wednesday nights

lately wednesday nights have been hard for me. wednesday nights are my nights alone. my nights off from the gym. i usually plan a meal, cook, watch tv, and reflect. i get lonely. i think about someone sitting on the couch next to me, someone that i can talk to. tell them about my day.
i think about how this used to be life
every.single.night.
and i realize why i used to be so depressed. because i don't like to be alone. i mean if you were home alone 7 nights a week with no one to talk to, you would probably wind up depressed too.
i like to be out doing things. i like to be at the gym, i like to talk and socialize. i'm proud of seeing what i didn't like in my life, and doing something about it.
i'm also proud that i don't want just anyone one to share my wednesday night's with. this past wednesday night i could have had company. i could have had someone to share my meal with, someone to talk to. but i realized that the company wouldn't had been the quality company that i am looking for. i don't want someone just to have someone. i know that if i wanted just someone, that i could have that. but i don't just want someone.
but that doesn't mean i still don't have a missing piece. yes, my friends are great, and i truly love my cats, but they don't provide the deep connection i truly long for. it's difficult thinking about the guys that have come in and out of my life over the past six months or so, and realizing that all of them did like me, they just didn't like me enough. now granted, for the most part i wasn't really feelin' majority of these guys either. but i wish that one saw that i was worth enough to fight for.
recently i've started a new journey to do something about that as well. i'm not quite comfortable enough yet to share it, because it is so new. but for the first time in a long time i feel hopeful. i feel giddy! i feel like that yes this can happen to me. because yes i am worth it! and not only that, someone just might see that as well. with this whole new thought process comes a little bit of fear. because i don't want to be let down, and i don't want to be disappointed. whether it is through this current avenue that is my main focus right now or another way, i feel like it just might happen for me. and that in and of itself is a great feeling to have. that maybe my wednesday nights alone just might one day be a thing of the past. it maybe not happen soon, but i hope that it will happen eventually.

strictly strength 60min

~all kinds of crazy~

i'm really not into the whole
royal wedding thing.
but now that it is here, i think it is pretty exciting.
yes, i admit, i am recording it.

********

can you feel your
yum yum's?

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i have a fancy dinner to go to saturday night.
and i'm wearing a fancy dress,
and it's going to be snowy and rainy and 45*.
boo.

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congratulations to
charlie for officially
making the 2012
colorado firefighter calendar!

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i would like to officially welcome
gavin leonardo to the world
born 4/23
and
cruz david to the world
born 4/24.
congratulations milena and kim!

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last night for dinner i made
chicken fajita's
with homemade guacamole!
never had i ever
made guacamole before.
it was good!

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i think it is safe to say
that my foot is 100%
healed!

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strike! 60min

easter weekend

i had a very lazy easter weekend. hence my lack of workout on saturday. not good. but oh well. after not going to the gym on saturday i went to a friends fundraiser for the children of japan. i have a friend from the gym whose parents live in japan, and a friend's brother is currently living there. thankfully they are all ok, but i definitely think we need to help out.

all the kids singing were so cute

saturday evening i went over to my friend brandi's house for an At Dusk Easter Egg Hunt! how much fun does that sound?!

all of the super cute kiddo's

easter egg hunt with a flashlight?!
um, ya!

super cute avery

sunday was actually really low key. i did get in a workout and well that was about it. not much of a easter.

treadmill 23min
barbell strength 60min

fired up for kids!

all of my friends seem to be overachievers in one way or another. charlie is no exception, or his wife justine for supporting him!!! charlie is a denver firefighter. such a thankless job, as he quoted it perfectly last night at our Easter celebration. "I'm getting paid not for what I do, but for what I WILL do." so so true. going into a burning building risking your life is no easy job.
house fires are a huge fear of mine, and something that happens quite often if you pay attention to the news etc... i got this fear back on february 12, 1998. my dear friend Allan passed away in a house fire of smoke inhalation. i can remember the details of this morning so clearly, and the vision of the firemen bringing him outside. thankfully the rest of his family survived, but the lose of a son and a brother is something i'm sure they still think about every single day. knowing Allan and the tragic way that he died, makes me pay attention to the amount of fires that take place. so thank you Charlie, for doing what you do.
now onto the fun stuff now that the serious stuff is taken care of.
not only is charlie a firefighter, he's also pretty buff. with lots of hard work and personality he is one of 33 fire fighter's competing to be in the 2012 Colorado Firefighter Calendar, which benefits the burn unit of the Children's Hospital! friday night was the calendar event where these 33 very fit and hot people got to strut their stuff. all of us went in support for charlie, as none other than "Charlie's Angels" of course! it was a blast.
a group of us went before the event for the meet and greet of the 33 contenders, along with the 15 people that are in this years calendar! it truly was a great time.

