Saturday, October 30, 2010

an everything type of day

Justify Fullso today as been full of emotion. it has been an emotional rainbow, full of every single freakin' color imaginable. the good the bad the ugly the unexpected and everything in between. yes, it has been one of those days.

when i woke up this morning, it started as refreshed and rested. excited for my day. for starters, i slept in. truly slept in. until 9:30am. it was beautiful. i had been planning to sleep in for the past month specifically because the mornings have been so dark as of late. this morning i finally feel that i took full advantage of that! i got up and headed to the gym. and for the first time in 4 weeks i decided to weight myself. 177. plus two from four weeks ago. i thought about writing a blog about this, and my feelings, but so much else has happened that you know it doesn't really matter because anything that i would have said about my weight and wanting to do better probably would have been things i've already said. so no big news there.

at the gym i was excited to see my friends. although seeing them always puts a smile on my face. when i see them i have an instant sense of comfort. today's workout was a special halloween workout. Thriller! Sarah taught a 90 minute Thriller routine, and it was a lot of fun. after my good nights sleep i felt totally energized for this workout! April brought her boys who actually stayed for45 minutes trying to learn the dance. seriously the cutest thing ever. after we learned the dance we down into the gym and did the dance for all of the kiddos. super fun.

following the workout was lunch. i met Sarah and a friend of hers for some good food at panera. i was feeling very productive after having a lazy morning. after lunch Sarah and i did some shopping for my halloween costume unsuccessfully. while shopping i got some news that i didn't want to get. and was instantly saddened. honestly i didn't realize it at the time, but although i was sad, i was also grateful. because i wasn't alone. after that moment my afternoon felt all over the place. chaotic. it started off as sadness, then i was mad, then frustrated, so frustrated that i felt a fool. then i was pissed. then disappointed. i was seeking closure and didn't know if i was going to get it. but through all of that, you know what i had that i haven't really had in the past? a friend. simple as that. a friend. that makes all the difference in the world. someone to talk to, rather than driving yourself crazy in your own head. talking out loud. in the past i haven't had that comfort. i've had to deal with all of my crazy emotions by myself and all alone in my head. with nobody there, no one to talk to you. it was at that point that i started to reflect and appreciate the growing friendships that i have. because for the first time in along time i felt as though i truly have people who will be there for me.

about an hour or two after all of that craziness i did get a little bit of relief. some relief that things might be ok. that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. time will tell. while all of that was happening i had my friends calling me, and checking up on me. because people care. how amazing is that?

then i made a phone call. a phone call that i hope i don't regret making. right now that is a fear that i have. i don't know.

so we have refreshed, rested, excited, happy, comforted, energized, productive, lazy, sad, grateful, crazy, mad, frustrated, disappointed, stupid, pissed, comforted, appreciative, reflective, relieved, regret. all in one single day. i haven't felt this emotionally drained in along time. but it feels good to know that i don't have to go through all of this alone.

i know that i have a lot of words left unsaid in this post, and for now that is just how it is going to be. my life this past week as been amazing and time will tell if i'll be able to share it. but for now i just want to document this day, and as personal as it maybe, i am so grateful for this life and for my friends!
thriller dance 90min


Anonymous said...

I almost called you I wished I had!! I'll give you a holler tomorrow.

I have my suspicion on what/who is at the root of whatever put such a dark cloud on an otherwise fabulous day. BUT I am sooo thrilled...that you had your REAL friends there to support you and have your back in your time of need. Thats what friends do.

Most of all..It sounds like you were able to rise above whatever crap was hurled at you today and appreciate all that you DO have.

Things happen for a reason... I firmly believe that God closes some doors, so that you are able to walk through others that he opens for you.

xoxo to you!

the emily said...

I'm sorry about your sad news, but so glad you had friends to help you through it. I hope things work out for you how you wish.

Wonderer said...

(((HUG))) <----- that there'd be a Texas-sized hug, little lady. ;-)

(read with a texan accent, it'll sound better. yes, it's really cheesy, but sometimes all I can offer is a big ol' hug, and a dose of cheese.)

I hope next Saturday is not as emotionally crazy.