Wednesday, April 13, 2011

what to do?

Where I want to go:

I am a huge planner. I plan just about everything. Write out lists of “to do’s” and what I need to get done. Usually every November/December I sit down and plan my trips for the upcoming new year. I didn’t do that last year for this year, and as of right now I have no trips set in stone for this year. This is driving me crazy. Usually by this time of year I’ve already gone on a trip, and am going on another one soon. I need to go somewhere and I need to go somewhere soon. Obviously I don’t need to, but I deeply want to. I still don’t know about my job, which is the reason behind my non-planning. I don’t want to plan a trip and then get laid off. I’ve been told I should know by the first of May. Time will tell. Until then I keep going back and forth about my options and what to do?

I have a friend planning a trip to Las Vegas next month. In the recent past M and I have talked about going to Vegas, so I’ve thought about going and having him come with me.

Another friend of mine will be in London for 6 weeks starting in the middle of May, and said I could come visit. I can’t help but take this as a sign. I’ve had lots of opportunities to go to London recently, and this is the most recent. I would have a place to stay, all I would need to do is pay for the plane ticket. I would mainly go in hopes of seeing Ken. Which that is a whole other story.

Next I have my normal yearly trips to Rhode Island and Florida. I’m tentatively planning RI for the 4th of July and FL for Labor Day weekend.

Then my mom wants to go on a train ride to see Mt. Rushmore sometime in July.

I also want to travel to Nashville to see my cousin Nikki, this I picture sometime in the late summer or early fall.

Lastly is the one trip that I’ve been planning since I was in Middle school. And out of all of the trips I have mentioned this is the one that I hope truly happens. This would a trip with my mom to New York City and Washington DC the first week of October. My mom’s birthday is in October and this year she is celebrating a milestone birthday. I don’t know if they still do this, but in middle school they used to have a field trip to DC, for whatever reason I didn’t go, and have regretted it since then. My mom and I have never been to Washington DC. I’ve been to New York City once, and it was for a day, and all I did was go up the Statue of Liberty. Needless to say I’ve been planning the details of this trip for quite some time.

The two trips that could be happening soon are either Vegas or London. This has me questioning my company. Sure I like M, but do I like him enough to go on a trip with him, when in all honesty I would rather go with someone and create memories with someone I really like. Same with London. If I were to travel that far, I would much rather go someplace I haven’t been, which would most likely happen while I was out there. But I don’t know if I want to put that much into seeing Ken. Ken is here right now, and as in here I mean the United States. He’s been here since 3/30. He flew into Wisconsin, and is flying to Albuquerque today, then back to the UK on the 22nd. Unfortunately timing didn’t work for him to make a stop in Denver. I figured as much when he finally told me 2 weeks before his break that he wasn’t coming to Denver. I was and I am deeply disappointed. Since our date in September we’ve planned on having a second date in April. We’ve keep in touch just about every single day since he moved to Birmingham at the beginning of October. He didn’t ask me to meet him in NM for the time that he’s there, so yesterday I offered (again) for me to meet him in NM. He has yet to respond to that offering, which tells me he doesn’t want to see me.

It is frustrating because I feel like I always put more effort into things. Especially when it comes to dating. Isn’t’ the guy suppose to pursue the woman? Make her feel wanted?! Sometimes I put too much in, and I get that that is just me, but I would love to have the guy put in some of the effort as well. At this rate I can’t help but predict that once Ken goes back to the UK we’ll drift apart. We won’t communicate daily like we used to, and things will just fizzle. Which is fine, that happens in life, but then I feel like all of the time spent with us chatting, writing letters, talking about seeing each other again is just a waste. I hate that feeling.

So for now who knows what I’m going to do. Earlier this week I was convinced I was going to go to London. Now I’m not too sure, and then I think that I’ll just go to Vegas. Then I think in the back of my head I just shouldn’t go anywhere. Lay low for awhile. Wait for something worthwhile to actually happen before planning anything. Which I suppose is what I will probably do, but in the meantime I can’t stop my head from looking at and weighing all of the options in front of me.

treadmill 60min 4.27mi


Nikki said...

Yes to visiting in Fall. You have a lot planned, I am excited to see how it all pans out for you :)

Anonymous said...

You are wise to wait and I know it is killing you. But girl go crazy after 5/1 and after the other stuff that needs fixing. Please.

Love you and am glad that I am part of your plans. MOM

the emily said...

trips are so fun! i never plan trips because we just can't afford it, but this time of year always has me aching for a trip because of the cold utah winters that are always still going even when i'm thinking it's time for spring. so i know how you feel.

those trips all sound so fun, but i think you're wise to wait until after you know if you have a job or not. i would absolutely go to london, even if you've been there before. you were quite a lot younger and it would be a very different experience now, not to mention how close you are to other things (2 hour train ride to paris!!) that you haven't seen.

the dc trip would be worth it too. having lived there i can say it is worth every moment you can spend. the history of DC is amazing and it is so much fun to visit.

Anonymous said...

I'll just save the bulk of my response for one of our girl-talk discussions. I have lots to say about this... But in short, I think there is a future for you and Ken. You two have a connection, despite the geographical distance between you. That is real. Patience is the key to all good things in life. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with Ken. Whatever is meant to be, will be. Forget M & R for good. No connection there and a waste of your time and energy. Save Vegas to spend with someone that matters and that you will make great memories with! Also, be more selfish with your time. Its a gift for someone who loves and cares for you. -Love Kari (and yes, this is the super condensed version of all that I have to say! LOL)

sarahlove said...

I refrained from reading others comments because I wanted my opinion to be my own.

You are alive NOW. Today is here NOW. Stop waiting to do things. Don't procrastinate because of 'X' reason. Just stop it.

That's what one side of my brain says.

The other side says. Be responsible and wait until May 2nd. ;) Then GO, GO GO where ever you want.

This is YOUR LIFE. Stake claim right now.

Anonymous said...

Don't sit back and wait for something to happen. What is this something? The right moment? The right person? The right letter from work? If you keep waiting for this "something", you are going to wake up, 40 years old and regretting it. Go. Just keep swimming.