who i will never be again

my official "before" pictures:

Christmas 2006
Kyle, Cheryl, Brad, me, and Greg

Las Vegas April 2007
Mom and I

Promotion Party May 2008
Denise and I

if those pictures aren't motivation, i'm not too sure what is. i have no clue what i was at my heaviest, but i'm pretty sure it is there in one of those 3 pictures. say good bye to her, because you'll never see her again.

one thing that i don't want, is for my blog to become a weight loss blog, because really it is so much more. and my life is so much more than this. but lately it has been consuming my mind, and i feel the need to document it. as you can tell, i'm a picture person. i like to post pictures, and really i don't mind posting pictures of myself. one of my good qualities is that i'm photogenic. honestly, i know this about myself, and well i take advantage of it. who wouldn't? really. anyways, a fabulous thing about this here blog is the fact that i can go back and look at myself. like i've stated in the past, i'm a journal writer, but the only thing in my journal are words. i enjoy going back and seeing what i used to look like. although it isn't a huge difference in my mind, i can see a difference, which is rewarding.

this slimgenics program is hard. and i'm finding myself needing motivation when i am starving and want to snack on something bad. and last night i sorta had a moment of realization. i couldn't sleep. i was tossing and turning and realized that it was my diet that was occupying my mind. this past weekend i cheated while on plan. i had some cheese, some sour cream, and non-fat dressing. yes, it could have been worse, but these small indulgences caused me to gain 2 pounds. when i first saw that on the scale, i truly thought no big deal. yes it sucks (of course) but i'll get back on track and lose it again. usually has a start of something new or big i always dream about it, because i find myself that i'm thinking about it has a fall asleep. this has happened with every single full time job that i've had, it happened in HS the night before taking a big test, before traveling on a big trip, and now with this new eating plan. my point is, i've never dreamed about losing weight, going to the gym, imaging what i'm going to eat the next day. thinking about these things last night made me realize that i can do it. for me the fact that i'm thinking about it before i'm going to bed, shows me that i'm learning to actually incorporate it into my everyday life. make it into a life style change. like when starting a new job, it becomes your life. no, not fully, but you know what i mean. and i suppose one some level i did think about my working out plan before i had a real routine of it because i would have to think about when i was going to go the gym. and now like work and going to the gym i don't think about it, because now it is a habit. i know how to do it, and so i just do it without it causing to keep me up at night. so although it caused me to stay up late last night, my thoughts about what it is that i'm going to eat was actually a good thing. for me it was my subcoucious getting in sync with the rest of me. and before i know, it'll just be habit. will that make it any easier. unfortunately no. is it still hard for me to go home, change immediately, just to leave again to go to the gym? YES! but do i still do it? YES! will i still cheat? YES. but i know i will make up for it. like on the weeks i only go to the gym 4 times, i make up for it by going to the gym 6 days another week. my goal will be to have the same pattern for my food, once i reach my goal weight. like the habit of going to the gym, i had to gain the actual habit of going 5 times a week first on a consistent basis to truly call it a habit. now that is a habit i have a little bit of wiggle room. right now i don't have that wiggle room with my food. which is why i am on this plan to begin with. so once i have the actual habit and am down to my goal weight, i'll have that little bit of wiggle room to eat what i want, and have a little bit of give and take like how i do now with my workouts.

this brings me to my numbers. today while browsing the blogging world, i found this blog (www.escapefromobesity.blogspot.com) all about this woman's journey on weight loss. although i like to think that part of my appeal of my blog is my honesty about things this woman is really honest. when i think about getting to my goal weight i have contemplated about what exactly i'll write about. i know that i'll definitely put how much weight i have lost total because that is going to a proud proud day, and i've thought about putting what my actual end weight (goal weight) is when i get to it, but if i have the total number of pounds i have lost, AND what my current weight is, that means the people reading it can add it TOGETHER to find out what i was, at my heaviest. and well i'm not too sure i've comfortable with the world knowing that. granted i still have some time to think about this, and i'll have what will be my state of mind at that time to all take into consideration. but this woman, she has let it all out there. and i think that is amazing.

i realize that i was all over the place with this post, but that's kinda how my head is right now: all over the place.

elliptical 20min
zumba 60min

some motivation

one of the things i can't wait for is the feeling of going into a store and being able to try anything on. this is a feeling i have never experienced.
and i can't wait to know what that feels like.
this weekend while looking through the newest jcrew catalog i got excited.
granted spring stuff is blooming all over the place, but my favorite season for clothes is fall.
i love fall clothes. and do i think it is a coincidence that it will be fall right around
the time i hit my goal?! ...i think not!
i can't believe that one day, will soon be today.

treadmill 48min

some spring cleaning

who knows what it is about a change in day light and the season, but after living in my house for 4 years i finally decided to clean out my linen closet.
before:


during:
categorized by hair, face, make-up, and toes.
trash

after:


nice and clean, and organized. if i was truly motivated i would had actually gone through and cleaned out all of my clinique make-up bags, and decided what i wanted to keep, what to get rid of, had a bag for eyes, lips, etc...
maybe next year.

