Question of the Week:

Alright ladies, I'm in need of your opinions, help, advice, input, etc...

I had my last growth ultrasound yesterday and baby is already more than 8 pounds, I don't remember the exact number, as I know the ultrasound can be off by a pound, but baby is BIG.  And will gain another 1/2 a pound for the next 3 weeks.  Right now the doctor doesn't want me going to my due date (5/17), and I'm currently set to be induced on the evening of May 13th (I'll be 39 weeks 4 days at that time).  Yesterday the doctor offered me the option of doing a scheduled c-section once I hit 39 weeks (5/10). 
The main risk with having both a diabetic mom and a big baby is shoulder dystocia, which is why the doctor wants to do the c-section.  Although the risk is small (less than 10%) shoulder dystocia could put my baby's life at risk. 
I honestly don't know what to do.  I left the doctor's office yesterday feeling so overwhelmed.  In the past I've heard of women feeling "less of a woman" when they couldn't deliver vaginally and ended up with a c-section, and I never really understood that feeling, until yesterday.  I feel like my body has failed me, and isn't doing what it was built to do: deliver a baby vaginally.  For me it is a hard pill to swallow that this may not happen.
We have a meeting tomorrow with our doula, and that'll definitely help and will give me another opinion, and I truly hope to have a decision made my this weekend, if anything for my own sanity. 
I know a lot of mom's who have had c-sections, and wouldn't do it any other way.  Same goes with mom's who have had both a vaginal birth and a c-section, and would chose a c-section over a vaginal birth. 
I hate the idea of the recovery time involved with a c-section, along with it possibly affecting my milk supply, as I really want to breastfeed.  I really envisioned having that instant skin on skin experience with my baby and having a vaginal birth. 
Right now I hope and pray (I've done lots of praying over the past 24 hours) that baby will come on its own between now and 5/10, and that the decision will be made by baby and not me. 
But now I just don't know what to do with the potential options that I do have if baby doesn't come between now and then.  I do know that the decision is ultimately mine to make, and that each and every birth is different.  But I would truly appreciate your thoughts and input as I try to make this decision.
So ladies: I ask:
C-section or vaginal birth?

The Baby's Room

The baby's room: Check!!!

I officially finished the baby's room a couple of weeks ago.  It was done prior to that, it just wasn't organized.  Now I'm happy to report that everything is put away and as a spot where it belongs.  The only thing missing is Baby Sweat.

The theme is "You are My Sunshine".  Gray and white, with lots of yellow accents.  As I've stated before Chris did all of the work.  I love it, and can't wait to get to know this little one in its room.

Small Details: hung above the closet: this sign we purchased over Thanksgiving in Kearney.  "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:14

Small Details: hung above the crib: i love this cross my cousin Kari found.  Fits with the room perfectly.

A New Day

One of the things I fear once this pregnancy is over is being depressed. I’ve been depressed before, and because of that fear that depression is just something I think will come crawling back into my life. Thankfully because of my past experience I’m more aware of it now, and quickly seek help, or cry out for help. But if I can, being depressed post birth is something I want to try and prevent. To do this, I’m getting a service done called Placenta Encapsulation. This helps with numerous postpartum “things” including the “baby blues”. We’ve hired a doula who will do this, and I figure it won’t hurt!

For me depression is a very real thing, and something that really isn’t talked about. Because you can’t see it or physically feel it, a lot of people don’t want to believe that it is there, or don’t know how to get help for it. When I was in high school I went through a horrible stage of depression, and because it was my first time with being depressed I didn’t know how to handle it, and I didn’t really know what it was or what it was that I was feeling. Out of the 3 times I’ve been depressed in my life this time was definitely the worse. I honestly didn’t want to see another day. I felt so alone, but eventually cried out for help, that my mother eventually got me some help. It is truly a sad place, to feel as though life will only get worse and definitely not better. I learned a lot about myself and how to live my life going forward from the help that I received over 17 years ago. I write about this now, because something recently happened to someone that I know that brought me back to the 16/17 year old depressed girl that I used to be. I’ve cried for this person and their family, and I’ve cried because it brought on the emotions I used to have at that time in my life. I feel so thankful that I got help, and I feel incredibly blessed for the life that I now have. I’m so happy that I continued to live my life, and see that life does change, and that things do get better. In recent years I’ve learned that the shift of life is bound to happen. Things change and sad moments will come, but they will also go and be replaced by happy moments.

