so that was my motivation today. not wanting to regret not doing it. you gotta do what works in that moment. that's the only way to survive. to keep going. doing what works for you at that time.
am i happy i went? of course. i'm never not happy when i leave the gym. i guess that's sorta the point.
although lately i will say trying to find the motivation to get to the gym is getting harder and harder. why is this? i have no idea. i think some of it has to be with being comfortable. too comfortable. i have a comfort level with the gym, and a habit with my workout schedule. so maybe i just don't think about it, and then when it comes to actually going...i find myself having to literally kick myself out the door.
i also think it is a mental block. the block of what i need to do. the end of this journey. losing the last of these 20+ pounds. i have a part of me that is so curious to see what it is that i'll look like with 20 pounds less on me. then i have another part of me that is scared to see what it is that i'll look like. ...part of that person is scared, because i'm afraid to fail. part of me knows that this will always be a struggle. i've been my current size for almost 5 months now...and when i see myself, i still see someone at 265 pounds. will i ever not see that person?! time will tell. until then i will keep working on finding what works.