Tuesday, April 12, 2011

define this...?

My friend April recently shared this blog post with me, and it got me thinking. I realize that we all have different fitness goals, things that we want to achieve, and ways that we want to look. In my opinion a lot of that is formed by what you were at your starting point. For example the woman in this blog, Jen. Her heaviest weight was 170. I have no idea how tall she is, but to think that her “fat” was 170 and my current “thin” is 175…well thinking about that can truly mess with your head, if you let it. I’m trying to not let it mess with me. I look at her “before” pictures and to me she looks fine, then looking at her “after” pictures I personally think she is too thin. Then I think about me, and I know that I’ll never ever look like that, mainly because I don’t want to look like that. Now don’t get me wrong, all of us are very different, and I commend Jen for finding her healthy and what’s important is that she is happy with herself, which I think is what we are all striving for on some level. But I think if she looks at herself as being “ugly” at 170, what in the world would she imagine if she saw me?! Now or even at my heaviest. But don’t judge a book by its cover. I know how hard I work, and most of you (my readers) know how hard I work as well. Do I consider myself “ugly” at 175? No. Do I still have some weight to lose? Yes. We are all different.

Last week before going into my barbell strength class I ran/jogged on the treadmill for 14 minutes. Lots of time while I’m on a stationary machine with nothing to occupy myself but my own thoughts I think about my insides. That although I’m still considered an “overweight” person, I still consider myself a healthy person. I do believe that you can be both at the same time. I tell myself that not every 175 pound person can run for 14 minutes or a 150 person for that matter. But because I go to the gym 5 days a week the insides of my body are just as healthy (if sometimes not healthier) than a person at 150 pounds or less even. I had a moment when I got off the treadmill last week. I made eye contact with this guy (rather cute, I might add) and the look on his face was one of “Wow did that woman just run on the treadmill?” Almost like WOW someone that size can move at that pace for that length of time? Now I’m sure I’m making this out to be a lot more than what he was, because he probably thought nothing of it, but rather these are my thoughts. I was thinking “did I really just do that?!” A lot of the time I still doubt myself and my abilities of what I can and cannot do. I suppose that is what my friends are for!

In the post Jen also writes about being ashamed. She writes about not wanting people to know who she “used to be”. When I think about myself, I’m the exact opposite. I want people to know who I used to be, where I come from. I want them to see all of the hard work that I’ve done. I have a strange comfort talking about my journey and my weight loss to just about anyone. If you ask me a question, I will answer it. If you want to see “before” pictures, I will show you. If I’m ashamed of anything, it is not doing something sooner, and getting to be as big as I used to be. And not because of the person that I was, but because of the physical aspects of that person I’ll never be able to get rid of (unless it is surgically removed.) Of course, I’m talking about my loose skin. Specifically my arms…which really is a whole post in and of itself. I digress.

In general right now, I’m very happy with my healthy lifestyle. Right now I define being “fit” as a person who has lost 90 pounds of fat, works out, and tries to live a healthy lifestyle in general. I know that the changes I’ve done over the past 2 and half years have literally added years onto my life. Years that I plan to live and enjoy. I also know that my definition of being fit is unique to myself. I am only me, and I can only work on myself. Each one of us is different therefore each one of us should define being fit differently. All of us have different bodies and different goals. Ask yourself the question: What is your fit definition?


the emily said...

I'm positive you're more healthy than I am. A person who works out as much as you do, no matter your weight, has a strong heart, muscles, and cardiovascular system overall. I am sedentary, unless you count running after Zoe all day, and don't eat well, so no matter how much I way, I know I'm not fit. Now on to Jen. I weighed 170 when I was pregnant with Isaac and I was ginormous, and it's all because of my height. I don't see 170 as that bad of a number, but for me, at barely 5'1", it was bad. If I was 170 and not pregnant my BMI would put me at morbidly obese. So, I don't think it's wrong of her to want to lose weight from there, especially if she's short. But there is definitely a chance of taking it too far. I didn't read the post but if she gets too thin, she won't be healthy either. And neither would you. It's okay to be NORMAL. I wish I could tell myself that but it's much easier telling other people! :)

the emily said...

Oops, I mean "weigh", not "way".

Jen said...

Thank you so much for the beautiful blog entry. Fit is what makes you feel healthy. Do what feels right and makes you happy. You are writing your own story, and personally, I LOVE it! :) xoxooxo