all kinds of crazy

more where this came from
in a later post.

********

things are about to get so random
that the random is
crazy.

********

i'm a slave for you
i have a crush x2
things are changing
like something big is about to happen
i'm feeling very random
but guarded about
what i should say

i miss my innocence

i need to scream ....LOUD

lately i've been feeling super
anxious
i have these
new feelings
which have created a
new energy
which i have no clue
what to do with

********

how do i stop the bad habit of
grinding my teeth?

********

a lot of my friends were at the
circus tonight.
how much fun does that sound?!

********

i canNOT wait for tomorrow
night.

********

i'm pretty frustrated at myself
for not working out yesterday.
bleh is what i say to that.

********

speaking of working out. what is up with
september being a bad workout month?
weird.

********

the most noticeable place i can see my
weight loss
is in my fingers.
i have super skinny fingers.

********

the end

********

STRIKE! 60min
645

power

yesterday afternoon i spent sometime writing in my journal. in my perfect world i would write in my journal every week, if not twice a week. for me writing gives me clarity. when big chunks of time pass without any writing, and i then sit down to write, usually i just write about what's been going on in my life. tina was here. i went to florida. i ran a race. etc... nothing really about my life, just what i've been doing. when i write more consistently i write more about my feelings, i answer questions about things i didn't even know i had questions about. it's very liberating. i suppose it works out because it is during my "down" times when i do have the time to write on a more regular basis. i need that time to help me overcome whatever sad state i might be in. during the times where i'm busy and don't have the time to write i'm not really needing to bring myself out of any sad state. at that point my writing is more a want than a need. so i guess in the long run it works out for the best. and of course i know that i could easily make myself take the time to write more often than i do, i just chose not to.

well i wrote in my journal on wednesday, i got all caught up on the events of my life since i had last written in june. then i wrote again last night. the fact that i didn't have much to update, gave me the opportunity to write about life. this past weekend i tried to get caught up on TV, and that included the biggest loser. i had a moment of clarity while everyone was weighting in. for the first time ever i am too thin to be considered a contestant on the biggest loser. whenever i would watch this show, i would always pay close attention to the female players and their numbers. i would think "ok, she's heavier than me." or "i'm thinner than she is by XX pounds." well this time i was thinner than all of them. i was watching the challenges of the 1mile run and the 500 steps, and the struggles that came with it for the constants. seeing how some of them couldn't even complete the challenge, and had to go the hospital instead. at that moment i said out loud to my cats "i am saving my life." i am making my life longer.

then i started thinking about things that are within my control. i've talked a lot in the past how we have no control over certain things, in fact most things are out of our control. for me specifically, i mean love. finding love. finding that relationship, getting married. this is something not really within my control. but, living my life that's all me. i have the power to do that. i figure i have two options. either live my life going along for the ride, or make my own ride. decide where to go fast, where to slow down, when to get off, when to go upside down. i have the power to be healthy. do i eat this or that? do i workout or sit on the couch? when i put it like that, it almost seems simple. but we all know life isn't simple. i do think that we sometimes make things too complicated, when life does get like this, it is up to us to "dumb it down" and take things back to basics. for the longest time i didn't think it was up to me. i would find an excuse, someone to blame, put it off. i was making this healthy lifestyle too complicated. but truth be told i am the one with the power. i am the only one, nobody else. and i know that for a very long time that power scared me. because if i'm the one with the power, doesn't that mean it is my responsibility to do something with that power? unfortunately for a very long time i did nothing with this power. made bad choices, became depressed. in fact it was just recently that i even became aware of this power and thus realized i was doing something with it. i am taking responsibility. i suppose the main reason many of us don't do anything with this power is the fear of failure. i let that factor alone stop me for a really long time. nobody sets out to do something fail. so rather than try we do nothing at all. for majority of my life i've been just average. i was an average student in school, i do average at my job. i don't really excel at any one thing. why should my weight be any different? i suppose maybe because i decided i no longer wanted to settle for being average. physically i think i look average, which could be why i've been so relaxed. but recently i think my physically being and my mental being had a conversation with each other and decided to keep going. that they didn't want to be perceived as average either. so for the first time in along time we are all on the same page. "we" being me, myself, and i ....the physical, the emotional, and the mental.

what are you going to do with your power?!

triceps
elliptical 25min
zumba 60min
728

question of the week:

via*

to get a flu shot or to not get a flu shot, that is the question?

