Thursday, August 27, 2009

Who is Shiny?

Who is Shiny? She is a super cute adorable little girl, around the age of 4 or 5. Running around enjoying her mom and grandma chasing her, laughing and having a great time. Who is the mom you ask? The mom is me. The grandma is my mom. This was my dream last night. I had a little girl. I had a daughter. In the dream I called her Shiny. In the dream I'm pretty sure "Shiny" was a shortened version of her real name. I of course knew what my daughters name was in my dream, but when I woke up all I could think of was Sunshine. And although their is nothing wrong with the name Sunshine, when/if I ever have a little girl, I'm pretty sure I won't be naming her Sunshine, or Shiny for that matter.
Now that I am awake and thinking about this dream and her name in the dream, maybe it was because when I was little, my mother would always sing to me "...you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray...." and maybe just maybe if I ever am lucky enough to be a mom and to have a little girl, my nickname for her will be "Shiny" as in my Sunshine.
In the dream the 3 of us (me, my mom, and my daughter) were at a outdoor flea market. Walking around, enjoying the day, not really looking for anything in particular. Shiny (I really wish I could remember her real name) was running around enjoying getting all of the attention from her mom and grandma. I remember having this very specific feeling in the dream of "wow, I am a mom. This is what it feels like. My mom is a grandma." In that moment I felt so happy and content. Although in this dream, I knew that I wasn't a mom, that I didn't have a daughter, that my mom wasn't a grandma. But feeling it in my dream gave me some hope. That maybe those relationships could be out there in my future somewhere. That someday I'll be a mom, which will create grandparents. Even though I may only experience motherhood in a dream, I'll take what I can get and document those feelings so that I can always remember them.

5 comments:

Wonderer said...

What an amazing dream, April. And, what a great nickname for a little girl!

Sunshine was one of Aubrey's name suggestions for Sasha. :-)

the emily said...

Dave had a dream like that when we were trying to get pregnant the first time. A little girl with curly blonde hair, jeans, and a red sweater, and they were wrestling on the carpet. I think they're fun to think about. I hope your dream comes true!

Anonymous said...

Dearest April:

I love that you documented your dream. Because one day when you do have a child you will be able to smile and reflect back on what was once a dream and I promise you "Shiny" will one day be a reality.
Remember "Shiny" may not reflect a sex!!

So love you and want this to be your reality,

Mom

Rachel P said...

April, I hope your dream of having children come true someday VERY soon!

Nikki said...

That's a very nice dream!