STRIKE! 60min

new plan: week 0

action speak louder than words right? well i am happy to report, i'm finally doing it. i took the next step in my weight loss journey and joined slimgenics last week. and my good news to report?! since i started last sunday 3/21 i'm down 7 pounds!!!
i went in after i got back from vegas to learn about the program and ask the questions i had. they say it is 75% of what you put into your mouth. and i've been saying (writing) that i would start paying attention to what i put into my mouth, and i think that i have, but obviously not enough to make a difference on the scale. i feel so relieved that i'm actually doing what it is i set out to do. i'm getting the help that i need, but i know it is up to me to follow through. having the help does make it a little bit easier, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard. because believe me, it is hard. super hard.
the slimgenics program guarantee's that if i follow their plan, i'll be to my goal weight by october 17th! to know that this struggle actually has an end date fills me with so many emotions, i don't even know how to describe it. mostly i'm excited, but i'm also very nervous. i've been able to see a thinner me for forever. but i can't seem to imagine it. to think that it is actually going to happen. i have confidence in this plan, because i've seen it work. going and getting the information helped a lot. once i hit my goal weight the plan continues, which builds my confidence in maintaining. another huge part of that is working out, which i already have, so i'm not worried about that at all. the slimgenics program technically consists of 3 phases. the weight loss phase, the balance phase, and the maintain phase. my weight loss phase will go until i get to my goal weight, which is until 10/17 (or sooner). the balance phase is 4 weeks, and the maintain phase is 12 weeks. so even after i get to my goal, i still have the help for another 4 months.
it feels good because i'm eating what the body is meant to eat. which means: nothing bad. which means that it is hard. i can go into the offices as often as i want, which is great because it helps to keep me accountable. this week i went in on tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, and today. they weight you every time you go in. they are closed on sunday's which kinda sucks, because i won't have someone to check in with. i write down what i eat, and they help give pointers. today when i went in i asked "does this get easier?" "will there be a time when i don't crave something bad?" and the lady i spoke to was very honest. she said no, but that the temptations will be less the more time goes by. but that there will always be struggles.
i do feel that this diet is an extreme, and who knows maybe once a good chunk of time has passed and i've been on this plan, i can come to a state of mind that says: "yes, i will eat like this for the rest of my life" but for right now, i don't have that frame of mind. right now, this is me finding a means to an end. finding a good way to eat, helping me lose weight. i know i will take these habits into the rest of my life, but that once i get to my goal weight i'll balance them into other things that i like to eat. like cheese. i'll create my own happy medium.
right now i feel a little bit of relief that something isn't wrong with me. that i can lose weight. that. i. lost. seven. pounds. in. one. week. SEVEN!!! i can't even tell you how happy that makes me!!!
so i plan on making my saturday posts status updates on this plan, because it is updated weekly at the slimgenics office. with that, i'll be updating my weight loss weekly as well. and because i've written down just about everything else with this journey, so why stop with this?

hydro 60min
-7lbs

just so you know

well i'm calling it officially done with M. we saw each other at the beginning of march. it was prompted by me. i was going a little bit crazy because we had discussed seeing each other when he got back into town in the middle of february. well when he got back he stood me up. but i was going to sleep thinking about him, and i knew i would have to see him one more time. only because i said i would see him. for the most part i do what i say, and so i had to make this happen, or else i knew it would linger in my head. so we hung out. we actually spent a lot of time together which was nice. i told him about what was my upcoming vegas trip at the time, and he invited himself to join me. which was surprising and i told him he could come. long story short, he didn't come (obviously). while i was in vegas i took a picture of the eiffel tower with my cell phone and sent him the pic, he responded "wow". and that was the last time the 2 of us communicated with each other. i thought i would give it a couple of weeks, which have passed, and call it over. which is what i'm doing now.

today at work i read this article about being single.
it's true of course. i know and appreciate the things the single life offers. and i take advantage of everything listed on that list. but i'm ready. to meet a nice, decent, gentleman, type of guy. who knows if it'll happen. and i know i sound like a broken track record but i hope. everyday i hope.

elliptical 19min
dance jam 60min

all kinds of crazy

i have a new crush.
evan lysacek, y u m m y.

********

last week while i was at the gym in one of the
studio's i heard one of the instructors say:
"make sure you have back cleavage."

********

i have some big news
...coming soon!

********

i got 250 pictures this week
at wolf's camera for only
$16!
they have six cent prints on
tuesdays
and
wednesdays!

