week 15: maintain

no weight loss this week. but no weight gain either. which i am very pleased about. and as to be expected. considering what i was given, it could have been worse. i actually ate pretty good all week long, i just ate out all week long. having my parents here really through off my whole week. i didn't go grocery shopping last weekend, so i had no food to prepare for myself. i take that back. i did. i had two meals in the refrigerator at work which, i guess someone at work decided to clean out the fridge and my tupperware with my food inside. so that started off on monday, and i used that as an excuse to not prepare any food for the rest of the week. bad, i know. but i did some major grocery shopping tonight, and i plan to have a good week next week.

i'm slowly learning to not beat myself up, because it truly does no good. this journey is meant to be a positive one, and a learning one. if i focus on all the negativity and my failures i'm bound to give up, and that isn't an option. so rather than do that, i just move forward. on top of that, i am just now realizing that i am doing this. that this will get done. i was having an email conversation with my cousin last week and she asked how i felt about this weight loss. i responded by saying something in the effect of: i can't believe that i am actually doing it. i'm definitely still in shock over the whole thing. i often wonder if their will be a time where i won't picture myself as the "fat girl". because that is who i have always been. if i'm not that, then what am i? honestly, i don't know. it just seems like that label as always been part of me. and not that i have to replace it with something, and i know that i am many other things, but it just seems as though that has always been an identity that i've always carried with me. so much to learn about the new me! it's all exciting. i'm looking forward to keep on, keepin' on.

elliptical 30min
treadmill 30min
strength training 20min
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