wednesday i turned 31. i'm officially in my 30's. crazy. my life is nothing that i thought it would be at 31, and it may never be. but what my life is, i love. i'm embracing it, and am loving feeling so truly blessed with everything else that i have control over.
my actual birth day was ok. it started out great. i felt so loved with all the facebook messages, balloon flowers from april at work, cards from co-workers, and lunch with my boss. good day. i planned nothing for the evening, thinking i would see R and because i planned the actual birthday dinner and celebration for friday night. the commute home was long as a snow storm came in, so i decided the gym was out. after texting R he told me he had a long day, and i was in the for the night spending my 31st birthday all by myself. after spending my 29th birthday alone two years ago, i told myself i never wanted to do that again. which is why i did all of the work to make sure i wasn't alone on my 30th birthday.
now i know that this sounds dramatic, but crying and being alone wednesday night was heartbreaking for me. i felt as though i had done all of this work, made all of this progress just to end up exactly where i didn't want to be, right where i started. i had this thought of "somethings just never change." ...even after all of this change.
i came to the conclusion that it sucks having a birthday during the week.
friday was the true celebration. i had dinner with R, april, bobby, sara, scott, and sarah at vesta dipping grill. being with a date and some great friends for my birthday dinner made me feel so special. we had a great time, before heading over to sing sing where some 20+ other friends were waiting for me! talk about feeling loved. thinking about it i have tears in my eyes. all of these people here for me. it was great. we had a whole section all to ourselves decorated with birthday hats, ribbon, and "happy birthday april" signs. plus, a tres leche birthday cake that april brought from the market! we spent a couple of hours at sing sing drinking and enjoying the entertainment. i even got called up on stage and sung to! so fun, and little bit embarrassing. after sing sing the group and i made our way to the tavern for some fun on the dance floor. it was fabulous. dancing around with all of my friends, singing and just having fun. unfortunately R isn't much of a dancer, but i did finally drag him out at the ending of the evening.
with a depressing night on wednesday followed by so much fun, excitement, love, and joy on friday i spent a lot of time looking back on my life over the past year. last year at this time, i was about mid-journey. i definitely wasn't as depressed as i had been, but i knew i still had a long way to go. the main difference between this year and last year is the circle of friends that i now have. i have gained so much by their presence in my life. i have gained a life and so many friendships. true friendships. and that feels good. these are things i didn't have here in denver at this time last year. i hope that i get to celebrate many birthdays with these friends in the future!
more pictures coming soon!