going VIP we got our own little gift bag, along with a personalized reserved sit!

oh yes, i did enjoy myself!

julie and i with the one super tall firefighter of the group, his name is Tyler

how about a fireman sandwich?!, um, YES please!!!

but really we were cheering for Charlie! woot w00t!

charlie's angels: april, diane, justine, christina, becca, kortny, denise, and i

and honestly this was nothing. i'm not too sure how many pink shirts were there, but i would say in total about 20+. we were definitely noticeable...in a good way!

julie and i

the men: jim, steven, and bobby

there were two parts to the actual show. the first one was a "dressed" version, where the judges asked questions. the second part was what really mattered! it was the "naked" version, where they guys and gals came out half naked dancing down the runway! it was seriously a blast.

yummy

if these pics aren't enough, you can check some more out
here and here

while screaming my head off and a little bit drunk at this event, i was looking around and asking myself "how did i get so lucky?" this was seriously such a fun night, and at parts i was thinking "wow this is my life." crazy.
honestly, sometimes if i think too long or hard about the changes my life has made over the past couple of years, i'm in a little bit of awe. of wonderment. and well you combine some hard alcohol, hot bods, and good friends, i definitely had some moments of just reflecting friday night, and it was all good.

treadmill 35min
bike 30min
legs

~all kinds of crazy~

tomorrow is
Earth Day.
do something green.

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my mom has started a new saying:
"is your mom swift, or what?!"
seriously.
she said this to me tuesday night.
i have no idea what it is,
or what it means.
but it is the new
hotness.

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it drives me crazy
when a grown adult
talks in a
baby voice
to other
grown adults.

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this morning colorado was more like washington,
with pouring rain.
the only "raincoat"
i have is a Women's 3x.
i think i need a new one.

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here are two words that before yesterday
i had never heard before.
tear licker.

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tomorrow night
i'm gonna be a
"charlie's angel"!!!
woot w00t!!!

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the countdown is on for
mother and daughter
weekend 2011!
14 more days!

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it felt so fantastic
to be
back
in STRIKE!

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strike! 60min

just breathe

i've had a helluva day. i'm emotionally drained, and was to the point of tears today.
crying tears of frustration.
honestly the last thing i feel like doing is writing a blog.
so this is all your getting.

no, nothing is horribly wrong. just dealing with people. and life.

treadmill 15min
barbell strength 60min

question of the week:

~~~~~~~~
what do you use to keep your hair back?!

i've tried just about everything. i have lots of those little stray stick straight up hairs, and now that i have bangs i have hair hanging in my face.
like most people, i like my hair out of my face when i workout. i pull it up in a ponytail and i'm good. over the past couple of years i've tried various types of headbands to keep those fly-aways and now bangs out of the way. nothing works. they all end up sliding back, and then sliding off.
i feel like my head isn't that big, i would guess it is about average size, so i'm not too sure what the problem is.
i've tried everything, and nothing works. thin ones, thick ones, rubber band ones, no "slip" silicon ones. nothing stays on.
now that i have bangs i would really like to find a headband that works. prior to getting bangs i just waited until i sweated enough to push the hairs back with my sweat. but having bangs in my eyes for the first 12 (or so) minutes of working out just isn't fun. lately i've been using bobbie pins, but i would much prefer to headband.

so i ask do you have any suggestions?
~~~~~~~
what do you use as a headband?

bike 40min
stair climber 10min
legs

a good good night

the double "good" is for two good night's in a row.
friday night was a surprise birthday party for justine at baker's street pub. this party wasn't an easy one to pull off. in fact a "fake" party was planned just to keep the suspicion down. the good news is that the party was a success. justine had no idea! gotta love a good surprise!

SURPRISE Justine!

justine's birthday isn't for another couple of weeks (also part of the surprise!) so when she first walked in she asked "what is this for?!" she had no clue it was for her. once she realized she was the surprise she immediately got a little teared eyes. classic.