********

i love filing my nails.

********

pie

********

i'm really loving the song
"need you now"
by lady antebellum.

********

i want some cheese.

********

in two weeks
my cousin nikki
will be here,
i can't wait!

********

the marriage ref
is a stupid show.

********

STRIKE! 60min

The Places I've Been: NM

oh new mexico. my true home. i was born and raised in albuquerque, nm. i lived there for the first 22 years of my life. i grew up in the house where my parents still reside in the Northeast heights. new mexico will always hold a very special place in my heart.

i love the closeness of the mountains, the red chile the green chile, and the sopapilla's. i love that my HS colors were silver and purple, and that everything is so close. i love the spanish names of the mountains (sandia, manzano) and the streets (paseo del norte, san mateo). i love my childhood memories of santa fe and carlsbad caverns. i love the mornings of the international balloon fiesta and breakfast burritos. i love that there is always a roadrunner living in my parents neighborhood and the small mountain right by my parent's house. i don't love that there always seems to be construction on I-40, that nobody seems to use their blinkers, and that slow drivers drive in the left hand lane. i love frontier and dion's. i loved my time at UNM and living on campus. i love that majority of my family is there and that it is so close. i love that i can say that i'm from new mexico but that i don't live there now.

in all honesty i don't think i'll ever return to albuquerque to live, and i'm not too sure why, mainly because i don't want to. i don't have any big reason, and i suppose if i did find a reason to move back i would, because there really isn't anything keeping me in denver. but there definitely isn't a reason to move back to albuquerque. sometimes i wonder if i'll ever regret not moving back because that is where my family and (some) friends are, but for me that isn't reason enough to move back.

new mexico will always be my home.

elliptical 30min
treadmill 30min

~something I love~

this is what i'm going to call a double header.

something i love: this fabulous new mexico coffee mug i got for christmas a few years ago from my friend brisa. ...and what's inside. white chocolate cappuccino.

down in the lobby of where i work we have a convenient store called Russell's. it basically has everything inside of it that you would find at a gas station store. this white chocolate cappuccino is so tasty, and so much better than just about anything i've ever had at starbuck's. even better when i bring my own mug (which i do) i get charged the refill price of $1.18!!! and even i know you can't get anything that tasty at starbuck's for one dollar and eighteen cents! i'm not much of a coffee drinker, usually i crave this type of drink when i'm cold. i like to treat myself to one once a month.

elliptical 30min
treadmill 33min

mother nature

yesterday i went to go see the movie avatar. when this movie first came out i wanted nothing to do with it. i didn't really know what it was about, it looked like a sci-fi and i'm not a big sci-fi type of movie girl. so i had no interest. and then the numbers starting coming out as well as the oscar nominations, and all of the talk. all of that started to peak my interest, and i got a little bit curious. so i checked it out. i have to say i really liked it. i kept thinking about james cameron during this movie, and comparing it to titanic. the first thing that comes to mind about this movie is imagination. to know that someone thought of this whole other world, species, and language is just crazy to me. i was thinking about titanic and how the story of the ship was a true story, and that james cameron had that to go on when he created the love story in that movie. but this movie? nope, it all came out of this head!
one of the main focus points on this movie is mother nature. taking place of where it is that we live. this point of view i loved. i like to think of myself as "green" and that i do what i can to minimize my carbon footprint. this movie shows the future and what "could be". taking care of our planet i think should be a priority for all. there are simple things out there, that we can all do to help. all of us just need to pitch in.
this movie is very visually stimulating. the colors are gorgeous! the blues, purples, red, yellows, and whites. just beautiful. you can't help but stare at the screen. i would love to have jupiter has my backdrop! the trees, the green, it very well could have been my version of heaven.
if you haven't taken the time to go see this movie, go see it!
what did you think of avatar?

STRIKE! 60min

24 hours

these are pictures taken from my office at work. i'm on the 18th floor. that corner right there, with the 3 flags, that's the corner i catch the bus, how awesome is that?! anyways, this post isn't about where i catch the bus, this post is about how crazy the weather is in the city that i live.

this was yesterday: warm and sunny mid 60's.
beautiful!
this was today: super windy, cold, snowy mid 20's.
fra-ezing!
this is just an example of the extremes denver can see in a 24 hour period. yesterday i didn't ever wear a jacket to work. today i wore my heavy coat, scarf, neck warmer and gloves.

elliptical 20min
dance jam 60min

all kinds of crazy

my parents are in hawaii this week on spring break.
my mom has been sending me picture text messages all week.
i got one titled "pool side".
another titled "dinner drink", it was a drink in a pineapple.
i'm a little bit jealous.
just a little.