Yesterday in church as we celebrated Easter there was a theme of starting over, creating a clean slate. How Easter was “our birthday” time to start anew. A new season is upon me, as I’m about to become a mother for the first time, so right now I’m just trying to enjoy my life as it is right now, because I know it is about to drastically change. Sometimes life’s changes happen gradually and I get time to accept them and adapt to them (being pregnant for 9+ months to prepare for a baby), and sometimes a life changing event can happen in the blink of an eye, and change your life forever with no preparation whatsoever. Life is crazy, and I’m blessed to have a clean slate to start with.

I'm enjoying the ease of taking care of this baby right now.  The fact that it automatically comes with me wherever I go, that it feeds itself, and heck, even changes itself.  Before long it won't be so easy and a new type of love will enter my life.  I feel thankful that God has trusted me with this little being, to raise it into an adult, and to give it unconditional love.  I hope this little one will always know how much I love him or her.

Pregnancy Week 28 - 34

Baby Sweat @ 29w5d ~ this is probably one of my favorites.  It's Baby Sweats nose, lips, and chin, with a hand/arm covering up the rest of the face.  Simply adorable.

Baby Sweat yawning @ 29w5d

Baby Sweat profile @ 29w5d ~ 3/5/14

Week 28: 2/23 – 3/1 (eggplant)

Hello 3^rd trimester!  Time is flying by.  I had my first birth dream this week.  I was at the hospital in labor and out you came with the doctor’s announcement: It’s a BOY!  I’m completely confused by what you are (boy or girl) and can’t wait to find out. 

Week 29: 3/2 – 3/8 (acorn squash)

You are now waking me up in the middle of the night!  Like clockwork I usually feel you around 4:30am – 5am.  I feel like this will be one of your future feeding/bonding times.  March is jam-packed month full of preparation for baby. This week we’ve taken the hospital tour, interviewed pediatricians, and went to an all day Express Birth Class.  We also got to see you at another ultrasound!  You are getting big and weighted in at 4 pounds 4 ounces.  The specialists (again) won’t look at my blood sugar numbers, and we are now contemplating switching doctor’s.  This feels me with lots of different types of emotions as we are only 10 weeks away from meeting you!

Week 30: 3/9 – 3/15 (cucumber)

We had our make it or break it doctor appointment on Wednesday.  We were at the doctor’s for more than 3 hours, and thankfully got all of our questions answered, and have decided to stay where we are.  It’s just beyond frustrating, and I can’t help but think “If I only knew”.  But this is the first time I’ve gone through this, so I really didn’t know any better, but now I do know better for a possible next time.  I also took a baby/child CPR class.

Week 31: 3/16 – 3/22 (pineapple)

Two big events this week.  I’ve officially started insulin.  My husband is again a rock star giving it to me when he can, so I don’t have to.  I know this is best for baby (and me), but I’ll be super thankful once this pregnancy is over to stop this medication.  Secondly is a second Denver baby shower!  Right now a good night’s sleep is hard to come by, and at this point in time I feel that it will be for the next 18 years.  Baby likes to wake me up, and it’s super difficult for me to move and get comfortable.

Week 32: 3/23 – 3/29 (squash)

I’m officially uncomfortable.  And baby likes to put pressure “down there” which I really don’t appreciate.  I definitely took for granted the ease of just moving around.  Getting up off the couch or adjusting in bed, now seems like a chore.  We took our Baby Care class this week, just in time for Chris to go out of town for some work training.  I’m super thankful that my mom flew in to cover his absence. 

Week 33: 3/30 – 4/5 (durian fruit)

We had a growth ultrasound today, baby is a little more than 6 pounds, and in the words of our doctor a “squirmer” and doesn’t hold still.  I’m getting highly emotional thinking about babies arrival.  I physically feel ready for baby to leave my body, but emotionally and mentally I’m nowhere near ready, although I don’t think anyone is ever truly ready for the “Mom” role. 

Week 34: 4/6 – 4/12 (butternut squash)

I don’t know what’s going on but I don’t feel good.  I pretty much slept all day Sunday, we left the house to go to breakfast and Target, and again to church.  Thankfully Sunday was my last day volunteering to do the tech service for the 505.  I had body aches and chills.  As ready as I am for this pregnancy to be over with, I feel like baby needs some more time cooking.  I experienced my first round of contractions, and found that a warm bath does wonders and gives me a good nights sleep (for the most part).