Justine realizing we are here to surprise HER!

my personal touch were the balloonsVIP ladies: me, kortny, brandi, nicole, april, sarah
denise, annabelle, justine

brandi, kortny, bobby, charlie, and justine

sarah and i

oh yes we had cake!
sarah feeding bobby

VIP guys with the birthday girl: bobby, kevin, steven, charlie, luke, damon, and jason

me, christina, and annabelle

last night was another first for me. i went to my first ever MMA fight. MMA: Mixed Martial Arts. this was some intense stuff. april and bobby know one of the fighters, Chris Holland. his fight was at the very end at around 11pm. up until then we saw a handful of fights. and my my this is violent stuff. i'm not too sure what i expected, but this was not my thing. unfortunately Chris didn't win his fight, but afterwards i met him and all of us hung out for a little while. a group of us got together prior to the fight and hung out.

Ring of Fire (Chris is the bald guy in the background)

two good nights, filled with good memories. gotta love it.

50/50 60min

being injured

i hurt my foot. this sucks. i'm trying to not make it worse, but not going to the gym is just not an option. when i seriously think about someone telling me that i can't workout, my heart literally breaks. the gym has been the one consistent, and stable thing in my life the past 2 and half years. yes i have work, but work is a "have to" not a want. in reality i don't have to go to the gym, i want to go to the gym. of course majority of the time i go kicking and screaming because i really don't want to go, but i suppose i do because i do keep going. anyways...this could go on.

on wednesday i decided my whole workout would be on the treadmill. i wanted to really see what i could do with one hour on the god awful machine. see how much i could run and just go. so that is what i did. i ran for about 40 minutes with about three - 2 minute breaks of fast walking. so within that actual 40 minutes i guess that i probably ran about 34 minutes of that time. the last 20 minutes was a fast walk. when i got home i noticed that my left shoe was loose, and just about fell off my foot when i took off my shoes. i didn't think anything of it. the next day my left hurt so bad i was limping around. i immediately knew it was from my time spent on the treadmill. but didn't know the cause. what hurt was the very bottom of my foot. sorta like the pain that you've had from walking around being on your feet all day. but worse. on the bus ride home on thursday i was texting my friend and personal trainer sarah along with my friend and physical therapist christina to get their opinion on working out. i knew that strike! was out of the question. christina recommended either the bike or stair climber, sarah recommended taking a few days off. i ended up on the bike. i told christina about my shoe being loose and she thinks that while i was the treadmill i was probably contracting my toes to keep my shoe on which is why the bottom of my foot hurts.

since then i like to think that my foot is getting better. both sarah and christina gave me some tips that i've been doing, and today it definitely feels the best, but i haven't really been on my feet today like i have been at work since hurting my foot. i've stuck with the bike workout which i really don't like, but at least it is something.

i'm hoping for a full recovery soon. this is the one big draw back of working out, getting injured. it is so demotivating. it makes you ask why you even do the things that you do, just to hurt yourself?!, and put yourself out of commission. granted i'm not totally out, but i am missing my normal workouts.

bike 45min
triceps/biceps/back

~all kinds of crazy~

i've never shopped at
H&M,
but one is coming to Denver,
and i'm so excited!!!

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i think that their needs to be a
U-turn signal.
i do think it would cause more good than bad,
but i still thing their should be one.

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i like caribou coffee
better than
starbucks.

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i've worn make-up
everyday
this week.
i've had two people ask me if i use
latisse.
it's a compliment.

********

i have to get my toothbrush wet
before i put any
toothpaste on it.

********

found out the sad news today that my
soap
has been canceled.

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i'm currently throwing
another
virtual Silpada party.
feel free to place your order online!

********

i really don't like
taking pills.

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quote of the day:
"Never make someone your priority, when they only make you an option."
~anonymous
thanks so my wise cousin Kari!

bike 40min

what to do?

Where I want to go:

London

Las Vegas

Nashville

New York City

Washington DC

I am a huge planner. I plan just about everything. Write out lists of “to do’s” and what I need to get done. Usually every November/December I sit down and plan my trips for the upcoming new year. I didn’t do that last year for this year, and as of right now I have no trips set in stone for this year. This is driving me crazy. Usually by this time of year I’ve already gone on a trip, and am going on another one soon. I need to go somewhere and I need to go somewhere soon. Obviously I don’t need to, but I deeply want to. I still don’t know about my job, which is the reason behind my non-planning. I don’t want to plan a trip and then get laid off. I’ve been told I should know by the first of May. Time will tell. Until then I keep going back and forth about my options and what to do?