every year at this time the big hype is flu shots. i myself have never gotten a flu shot. ...well not that i remember anyway. one of the perks of working out as often as i do is it creates a strong immune system, so over the past 2 years i've never really gotten sick. then last year all that craziness happened with the swine flu etc..., so now i'm more so considering it. but i can't decide. always around this time of year i wonder if i should get one? like i stated i never have, but i thought i would ask and see what you guys have to say.

do you get a flu shot?

strike! 60min
624

week 26: no lie

i was sooooooooooo close today, to getting into the 170's. super duper close. i weighted in this morning at exactly 180. and can i just say that it is so nice to just put that number out there, rather than i'm down 2 pounds, or whatever. anyways, 180, is a new all time low for me. 180 is also the number on my drivers license. i'm pretty sure i've never been the weight that my drivers license read before. but not anymore. so, right now for the time being my drivers license is telling the truth for the first time. although i picture that to be only temporary, as soon i will be below 180.
more and more i'm doing this on my own, without slimgenics. i still go in 2 or 3 times a week to check in. and i'm still trying to decide how it is that i want to use them. again this past week one of the ladies pissed me off. she said to me "i didn't think that you would come back." who says something like that? needless to say i won't be sitting with her again. i was going to "re-start" the program, but because last weekend was so crazy, i didn't have the chance to go grocery shopping to prep for my prep. what i did do this week was really watch what i ate. since last thursday 9/16 to today i lost 6 pounds. 2 of those pounds being new pounds! finally, is what i have to say to that! i'm proud of that. i am also proud of the toning. because even though the scale hasn't really moved a lot this month, i do know that i have gotten toner and leaner (more lean?). it's so hard to not let the scale play mind games with you. because the scale doesn't see that. but i can. and i know how far i've come, and that i know that i'm going to keep on going.

elliptical 35min
legs
treadmill 15min
635

recommended reading

so i'm totally into this whole blogging thing. and i have been for awhile. i pretty much think that my blog is the coolest blog ever, but that is besides the point. compared to others i don't really read a lot of blogs. i don't personally know a lot of people that have a blog, and i think that it is a little bit weird that there are a few blogs out there that i do read about people that i don't know. this blog is a shout out to the ones that i know and the ones that i stalk. :)

first and foremost emily.
she is the reason for my blogging existence.

next is one of my biggest supporters, my cousin nikki.
she pretty much does it all.

one can never have too many sarah's.
sarah and her beautiful growing family.
and
sarah and her fantastic photography.

a girls gotta eat, here is some delicious food.
sophie is my cousin's cousin.

last on the personal front is greg.
he's in japan right now, what else is there to say?

for the rest of my friends i have a links to them over on my left hand side bar.

***********************************************************************
moving on to the blogs i stalk. which means these are blogs by people that i don't personally know.

lyn over at escape from obesity.
what's amazing about this woman is that our stories are pretty much parallel. over the past few months our weight has been just pounds of one another. just when i hit a milestone she hits the same one. she's a much better writer than i am, and puts words to the emotions so much better than i do. if you ever wonder what it is i'm thinking, good bet that she's written about it or is about to.

jen at a prior fat girl.
this is one awesome chick. she's the blog i read for motivation, and proof that it can be done.

stephanie over at a daily scoop.
this woman and her family is amazing. grab tissues.

suz over at steece's pieces.
seriously the hottest looking family in texas, and from what i've heard texas is a pretty big state. this woman has quad's. a set of identical twin boys, and a set of fraternal twins: a boy and a girl.

last but not least, gotta have some romance.
this is a post that emily linked to, and this isn't a blog i follow, but i read this post, and it's pretty much amazing, and every girls fantasy come true.
lastly le love. i found this blog via sarah.

50/50 60min
447

all kinds of crazy

via*
so for awhile now tim tebow
has been the talk of the town with the bronco's.
i don't know much about him,
but what i do know is that he is
hot.

********

don't you hate it when you heat up your meal
and it's TOO hot?
i found the perfect solution.
add a couple of
ice cubes
or
stick it in the freezer for about a minute.

********

i found a place to teach
zumba at!
now i just need to get my butt
in gear and
do it.

********

seriously.

********

my boss was out earlier this week at a
channel partner conference.
we (not me) teepeed her room
with toilet paper
and post-its.
you can't really tell in the pic
but it was hilarious.

********

i got a
random gift today
for no reason.
made my day.

