Monday, August 1, 2011

in response

i often wonder who reads this blog. and what actually makes a person respond to a particular post. well i recently got this anonymous comment on my "on being alone" post:
"Funny how perspectives change based on relationship statuses. When women are in a relationship, they look back at their single days and are proud of their "self discovery" days. When they are single, they look back at their relationship days and want those back and are depressed. Please remember both ends! It helps us grow."
this comment made me think, so much that i want to respond. yes in my early single days i was depressed. but i wasn't depressed because i wasn't in a relationship, i was depressed because i was unhappy with myself. i think their is obviously a big difference. at the time i knew i required a lot of "work" before i would ever be available to enter into a loving, healthy relationship again. i also knew this work would take a lot of time, and would be extremely hard, and emotional. so rather than do something about it, i stayed depressed. i stayed on what was the easy road and just kept on living my unhappy life.
eventually something clicked, and i wanted to change. i wanted to be happy. i started on my journey to be happy again, in the hopes that part of the end result would be the loving and healthy relationship i was yearning for.
the last year of my life, i have been single, and i've been happy. i came to terms that my life would be exactly how i was living it, without the factor of love. although still hopeful that it would happen for me, i fully accepted my life the way that it was. i enjoyed my time out with my friends, and i also enjoyed the time i spent alone. i honestly think the longer i was single and enjoying my alone time, the picker i became. if i was out on a date and knew that i would have a better time at home by myself then i knew that wasn't the relationship i was looking for.
i also very much appreciated and still do appreciate my alone time. i am still my own person now that i am in a relationship, and i still have my own time. even as a single person from 3 months ago, i appreciated my alone time. did i often think it would be nice to share my time with someone?, absolutely. but i took my time by myself to focus on me. and i feel now that time served me well, because now i don't mind focusing my time on Chris and our relationship.
i believe that i can have that happy balance. and that my alone time went through the cycle of which it was suppose to go. depression, denial, acceptance, change, happiness. all of that happened because of me, not because of my "relationship status".
treadmill 15min
core 30min

2 comments:

the emily said...

I can vouch for this. You have been inspiring this past year. While your commenter might be right in general, s/he missed the mark with you.

Rachel said...

I read this the day you posted it, and didn't comment because Emily said what I would say, but in a much more eloquent way. :-)