I have a friend planning a trip to Las Vegas next month. In the recent past M and I have talked about going to Vegas, so I’ve thought about going and having him come with me.

Another friend of mine will be in London for 6 weeks starting in the middle of May, and said I could come visit. I can’t help but take this as a sign. I’ve had lots of opportunities to go to London recently, and this is the most recent. I would have a place to stay, all I would need to do is pay for the plane ticket. I would mainly go in hopes of seeing Ken. Which that is a whole other story.

Next I have my normal yearly trips to Rhode Island and Florida. I’m tentatively planning RI for the 4^th of July and FL for Labor Day weekend.

Then my mom wants to go on a train ride to see Mt. Rushmore sometime in July.

I also want to travel to Nashville to see my cousin Nikki, this I picture sometime in the late summer or early fall.

Lastly is the one trip that I’ve been planning since I was in Middle school. And out of all of the trips I have mentioned this is the one that I hope truly happens. This would a trip with my mom to New York City and Washington DC the first week of October. My mom’s birthday is in October and this year she is celebrating a milestone birthday. I don’t know if they still do this, but in middle school they used to have a field trip to DC, for whatever reason I didn’t go, and have regretted it since then. My mom and I have never been to Washington DC. I’ve been to New York City once, and it was for a day, and all I did was go up the Statue of Liberty. Needless to say I’ve been planning the details of this trip for quite some time.

The two trips that could be happening soon are either Vegas or London. This has me questioning my company. Sure I like M, but do I like him enough to go on a trip with him, when in all honesty I would rather go with someone and create memories with someone I really like. Same with London. If I were to travel that far, I would much rather go someplace I haven’t been, which would most likely happen while I was out there. But I don’t know if I want to put that much into seeing Ken. Ken is here right now, and as in here I mean the United States. He’s been here since 3/30. He flew into Wisconsin, and is flying to Albuquerque today, then back to the UK on the 22^nd. Unfortunately timing didn’t work for him to make a stop in Denver. I figured as much when he finally told me 2 weeks before his break that he wasn’t coming to Denver. I was and I am deeply disappointed. Since our date in September we’ve planned on having a second date in April. We’ve keep in touch just about every single day since he moved to Birmingham at the beginning of October. He didn’t ask me to meet him in NM for the time that he’s there, so yesterday I offered (again) for me to meet him in NM. He has yet to respond to that offering, which tells me he doesn’t want to see me.

It is frustrating because I feel like I always put more effort into things. Especially when it comes to dating. Isn’t’ the guy suppose to pursue the woman? Make her feel wanted?! Sometimes I put too much in, and I get that that is just me, but I would love to have the guy put in some of the effort as well. At this rate I can’t help but predict that once Ken goes back to the UK we’ll drift apart. We won’t communicate daily like we used to, and things will just fizzle. Which is fine, that happens in life, but then I feel like all of the time spent with us chatting, writing letters, talking about seeing each other again is just a waste. I hate that feeling.

So for now who knows what I’m going to do. Earlier this week I was convinced I was going to go to London. Now I’m not too sure, and then I think that I’ll just go to Vegas. Then I think in the back of my head I just shouldn’t go anywhere. Lay low for awhile. Wait for something worthwhile to actually happen before planning anything. Which I suppose is what I will probably do, but in the meantime I can’t stop my head from looking at and weighing all of the options in front of me.

treadmill 60min 4.27mi

define this...?

My friend April recently shared this blog post with me, and it got me thinking. I realize that we all have different fitness goals, things that we want to achieve, and ways that we want to look. In my opinion a lot of that is formed by what you were at your starting point. For example the woman in this blog, Jen. Her heaviest weight was 170. I have no idea how tall she is, but to think that her “fat” was 170 and my current “thin” is 175…well thinking about that can truly mess with your head, if you let it. I’m trying to not let it mess with me. I look at her “before” pictures and to me she looks fine, then looking at her “after” pictures I personally think she is too thin. Then I think about me, and I know that I’ll never ever look like that, mainly because I don’t want to look like that. Now don’t get me wrong, all of us are very different, and I commend Jen for finding her healthy and what’s important is that she is happy with herself, which I think is what we are all striving for on some level. But I think if she looks at herself as being “ugly” at 170, what in the world would she imagine if she saw me?! Now or even at my heaviest. But don’t judge a book by its cover. I know how hard I work, and most of you (my readers) know how hard I work as well. Do I consider myself “ugly” at 175? No. Do I still have some weight to lose? Yes. We are all different.

