I'm Not Ok

my mom shared this today on FB it's sorta perfect.  Thanks Mom.

Ever heard of the expression “when it rains it pours”?  That’s my life right now.  Although I feel extremely blessed that there are only a few rare moments in my life when I’ve thought “when it rains in pours”.  This moment?  It is one of them.

I found out on Monday that I’m being laid off and that my last day of work is next Friday 9/4.  This news obviously doesn't mix well with what I wrote about here.

With everything going on I’m currently in the denial stage of grief and I feel like the verge of depression that's been creeping in me is about to take a full on nose dive.  I honestly have no idea what to do.  I feel like the last few days of my life have been fake, how else can it be explained, except for it didn’t really happen?  But it did.

My first thought goes towards Helena and the fact that she now has two unemployed parents.  To say I’m scared is an understatement.  The silver lining in all of this is I’ve been with this company for almost 12 years and I’m getting a somewhat decent severance package.  Let’s go back to that 12 year deal.  Twelve years, that’s a long time.  I’ve always been an extremely stable person, and a good employee.  I have extremely good work ethic so being without a job makes me uncomfortable.    When I got my first fulltime job at 19 I stayed with that company for almost four years, that’s a long time when you are 19.  Then I moved to Denver, the job I moved for laid me off after 6 months.  (the company went out of business.)  after that I was without a job for six months, I remember at the time I had never been without a job, but how all the pieces just worked out…the same month that I got laid off I got a roommate (so my rent was cut in half) and I paid off my car (so I no longer had a car payment).  Having those two big expenses off of my shoulders helped relieve me a little.  After searching for a job for six months I got a job as a assistant manager at the fine jewelry counter at Foley’s (which is now Macy’s).  I excelled at the management stuff and sucked at the selling jewelry part.  I can’t remember exactly how it happened but while I was working there I got connected with Qwest.  And well the rest is history.  I went from selling jewelry to working for the phone company.  And now we are at present day.  I’ve been through so many changes and transitions since I started working here.  From working on the phones, having my first real boyfriend, working in the Union, changing positions, previous lay offs, losing weight, meeting Chris, merging from Qwest to CenturyLink, getting married, having a baby, getting promoted.  A lot has changed personally and professionally.  Through it all one thing was consistent.  And now that identity is gone.  In a flash.  I get lost in all the elements that I give myself a headache. 

Chris as a lot of prospects and we hope to find something out soon, but I’m not going to lie, that doesn’t give me a lot of comfort.  I feel like I’m in limbo and I hate it.  I had a really good thing with CenturyLink, good benefits, good pay, good vacation time.  Now I have to start over.  I’ve been doing what I can do, and that is praying.  I’ve been praying a lot.  I know that God will take care of us and put us in the space that we need to be in, but I’m so damn scared.  So I ask of you blogland give me all the good stuff you can give!