|Baby Boy Sweat 30w4d 2/17/16|
Since our move at the beginning of November I've mentioned my blood sugars at every single doctor's appointment, with no real action, until the beginning of February. I had an appointment set for (another) 3 hour glucose test just to find out that my insurance wouldn't cover another 3 hour test until I failed a one-hour test. So after mentally preparing for a 3hr test, I did the one hour test. At this appointment the doctor asked about my birth plan, which I stated (again) VBAC. ...when we met for the first time in December and I told her I intended to VBAC she responded that I still had time to change my mind. Which indicated to me that she wasn't really a VBAC friendly provider. At this appointment in February she asked again, and I advised VBAC, then out of nowhere she asked if I was getting my tubes tied. This shocked me. My first thought was "wow, this women really wants to cut be open", as her point was, if I did want my tubes tied, that the procedure is pretty easy follow in a c-section. But to present it that way, especially after voicing my desire to VBAC I truly felt like she wasn't listening. And then to assume I'm done having kids, I was just speechless. Especially because Chris and I haven't had this conversation, and for her to give me a permanent solution to birth control, truly seemed out of left-field. I really just wanted to get through this appointment. I (of course) failed my 1 hour glucose test, and get the 3 hour scheduled for the following Monday. I fail the 3 hour and I'm officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes and am put on insulin. That was the Wednesday prior to leaving for my trips to ABQ and Denver. Long story short, my insurance declined the prescription that the doctor wrote for the insulin....Who knew they could even do that?....I do not recommend Blue Cross Blue Shield! So after a lot of back and forth I finally get some insulin my first night in ABQ. Once I get it, it's not the dosage that I had reviewed with my doctor, in fact it wasn't even my doctor who called in the new prescription, it was from a doctor I hadn't even ever met! So then I was really confused and upset and decided to not deal with it until my return to Alamogordo. Finally 2 weeks after I was prescribed to be on insulin I was able to talk to my doctor this past Tuesday and get everything settled. In addition to that, there were issues with the glucometer. And I'm sure other things that I'm forgetting. Once I was diagnosed with GD the doctors office finally started giving me the care that I felt I needed, but at that point it was too little too late. I had started the process of possibly having this baby in Las Cruces with a highly referred doctor. Chris and I met with a doula and really looking at all of our options. We toured both hospitals (the one here in Alamogordo, and the one in Las Cruces), and made an appointment to meet the doctor in Las Cruces. From the beginning I've felt the doctor that I somewhat like here in Alamogordo was basically just telling me what I wanted to here in regards to my VBAC wishes. It was a similar feeling with the doctor I had Helena with. I was also feeling extremely anxious about the birth of this baby, and where we were going to have it. On Friday we drove to Las Cruces and met with the doctor (thankfully Chris was able to come and meet him, too). It was really good (although he was running extremely late, which was frustrating). He's much more aggressive in his VBAC approach, which makes him a lot more confident, which in turn gives me more confidence. He has a higher success rate, and the hospital itself gives me huge peace of mind, as it has a NICU, is baby-friendly, and a 24-hour anesthesiologist. And Chris liked him. So we have a decision! We are having this baby in Las Cruces and I'll be canceling all of my appointments here tomorrow! I feel like a huge weight is lifted that at 33 weeks pregnant I know where I'm having my baby. But that doesn't mean I'm not nervous and anxious, because I am. And part of me is sad and feels bad to "fire" my doctor here. I thrive off of what I know. And this is the doctor's office that I've known since we moved, and that is where I'm comfortable, but I truly feel that Las Cruces is going to be best, and is going to give me and my baby the best start! In addition to that we've hired the local Doula, and I'm really looking forward to that relationship growing, and having a great labor and birth! We still need to figure out the details in regards of what to do with Helena, but we have some options to discuss and we'll hopefully get all of that figured out soon.
I've been feeling really behind this pregnancy. This time two years ago Helena's room was ton, clothes were washed, car-seat installed, and I wasn't even this far along. As I get bigger and more and more uncomfortable as baby boy takes up more space and as slow the last few weeks of pregnancy can seem, I'm also highly aware of how quickly they will go, so when I think about having a newborn baby here, I don't feel ready. Which makes me feel uneasy. Chris assures me that everything will be ready and set to go by next weekend, and I know that'll make me feel much better. Then there is the love. Every single time I get to see baby boy, or even just feeling me move throughout the day, I start to get overwhelmed by the love. I wrote about the love that I felt for Helena and how it wasn't this wam bam type of love just because I didn't know what to expect as a first time mom. But as I got comfortable in my motherhood role and as I got to know Helena it was amazing the immense amount of love you feel. Now that I know what to expect, I love this little boy. I am brought to tears every time I get to see him and the moments I get to see him move I immediately giggle and get teary eyed. Just because I now know the love this little boy will bring, and it is so exciting to think about.
I truly can't wait to see him and love on him and kiss him, and I know how quickly the rest of this pregnancy is going to go, I just hope I'm ready!