Last week before going into my barbell strength class I ran/jogged on the treadmill for 14 minutes. Lots of time while I’m on a stationary machine with nothing to occupy myself but my own thoughts I think about my insides. That although I’m still considered an “overweight” person, I still consider myself a healthy person. I do believe that you can be both at the same time. I tell myself that not every 175 pound person can run for 14 minutes or a 150 person for that matter. But because I go to the gym 5 days a week the insides of my body are just as healthy (if sometimes not healthier) than a person at 150 pounds or less even. I had a moment when I got off the treadmill last week. I made eye contact with this guy (rather cute, I might add) and the look on his face was one of “Wow did that woman just run on the treadmill?” Almost like WOW someone that size can move at that pace for that length of time? Now I’m sure I’m making this out to be a lot more than what he was, because he probably thought nothing of it, but rather these are my thoughts. I was thinking “did I really just do that?!” A lot of the time I still doubt myself and my abilities of what I can and cannot do. I suppose that is what my friends are for!

In the post Jen also writes about being ashamed. She writes about not wanting people to know who she “used to be”. When I think about myself, I’m the exact opposite. I want people to know who I used to be, where I come from. I want them to see all of the hard work that I’ve done. I have a strange comfort talking about my journey and my weight loss to just about anyone. If you ask me a question, I will answer it. If you want to see “before” pictures, I will show you. If I’m ashamed of anything, it is not doing something sooner, and getting to be as big as I used to be. And not because of the person that I was, but because of the physical aspects of that person I’ll never be able to get rid of (unless it is surgically removed.) Of course, I’m talking about my loose skin. Specifically my arms…which really is a whole post in and of itself. I digress.

In general right now, I’m very happy with my healthy lifestyle. Right now I define being “fit” as a person who has lost 90 pounds of fat, works out, and tries to live a healthy lifestyle in general. I know that the changes I’ve done over the past 2 and half years have literally added years onto my life. Years that I plan to live and enjoy. I also know that my definition of being fit is unique to myself. I am only me, and I can only work on myself. Each one of us is different therefore each one of us should define being fit differently. All of us have different bodies and different goals. Ask yourself the question: What is your fit definition?

The Places I've Been: WA

image

Seattle, WA

Here's to the last domestic post for my "The Places I've Been" travel series!

The first time I went to Seattle was either fall 1991, or spring 1992. I can't remember for sure. I'll let my cousin Kari clarify. The visit was to see my cousin Kari and her new husband Larry. I traveled there with my Aunt Kathleen (Kari's Mom). We stayed with Kari and Larry in there apartment. When I look back and remember this trip I remember a few things. The first is the apartment. Kari decorated it beautifully. Her wedding colors were teal, and all around the apartment were accents of teal and so many beautiful pictures from their wedding. I also remember the mermaids. My cousin loves mermaids, and all around the apartment were beautiful mermaid portraits, figurines, and even lamps. It sounds over the top, but trust me, it wasn't.
Another memory is hot tea. We drank cups of hot tea just about every single night. And I loved it. I can still remember the flavor, and it was so good. To this day I don't think I've ever had anything like it. I'm sure it wasn't anything special, but I remember feeling so grown up drinking hot tea and chatting with my cousin.
Lastly was our trip altogether to Victoria, British Columbia. I don't remember the name of it, but we went to this amazing botanical garden park, with gorgeous flowers everywhere! The hotel we stayed in was this old Victorian hotel.
The whole trip was so much fun.
I think my second trip to Seattle was in spring of 1997? Kari had just had her first son Riley. What I remember about this trip is the perfect weather, crab legs, the Seattle Space Needle, and babysitting Riley. Our weather was truly perfect. The day we went downtown to the Space Needle was perfect. I went with my Uncle Billy and we had dinner atop the Space Needle. It was a lot of fun, and very memorable.
One night I stayed home and watched Riley, and was so excited to have him all to myself. He was about 6 months old, and while changing his diaper he rolled over into his poop...but thinking about it I think it was the dogs poop because he pooped inside the house?! ...I don't remember for sure. What I do remember is freaking out that Riley literally had poop all over him! When Kari and Larry came home I was terrified to tell them in fear that they would be upset with me. Now I'm happy to report that we laugh about it.
With the birth of Riley, I'm pretty sure that I traveled to Seattle every year to visit Kari and her family up until they moved back to Albuquerque.
Seattle is a gorgeous city, and I would love to go back.

