i'm scared of the unknown. true, i am currently in the category of unknown. of being the thinnest i've been since middle school, but to go even beyond that? i don't know. it is scary. to finally come to the realization that this can be done. really? am i sure? i'm working on it.
this week has probably been one of the more difficult weeks i've had. for the first time in a really really really long time, i actually thought about giving up this week. i thought about no longer going to the gym, i thought about no longer eating healthy. i thought about stopping. tuesday and wednesday i didn't workout. i believe that, that 2 days in row without the gym triggered this feeling. ...who knows when the last time was where 2 days in row passed without a workout? wednesday was suppose to be my day 1 of 7 for my 7 day workout challenge. which will now have to wait because i leave for vacation on wednesday. i didn't get off of work in time to make it to zumba, so instead i got dinner from burger king, and didn't workout. thursday was another struggle. again i thought about not working out and ordering a pizza. thankfully that didn't happen. i did get my butt out the door and to STRIKE! and consumed no pizza!
now everyday, i have to convince myself to go to the gym. every single day. of course for the most part it is just a habit, but i still have to tell myself to do it. but this week, i was de-motivated. it felt has though i had to literally kick myself to get going. to not give up. i'm discouraged by this, but i have kept going. for that i am proud of myself. even yesterday, i was trying to find an excuse to not workout. i even tried to make plans with a friend, so that i wouldn't have the opportunity to workout. it's been forever since i've done that. again, thankfully my plans didn't work, and i went to the gym, and i worked out. but really, seriously, who is this person? it's been so long since i've seen her, for this length of time. i hope she departs soon! because i don't know how much longer i can keep motivating myself on this level at this intensity.
i am happy to report that i do have a plan of attack for when i return from my vacation. i plan to re-commit myself. start hard core on my eating plan, and get over my fear of being thinner. i had a number in mind for this vacation, and i'm 15 pounds away from that number. i obviously am not going to make my goal. but i need to push myself to get out of my comfort zone. to advance head on to being this thinner self. this healthier self. that although it is scary, it is worth it. i just need to tackle it, and be done. just do it, without thinking about it. i hope that if i do that, i won't have time be scared.
power class 60min
431
+2lbs
431
+2lbs
5 comments:
All I can say is that what you are going through is normal. I think your gym buddies would also confirm that. The girls I work out with are much more fit than I am and I see their struggles too. It doesn't take away my own struggles. However, it does let me know that I am not alone. April, you are not alone. Whenever you start to feel like this, just call. Dont let the gain demotivate you. It is virtually impossible to NOT slip up once in a while. I am willing to put money on the fact that PMSing has EVERYTHING to do with sliding backward this week. I do the same thing. Keep your focus on just how far you've come...and not so much on setbacks. You'll get through this. You just have to tell that awnry little voice that keeps tempting you away from progress to "Get Over It, Because the New April is here to Stay!" - I love you so much and am in awe of your ongoing success! You are such a great inspiration and I am proud, proud, proud of what you have been able to accomplish. -Love Kari
I agree with Kari. You are human, and life is full of ups and downs, but you'll get up again and keep moving one foot after the other.
You have a lot to be proud of, and I think it's safe to say that we are proud of you too!
April, I've been a runner for over 12 years now and I still have days (and weeks) where I just do everything to talk myself out of working or eating better. It's a mind game that will pop up for the rest of your life. Every person I run with has said that same thing at some point in our training. But after making ourselves go work out- we are always glad we did, right? :o)
In fact, it also relates to the post you shared about food struggle and the comparison to drug abuse. My dad has been drug free for over ten years now and he told me that everyday he has to tell himself that he refuses to go back to drugs. And everyday he MUST make the choice not to. It's a life time struggle that gets easier with time but will always be calling his name back along the way. He knows the repercussions of doing drugs. It's about holding himself accountable and acknowledging his choices. That is what makes him a stronger person.
That is exactly what makes YOU a stronger person everyday. I know that scale isn't what you wanted it to read but I think your growth as a human made up for that this week.
<3
AMEN!!! You are still and always will be our inspiration. This too shall pass and tomorrow will be your day.
Love MOM
ah, it's just one bad week. keep up the good work, april.
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