********

last night was the first night in along time where i had nothing to do
and was by myself.
at first i didn't like it.
but then i decided to play catch-up with myself.
i wrote 8 pages in my journal.
doing that felt great.
i hadn't written since june.

********

i need to get some pictures developed.
am i the only one that still does this?

********

i have a new drink from
starbucks?
a pumpkin spice latte.
non-fat milk of course.

********

i love the lyrics to the latest p!nk song.
glitter in the air.
check it out.

********

STRIKE! 60min
619

summer twentyten

summer 2010 is officially over.
i have lots of feelings about this. without sounding too dramatic, i feel like my life changed this past summer. not because of any one thing, in fact i'm not even too sure why i feel this way i just know that i do. more importantly i'm the one that changed it. nobody else. granted over the course of this past summer i have made some friendships that i feel have made a huge impact on my life, and will continue to do so. but how i've changed as a person over the past few months is my doing. and i like it. i like who it is that i have become.
one thing that i have found that i love about getting older is being truthful. truthful to myself, and honest with others. i love having conversations with people that i have always wanted to have but was too afraid, but now i have let that fear out the window. i can talk open and honest about my feelings, and just let it all out. it is comforting to know that my friends (new and old) accept me the way that i am, and gives me more confidence in my friendships because of this.
i feel like a completely different person. not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. it's weird that my life is changing, but in what direction, i don't know. i suppose their is only so much i can do. right now i feel as though i'm working on appreciating what it is that i have. enjoying it. not questioning it. letting go, and realizing that i'll end up exactly where it is that i'm suppose to.
in lots of ways i feel like this journey i'm on is just beginning. almost like the calm before the storm. like something big is about to happen, but i don't know what. what i do know is that i'm having a blast right now in my life, and that i haven't felt this way in a really long time. i feel good, happy and content. i feel ready for fall, and a new season of change!

barbell strength 60min

boating fun

in the driver's seat

yesterday was a super active day. in fact the whole weekend was pretty jam packed. i got home at around 9pm saturday night after the race and went straight to bed, after blogging and talking on the phone with my parents of course. i got a good nights rest and was up by 7:30am. to my surprise my body wasn't in any pain, out of my normal workout soreness that comes with working out as often as i do. anyways, sarah has an 8:30am Core class, which is 30 minutes of core exercises before Strike! at 9:15am. well truth be told i'm not much of a morning person, but as time goes by i find myself more awake in the mornings. when i woke up yesterday at 7:30 i convinced myself to go back to sleep, skip the core class at 8:30am, and just do strike. well that didn't happen. i got my butt out of bed and went to core then did strike. after class we (april, sarah, and i) made plans to meet up with bobby to head to boyd lake in loveland to soak in the last of summer's sun for the year.

so that is what i did yesterday afternoon. we loaded up into bobby and april's truck, kids in tow for some tubing and boating fun.

i had a blast! growing up my dad had a boat, and loved to fish. whenever i think of boating i think of my childhood with my dad and being so happy hanging out with him on the boat fishing. i instantly have great memories. needless to say, i was super happy to add this to my memories of boating and being out on a lake with my new friends.

april and bobby were fabulous hosts' as always, along with their 2 adorable little boys.

along with the boat they have lots of toys to play with, including this huge fluffy tube thing. ....not too sure how else to describe it. i went out on the tube with sarah as we went on a crazy ride through choppy water and waves. i was seriously hanging on for dear life. a little bit later i went out with bobby and their older son zachary, which was so much fun. i have the rubber burns on my elbow's and knee's to prove it!
i even got to do some cuddling with little ayden who is april and bobby's little 2 year old that gets scared of the boat and water when we go too fast. so i held onto him to let him know he was safe. gotta love some good baby love.

the rest of the time was spent relaxing in the sun and hanging out. i even got behind the drivers sit, and take the boat for a spin, which was a first for me!
even the ride home was a blast. i was giggling with ayden and zach the whole way home.

it was such a quality time mainly because of the people the time was spent with.

for the first time in a really long time i feel like i'm building friendships that will actually last and have some substance with them. which for me is saying a lot, because i don't make friends easily or lightly.
overall it was a fantastic sunday. and an awesome weekend i won't soon forget.

sarah and i on the big fluffy tube thing

P.S. I woke up this morning with my whole body in pain. my shoulders and back are so sore from holding onto the tube yesterday. my abs are sore from core. and i'm pretty sure my legs are sore from the run. it's a good pain, but still painful.

