:30am."
Sandy: "Then I say you just call tomorrow a day. Take tomorrow off."
Me: "Really?!"
...do I have the coolest boss ever?! Needless to say, I had yesterday off! It was awesome. Now Monday will be a crazy day, because I do have a lot to do, but it was super nice. Sandy recognized me quite a bit throughout the past week, and it was super nice. It is so nice to be at the place in a job where you feel like you know what you are doing, but not only that, you are good at doing it. I know I have improvements to make, but for the most part everything is going great!

A Good Balance

So did you know that today is Administrative Professionals Day? Well it is. My boss forgot, but a co-worker reminded him. It was kinda funny, let me tell you the story. A lot of times if my boss just has a simple questions or needs me, he will just yell for me. Which is fine, it works for us.
My boss yelling out to my office: "April."
Me: "Yeah?"
Boss: "Is today Earth Day?"
Me: "Yeah."

.
..
...
....
...
..
.
...Pause of about 3 or 4 minutes.

Boss: "April."
Me: "Yeah?"
Boss: "Come into my office please"
Boss, looks at me and whispers: "Is today Admin. Day?"
Me: "Yeah."
Boss: "Well that's stupid, why would it be the same day as Earth Day?"
Me: "I don't know."

Shortly after that he left the office, and got me the bamboo plant you see above. I really like it. The green plant, with the black rocks. Beautiful.

Around lunch time he was trying to get a hold of his boss who he had a call with, but he wasn't on the call. So he told me to try and get a hold of his Admin. I told him that she wasn't available.
Boss: "Well I think the special Admins. got lunch."
Me: "Sandy, thank you so much for telling me that."
Boss, he winks at me: "Isn't their a Bosses Day?"
Me: "Yes, their is and I'll make sure to get you something."

Sandy and I are very much on the same page when it comes to our sense of humor. He gives me crap, and I have no problem giving it back. Because even though I didn't get lunch, I still know that he thinks I am special.

Sandy was in a good mood today. Which put me in a good mood, even though it was a very busy day. Yesterday was a very very stressful day, I wanted to cry. Today made up for all the stress. Today was a good day.

Thanksgiving

I know the holiday is a far way out. But right now I feel that I have a lot to be thankful for, and I just want to express it. It has been almost year now that I got my new job within Qwest. In my old job I worked in the Consumer call center taking in bound calls.
Today at work they announced that that center will be closing on July 15th. I was in shock, and I am still in shock. That so very easily could have been me. I know how it feels. I was laid off 4 months after I moved here, and it took me 6 months to find a new job, and that was over 6 years ago. I can't even imagine getting laid off right now and trying to find a job.
What sucks about losing a job, is how much a job defines you. When you meet someone new, it is almost customary to ask "what do you do?". I remember that feeling. Thinking their is so much more to me than my job, or my lack of having of a job. But in our society we focus on a person having a job so much. It is sad, I think.
Although it almost seems normal to get laid off right now. Which is so scary. So so scary.
I have a great job, with a great salary, great benefits, and vacation. I am so grateful.
But it doesn't take away my fear, that that could be me. I honestly don't know what I would do if I lost my job. I've been with Qwest 5 and 1/2 years, and I know how lucky I am. I know I won't be able to find a job at the same pay, benefits etc...that I have now.
For now I'll be praying for all of my previous co-workers in hope that they will be ok.
So for today I am celebrating being Thankful for what I do have.
Happy and blessed to be where I am, right now.