Tuesday, March 15, 2011

another point of view

I'm watching an episode of "What Not to Wear" right now. And they are featuring a 32 year old woman who is a breast cancer survivor and has also lost 90 pounds. She's 5 feet and was 230 at her heaviest. There are obviously some big differences in our stories, but also a similarity. Like myself she's been over weight her whole life, and has always been labeled as the "fat" one. Sometimes when I think about the new friends in my life I question if we would be friends if I were still fat. I know it is a stupid "what if" question, especially since the answer doesn't really matter. But it still is a thought in my head. Sometimes I think if they can truly relate to my struggles. I have so many friends that just want to be what they weighted in high school. I was easily 30+ pounds heavier in HS than what I am now. It is a struggle that not everyone can relate to, is what I'm saying. The struggle of being over weight your entire life. ...I remember being called "fat-so" in kindergarten. Being called names your whole life, you get a complex. I'm learning that this fat person complex my stay with me forever. This is a struggle that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's like I'm living a constant uphill battle.
Watching this woman shop on "What Not to Wear" and hearing her say these comments like "chunk" and "thunder thighs" and "heavy" gives words to my many thoughts when I go shopping or am out with my friends. I don't appear "normal", I'm still the fat one of the group. And that is exactly how this woman feels like. She is very much so normal, and not fat at all. Now I know I still have some weight to lose, but I just had to document seeing this woman from a different view, and hearing her insecurities and realizing that mine are the same.
When you are overweight all you can think about is getting skinny. Wanting to lose weight. You hope that one day it'll just fall off of you, that no work will be needed. While hoping for that, you end up just getting bigger. Then something finally clicks to do.the.work. All you can think of is what is at the end of the road. Skinny. That is the goal. So much is focused on the physical. What about the mental?, the emotional?
Seeing this woman be proud of her many accomplishments and accepting her body the way that it is, and coming to the realization that she is normal gives me something to strive for, and something I see that I can accomplish.
barbell strength 60min


Erin said...

People can be so horribly mean sometimes, especially if they've never experienced any weight issues. I loved you and thought you were beautiful back in our swimming days and you're just as beautiful now!

April Bateman said...

I can provide a little insight into the "would they be my friends if I was still fat" question. And the answer is probably no, but not for the reasons you might be thinking at first. The wonderful group of friends we have are so wonderful because they can go out and have a good time, can be there emotionally when you need them, and also push you physically when you need it. It is so refreshing to have a group of friends who not only likes to party, but also has fun doing healthy lifestyle activities...runs, sledding, water sports, etc. These are the things that brought us all together in the first place. If you were still in the "old April"'s body, you would likely not be putting yourself out there to do these types of things. Trying to live as healthy as possible while still enjoying life is what brought us all together in the first place!

sarahlove said...

I've thought long and hard about what to say about this one. And I just can't make the words any different than what April Bateman said.