legs/triceps/chest
zumba 60min
476

Up Down Over

pre race
april, me, daniel, annabelle, kortny, bobby
jason, and sarah

pre race
me, sarah, and jason

pre race
april, bobby, and i holding sarah

pre race
april, kortny, annabelle, and i

crossing the finish line!
bobby and i

post race glow
bobby and i

post race: i did IT!

post race
sarah, emily, bobby, kortny, and i

post race
me, bobby, annabelle, jason, and sarah

last night i completed my first competitive race. the U-DO, which stands for Up, Down, Over. i signed up for this race kicking and screaming. i didn't want to do it. i seriously thought i wouldn't be able to do it. i signed up for this race thinking it was a 4 mile race Under cardo net crawls, Down hills, and Over creeks. the 4 miles on regular terrain i'm totally for. 4 miles and obstacle's not so much. this race was at bear creek lake park in lakewood, co, and sponsored by lifetime fitness. so the gym was doing all the advertising.
last week sarah asked if i was doing it, and i said "i don't know." then all last week april was asking me about it, and i was telling people at work about it, and all of this time i was pretty much talking myself out of doing this race.
then i signed up for it.
i had 2 big fears going into this race. because the race started at 6pm i was afraid that i would be alone, lost, running in the dark. i was confident i could do 4 miles in 60 minutes, and then as we get up to the race yesterday i found out the race was 4.4 miles. my other fear was either completing the race last, or not completing it at all.
i went into this race preparing myself to do it alone. which i was completely fine with. i've done majority of my races alone, why not this one? i expected all of my friends to go on ahead of me, because they are all a lot more athletic than me. in fact i'm not too sure if i'm athletic at all, but whatever.
then to my surprise bobby stayed with me. the.whole.race. i couldn't believe it. at first i didn't like it. i kept telling him to go ahead without me, because i didn't want to keep him behind and i knew he could keep up a faster pace than me. but he stayed, even though i told him to leave. for the first half of the race i was very uncomfortable with this. because i didn't want to depend on him, and because i knew bobby was just staying behind for me, so that i wouldn't be alone. it is very hard for me to accept someone being there for me. i'm not used to it. i don't know how to react to it or accept it. during the first half of this race i kept thinking "why is he doing this? why is he being so nice to me?" by the time we completed the first half, i let myself enjoy bobby. enjoy having someone to run with. accepting his help, and his motivation to keep me going. accept his friendship, accept his support. this is something i'm not good at. when i had this realization, that i had this friend truly being there for me, it took everything in me not to cry. the race itself was an emotional one for me because i doubted myself so much, but then to have a friend truly be there for me on top of it, it was almost too much.
bobby was a great motivator. i knew that once we passed the half way point, i would really slow down. and i did. and bobby created a 60 step rule to keep me going.
60 steps of walking, then 60 steps of running.
60 steps of walking, then 70 steps of running.
60 steps of walking, then 80 steps of running.
we did this until we got to 110 steps of running. which took us to the last horrible up-hill trek to the finish line. once we got up the hill, he told me to run the rest of the way, right to the finish line. and that is exactly what i did. my goal going in to this race was to finish the 4 miles in one hour. it was to my uber surprise that i finished this 4.4 mile race in 56 minutes! once bobby and i crossed the finish line, i had to be by myself. i walked away from my group of friends to collect my thoughts. i gave myself time to soak in the experience of the race, and receiving bobby's help. i was questioning why he was helping me, and wondering what i did to deserve his patience while he stayed with me during the last 4.4 miles. i suppose maybe the simple answer is because i'm nice, and because bobby thinks i am a good person. and i shouldn't think that hard into it, but i know that this is one of my downfalls. while i was walking by myself, i thought "so that is what it is like to truly depend on someone." because truly it has been so long since i have done that. now that this race is over, i'm so happy that i did it. at the beginning of the race i wasn't positive that i would be able to say that. but i'm so glad that i did! i definitely ran more than i have ever have, and that accomplishment alone is great, and one that i thank bobby for. i know that if i did this race by myself i would have walked a lot more than i did, and probably come in last, which we didn't!

core 30min
STRIKE! 60min
592

week 25: going down memory lane

here are some more before and after pics...well i'm not at my after yet, but you know what i mean. in all honesty, even i have to say the transformation is pretty much amazing.

tina and i ~ august 2008

tina and i ~ may 2008

tina and i ~ september 2010

so i'm not talking about slimgenics this week. i meant to go in this morning for my weekly weigh-in, but i didn't make it. since i have taken such a break from slimgenics in the past, i figure i'll just blog somethings i've been thinking in my head lately and have my blog take a break from slimgenics as well.

