Saturday, May 1, 2010

week 5: no excuses

this week wasn't good. and i'm frustrated. even worse is that i have no excuses. nobody to blame except for myself.

i start out super strong on monday, tuesday, wednesday ....the beginning of the week i'm good. i think "wow i can do this", "i am doing this". all temptations are created later in the week and on the weekends. i have no will power. none. zero. i think last week i got overly confident with my weight loss and i let food take over. unfortunately that followed into all of this week. i planned all of my meals and started strong but something happened. what that something is i have no clue. well no, i take that back, i do have a clue. fear. last week i was the thinnest i had been in 4 years. i was getting compliments and even going shopping. i figured out that if i kept my weight loss going at that rate i would be done by the end of august. i have everything going for me. i truly truly do. but i'm scared. as much as this is physical it is emotional as well. having to keep everything in check is hard. have i said how hard this is?! is super hard. really, extremely hard. i'm scared to get to my goal and i'm scared to fail. one is an option the other one isn't. i have to do this.

this week rather than going one step forward i took two steps back. so now i'll play another round of catch up and re-lose the pounds that i just previously lost.
you know that saying "nothing tastes as good as thin feels"? i'm so not mentally there. i'm starting to get obsessed with the scale. i hate it. that's one thing i really don't like about this program. i get weighted in every single time i go in. and on the days i don't go in i find myself on the scale at the gym. it sucks. well it sucks when the numbers on the scale don't go down. when they go down, it is like a little party!
i want this for so many reasons. the main reason is of course myself. i want this. i need this. so i'm making a promise. because i've seen this plan work, and i've seen in work well. i just need to stick to it. i have to stick to it. my promise is to never gain weight again. that just isn't an option. that means cheating isn't an option either. it will be hard, but i know i can do it. i have done it, i just need to find that again and don't give up. just keep going. and before i know it i'll be exactly where i want to be.
elliptical 45min
treadmill 35min


the emily said...

just keep swimming, just keep swimming...dory was so smart.

April said...

emily thanks so much for the reminder!!! i'm swimming...

Nikki said...

I know you can do it, and it's understandable to be scared. We are here with you, and we love you.

You need to take the time to be proud of yourself, and not as hard on yourself. You've already come such a long way!

Jimmy said...

I don't know you except from your blog, but I can tell you're tougher than any obstacles you face. You'll get there because you can! You have the attitude for success.

Wonderer said...

(((hug))) no wise words, but I understand. It's frustrating.