all kinds of crazy

i went to my first
colorado mammoth game
on saturday.
it was really loud
and
really fun!

********

i was back in
STRIKE!
tonight.
and it felt gooood!
POWer!

********

....hence the return of
random
thought
thursday!
finally.

********

my cousin Nikki
is the anonymous
gift giver!
she's the best.
thanks Nikki!

********

i have a weird pet peeve at the gym.
it drives me crazy when people
don't end their workouts
in either a 0 or a 5.
i'll see someone in front of me
on the treadmill,
and they do 36 minutes.
why 36 minutes?
if you're gonna do
36,
shouldn't you just do 40?
drives me crazy.

********

i'm thinking a
giveaway
is in the works.
stay tuned.

********

yesterday
and today
were curly
hair days.

********

if you want to help out a
family
in need
click here.

********

i cried at work today.
twice.
once because i was sad.
again because i was happy.
it's been
one
of
those
days.

********

i wish that i could
watch myself type.
i'm a super fast
and good typer.

********

STRIKE! 60min

being uncomfortable

this is what being uncomfortable looks like = happiness

this is what being comfortable looks like = unhappy (i hid it well)

I’ve come to the conclusion that life is better when you are uncomfortable. That when you get comfortable things stay the same, you stop learning, growing, and changing. You become fat. It is usually when you stay comfortable for too long you get frustrated because things that you want to change, aren’t changing. And isn’t that what life is all about? Expect the unexpected. You could apply this to just about any aspect of life. For today’s post, I’m going to speak specifically in regards to weight loss.

Losing weight isn’t easy. If it were I wouldn’t still be 20+ pounds overweight, and it wouldn’t had taken me 2 years to lose 90 pounds. Everything that I’ve done to lose weight I was uncomfortable doing. Especially at the beginning.

Working out? Uncomfortable. Going to the gym, looking at all of these thin people. Uncomfortable. Then actually moving. All if it, uncomfortable. Before doing group fitness classes I was an elliptical junkie. That’s all I would do. I figured that was the safest thing to do. Then I started my venture into the studios and into group fitness. First with Dance Jam, Soul Grooves, etc…I started out in the back of the class, always. I was so uncomfortable. But I did it. I then slowly began moving to the front of the class. Again, uncomfortable.

Then I started changing my food. Now this was hard. Not eating what it is that I would normally eat. Uncomfortable. Saying “No” to foods I would normally eat. Talk about being uncomfortable. I hate watching what I eat. Hate it. I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it is to walk away from sweets!

Moving on to STRIKE! and Total Conditioning. Uncomfortable, and double uncomfortable. Doing the U-DO. I pretty much had my very own temper tantrum leading up to that, and during the whole freakin’ thing because I knew I would be uncomfortable, and because I was so uncomfortable.

I am watching this season of “The Biggest Loser” and listening to guy who is an Olympic gold medalist talk about this journey from a world class athlete to being a contestant on the Biggest Loser because he is so overweight. This man obviously knows what it is like to be fit, he knows the hard work it creates to have those muscles. So why did he all let it go? He got comfortable.

Why did I get so overweight? I got comfortable. I didn’t move. I didn’t care. I didn’t know…I chose not to really see what it is that I looked like. I had no clue what all that extra fat around my organs was truly doing to my body. Why? Because I didn’t want to know. Because I knew that if I was truly honest with myself I would be disgusted. I would kick myself for not changing. For not saving my life. Why do you think that all of those contestants on TBL are so upset when the learn their “inside” age. Because they are learning the truth of what has been right in front of them all along. They learn that their home, their body is seriously killing them.

To be healthy and fit you have to be uncomfortable. I see my weightlifter friend Bobby do chest presses with a 110 pound barbell in each of his hands. Do you think that is comfortable?! F-ing NO! Is it crazy?!, yes…but that is whole other post for a different day!

Do I want to do this Warrior Dash that my friends have been asking me to do? No. Will I do it? Yes. Will it make me uncomfortable? Absolutely. Am I more comfortable now in the gym than what I used to be? Yes. Does that mean I don’t find things to push myself that will make me uncomfortable? No. Do I hesitate in these things? Yes.