this morning i woke up early and decided to let everything out. with all of the weight loss blogs out there, you know every one's starting point. you know what that person weighted at their heaviest. well this is the blog i tell you that number. but first we are going back to january 2004. i had a good, consistent workout routine october 2003 to january 2004. i have no idea how much i lost because i never weighted myself, but i remember going to the doctor in jan. 04 and have the scale read 198. i was ecstatic! that was the first time in who knows how long that the scale read below 200. shortly after that weigh-in at the doctor, i started dating aaron. when aaron and i started dating, i stopped going to the gym. i definitely think i gained some weight during my relationship with aaron, but when we broke up in december 2005 i went into a deep depression. i wasn't going to the gym, and i was eating like crap. i went to the doctor on august 8, 2006 and weighted in at 264. i remember being so embarrassed that the nurse had to move the weight thing on the scale to the 250 mark. i was petrified. standing on the scale i was telling myself "this can't be. i can't be more than 250. just a few years ago i was 198."
so their it is. my heaviest, that i know is 264. ...i rounded up to 265, just to have an easy number to work with. for all i know i could have once been 270, who knows. i only ever looked at my weight when i went to the doctor. back in 2006 i worked out 22 times. what's so crazy about that, is i now workout 22 times in a single month.
here are some more numbers over the past few years.
in 2007 i worked out 25 times.
august 10, 2008 is when i started consistently working out. when i was up this morning and was looking at all my past calendar's and counting the "w's" on my calendar, this was the first month i really started going to the gym. on 8/10/08 i weighted in at 258. i remember coming home from my 10 year high school reunion and i bought a scale for the first time. so i weighted myself pretty consistently at home. on november 11, 2008 lifetime fitness opened. november 23, 08 i weighted in at 246. by november 29, 2009 i weighted 224.
on thursday when i went into slimgenics i weighted in at 186. before my "break" three weeks ago my all time low was 182. i hope to hit the 170's by october.
i have to say it is such a relief to put all of this out there. now that i have lost a considerable amount of weight i can talk more easily about my number's. which is how i came to the decision to share it on my blog. for the most part i talk very openly about my weight loss, so i figure why now here?, since this is where all of my other feelings are.
plus i wanted to point out the positive. put myself back to feeling proud of my accomplishments. when i realized that i'm past my 2 year mark of consistently working out, i thought to myself "i can do this." "i am doing this." so go ahead and ask me how long i've been working out, do it.
"so april, how long have you been working out."
"i've been working out consistently for 2 years." ...thank you very much!

U-DO race 4.4 mi 56min
586

music, sequins, and hockey

the rest of the week in florida was pretty relaxing. just living day to day with the W* family. running errands, helping the kids with homework, and hanging out.

both max and jake are very musically inclined. their dad jason plays the drums, so do both boys.
here is jake filming max on the drums.



jake has been taking piano lessons for more than a year, and he is so good at it!



one day we did some more shopping with tina's friend jessica. she had a baby girl last march and worked very hard the last 6 months of last year getting rid of all her baby weight. she recently got a new job and turned 30, so we went out to shop and celebrate!
just for fun we went into a fancy dress shop and tried on some fun dresses. i like my dress because it makes me look like a mermaid, and when i was little and would go swimming by myself i would pretend that i was a mermaid. ...i even tried on a wedding dress. that was a little bit weird, all things considered. but i suppose if i never do get married i can now i say i have tried on a dress.

jessica, tina, and i
(take note of jessica's cute little figure, i'll discuss it in a future post, FYI)

my last morning in lakeland i went to cheer on the boys in their first roller hockey game! they won 8-2!!! ...included was a goal by max!
this morning it was so hot and humid. i was sitting and sweating, seriously. but i had so much fun.

max and jake are out there somewhere, in the orange jersey's

saying good bye to this family is always so hard. this particular time was extremely emotional. i love this family so much. i cried and cried, and max comforted me by giving me lots of good-bye hugs...jake is little less sensitive. :) saying good-bye is always harder when i don't know when i'm going to see them again. but i do know that i'll see them again, and that we will stay in touch. saying good-bye is just never fun.

jake, me, and max

treadmill 15min
zumba 60min
553

all kinds of crazy

check out these crackers.
super good,
low calorie
and low fat.
and different flavors.
oh and local too.