The Bassinet

Baby Sweat will hopefully spend his or her first 6-8 weeks in a family bassinet.  I first heard about this bassinet when I became pregnant, and at first mention I didn't really want anything to do with it.  But when Chris and I were in Albuquerque for Christmas we went to go see the bassinet, that was in my Aunt Patti's storage unit at the time.  I liked the simple look and functionality of it, and knew where it would fit in our bedroom (perfectly right next to my side of the bed).  Then I became intrigued by its history.  My Aunt Patti at the time mentioned that my Grandpa Egan got this bassinet from an old military hospital and majority of his kids (my aunts and uncles) had slept in the bassinet as newborns, along with all of us cousins (myself included).  The last person to use the bassinet was my 2nd cousin Aidan, who will be 13 in September.
I reached out to a few of my aunts with the hope of putting its history together, but like time often does, the stories are mixed. 
One version starts in Rocksprings, Wyoming in 1945, where the brown bassinet was given to my Grandparents, as the hospital was getting all new bassinet as the time.
Another version starts in Bauxite, Arkansas in 1944, where Grandpa Egan purchased the green bassinet at a military surplus store. 
Regardless, the bassinet itself is nearing 70 years of age! Whether the bassinet was acquired in Wyoming or Arkansas, the other states it has traveled to are: Utah, New Mexico, Texas, and Colorado. 
The bassinet is all metal, on wheels, and the top "basket" can be removed.  I'm thrilled to be using this for Baby Sweat, and to know that we will share in this piece of family history.
Knowing that this piece of furniture has cared for up to 16 babes, I know it'll keep Baby Sweat safe and blessed as it sleeps at night.
I'm also thrilled to be keeping alive a piece of furniture that my Grandpa Egan used.  My Grandpa Egan was the ultimate non-waster.  He didn't waste anything.  And I'm sure he would be proud that a piece of furniture he got approximately 70 years ago is still in use and cared for today.

Naps & and An Update

I surpassed the 34 week mark on Saturday.  Which means if I were to go into labor they wouldn’t stop the labor from progressing.  And in my world that means I’ve had a couple of eventful days.  Saturday I went to my friend Erin’s baby shower.  She’s expecting a girl on May 4^th.  It’s super fun knowing I have two friends who are due around the same time as me, and thinking of our babies becoming friends. 

Saturday I also spent some time organizing the baby’s room.  We also went to one of the local fire stations and got the car seat installed, and picked up the rocker for the baby’s room.  Things are definitely coming together.  I still have something’s I want to do, but if baby were to come, we would (for the most part) be ready. 

Sunday was a rough day.   I can’t remember if I didn’t sleep well Saturday night or what (right now time is just blurring all together), but I was just tired all day Sunday.  We had zero food in the house, so we left for breakfast and a trip to Target.  Once we got home from Target around 11am, I decided to go back to bed.  I slept until about 3pm.  I took a shower, then fell back asleep on the couch until we had to leave for church around 4:30pm.  Over the past year or so I volunteer at church during the 5:05pm service we attend, displaying the lyrics, verses, captions, videos etc… on the TV screen used for that service.  It’s pretty simple, and I do it once a month.  This past Sunday was my last volunteer day as I go out on “maternity leave”.  It was extremely important to me to keep my commitment, even though I really wanted to stay at home and sleep.  Against Chris’ wishes and my stubbornness we went to church.  I felt horrible, but wanted to follow through.  After church I really didn’t have much of an appetite but we got some dinner and went home.  After dinner and a little bit of TV I went to bed at 8pm.  By the time I crawled into bed I was freezing and had the chills.  In a word I felt like crap.

It’s extremely rare for me to sleep this much.  I have never been much of a nap taker, and have taken more naps through the duration of this pregnancy then my entire non-nap taking life.  It’s safe to say that when I do nap it’s because I’m either extremely tired, or really don’t feel well.  I’ve never really understood people who just take a nap to take a nap.  I do however understand, that taking naps could very well be part of my new normal once I become a mom.  But as of right now, I’m not there yet. 