Will I go to the gym while I am sick, even though my doctor tells me not too. Yes!, because that is the uncomfortable thing to do.

I think we sometimes pretend that life is easy. But we all know the brutal truth. Life is hard.

Why be comfortable putting yourself into an early grave just to lay there…literally. Dead. Unmoving.

Move to the front of the class. Dance a fool. Try the heavier weight. Don’t eat that piece of cake.

Now I just need to learn to take my own advice!

barbell strength 60min

birthday picture overload!

and now for your viewing pleasure the adventure that was friday night!!!
the night started at vesta dipping grill for my birthday dinner.

sara and scott

april and bobby

me, bobby, and sarah

birthday princess

after dinner we headed to sing sing...

R and i

julie, katherine, cathy, and i

blowing out the candle on the birthday cake!...the tres leche birthday cake.

sarah, sara, me, chris, scott, and bobby

decorated with hats, ribbon, and signs!

we danced!

gotta get a pic with the boys!
charlie, me, kevin
daniel, bobby, and antonio

justine, annabelle, and i

me, bobby, sarah, and sara

charlie, justine
athena, myhisha, antonio, christina, daniel, april, annabelle, kortny, kevin, scott, sara
athena's sister, sarah, bobby, brandi, cathy, katherine, me, julie, R, jill, and kevin

katherine and i

scott and sara

right before we were all set to leave i got called up on stage
and sung to!
so much fun.

then off to dance dance dance like it's the last last night...at the Tavern!

justine and i

we had a few shots...
jill and i

julie and i

april and i

annabelle and i

the whole evening was a blast! this was definitely a birthday celebration to remember! i have some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

zumba 60min

looking back

all of my friends = love!

i had an emotional week. but overall it was a very very good week, and that is what i want to take away from it.
wednesday i turned 31. i'm officially in my 30's. crazy. my life is nothing that i thought it would be at 31, and it may never be. but what my life is, i love. i'm embracing it, and am loving feeling so truly blessed with everything else that i have control over.
my actual birth day was ok. it started out great. i felt so loved with all the facebook messages, balloon flowers from april at work, cards from co-workers, and lunch with my boss. good day. i planned nothing for the evening, thinking i would see R and because i planned the actual birthday dinner and celebration for friday night. the commute home was long as a snow storm came in, so i decided the gym was out. after texting R he told me he had a long day, and i was in the for the night spending my 31st birthday all by myself. after spending my 29th birthday alone two years ago, i told myself i never wanted to do that again. which is why i did all of the work to make sure i wasn't alone on my 30th birthday.
now i know that this sounds dramatic, but crying and being alone wednesday night was heartbreaking for me. i felt as though i had done all of this work, made all of this progress just to end up exactly where i didn't want to be, right where i started. i had this thought of "somethings just never change." ...even after all of this change.
i came to the conclusion that it sucks having a birthday during the week.
friday was the true celebration. i had dinner with R, april, bobby, sara, scott, and sarah at vesta dipping grill. being with a date and some great friends for my birthday dinner made me feel so special. we had a great time, before heading over to sing sing where some 20+ other friends were waiting for me! talk about feeling loved. thinking about it i have tears in my eyes. all of these people here for me. it was great. we had a whole section all to ourselves decorated with birthday hats, ribbon, and "happy birthday april" signs. plus, a tres leche birthday cake that april brought from the market! we spent a couple of hours at sing sing drinking and enjoying the entertainment. i even got called up on stage and sung to! so fun, and little bit embarrassing. after sing sing the group and i made our way to the tavern for some fun on the dance floor. it was fabulous. dancing around with all of my friends, singing and just having fun. unfortunately R isn't much of a dancer, but i did finally drag him out at the ending of the evening.
with a depressing night on wednesday followed by so much fun, excitement, love, and joy on friday i spent a lot of time looking back on my life over the past year. last year at this time, i was about mid-journey. i definitely wasn't as depressed as i had been, but i knew i still had a long way to go. the main difference between this year and last year is the circle of friends that i now have. i have gained so much by their presence in my life. i have gained a life and so many friendships. true friendships. and that feels good. these are things i didn't have here in denver at this time last year. i hope that i get to celebrate many birthdays with these friends in the future!
more pictures coming soon!

