Sunday, August 22, 2010

i'm trying

i'm trying to put myself out there. i suppose this is a little egotistical to say, but to be honest apart of me expected that once i lost some weight i would all of a sudden be dating a bunch of guys. that guys would approach me, and talk to me. that they would somehow be able to see the hard work i've done, and be that much more attracted to me, and want to get to know me. of course this hasn't happened, and i'm not really surprised that it hasn't, but i am a little bit disappointed.
i had a rough evening friday evening and yesterday. lately i've been getting the itch to date. i just want to go out on a date, but not only that. a good date. which of course is asking a lot, and i realize that. i've been on a lot of first dates, and hardly ever are they good, but i've been lucky and i have experienced a handful of good first dates. but at the same time dating is scary. but lately i've just been craving that attention. i've been wanting to get my flirt on! ;)
the radio station that i listen to put on a special event on friday, putting together single guys and ladies, and i dragged along my one single co-worker with me to go the festivities in hopes of finding a date. the event was called "erica's mile of men". erica is on the morning show, and she had about 50 guys lined up outside elitch garden's friday morning holding numbers, while ladies were able to drive by the men, chat with them, then meet them at jackson's downtown for a little happy hour mixer later that afternoon. the morning event was actually a lot of fun. yes it was awkward, but i do so much better one on one. i was definitely attracted to a handful of the guys and was looking forward to having more time with them at jackson's. to prepare for the happy hour event i changed into my new dress! i was super excited to wear it. this event started at 5pm, which was when julie and i got there. like any social get together it usually takes a couple of hours for things to get really hopping and to feel the energy. well time wasn't on our side. julie had her nephew's birthday dinner to attend, so we only stayed until 6:30pm. unfortunately that wasn't enough time to really make a connection with anyone. we did approach a group of the guys, but they actually blew us off. and the guy to girl ratio was definitely in favor of the guys. their were easily 4 girls to every 1 guy there. so i was home by 7pm friday night, all dressed up and cute, with nowhere to go. for the first time in a long time i actually felt lonely. that feeling carried over into yesterday, although not as bad. i have a coworker that lives super close to me, and we did a walk/jog yesterday morning. i was suppose to meet another coworker to do weights at the gym, but the walk/ jog took longer that what i was anticipating, so i did some weights by myself, and spent the rest of day wanting some sort of human interaction to just be alone. it was an unwelcome feeling.

here is julie and i ready to go mingle!
but today was a good day. today was a perfect combination of human interaction and alone time, which is what i'm used to, and is in my comfort zone, so i liked it. this morning i slept in and did 50/50 which is at 10:30am. i ran into sarah at the gym, and she invited me to lunch when class was over and when she was done with her client at 11:30am. well come to find out our friends bobby and april were there doing weights, so we joined them is some weight training. needless to say we didn't leave the gym until after 1pm. after sarah and i ate i came home changed and immediately went back to the gym to lay out at the pool. this weekend was hot, and i loved it! i'm going to miss lounging at the pool so much! it is such a relaxing time. i'm sad that the summer is coming to a close.

to wrap up, i'm working on putting myself out there. on trying to be open to dating. if anyone has any tips on how to do that, i'm open to all comments and suggestions! thanks!
50/50 60min
triceps and shoulders


the emily said...

Ugh. Dating! It's the worst. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, so I didn't really think about it that much. And then I turned 16. And I fully expected to have a date the night of my birthday and every weekend thereafter. Nobody had asked me before because everybody knew I couldn't date, right? So...I literally didn't have a real date (aside from dances, which don't count) until I was in college, 2 full years later. I remember wallowing in self-pity and thinking, "I'm cute! I'm fun! Why don't boys like me?" And then even in college, I went on one or two dates and that was it. My roommates dated like CRAZY, every weekend a different guy, complete strangers asking them out (seriously). Then I went home to the Q for the summer after my freshman year, and all of a sudden I had dates every weekend. Literally. Nothing had changed, I was still the same girl, but all of a sudden boys were interested.

Moral of the story? You have to find the right place and time for you. You're fun. You're cute. You ROCK that dress. The guys at that event were lame. I don't know how to tell you where to find it, but somehow you WILL find it. And then you'll be the belle of the ball. I mean, how could you not be when you look that hot?

Mark said...

I would suggest trying to meet people in situations that are not normally associated with dating (ie not dating events, the bar etc). Why not try some of the old cliches, like evening classes or taking up a new hobby? Anything that puts you around other people, but where relationship building is not a focus, will work.

Dating events are high pressure and people are guarded. They make rapid judgements and are quick to rule out potential dates. Find some way of meeting people in a more relaxed environement where they are not expecting to find a date. In this scenario, not only are guys more open, you have more time to get to know someone before putting yourself out there.

Both of you look cute in that picture by the way :)

Erin (your esthetician) said...

Well said Mark . . . I would have to agree! And I agree with Emily, YOU ROCKED THAT DRESS! You look fantastic, I hope you know that statement is genuine from EVERYONE! I also think that MOST men (OK, ALL - LOL) cannot read your mind, so they do not know the hard work you have done. But the most important part . . . you are displaying CONFIDENCE again. That is what they will pick up on and that is SUPER sexy! You never know, there is probably someone already attracted to you, perhaps at the gym, who is feeling the exact same way you are . . . don't give up, but don't try so hard. When it clicks you will know it!

Anonymous said...

It will click.

Anonymous said...

Shaun here...