********

i think my feet
are shrinking.

********

if you are reading this
please pray (or whatever) for my
uncle billy
who is currently in the hospital.

********

i need a new bathmat
in my shower.

********

i have a sorta
date tomorrow.

********

i did something on tuesday
that i've always
secretly wanted to do.

********

riding on the bus without something to read
is boring.

********

trying to put together agendas for
3 VP's,
3 director's,
2 managers,
isn't fun.
i don't recommend it.

********

sometimes i wish i could just take a
step back.

********

saturday i'm doing the
U-DO race,
i hope i survive.

********

one more post about my florida trip
is coming up.

********

STRIKE! 60min
663

adjustment period needed

each time i go visit tina and her family i go through a little bit of a culture shock. i know this may sound drastic, but let me explain. i grew up being an only child, in a household where my parents barely spoke to each other, and i've lived alone for almost 5 years. so their isn't a lot of talking going around other than me saying "hi Otis" and hearing a meow back. not a lot of conversation going on in my household. the W* household however is a whole different story. they start talking right when they get up in the morning and don't stop until right before they fall asleep. this is a lot to absorb when you aren't used to it. i remember one of the first trips i took to florida to visit tina i had to physically say to her the first morning "i don't talk in the mornings." ...but of course in order to say that you don't talk you have to talk. then you have your normal conversations throughout the day. but expect that at least three times to be asked "what are you thinking?". and be well prepared to have an answer. this family is very in tune with how they feel, and why they feel that way, and they usually express it to one another throughout the day. it's just a lot to handle at first.
so day 2 and 3 of my trip were lots of fun.
day 2 we drove back to lakeland, and had a little labor day cook out.

beautiful table ready for some good food.

after the yummy meal we relaxed and played rummy.

tasty seasonal drink
mike's hard spiced apple, it's yummy

day 3 was a shopping trip to tampa. i had a lot of fun shopping everywhere we went. every single store we went into i tried something on. it was a blast! we had such a great time. i wish i could describe it better, but i don't know how to put it into words. it seems weird. because for the longest time i would go into these stores and immediately look for a size XL, and try it on and hope that it would look good, and for a long time it didn't. and some stores don't even carry an XL. now i can go in and look for a M or L and know that it will fit. i can try on pants, dresses too...which were NEVER even an option. it's fun! ...that's a good word. fun.

after shopping we went to a cute little bistro for lunch

that evening all of us enjoyed dinner!
me, max, tina, jason, and jake

later that evening tina, jason, and i went out to enjoy some after dinner drinks

so prior to going out jason decided to teach me how to throw a football. so just imagine me in the front yard wearing this dress throwing a football! classic, but so much fun.

last but not least....today is Max's birthday:

Happy 11th Birthday Max!!!

3mile run/walk 40min
412

a change of plans

so i spent last week in florida, visiting my great friend tina and her family. i've had this trip planned for at least 3 months. i'm a huge planner that way, and tina herself is a big planner. then on friday afternoon i get a text from tina asking which airport i was flying into. tina lives in central florida and lives about 45 minutes from both tampa and orlando. the tampa airport is easier for tina to get to, so i always fly into tampa. so i replied to her text saying i was flying into tampa. well we ended up having a short conversation about the fact that they (tina and her family) wanted to have a little labor day getaway to orlando, and if i could change my flight from sunday into tampa, to saturday into orlando. my first thought was that it wouldn't work out, because i figured their would be a lot of money involved with changing my flight with only a 24hour notice. well let me just say that southwest airlines rocks! the flight saturday night into orlando was cheaper than my flight sunday morning into tampa. so i actually got a $20 credit! how awesome is that!?
while flying to the east coast i got to see the sunset from the plane. check out the awesome pic from the air!
seeing tina and her boys was great. we stayed in a beautiful hotel right near disney. the first night we just had a casual dinner while watching some college football. max follows his dad's lead, and loves football. it is such an awesome relationship to see grow.
my first full day in orlando tina and i went and got pedicure's at the hotel's spa, then we spent sometime at the pool as a family.

tina, me, max, and jake

tina and jason

tina and i

that's the epcot ball in the backdrop.

that evening we made reservations to go to a character dinner. everyone was really looking forward to this. now usually at these dinners the restaurant usually has at least a handful of characters making the rounds and mingling with the diner's. well this dinner only had 2 characters: pluto and goofy. right off the bat we were disappointed. then we found out that the restaurant was a buffet. i really don't like buffet's. then we got the bill. this not good buffet was $45. so all in all very disappointing. i like good food, and spending $45 of bad food is not quality time for me.
but. i did get to dance with goofy, which was so much fun!