50/50 60min

who to thank?

my birthday was on wednesday. lots more on that later. on thursday i got this in the mail delivered to me via FedEx. i can only assume that it was sent to me as a birthday gift. the problem?
no clue who sent it to me!
it shows my information as both the shipper and the biller, but i'm not the one who bought it. it was purchased through amazon from another vendor. i contacted the vendor who was paid through amazon, and was told to contact amazon. i called amazon they say the person who sent this to me wishes to remain anonymous.
i've asked the few people that i thought might have sent it to me, and none of them have taken credit.
i have a couple of ideas...
the picture is of mt. mckinley, in denali national park, in alaska. which i saw with my family when i visited alaska in the summer of 2003. so the picture could have been sent to me from one of my family members on that trip. or it could have been sent to me from someone that knows the story behind my cat denali, and where her name comes from, which is that location in alaska.
i really want to know who sent it so that i can thank the person for this beautiful photograph!!!
so thank you to whomever sent this to my door, i love it!

treadmill 30min

no go

so i'm still sick, or maybe i'm sick again. i don't know. it's no fun, that i do know. i was feeling good last week, working out but not being crazy, and trying to build up my cardio again. i felt good at work, and felt i was on my way to feeling 100%. i finished the last of my antibiotics, and was on my way to the road of recovery. or so i thought.
on sunday i felt strong enough to do strike! i told myself that i could modify it and not be so intense as i normally would. i did a 6 pound bar rather than a 9 pound bar. but during class i found my intensity level to be what it normally would be, and having to scale back when necessary. unfortunately, i don't think i was ready for such a hard core workout.
by sunday afternoon i had a runny nose. monday morning i woke up with a sore throat and went to work feeling like crap. went back to the doctor that afternoon and was told that what i have is most likely viral since the antibiotic's didn't kick it all the way. was told to get some OTC sudafed, and pain reliever, followed by a prescription for a nose spray, and penicillin...but only take the penicillin if i get a fever.
i was also told to take some time off from the gym. give my body some good 'ol TLC, sleep, soup, relax.
that was heart breaking to hear. really. and i didn't really listen.
i worked out tonight. although i will say it was a very moderate workout. only 40 minutes on the treadmill, and i only ran once. in that 40 minutes i only did 2.5 miles. that's nothing. then i went and relaxed in the hot tub for about 15 minutes, which was super nice.
i'm hoping to kick this crap once and for all. ...after all tomorrow is a pretty big day!!!

treadmill 40min

Black Swan

I have to talk about this movie. Their has been a lot of praise of this movie. My mom and I went to go see this movie when I was home for Christmas. She recommended it, and I agree since I like all things dance.

First things first. This movie is weird and dark. I did like the acting, and the dancing. The ballet was beautiful. But honestly, that's about it. The actual story is about a girl with 2 personalities, dealing with demons...with that, the story is very dark. Which does make it interesting, but the characters never really deal with what is going on, so the movie ends without a point or with any questions answered.

Natalie Portman was amazing, and beautiful, and all of the actors did really well, but the fact that their wasn't much of an actually story to this movie just made it feel like such a waste of two hours.

Not too sure what all the hype is with this movie. Good acting yes, but no story. Just my two cents.

strike! 60min

another QMP

Thursday at work was our annual event Q. Marketplace. Another stressful successful year. The vibe this year was definitely different with the pending merger, and the changes that are coming. But I enjoyed seeing all of the Channel Sales Managers, and all of the Partner's that I'm still trying to learn and remember.

A couple of weeks before the Christmas break the VP our organization announced that my boss will not be in her position post merger. This was a huge shock to all of us. And similar thoughts of what happened back in August 2009. Life just isn't fair. Jerri is an amazing woman to work for, and has been doing two director level jobs wonderfully for the past year and half. The most amazing part is that she's still doing both jobs up until she asked to no longer do so. Her head held high, and working harder than ever.

She attended this event, talked to the partner's and received lots of hugs.