Anyways Sunday night I slept from 8pm to 6:30am, the sleep itself wasn’t great, and after so much sleep you would think I would wake up feeling rested and ready to go to work, but not so much.  I dragged myself to work yesterday, and by 9:30am I had gone to the bathroom 4 times and had my first case of pregnancy hemorrhoids (gross I know, but true).  I had remembered in our birthing class that going to the bathroom (I’m sure that if you’ve ever been pregnant you know what I mean by “going to the bathroom”, and even if you don’t know it’s ok) could be a sign that labor was about to start.  After the 4^th trip I did a quick Google search and confirmed my suspicions.  I called the doctor, just to speak to the nurse who I am really not a big fan of and didn’t really get any resolution.  I plugged on throughout the day thinking that this baby could be coming.  After work on my bus ride home I felt what was my first real contraction.  I had asked Dr. Jones at last week’s appointment the difference between a Braxton Hicks contraction and a real contraction.  She advised me that a contraction would stop me in my tracks, and feel like a strong menstrual cramp.  Well, that’s exactly what happened on the bus.  I had definitely felt pain and pressure “down there” in the past, but nothing like what I felt yesterday afternoon.  It was short and afterwards made a mental note of the time.  Once I was off the bus I went grocery shopping, and had two other short contractions while shopping.  Once I got home right at around 5pm I knew I wouldn’t hear from my doctor, so I figured a call into my doula was due.  I left a message for her, put the grocery’s away and started a load of laundry, and packed for the hospital.  Shortly after that Chris got home and my doula, Josie called me back.  I told her about my past 36 hours and advised that all of this could be because I got a weird sickness or because I’m pregnant, who knows?  She told me to not be concerned, to take it easy, take a warm bath or shower, and that if I do have 5 contractions in an hour to call my OB.  Chris rocked dinner while I stayed on the couch and rested.  Over the course of the evening I had about a contraction every hour for about 3 hours (so 3 more contractions).  Once dinner was done and the kitchen cleaned, Chris started me a warm bath.  This was magnificent.  I loved it.  Relaxing in the warm bath felt great and did me wonders.  Just as I was getting into bed I did have another contraction, but I feel asleep on Chris and had a great night’s sleep.  I woke up this morning feeling so refreshed and fantastic.  I can’t remember the last time I slept like that, and waking up feeling so…good.  I’ve had no contractions today, and baby has stayed active (so active!), and we have nice warm weather that I hope to go home and take a walk. 

We thankfully now have all our hospital bags packed, but I truly hope this baby stays put for a few more weeks.  My big goal is to get into the month of May.  It’s an emotional feeling wanting this pregnancy to be over with, but knowing that baby needs to cook a little bit longer.  It’s crazy knowing that the end is so near, and even though right now these days and weeks are dragging, that soon (when they are over) I’ll look back on this time and realize how quickly it all went!

Denver Baby Shower

A couple of weekends ago my friend Julie threw me a Denver Baby Shower.  I was thrilled and felt super blessed when she offered to throw me a shower.  There was lots of little details for this little "angel", and just hanging out with some friends, created a nice laid back Saturday morning brunch!

feathers and each guests got to take home bath salts!

the glittered invitation

gifts for Spoiled Baby Sweat

the Grandmothers to-be traveled to be part of the special day!

3 pregnant ladies checking out the baby's room.  Andrea, me, and Erin

made by my Mother In Law

much needed items from my friend Sarah!

TOP ROW: Cathy, Sara, Dena, Andrea, Erin, me, Sarah, Cheryl, Angela 

BOTTOM ROW: Tina, Annabelle, my mom, Julie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A lot of my friends have had babies in recent years so I got some awesome gear that I didn't even know existed, but that they know I will need.  I am truly so appreciative to have these ladies in my life.
Chris' mom drove out with his friend's Mike and Angela, so having people travel for this little babe definitely added to the event.  Mary even made some freezer meals so we'll have food once baby is born!
The weekend was super special all around.

blogging to remember

Beautiful ladies at my baby shower 3/22/14

Life has been crazy lately.  And I've been meaning to blog, as I have a lot I need to blog about, but I just haven't gotten to it.  So instead I'm going to do a snap shot of things I need to revisit. 

I'm still pregnant, this obviously shouldn't be a surprise, as I'm only 33 weeks and 4 days, but I am at the point where I'm uncomfortable, and can really only do so much in a day before I become tired and cranky.  Hence the lack of blog posts. 

I'm going to the doctor weekly for a Biophysical Profile (BPP).  As of now baby has passed each one with flying colors!  Baby Sweat is a rock star!  Once I hit 36 weeks I'll be going to the doctor twice a week.

I had an awesome and laid back Denver baby shower.  Got some seriously awesome gear!  It is definitely nice to have some friends with kids/babies! 

Chris had some training he had to do out of town last minute, thank goodness my mom was able to come up in his place.  As much as I missed Chris, it was super nice to have some one on one time with my mom.

People are starting to notice my pregnant state.  While out and about this past weekend I got a handful of: "How much longer do you have?" type comments.  But while discussing with a co-worker that I'll be out most of the summer, another person at work asked me how I was able to take the summer off.  I had to advise him: I'm 8 months pregnant, I'll be out on maternity leave.

It feels so nice to be able to say that baby is coming Next Month!

The insulin is doing the trick!, and I finally feel like I have a handle on my blood sugars.

Chris and I were totally disappointed with the Baby Care Class we took last week.

Lastly, I'm pretty sure we have everything for baby.  Now we just need to get organized!