strike 60min

my favorite

we all have our favorite performer. the one where we buy their album the day it comes out. for me that performer is janet jackson. i've been a huge janet fan since i was in middle school. i love her music and her dancing. oh her dancing! i have a life long dream of dancing with her. in april 1993 (4?) i went to my first ever concert, which happened to be a janet concert. i went with my friend melissa. we wore matching shirts in different colors and went to eat at the owl cafe prior. i loved this concert.
wednesday night for the second time i went to go see janet again! she performed at the wells fargo theater which is a really small venue...it only seats 5,000. julie and i had awesome seats! easily the best seats i've ever had for a concert. i love seeing shows live, and this was a very memorable night. we were in the first row behind the first small section, so we had room to move and dance for the whole show!
janet is calling this tour "up close and personal: # 1's". she performed all her number one hits.
compared to previous tours this one was much more simple. so big theatrics, just her and some dancers. no costume changes, she wore a simple black tank top with black jeans and black boots.





just out the video of "if" i took. this is one of my favorite songs. when this song first came out i taught myself the choreoghryphy.



this is easily one of the funnest nights i've had in awhile. so memorable! to prepare for the show i listened to her "number 1's" CD, read her book "True You" and recently watched the movie "Why Did I get Married?".

LOVE JANET!!!

strictly strength 60min

~all kinds of crazy~

i recently bought a pack
of Extra's
dessert gum.
it's ok.

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post 601!

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if you haven't heard casey ("guard and protect your heart")
and vienna from
the bachelor/the bachelorette series are a couple.
i'm 99.9% sure i saw them
downtown denver on
monday.
seriously.

********

i can't wait to tell you all
what i did
last
night!

********

happy birthday to my
DAD!

********

i'm super sad that the
"barnes dance"
is going away in denver.
it makes total sense to keep it,
in my opinion.

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when you order a sandwich at a restaurant
and you ask for something extra.
say for example cheese or bacon,
you get charged for that
"something extra".
so why when you order a sandwich that already comes with bacon, but you want
NO bacon
the price isn't adjusted
down?!
i think that it should.

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i have a serious case of cabin fever.
i need to get the heck out of dodge!!

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strike! 60min

~something i love~

image

sitting in the sauna after a long workout.

i also stretch in the sauna.

it feels so good. something out the heat and just sitting and zoning out. listening to my music. feeling all the sweat drip ...ok that's kinda gross, but it gives you the feeling of actually accomplishing something.
and honestly this is a luxury i just recently started using.
my friend annabelle calls a dip in the hot tub followed by relaxing in the sauna the "executive workout". i have yet to actually do this workout, but i think i must give it a try.

my gym has so much to offer, and i feel like i do take advantage of majority of the amenities but there are some things i rarely use.

the sauna is a new love. and i look forward to our growing relationship!

treadmill 15min
barbell strength 60min

runner's high

my first ever race, at the finish line

race for the cure 5k ~ october 2008

by no means do i consider myself a runner. yes i do run, usually for short intervals at a time, then i slow down and i walk. i do, do races, but mainly i run because i know that overall it is the best form of cardiovascular activity that helps tone the whole body. last summer during one of my outdoor runs i got to 3/4 quarter mile and started walking. at that point that had been the longest distance i had ever ran. lately i've been slowly increasing my time running on the treadmill and have come close to crossing that one mile line.

today was that day.

today i ran one mile!!! in exactly 12 minutes 29 seconds.

well technically i kept going. i didn't slow down until i hit 1.15 miles. then i walked for a couple of minutes, then i started running again.

ok, so i understand that to most this is not a big deal. that most people run a whole mile with ease and have always been able to do that. not me. so for me this is a huge accomplishment, and i am proud!
i can remember PE class in elementary school and being told to run a mile. i dreaded this. granted i hated PE and most physical activity in general, but the mile? i loathed it. we had to run around this track 4 times to complete the mile. i always ended up walking, and i always ended up last. just thinking about it i want to cry. i've come so far. and it feels good.

literally one mile at a time.