I am yet again, asking myself where this will lead me. For now, I don't know. I've had Jerri and one of her co-workers that I also support tell me I will have a job. I truly hope so. But again, so much unknowns out there in the world.

I've always thought that if I were to get laid off I would move to FL. But lately I've been reconsidering that. Because I have friends here now. I have a reason to stay. If I were to go, I would miss my friends, and my gym so much. So much, that I think I would stay. It has taken me a long time to build that foundation for myself here, and it feels good that I finally have that quality of life here, and with the people around me.

50/50 60min

update on the "love" life

I’ve been doing a lot of dating lately. For the most part it’s a lot of fun. As much as I hate those first date jitters it is those jitters that are so exciting. Back in October I joined a couple of dating websites, and have enjoyed putting myself out there. There are lots of differences this go ‘round in the dating world. The main difference is second dates. This time I’m having them. I’ve done a lot of online dating in my life, specifically when I was in my early 20’s and in college. During that time I had a lot of first dates. A lot. Since being 90 pounds thinner I’ve had more second dates in the past few months, than I ever did from age 18 to 30. I can only think of 2 guys that I met online while I was in college that I had more than one date with. The rest were “one date wonders”. What’s the lesson learned here? Looks matter. Obviously. I’ve always known this on some level, but having it affect me is weird. The fact that guys contact me after a first date, and want to see me again is a totally new concept to me. In my old life I would be ok with one ok first date, never hearing from the guy again, and then try try and try again. I would categorize that out of the last handful of first dates that I’ve had lately as “good” some were even “great”, and only one I would say was “bad”. A few years ago majority of my first dates were bad, with only a slim few that could be considered good.

When guys see me in person, they compliment me…this never happened before, ever.

I’m learning lots about me, and what it is that I want. I’m also still wondering what it is that’s wrong with me? Lately I’ve noticed a pattern of guys comings and goings. Things will be great for a couple of weeks, a month even…then things just sorta tapper off. Sometimes they’ll go away for good, other times they’ll make an out of the blue appearance by sending me a text message, it varies, but I can’t seem to get anything to stick. Now I will say that majority of the time it is because I don’t want it to stick, but right now I’m in a situation where I like the guy more than he likes me(I think anyways). The last few it has been the opposite; they have liked me more than I have liked them. …it seems so hard to find the situation where you like one another the same, and can actually be on the same page!

Things seem to come and go in waves. Right now I feel a lull coming on, mainly because things have been so busy and active as of late, that just seems like it would be the natural direction in which things would go. Of course I do realize that I could put more work into some of these guys, and part of things slowing down does come from me slowing things down, but at the same time that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to feel wanted. ...whoever said us woman were easy to please…we want to be left alone, but we want to feel wanted! Communication on the dating sites have slowed down considerably, and I’m thinking about removing myself yet again. Take another break.

I don’t know if it was because I got to workout both tonight and last night or what, but today I’ve found myself mentally preparing to lose these last 30 pounds that I want to get rid of once and for all(I’m currently at 179). I haven’t mentally been in the mind frame of really losing weight since September, so it is a good feeling to have, because I was afraid that I would struggle to get back there again. Dating isn’t something I want to focus on while being in the middle of losing weight. So removing myself and then starting again once the weight is gone seems like a smart move to me.

I will say that there is a current guy in the picture. But with that I will also say that I feel he is slowly losing interest. But he is currently sick, so we haven’t been able to see one another, and that could just be the case until he is better. Time will tell. I’m talking about R(who I mentioned in the previous post). He’s the one I spent New Year’s Eve with, and we’ve been dating for a little bit more than 3 weeks. Since we met we really haven’t been able to have a “normal” week of dating. We met right before I went home for Christmas, and he was super sweet and good about keeping in touch with me the week that I was in Albuquerque. Then once I got home we spent every day together, until we both got sick right after the new year. So we have yet to have a date here, a few days off there, then another date, and at this point in time that is what I’m waiting for.