smiling with goofy

max and jake, with goofy

after the huge disappointment of dinner, we found a bar, and i had a very pretty drink.
after the pretty drink, tina and i shared some champagne out on the balcony of our hotel room. we had a great time.
hanging out with such an awesome family in orlando was great fun! i truly feel so blessed to know them!

chest/triceps
zumba 60min
485

week 24: being honest

well as you can tell i only worked out once last week. not good. but, i was on vacation. ...more to come on that later.
what's worse is that i let slimgenics completely out of the door. adios. remember when i said i was taking a "break" from slimgenics but that i planned to stay on plan? that didn't go so hot.
i've thought about this blog for the past few days and about what i would say. i thought about not writing an update at all, about saying i was giving up. i thought about being dishonest and writing out something positive rather than negative. yes, i realize i've been on this downward spiral for about 2 months now. and that all of my weekly updates have been just about the same. i know that nobody wants to hear (read) the same thing over and over again. about how difficult this is, how i challenge myself not to cheat, how i will stay on plan, how something needs to change etc...
it has been the same thing over and over again, week over week. i'm sick of it, and i imagine that you are too.
and this week is no different. although this week has been the worse. i gained a lot. so much that i don't want to share it, so i'm not going to. i'm just going to move on. i'm also pretty confident that my goal weight will also change, but i haven't 100% decided on what yet. once i know, i'll share that too.
what i do want to share is my plan of attack. my plan is start over. completely over. i plan to go into slimgenics this week and hopefully get their support on this decision. i plan to start with the 3 day prep period, and begin brand new. act as if i'm a new client. i've already started mentally preparing for this, because i do know the plan, and i know the difficulties that come with it. but when i first started this plan, i didn't give myself the option of cheating, because it wasn't an option. plus this go 'round i'll be on the right plan. so i feel that it will be easier to stay on plan.
the other thing i'm also preparing for is how to incorporate this new plan to my new social life. my goal is to be start over, and be done by mid november. 8 hard weeks. 8 weeks is nothing. when i first started this slimgenice journey i didn't really have a social network. that has changed. i know i'll want to continue to go out with my friends and be social during the next 8 weeks. but i know the importance of staying on plan. so yes, i will go out, but i am going to try and not say "yes" to everything. especially the first few weeks.
so this is the plan. starting next week. yes, i am putting it off another week, and i'll tell you why. the main reason is because i want to start my prep period on the weekend. not during the week. secondly because i don't remember the full details of the prep period to begin today(slimgenics is closed on sunday's). lastly i'll be getting my monthly gift this week, and i know that will give me some sweet tooth cravings, and why would i want to torture myself with starting a strict diet?! :)
once i get started losing some weight again, i'll update my numbers and my little number graph at the bottom of my blog.

core 30min
strike! 60min
586

dating history

here are some random facts about my dating history. i saw this on another blog, and thought it would be fun while i don't really have anything else to blog about.

1. my first crush was ...his name was levi, and he was in my first grade class. my mother says i had a crush on a boy from my preschool, and that we talked about getting married, and that when we got married he would come live with me and my parents, but i don't remember that.

2. my first kiss was ...with cory latham. we were "boyfriend and girlfriend" in middle school. and in the 8th grade we went to this holiday party where they played spin the bottle. at this point in time cory and i had only pecked each other on the lips, nothing more. he was screaming for the game of spin the bottle to include tongue, even though we weren't playing because we were a couple, and i remember being frustrated with him because that was something that we hadn't even done, and that their were 7th graders at this party. when my mom picked up michelle, cory, and i and we dropped off cory, i walked him to his door we kissed and he pulled back and said "ouch you bit my tongue." i was mortified and we never french kissed again.

3. first date ever was ...also with cory latham. we went to the fair. my mom took us, and i remember i wore this super cute plaid shirt that was a pretty cranberry color with a tank top underneath, with the top tucked in and pulled out. it was super cute.

4. first car date ever...well i suppose a HS dance, but i'm not going to count that because all of the school dances that i went to were because i invited the guy. the first date date that i went on was the summer after my HS year. his name was jason reynolds. he picked me up and we went to go see "the green mile" then went to bennigan's for dessert after.