so much of this game is mental. i've been mentally preparing myself for this milestone for at least the past 2 weeks. every single time i would get on that freakin' treadmill i would prepare and think: "is today the day?" will i run a whole mile today without stopping? to be honest, i'm sure that my physical self has been ready and willing to run a whole mile for quite sometime. but mental self, not so much. until today.

today is a huge victory for me! and now i must keep on going. race season is coming up, and i have some races to prepare for. i need to keep on going.

treadmill 35min
elliptical 25min

not a lot going on

my life the last few weekends has been pretty boring. i haven't seen M for the past two weeks. we've kept somewhat in touch but just haven't seen each other. he sent me a text late last week saying "i'm not ignoring you, just busy studying for my test next week." on friday he takes his journeyman test. i know he is anxious to get the test over with. i'm sure he'll do great. i saw R this past wednesday. leaving him wednesday night i had a nice calming feeling know that was going to be the last time i'll see him. he's a great guy but the fact that past few times that we've seen one another is by my doing bothers me, and while hanging out with him i've found somethings about him i don't like. for example, he doesn't appreciate the things that he has. he always talks about wanting more. which there is nothing wrong with that, but you have to be happy with what is that you have. be thankful for that. you can always strive for more, but you gotta be happy with the things around you. that's an important trait for me. being alone the past few weekends has given me the realization that it's ok to hang out by myself. now of course i've always known this, but having nothing going on and not reaching out to either M or R to hang out with someone just for pure fact to hang out with someone was good. it was good for me. i was proud that i realized i'm better than that. i want something more than just to have company just to have company. plus it is always a very empowering feeling when you know that hanging out with just yourself is pretty darn cool...because hey i'm pretty freakin' awesome if you haven't heard! :) in workout news. today i took my second ever master step class. i tried it last sunday, and was totally out of the loop. it is very technical and choreographed. at the end of class last week Stacie announced that this sunday's choreography would be the same. so i wanted to try again, to get the steps down. well while doing one of the steps over the step i fell, right on my ass. so not fun, and i could tell i landed weird on my ankle. i was fine overall, and immediately got up and was trying not to cry out of sheer embarrassment. there were a few times i wanted to just leave, because i felt so out of my element. but, i pushed through it, and continued on, and got all of the steps down!!! my ankle is a little bit tender now, but all is good.

master step 60min

oops

My very first thought this morning was: Did I blog yesterday? Answer: No! I worked out yesterday so there should have been a blog. But for some reason I totally forgot. This is weird, well just because it is weird. How could I forget to blog? I think about blogging a lot. Mainly I think about what it is I'm going to blog about. Maybe I forgot yesterday because I didn't really have anything to blog about. And now here I am writing a blog post, and blogging. Exciting I know.

I've been having lots of weird vivid dreams lately. Last night I woke up at 4am deeply concerned about Madison. And couldn't calm my head down until 5am. Who is Madison? I have no idea. I don't even know a Madison. All I can think is that I had a dream about her, and I woke up super worried about her. I've had dreams about my friend April and her puppies, and about shootings. Just scary stuff.

So this blog is for yesterday's workout, FYI.

treadmill 50min
elliptical 15min

from blue to green

Jerri's farewell gift

The company I work for officially changed from Qwest to CenturyLink today. Qwest originally announced it was going to merge with CenturyLink back on April 22, 2010. Almost one year ago. Lots of work, and now it is done. In some ways today was just like any other day at work. But it was really a new beginning a new start. The attempt of today was to have the change be a celebration. But the energy just wasn't there.
Last night my co-workers and I had a Thank You dinner for who is now our ex-boss. We took Jerri out, and celebrated her 25 years with Qwest, and being an overall awesome leader, who created a fantastic team. I miss her. It was a great celebration, that was so bitter-sweet. We had some drinks, food, and shared stories. We laughed and we cried, as we sent her off in style. It was a lot of fun, and very meaningful.
Jerri means the world to me. She's done so much, and is overall a great person. It's hard to guess why things happened the way that they did. It makes the most sense to just let it be because you can't do anything about it. But when it is personal and it effects you, that's hard to do, because you want to know why. You want to have that closure. Obviously we'll never know. But we can keep in touch, and hope for the best. Do what is in our control.
I still don't know about my position. I heard today that all final announcements won't be made until June. It is so nerve-racking wondering if today will be the day I'll get my notification. I'll either get 30 days or an offer with the new company. I'm hoping to stay where I'm at, and then focus on growing.

elliptical 35min
treadmill 25min