It’s so weird having these guys go in and out of my life. I’ll go out with one guy and we’ll communicate for every single day for a few weeks then things just stop. It definitely keeps me on my toes! Until then I'll keep on searching.

treadmill 30min

elliptical 30min

no good

Where have I been? I’ve been going crazy…let me tell you. But really, I’ve been sick. Super sick. For the first time in two and a half years I got full blown sick. Have I felt worse before?, yes. But being this kind of sick after feeling so “healthy” for so long, I swear that I felt I was a weak prisoner in my own body unable to do the things that I would normally be doing, like working out.

I think it all started last Sunday when I did STRIKE!, my first big cardio workout after the holiday break. After class I went home and took a two hour nap! I understand that for most people this isn’t news, but for me it is a huge. I never take naps, ever. In fact I can probably tell you the last time I took a nap, prior to this one. It was October 2003. I was home in Albuquerque and went to the Balloon Fiesta in the morning, and was planning to drive back to Denver that day. After getting up so early in the morning and coming back home I was tired, and thought it be best if I take a nap before beginning my 6 hour drive back to Denver. So that is what I did. And that was the last nap I took prior to last Sunday. The whole sleep during the middle of the day thing just never really appealed to me.

Anyways. Monday was 50/50, no big deal. I think I started actually feeling ill on Tuesday, but convinced myself to go to Barbell Strength that evening since it’s only an hour of weights. Wednesday the pain began. Sore throat and body aches and chills. Combine the body aches with all over body soreness from 3 days of intense working out and I was hurting from head to toe…literally. Specifically my arms and legs, and my hands, and my head…ok well all over really. Everything hurt. So Wednesday I went home early from work, came home took another nap and went to bed early. By Thursday afternoon I thought I was on the mend. The mornings are always the worse, and by the afternoon with drinking lots, and sucking on cough drops, Thursday afternoon seemed good. I thought about doing some cardio at the gym, but I also knew that doing something intense as STRIKE! would just about be impossible. When I got home, my couch was calling my name just as it does every afternoon, but this time I gave in. I was hoping Friday would be even better, since it seemed as though I was making headway on Thursday. No such luck. Friday was the worse. I went to work in so much pain. By this time I have the body aches, the sore throat, headaches (which I rarely get), runny nose, and hot/cold flashes, with the overall feeling of weakness. I get to work and people notice I don’t look too hot. I call the doctor because I know that going on day 3 of this thing, I need some drug to kick it, and get rid of this sickness once and for all. At around 10:30am I speak to my boss, and go home. I come home sleep for two hours before my doctor’s appointment at 3pm. Dr (Nurse Practitioner, anyways) feels my throat and says “does that hurt?” I respond, no. needless to say you can see the left gland of my throat poking through my neck, and I didn’t even realize it. They check me for strep, negative. Nurse says I have a “strep infection” writes me a prescription for an antibiotic.

At this point I have it in my head that I’ll be feeling 100% by Saturday night…24hours after being on the antibiotic. Friday night I go over to R’s house (more on him later, he’s the flavor of the week) who is also sick with a bad cough…I’m thinking we got sick together over the New Year’s Eve weekend.

Ever since I’ve been taking the antibiotic I’ve been improving. The mornings are still the worse, and I’m still sleeping a lot…although no more naps. Because of my large glands in my neck, I can’t take a full deep breath or swallow yet without some pain, when I can do that I’ll definitely be doing some cardio! Instead I did get back in the gym tonight (finally) and did a super light workout of the treadmill and some weights. But wow, did it feel good to be back in the gym and sweat! I felt missed, and I saw a handful of friends I haven't seen since before the holidays.

Starting off the year with a whole 6 (count ‘em SIX) days without working out, I’m already concerned about how I will make up these days. And how I am going to get in my 20 workouts for this month. The fact that this is the first month, and this has happened has me freaking out. A coworker says that I should do 2-a-days …two workouts in one day, a morning and a evening. I could see this happening, just not in the winter months with the days so short. I know that I’ll be fine, and that I shouldn’t freak out about it, but I do. I can’t even remember the last time I went 6 whole days without working out….probably sometime in 2008 I imagine. Being truly sick, and physically unable to workout as made me appreciate the times in the past that I have worked out for the simple reason of the fact that I can workout. And will no doubt motivate me in the future when I don’t want to workout. I just need to tell myself that I’m going to workout because I can, because I know that there are people out there who want to workout but can’t.