I absolutly agree with Mark. But do not agree with Emily. Not diggin the dress! AS i do agree with Mark i do have other thoughts. YOu know i love you and you know iv been with you on this fight for many years. I think there is more to it than all this... I have thoughts that i have been afraid to share with you for many years. I may be alone in my ways of thinking, but i am a guy and i think i have the right direction... I LOVE YOU!

sarahlove said...

I am glad that Shaun wrote in his opinion of your dress- even though most of us totally disagree with him! You. look. gorgeous. And that cut of dress is very flattering on your figure. It cinches in right below the bust showing off your (ever shrinking) waist and then flows out showing that you have attractive hips (guys love a gal with hips!) But what I love most about you in that dress is that you went into the little boutique, tried it on and it fit you making you feel incredible and so excited that you wanted to scream - thus making your face shine so beautifully when you wear it. That is why I love you in the dress. You look radiant.

I agree with Mark's advice about dating. People are too quick to judge... and in that sort of dating environment people aren't really being themselves- I think it's so fake. If you are in a normal situation (like even grocery shopping) that is when you are just being you.

sarahlove said...

I found this article on-line and I want you to know that after reading it I found that you, April- fit every single trait that men find attractive. So, my advice to you is just simply, keep being the wonderful you. You will one day wear that wedding dress you dream of, have those flowers of your choosing, be in love for all the reasons..... and I look forward to documenting every single moment of it.

sarahlove said...

Traits Men Find Attractive in a Woman
The following are some of the traits that guys find attractive in women. The list in not in any particular order of preference, and it can be assumed that the 10 factors make an impact in unison.

Soft heartedness - Men are more likely to fall in love with a woman who is soft, or warm, hearted, than a woman who is cold. Guys love to be mothered (not nagged but cared for), and so they tend to fall for a woman who offers them acceptance and warmth. This would have to be the trait that men find most attractive in women.

Modesty - Men fall in love with the "modest" girls, and lust after the "hot" ones. Modesty in behavior, dressing and talking is what men look for in their "long-term" partner. Though guys find "hot" women attractive, it's mostly physical in nature and they lose interest after a few passionate encounters in the bed. There is also a common consent among men that "hot" women are less reliable, and high maintenance. In short, men love women who they can take home to their mother.

Being Feminine - "Most Men" like feminine women. Feminity is all about being soft, kind hearted, understanding and caring. This attraction is justified by the fact that men are attracted to traits in a woman which they themselves lack.

Character - Men are attracted to a woman who projects a strength of character and integrity. The word "fidelity" is becoming rarer nowadays even among women, who were historically more loyal of the two, and men find this to be bad news. So men are constantly on the look out for a woman who can invoke trust through her strength of character.

The Woman's voice - Women are naturally endowed with a beautiful voice which men find highly attractive. Some men love a strong voice in a woman, some prefer a soft tone, with a high pitch. Some women have a husky voice and many guys find that attractive too.

Her Smile - A smile can easily win over a male heart. If, as a girl, you are prone to having a smiling face you are more likely to be approached by guys than when you have a smug, or frowning, face.

Her Eyes - Next to the smile, this is another facial feature that men get attracted to. Some men simply fall in love with the woman's eyes. The eyes can speak a thousand words and this is very much true with it comes to attracting men.

The Woman's Hair - Most men get attracted by moderately long hair or anything close to shoulder length as that looks more feminine. Having said that, there are a lot of men who find women with short hair attractive.

Physical Structure - As far as physical features are concerned, men get attracted to a woman's skin tone, lips, height and waist-to-hip ratio.

Contrary to popular assumptions men are not bothered much about the size of the breasts or derriere when it comes to looking for a life mate. These factors are pretty much insignificant.

Sense Of Humor - Men generally get attracted to women with a good sense of humor. A Woman who can understand and laugh with them. Sense of humor is not necessarily the ability to crack jokes but the ability to understand and laugh at one.

Confidence - Last but not the least, men get attracted towards women who make them feel comfortable and confident. Woman who supports them and the one with whom he feels relaxed and open.

So these are the ten important traits that men find attractive in women. But again, every man has his unique taste. The above points are common to most men but not for all. Look at it this way. A man may look for and get attracted to such qualities in a woman that he lacks himself. For instance, a tough guy will look for a soft female. Hope you got the idea.

Bear in mind that for every woman there is a man out there, so just relax and look out for him.

Anonymous said...

After talking with you over the weekend, I thought about something... So here goes it (and it touches on some of the comments regarding dating in that environment.) It dawned on me that meeting a guy under those circumstances would be pretty unlikely. It kind of reminds me of the "Bachelor" and "Rock of Love" shows where all these girls converge to compete for the love of one guy and how they often make big fools of themselves to do so. And how ego building it is for the man to have all those girls competing for him. Just like the stars of these shows, I am pretty sure that having all these single girls come out to meet them sent their egos through the stratosphere, which most likely disables their ability to look at quality vs. the flavor of the day. And it really is no wonder to me that you and your friend got blown off that night. Think about it…Is it any surprise that those men lined up at Elich Gardens weren’t really there to meet a nice girl or the girl of their dreams?...maybe to get laid and have fun for a night, but that's about it.
BTW….You totally ROCKED the dress! You looked lovely and far too classy to desperately compete for some stranger that probably would not be a good match for you anyway. If he was, he wouldn’t be lined up calling on all the girls in the city to come and check him out. It sounds like you got the better end of the deal by being at home early with your cats, which were probably much better company. LOL. -Kari