Saturday, October 2, 2010

week 27: i think it is fake

so last week i was 180, the goal for this week was 178. mainly because i'm happy with a two pound weight loss plus i know that it is an achievable number, and one that doesn't force me to be too strict with myself.
well it was to my major (and i mean major) surprise that i weighted in this morning at 175. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) aHHHHHHHHHHHHwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!! (that's me screaming BTW)
crazy right?! just.crazy. super c r a z y.
i don't know if i believe it. in fact i think it is fake, i stepped off the scale and got back on. 175 again. no 179, 178, 177, 176. one seven five. what what? what is going on here? and it isn't even the week after my period, so yes it could be some water weight, but it isn't all water weight.
and yes it was my morning weight...that's what slimgenics goes by. all of my saturday numbers have been my morning weight.
needless to say this is exactly what i needed.
this milestone of 90 pounds lost, will make me keep going. not that i wasn't going to keep on going, that was never an option, but this big jump is going to make me finish it.
another 10 pounds and i'll be able to say "i've lost 100 pounds!" again, just crazy.

what confuses me even more so about this jump is that i wasn't super strict this week. i went out to eat tuesday night and had a couple of drinks, i went to arby's wednesday night, and i had drinks last night. plus i only worked out 4 times this week. now granted my workouts were super intense this week, but the goal is always 5 times a week. i did go for a walk wednesday and i was out dancing last night for 4 hours, but those don't count as a "workout".
so who knows. my goal is to not ruin this number. i don't want to go backwards. i can definitely live with never having been 179, 178, 177, or 176. i'm perfectly fine with that. so in order to do that i need to stay on track. i plan to go into slimgenics on monday, and i can pretty much guarantee a weight gain just because the weigh-in will be in the afternoon/evening, and you always weight more at that time, but hopefully it won't be too bad, and i can start the week off right so that i'm at another new time low next saturday!

but to be honest seeing that number (175 in case you didn't see it earlier) is a shock. i still have some pretty big issues i know that i need to deal with. when i look at myself i think i "look" normal, i think i "look" normal in pictures, and it is always surprising to me. because i'm always used to being the biggest one in a picture, or the biggest one in a group. and i still am (majority of the time) but i look closer to a average heavy person, rather than a huge obese person. does that make sense? what really screws with me, is it is that huge obese person that i still see. i think i am still that person. i'll see someone that is bigger and i immediately wonder if that is what i look like, right now. depending on who i'm with, i might ask "do i look like that?" and the reply is always no. but in my head i do. so it is still a work in progress. on some level i think it always will be. which will be something that i'll just have to deal with.
for now i need to get on track with being in the 170's!!!
the graph at the bottom of the blog is finally updated!
elliptical 45min
treadmill 15min


Anonymous said...

Wow April! Soooo Awesome!! -Kari

Anonymous said...

April, April, oh April.

YOU ARE NOT BIGGER, YOU ARE THINNER - repeat, repeat YOU ARE THINNER. Your body is adjusting like I told you it would.
Your vision of yourself is so very important. This is one of the big things you knew was coming, there is more to come I promise.

I grind my teeth too. Sorry. You just need to constently need to be aware and try to relax your mouth!!

Love you and can hardly wait to see you. MOM

the emily said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 175! 175! 175! 175! 175! 175!

Wonderer said...

What Emily said! :-) Plus, Woohoo!!!!

sarahlove said...

I LOVE looking at the graph!!!!

You can pinch yourself a million times and it would still be the truth. This is REAL life April and it's all because of YOU. You control that number.