If anything I miss my gym! The last full week I had at my gym was 4 weeks ago…I miss seeing my friends and I miss my workouts so much! Going through being sick, and seeing that my number one priority to getting better just so that I can workout, shows me that my life has changed. Again, all of it such a weird concept to me, because I just figured I would never be this person. But I’m happy that I am, and am looking forward to getting my life back pre-strep infection!

treadmill 35min
chest

2010 Year in Review

stolen from emily

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before? Took care of me.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolution, and will you make more for this year? Yes, and yes.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, my friend Tressa and my friend Sarah.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, my Uncle Billy, and Mary.

5. What countries did you visit? None other than my own...I did visit a new state: Georgia.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? A deep meaningful romantic relationship.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

- my birthday weekend in Savannah, GA with my 3 best girl friends
- 12/31 received my second ever New Year's eve kiss.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Weighing in at 175 pounds.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not keeping in touch with some friends.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, just lots of soreness.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Well technically my aunt bought them for me. A size 12 dress pants from Ann Taylor that fit!

barbell strength 60min

sisters outing

a few years ago my family stopped the family tradition of drawing names. so i decided to make my own.
the annual girl cousin's dinner.
this year was number five, at none other than the melting pot...which is the place that has hosted this dinner for all years previous. the melting pot is the perfect venue. a nice long leisurely dinner, so that all of girls can chat, giggle, and tell stories, surrounded by lots of fabulous yummy food!

cheryl and kari

nikki and i

me, nikki, cheryl, and kari

the best part: dessert!

i look forward to this outing every year. this is usually the only time of year all 4 of us are in the same town, and so anytime spent together is a blessing. not only are these four beautiful women my cousins, they are my friends, which to me makes them my dear sisters. i love them all, and honestly don't know what it is that i would do without them. they are my biggest support group, and are always there for me.

50/50 60min

253 vs. 235

via*

what a year 2010 has been! i've never had a year so full of change, and with so much anticipation with the new year. i beat last years goal by 18! not bad, if i do say so myself. i'm going into this year with a huge weight (literally) lifted off of my shoulders. for the first time that i can remember i'm NOT starting out the new year thinking "i have more than 100 pounds to lose." rather i'm starting off the new year thinking i have 20 - 30 pounds to lose. SUCH a difference a year makes!!! starting each year with the mentality of needing to lose more than 100 pounds is scary. because in reality (well my case of reality anyways) i was setting myself up for failure. losing 100+ pounds in a single year is impossible, and for me i have proved that. i take a lot of pride in the fact that my journey has been so slow. i've learned a lot, and i wouldn't have had it any other way. that is what makes it mine. the main difference between the start of this year and all years in the past...is now i know that i can do it. no questions asked. failure is no longer an option. i will succeed. again, another weight lifted. this year i know that as a fact my weight loss journey will indeed come to an end. and my version of maintenance mode will begin. the burning question is when?! answer: i don't know. the month of january is already full of outings with friends, so for this month i'm still going to be in maintenance mode. for now i have february set up as the month to start weight loss again. i'm not going to stress about it, because i know it'll happen.

i'm extremely happy with my life right now, and the blessings i have. i am in no big rush like how i was last year to "lose the weight". i suppose maybe this state of mind could change, especially as the summer months get closer, but for now i'm happy with this plan.

so lets set some goals for 2011. first things first, i'm going to continue my blog post for every workout, it just works for me, so why break it? number of workouts....this one is kinda tricky. last year my average number of workouts was just above 21. at this point in time anything less than 200 is unacceptable. i'm going to shoot for at least 240 workouts, as that is exactly 20 workouts a month, and i know i can do that. and well anything over 254 seems just about impossible, but we will see what 2011 will bring. rather than focus solely on the numbers, i want to add races to my list of goals. i plan to do at least six 5k's throughout the year, along with my first 10k. this is something i really want to focus on for this year, especially once the summer months are here.

2011 is going to be a great year for me, and i'm truly looking forward to it.

strike! 60min