Tuesday, December 20, 2016

not this year

I gotta be honest, I am not in the holiday spirit this year.  After we returned home from spending Thanksgiving in Albuquerque we put up the tree and the decorations.  My main motivation to decorate the house was to put me in the holiday spirit.  I was hopefully that the decorations would put me out of this funk.  To enjoy my house at Christmastime.  But it unfortunately had the opposite effect.  In fact I feel like it has made me down right depressed.  I'm sad because this house isn't our "home" and I just want to spend Christmas in a place that is home.
My family is going through a huge transition as Chris is currently working in Northern California 4 days a week (it was previously Houston) and daily I'm wondering where we will be living.  I didn't really do Christmas gifts this year and I'm lucky to have gotten Christmas cards out and mailed. Monday's are always the hardest because Chris leaves super early on Monday mornings.  I have a break down every Monday usually around 5pm when I would normally expect him home.
This back and forth isn't good for our family.  Back in August when Chris was told the Aramark contract at the hospital here in Alamogordo would end early I immediately thought we would be spending Christmas someplace else.  That Chris would have found a permanent job by now and we would have moved.  And as for right now we'll be doing this back and forth thing through February.  It's hard because I see no point in living in Alamogordo.  If I would have known Chris would have only had his job here for 8 months we would've never moved.  And now everything is back up in the air.  The only reason we are still here is because we have a lease to fulfill through the end of April.  If we don't have anywhere to go by then the kids and I will most likely move in with my parents.  Which I hate the idea of doing.  I like to feel settled and I feel like we've been unsettled since Chris got fired for the first time back in July 2013.  All of it just makes me sad and frustrated.  And now we have to drive to Kearney, NE for Christmas.  And getting from one small town to another small town, well there is just no easy way to get there.  I'll have to do all of the driving, which I don't like to drive.  Who knows what the driving conditions will be like, and we'll stay overnight in the middle of nowhere Kansas halfway there to break up the drive.  It's just a lot.  Overall I'm just sad that I'm sad this holiday season.  Usually I really enjoy Christmas and I wish this depression wasn't lingering over me because I want to enjoy this season with my kids and truly enjoy the present.  But often times I find myself crying and being sad, or just frustrated.
Then I feel guilty because truly the things I have to complain about aren't that bad.  And I have so many blessings around me.  I have two amazing kids that I get to stay home with.  As much as I write about my dislike for Alamogordo I've made a pretty good life here and I have some amazing friends.  We are close to my parents, who gratefully come down about once a month to see us.  So truly I shouldn't complain.  I just crave stability and I want a place to call home.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Bennett @ 6 and 7 months

Bennett @ 6 months

Bennett @ 6 months ~ October 2016
 I'm totally behind because Bennett's 6month well visit wasn't until he was almost 7 months old.  So I'm behind.
He is such a happy baby!  He has 2 teeth and is sitting up, but not quiet 100% as he still has his tumbles every once in awhile.
He's gross, this must be a boy thing.  I've physically seen Bennett poop twice now, and I've NEVER seen Helena poop (going on the potty doesn't count).  His dirty diapers are so much worst to what I remember Helena's being.
He started a family sickness at the beginning of November.  But thankfully it was short lived, but had me worried since I had never had a baby at that age throw-up.
He's eating and wants to eat our food so bad, but I'm just not comfortable feeding him table food yet.  He loves, like really really loves Helena.  Helena is more so just annoyed by him, but sometimes she'll humor him and give him good attention.
He still isn't a fan of being on his tummy, and usually just rolls over which makes me think crawling is nowhere in sight.  Which is weird because Helena was crawling by the time she was 7 months old.  He loves to play with toys and touch different textures.
He's ticklish.  This just cracks me up.  You tickle his belly and he gives you a full on belly laugh.  It's so amazing.
He loves the water and kicks up a storm while taking a bath.
He usually wakes up super happy which I feel totally blessed by because Helena has the same personality trait.
He's super laid back and doesn't mind coming along to all of Helena's activities.  He sorta takes two naps a day.  He'll take a short one in the morning in-between errands, outings, and activities, then a longer one in the afternoon during Helena's nap.  Then he is usually down for the night between 8:30 and 9 and up in the morning around 7.
I'm pretty sure his blue eyes are going to stick around, which it is just crazy to me knowing I have a blue-eyed baby boy.  He definitely has Chris's coloring and him and Helena look nothing alike.
I love him so and I'm so blessed by this beautiful baby boy.
Bennett @ 7 months

Bennett @ 7 months ~ November 2016