5. first marriage proposal was...from jim nolan. we were hanging out at the park near my house. i was 21 at the time. we were just talking, and although he previously joked about marrying me, he said very seriously "lets go get married." ...i just acted as if he was still joking.

weights-upperbody 45min am
zumba 60min 407 pm

week 23: my story

so i'm still trying to find a happy medium between slimgenics and myself. i let myself eat like crap pretty much all week. well not crap crap, but enough to gain 2 pounds. these horrible 2 pounds!!! i could have eaten worse, but this isn't where i want the scale to be going, especially since i am on this journey to lose. i am on my own journey.
lately i've been struggling with what people have been telling me, and what the scale says. i have 35 pounds left to lose. for me that doesn't seem like a lot, considering that when i started, my goal was "i have 120 pounds to lose". 35, piece of cake. and i know that i will get there. if i can lose 85 you bet for damn sure i can lose another 35.
but lets take my body into consideration. will my body let me lose another 35? honestly i would be happy with 30, and i made my goal what is so that i would be able to gain 5 pounds and still be a "normal" BMI. but lately i've gotten in a comfort zone of what people say and thinking that for the most part i look normal. when i tell people i want to lose another 35 pounds i usually get the reaction of "you don't have 35 more to lose" or "where do you have 35 pounds to lose?" and these comments play with my head. they make me think that i don't need to lose anymore weight. and i think subconsciously that's why i've gotten so relaxed with my food.
one thing that i want out of this when all is said and done is a flat stomach. i've never had a flat stomach. never. i really want to know what that feels like. and i'm pretty confident that i'll have that feeling when i've lost another 30 pounds, possibly 35. i've asked a few people that i'm comfortable asking "well how much more does it look like i need to lose." and the most consistent answer is between 15 and 20. lately i've also spoken to a select few people about this hanging skin that i have. right now it is most noticeable on my arms. just hanging skin. i have some access skin in my midsection, but that is where i have the most fat left to lose, so it isn't too noticeable, right now. that being said, one thing that i have an option about is surgery. now i have done zero research into this, and have no idea what the details are. all i know is that it could be an option. once i do all of this work, i want to have the body that i have worked for and deserve, but their are somethings out of my control. like hanging skin. now i'm not going to look into anything until i truly feel that i have done everything that i can do. so in order to do that i need to lose at least 25 more pounds, and do some heavy toning with weights. hire sarah to do some one on one personal training with, sculpt, tone, and build muscle. my goal is to be at this stage by december, so that when i start planning my time off and my plans for 2011 i can have a clearer picture of knowing if surgery will be part of that. and if it is, then i will start my research at that time. what's freaky about this whole thing, is that when everything is said and done, i'll easily have at least 10 pounds of access skin on me to be removed. that'll make me that much more thinner. and i don't want to be that. but like i have said, i'll cross that bridge when i get to it. all i'm saying is that it is an option, and i'm sharing it now because as of late it has come up a couple of times in discussions i've had.
plus this will help me focus on my goal, and not what other people think. i started this journey with a specific number in my head, and i need to keep my determination that i will someday see that number on the scale, and that someday i will be able to say "i have lost 120 pounds". i need to re-focus on that, and although it is flattering when people say that i don't have 35 pounds to lose, i know that i do. and if i don't like how i look at that weight, well then i just think i'll have to wait until i get there. it may sound strange, but i'm working on remembering that i'm doing this for me. not for anyone else. determination is key.

strictly strength 60min
528
+2lbs

all kinds of crazy

sarah and i

a funny picture of me out
saturday night.
i had a good time!

********

so i guess eventually i'll find out what my
VO2 is.
even though i don't really know what that is
or what it means.
supposedly it is science.
science was never a strong subject
for me.

********

duffey rolls
are yummy.

********

i really need to mow
my lawn.

********

knee knee left kick right kick turn turn elbow.
that was a sequence in today's STRIKE! class.

********

use your LEGS!!!
that's sarah yelling at us in today's STRIKE! class.

********

today is
90210.

********

i love breakfast
for dinner.

********

i can't believe
it is already september.

*******

lately i've realized that i have
lots of purple in my wardrobe.
and that i may really like purple.
but purple is one of the colors from my HS
and i didn't want to seem "all school spirit" by always wearing
purple to school. so i never really wore that color.
i definitely wear it more now,
but i still think that people will think i'm supporting my HS by wearing purple.
even though HS was 12 years ago,
and i no longer live where i went to HS.

********

STRIKE! 60min
547