Tuesday, November 2, 2010


so in this pic there are 3 pairs of jeans
the first pair you see is the size 12 Gap jeans i just purchased that i can barely squeeze my happy butt into. the pair in the middle are a size 16 from Old Navy that i wear regularly. and the last pair is the size 16 from the Gap that i bought a few years ago. now they look comparable to the Old Navy ones. It must be the cut, because they just aren't very flattering on.

Let’s talk numbers, letters, and sizes. What is considered “normal”? When I was at my heaviest my BMI (Body Mass Index) was 42.8, which of course is considered obese(actually anything above a 40 BMI is considered morbidly obese{so gross}). Right now my BMI is at 28.2, which is overweight. A “normal” BMI for someone my height of 5’6’’ starts at 24.9 which is a weight of 154 pounds. To be honest I go back and forth about my goal weight. Right now I’m telling myself that I’ll be happy at 155 pounds. That I have 20 more pounds to lose. My original goal was 145, for the sole purpose that I would have some weight to gain and still be considered a “normal” BMI. I think that we fool ourselves when we say we want to be done losing weight or done fixing our body. Our body just seems to be one of those things we’ll never fully be happy with. I know that for myself I’m always going to want to better myself. I do have a goal to be 155 by Christmas, this is something I really want to achieve. Once that happens we’ll see what 2011 will bring. If it brings another 10 pound weight loss, I’m pretty sure I’ll be ok with that. But then I have the question of what my body will do? I don’t know. When I first went into Slimgenics they figure your “bone structure” by the size of your wrist. They put me down as average. Seeing my wrists (fingers and hands in general) now however, I think I might be considered small boned. Which I don’t want to be, to be honest. Because that just means more weight to lose. I keep telling myself that I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. But it is quite obvious that my weight loss as been yet again, nonexistence as of late. Something is going to have to change, because I am not done. I need to get myself to that freaking bridge already!!!

Moving on to sizes. Everyone likes to feel good when they go shopping. There is a sense of pride when you try on a piece of clothing, and it is too big and you need to go out and get a smaller size. I personally think that retail stores know this, and because of this they make their clothes bigger than what they used to. For example the Gap. Now I love the Gap, I have for a very long time. In fact 5 or 6 years ago I bought a pair of size 16 jeans that were on sale as a goal to one day wear. As of right now, I can’t even wear these jeans. Now granted the fit obviously makes a difference, but these size 16 jeans just don’t fit. Ok, so I lie. They do actually fit, but they don’t look good. Just like the size 12 jeans I bought from the Gap when Kari was here a few weeks ago. They fit but they don’t look flattering on, yet. Isn’t it weird that I have two pairs of jeans from the same store in two different sizes, that neither fit? Ok so the size 16 do look a bit better than the size 12, I’m just saying. Especially since I am wearing a size 14 pant right now from Old Navy and because the other two pairs of jeans that I do wear that fit comfortably are a 16 and a 14. I will say that bottoms for the most part are pretty consistent. And the shape and fit of the bottom does vary by each retail store in regards to how it’ll fit you.

Tops however, are a whole other animal. As I said I’m wearing pants right now that are a size 14. My top however is a 2XL Woman’s button down top, also from Old Navy. Yes, this top is big on me, probably a bit boxy, but not completely unflattering. At least, I don’t think so. I have many other tops that just look horrid. This isn’t one of them. Again depending on the style and the cut of the top, I might either grab a Medium or a Large, or both. The last two tops that I’ve gotten from Old Navy recently were a size M, and one happened to be a button down, and it fits me rather comfortably. So who knows what this means? I do know that as a fact the Medium button down that I just bought, would have no way fit me 90 pounds ago, so I don’t mean to say that the size 2XL and the M are the same, I’m just saying that I can wear both. Dressing my body as it is now is a challenge. To be honest I still don’t know what looks good. What would be considered too big, or too small, or just right. I’ve never had to dress my body at this size, but I am slowly learning.

I suppose my whole point in all of this is to wear what is comfortable, and not by the size on the tag. This is hard. As it is easy for that letter or number to play a game with our body. What size are you? …small, medium, or large? We shouldn’t be defined by the size that we are. We should be confident regardless of what size we are wearing. Be happy with the body that we have, but continue to challenge ourselves to make it the best that we can. My friend Sarah says this quote and I kind of love it: “If you don’t take care of your body, where will you live?” So so true. Let BMI stand for Body Mind Image, rather than Body Mass Index. (credit due here for that saying.)

Obviously easier said than done, I know. Such is life. In all honestly I think I am just writing this out so I don’t feel gross or ugly for wearing a size 2XL Woman’s plus size top today. J I think tomorrow I’ll wear a size M top just to make myself feel better. It truly is the little things that matter! …let the mind and body struggle continue…

barbell strength 60min


Nikki said...

Hang in there April. Your mind has gone through changes too. The mind plays crazy tricks. It doesn't matter what size it is, as long as you feel comfortable wearing it and you are healthy.

the emily said...

I bought a pair of J.Crew jeans in college because they were a size 2. They looked terrible and I never wore them, but darn it, they were a size TWO, and they FIT. I had to have them. I used to love trying on clothes and buying new things, because I was cute and skinny. Ever since I had kids it's become more of a chore, because basically nothing looks good on me anymore I hate the whole size issue. But I will be done losing weight when my BMI is considered normal. I don't care about the number on the scale or the size of the shirt as long as I don't die of a heart attack in my 30s.

Rachel P said...

LOL, Emily, you ALWAYS make me laugh. I totally know what you mean by sizes. What is a size 12 now probably would have been a size 8 or 10 when we were teenagers. It's crap that they do that, but whatever. I was a size 16 pant, L/XL shirt before I recently lost weight. I'm now a 12 size M/L shirt, depending n style. And I have to admit, I still find it hard to buy a size M because I was a L for so long. Plus, I bought bigger shirts for so long because I didn't want all my rolls to show, so I find it hard to buy tighter stuff now. I still would love to lose 20-30 more pounds, so I'm trying not to buy too much. My BMI right now is still in the obese range, and will still be in the overweight range when I lose 20-30 more, but oh, well,right? :-D Keep up the good work!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Rember there are always good days and not so good.
Maybe just work on the Body Mind Image, at least I can tell you are.

Love, MOM