Monday, May 3, 2010

give and take

i'm pretty sure this is a girl thing, woman thing, female thing ...whatever. maybe a hormone thing, even a motherly instinct type of thing? the thing where us type of humans give and give and give. but rarely do we take. am i right? let me explain myself. when it comes to dating i'm trying super hard to only give what it is that i receive. because until i know that there is an actual shared mutual interest why give anything more? but as a girl in general this is hard. i'm pretty sure that is most aspects of a females life, she will tell you that she gives a hell of a lot more than she gets. why is this?
this brings me to M. yes, he's back in the picture...sorta. case in point, he gave me something to respond to, so i did. shame shame on a girl to think that 2 weeks of no communicating resulted in the end of things. not for a guy, ...i guess?
M called me up the night nikki and i were at the nuggets game. we were downtown chatting, and enjoying some spring fling cake (maybe i just wanted to share this story just so i could bring up that cake again?!) when we're about to walk to my car to call it a night i look at my phone. 3 missed calls. THREE in a 2 minute time frame, 1 voice mail of M stating "i'm in town for tonight, please please call me back." honestly, i was flattered. it feels great to feel wanted. to know that you are thought of, to want to me seen. i was immediately giddy, and had joy is sharing this with nikki and having her listen to his pleading voicemail for me to call him.
i call him and i pick him up. he was hanging out at a restaurant with some friends drinking....he is drunk. and rude. he meets nikki and is rude to nikki. sorry nikki! once we get back to my place and he's sobered up a little bit we have a conversation about twilight of all things. ...it was pretty interesting.
nikki goes to bed which leaves me alone with M. i decide that it is time for "that" conversation. you know, the one where you decide as adults where this going, if this is anything. i did this mainly because of his mixed signals. saying one thing acting another. he tells me what i want to hear, sorta. he tells me i'm beautiful and that he likes me, and if i would go on this journey with him! ...but that this "job" he has is for another 3 years. traveling, leaving at the drop of a needle, etc... i say "you know that's crazy right?" he proceeds to tell me that he told me before we even met that this is what he does, that this his life style. i tell him i agree, but that their is a difference between him telling me, and me actually seeing him live this life. one of the things i really like about M is he is very passionate about what it is that he does. and people recruit him and his talent to work for them. at this moment in time though, there are no jobs in the denver area.
anyways, we left things unresolved. i took him home, and once i got home i got a text from him that said "so now what???" i responded "you tell me?" he replies back "you tell me." i say "i like you, and would like the chance to continue to get to know you." during our earlier conversation i told him that i wanted some sort of communication with him, rather than once a month. he then told me that we could talk every night. ...i told him that was a bit much, that maybe we should start with every other night.
(typical girl, right? to ask for something then get it, but don't want it.) after i sent that text i didn't hear from again. ...until tuesday night. he sends me a text "hi". that's all it said. he sent it when i was already asleep so i didn't respond until wednesday morning. i replied with a "hey". let me just say that it took everything in me to do that. here are some examples of things i wanted to say "hey, how are you? how's MT? what's up? good to hear from you. when are you coming back to CO?" but i stopped myself. he texted me. so i gave him what it is that he gave me. nothing more nothing less. but i wanted so badly to give him more. to try and start a conversation with him. but i didn't. he gave me one word, so that is what i gave him. i haven't heard from him since.
it's frustrating because i have yet to figure out if i even like him. we met 4 months ago. but have only seen each other 4 or 5 times. that's crazy, right? i should just let it go, right? but like i stated, he makes me feel wanted(when he does contact me), which is a feeling that regardless if you are male or female it is a feeling that we like and on some level a feeling that we need.

elliptical 45min
treadmill 15min

6 comments:

the emily said...

So I have to be honest here...from what I know of this guy, I say head for the HILLS, girl. I think there are a few things that are immediate red flags and deal breakers, and one of those things is being rude to you, or ANY woman, sober or not. If he's comfortable being rude to you and your friends and you've seen this guy a total of 4 times, then just imagine what he would be like in a relationship. I guess it's easy for me to say from a distance and I hope you don't hate me for it. But he does not sound like the kind of guy I would want to date.

Nikki said...

April, what are you getting from this relationship? I think that's a real question that you have to answer for yourself. I have my opinions, but this is really your decision.

You deserve someone who gives to you as much as you give to them. And respect for following through what they say they are going to do. You are beautiful and deserve to be cherished!

Anonymous said...

What Emily and Nikki said! If his idea of "courting" you is to be rude to you AND our cousin (on the 4th or 5th time you meet), then he doesnt seem to be interested in keeping a relationship with you and should be kicked to the curb. If he was interested in you and cared for you, he would have made more of an effort to be kind to you and Nikki. Also, if he wanted to make it work between the two of you in between trips out of town, he would have already done that. It sounds like he calls when HE is lonely....but what about YOU? Where is his concern for YOUR feelings and needs. It doesnt matter what he does for a living. He could make things work, if he wanted to. He sounds selfish and you deserve better. - Love ya, Kari

Jimmy said...

Yeah. I'm a guy and have been married to my wife for 8 years and Emily, Nikki, and Kari are right.

Something better is coming your way.

sarahlove said...

Ditto x4!!!

Seriously. What they said.

April said...

thanks everyone for your comments! i will say that it was nice to get an outsiders perspective.

however i will say that not everything is on the blog, and in M's defense (since he can't defend himself) he's pretty clueless when it comes to girls. ...not a lot of dating experience or relationship experience. that doesn't make his actions ok in anyway, i'm just pointing it out.