******

i have a connect the dot game on my face right now.
i'm pretty sure i was a teenager the last time i broke out this bad.
what's the deal?

******

the bus drive into work/home is super
long without a book to read.

******

how old is hold? while not reading on the bus this morning, i overheard two women having a conversation. i would guess they were in their mid 30's, and one woman asks "how old is your brother?" the other woman replies "31, so he's still young."
i'm pretty sure old is anyone older than me, and that young is anyone younger than me.
so what does that make me?

******

i really don't like bacon,
but i do enjoy the BLT wrap at the deli.

******

i'm pretty sure the front counter guy at the gym
has a crush on me.

******

i got a flower today at work, from a woman as an apology.
although i feel that she really didn't have anything to apologize for.
but walking to my desk this morning and seeing a flower
really made my day.

******

happy birthday emily!

******

i start something big on sunday,
and i'm super excited and nervous about it.

******

have you seen these commercials about which way you roll your
toilet paper?
really?
over or under?
this is not something to talk about.
i'm just sayin'.

******

curling my hair on the right side
is so much easier than compared to the left.

******

i have this weird habit whenever i drive.
i obsessively look at everyone's license plate tags.
i look and see whose has expired.
i see a lot of people who have expired tags.
here in colorado we have a color code system for each year.
i even have the colors memorized.
we have 4 colors.
2011 is red
2012 will be green
2013 will be yellow
2014 will be orange

******

STRIKE! 60min

the universal language

via*

via*

love. love isn't a word, it's an act. you don't know that someone loves you by the words that they say, but by the actions they give you. i am a fan of love and so is sarah. while in las vegas we went to go see the cirque du soleil show at the mirage: the beatle's LOVE! this is for everyone. in all honesty i'm not a big beatle's fan, but of course i know who they are, and i know their popular songs. what really prompted me to go to this show was sarah. this was her second time seeing this show, and said that it was amazing. i'm a fan of cirque du soleil, and based of off those two things i agreed to go.

i've seen a total of 6 cirque shows in the past, 3 of which are las vegas shows. so i went into LOVE knowing what to expect. i was wrong, so so wrong. this show is probably my favorite. the typical cirque show puts on little acts that show extraordinary strength/flexibility/motion etc... and this show does do that, but it's just different, and the flow between the acts was perfect. plus the whole show incorporated dance! one of my favorite acts was this shirtless man dancing all around the dance floor. he moved so beautifully, and his whole number was so fluid. you noticed him moving, but questioning how he got there because it was so perfect. another favorite of mine was these 4 couples, dancing with the lights. the timing was immaculate. it gave me chills. choreographed with the songs of the beatle's the energy of the audience and your eyes watching something amazing created a breath taking experience. if you are ever in vegas i would strongly suggest you check out some LOVE!

sarah jumping for love!

all you need is love ...and peace!

elliptical 14min
zumba 60min

vegas pics

thursday march 11th

walking around crystal's shopping mall

these are huge ice logs, with water running down them and slowly melting.
very very cool.

beautiful flowers followed by this really cool water tornado display thing.
i know my words don't do the pictures justice, and the pictures don't really do
them justice either. just try to imagine how cool everything is.

sarah and i standing next to one of the water tornado's

the details in the mall are simply amazing.
these are steps on a stair case!

yummy frozen peanut butter hot chocolate at serediptidy 3
sooo good!

here is the chocolate fountain.
seriously awesome and beautiful.

friday march 12th

the beatles lounge: revolution
our dance spot for the night!

sarah and i dancing the night away!

i honestly can't remember the last time i had this much dancing! we were on the dance floor 3+ hours! even better was that we got on the dance floor right away! usually when i go out dancing the girls always have to have a few drinks, sit down, what for a buzz. not this night! we did have one drink (well technically i had one drink and a shot, and sarah had a shot), and it was because i was thirsty. we did attract some guys, but i think mostly it was because we weren't there to be with guys. we truly didn't care, and just had so much fun.

...although this guy can come get in my picture anytime! ;)

not too sure why he decided to come in and take this picture with me, but he did!

saturday march 13th

very cool sculpture at the aria

finished flowers at the bellagio

what was great about this trip was the company i had. sarah and i were on the HS drill team together. we both love to dance!
sarah and i rekindled our friendship through the amazing world of social networking. first with myspace, followed by blogging, and now facebook. we got together for a meal while i was home at christmastime(the first time we spent any real time together since she graduated HS in 1997) and we had lunch together and chatted for a couple of hours. she's happily married to her high school sweetheart and it's great to have her as a new/old friend.
one of the reason's i took this trip is because i can. because i'm single and have no kids. because i know that if one day i do get married and become a mom a trip like this won't be able to happen. it was great to walk around with sarah and take breaks along the way and just sit and chat.

elliptical 45min