Tuesday, March 29, 2011

pity party

Last night I gave into temptation. My couch got the best of me. When I woke up yesterday morning to a dusting of snow I immediately knew the gym was not going to make an appearance in what is my normal Monday workout. I just wasn't feelin' it. Granted I don't feel like going to the gym most of the time, but I force myself to go anyways. I of course, talked myself out of it as the day went on. Basically telling myself that I deserved a night off. I was (am) feeling sorry for myself. The gym is the one constant and stable thing in my life right now. Always there, open 24 hours a day, gives me a great feeling, so I guess in a way I wanted to disappoint the one thing that has been there for me the past 2 and half years. Setting myself up for self destruction I guess. Take the one good thing, and turn it against me?! I’m nervous about my job, worried about my friends/co-workers that might lose their job, I’m sad that I’ve gotten no attention lately from either M or R, I want to plan my year but am uncertain about my finances. Frustrated that I can’t seem to find a quality guy to date but that my friends are finding quality people. Of course that is jealously and that’s not attractive, and I know that. But if I am one thing, it is honest. So I declared last night a mental health night, zoned out, ate some pizza, watched some TV, and threw myself a little pity party. And you know what? It felt good. I got it out of my system if you will, and now staying home just isn’t an option. I don’t have that nagging devil screaming in my ear “don’t go the gym April…you know you don’t want to go April…just take the night off April…the gym is lame, all the cool kids stay home…” So tonight I went and did barbell. Lifting weights is always good. Low key, and the hour goes by fairly quickly. Then tonight I talked with a good friend of mine, we talked about our healthiness journey. How it will always be a struggle. I told her about what I read today on a Prior Fat Girl blog. I also told her about the comment that I posted. That you can't look at it as the rest of your life. I think that if you do that, you set yourself up for failure. Because that is just overbearing. It is too much. Of course you know that you will do it for the rest of your life, but you make that decision everyday. Take each day, individually. One day at a time.
barbell strength 60min

4 comments:

the emily said...

you're allowed a pity party every now and then. i've been having one for two weeks now! i'm sure things will be looking up tomorrow!

Tammy said...

You can definitely have a pity party.:) OK, I'm sure you didn't need my permission to do that.LOL As for the attention from the guys..I totally get that. But just wait a little longer and then they'll BOTH be in contact with you again...at the same time. That's what usually happens to me. I get no attention...then all of a sudden I have a lot...so hang in there. Oh, also I wish we had a 24 hour gym here!! That would be sooo cool.:)

Nikki said...

Hugs. Pity parties are okay. I love you.

sarahlove said...

The occasional pity party is the only way to survive. It's when you have them frequently when it becomes dangerous. Just keep being honest to yourself, it's what keeps YOU being true.