I've been trying to think of a word to describe this whole pregnancy experience now that my pregnant days are in the single digits. From spending 8 months trying to conceive, and questioning if I could even get pregnant, to taking my first home pregnancy test, or hearing the baby's heart beat for the first time at my first ultrasound in October, or having to prick myself to check my blood sugars, or to first feeling baby move over Christmas, or to going on insulin, to feeling like I have a baby bump, to picking my doctor, all the way to now about to have a baby, and everything in-between.
The single word I can think of is overwhelmed.
Right now I'm every emotion imaginable. I'm home alone putting away laundry, cooking dinner, and then cleaning up the kitchen. It's a weird mix of feelings going about every day normal life, knowing that soon, extremely soon that life is about to change forever. I'm overwhelmed.
Chris and I have been so blessed, and been given so much throughout this experience. A couple of weeks ago my work group threw Andrea and I a surprise baby shower. It was so nice to see such a large group come together for the both of us. We got beautiful flowers, cake, and very generous gift cards. Then last night Chris comes home from work with a ton of diapers and wipes, a swing, and a play saucer thing from his work. All of this generosity just brings tears to my eyes. I feel very undeserving. I'm overwhelmed.
|the spread at my work baby shower|
|yummy cake for Andrea and I|
|Andrea and I|
Starting tomorrow we'll have guests over. My mom arrives, then my dad arrives next week. By the time they leave we'll have some alone time as a family of 3 before my in-laws arrive for Memorial Day weekend. I'm excited to see them all, and to see all parents become grand-parents. Along with my sister-in-law become an Aunt, and Grandma become a great-Grandma (even though she is already one). I can't help but think that I'll see each person grow to a new level of love, and to think that my baby produced that love, is so overwhelming.
Even more overwhelming is knowing that I haven't even met my baby yet, and knowing that's when the true emotion will begin.