week 11: a loss is a loss

i've had a very reflective week. on tuesday i went into slimgenics, and sat with someone new because the office was understaffed, so lately their have been people there that i'm not familiar with and they aren't familiar with me. ...for instance this one woman last week said "now we need to get you moving!" ...honestly it pissed me off, because she obviously didn't look at my workouts that i document on my food diary, nor did she even notice that i was in workout gear when she said that. i wanted to say "really? i would bet that i have worked out more than you have this entire year." i held my breath, but it just made me mad. don't judge a book by its cover, i may not look like i workout, but i workout a lot.
then on tuesday i spoke to another woman i hadn't met before, and at first she was very motivating. she kept making great points and really hyped me up. but then she kept talking, and she looked at all of my past weeks and commented on all of the times i've cheated. i was so frustrated. it was the past, and nothing i can do about it now. majority of the time you are in and out, on tuesday i was felt like i was sitting down listening to this woman lecture me for 30 minutes. i left there feeling defeated. not good. and i haven't gone back since. and i've let that time with that woman give me the reason to cheat this past week. if i can find a reason to cheat, i will find it. so honestly when i weighted myself at the gym this morning i was expecting a gain. i was pleasantly surprised to see i was a down a pound! obviously not a lot, but i will definitely take it after the week that i have had!

while reading one of the weight loss blogs i follow i got some good advice about motivation. basically it said it's up to me to motivate myself. this truly is a journey of one that i'm on. i'm going to compare it to being pregnant(something i have never been). when a woman is pregnant, she's the only one pregnant. she is the only one who knows what that feels like. nobody else. she can try to explain the feeling of having a growing baby inside of her, but that doesn't mean you'll be able to understand it. just how i can explain every single little detail of this journey to you, and really unless you have truly been in my shoes (which you haven't) you really don't know. yes, you'll be able to relate, of course anyone who has gained a few pounds can surely relate to my story. but that's just it, this is my story. just how like when you are pregnant it is your pregnancy. they say every pregnancy is different. as is true for every weight loss story, successful or not. i'm the only one who really knows what is going on. i'm the only one responsible for what it is that goes into my mouth, or how hard i push myself when i workout. it is up to me and only me to motivate myself to keep going.
yes, the money i spent should motivate me. yes, being healthy should motivate me. yes, wanting to feel good and feel comfortable should motivate me. yes, going clothes shopping should motivate me. yes, having the feeling of actually being thin, should motivate me. and yes on some level all of these things do motivate me on different levels. but what it comes down to, is i need to motivate me. because who am i doing this for? me. it really is all about me. yes i will return to slimgenics, because they do help with holding me accountable. but i need to take control of how my little "sessions" go because tuesday wasn't good for me at all. however, i also need to learn that if i don't get help exactly how i want it, that that's ok too. because, again it is up to me.

elliptical 45min
treadmill 35min
821
-1lbs