Poppy Seed!

Obviously lots to catch up on!.  I'll start with a little letter I wrote describing this journey, once we found out we were expecting. 

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Friday September 6, 2013

Dear little poppy seed,

It’s crazy to think that’s how big you are right now (or rather how little!), just millions of little cells forming into a little life.  Our life!  We found out we were expecting you just 3 days ago on Tuesday September 3^rd.  You’ve made your dad and I so incredibly happy.  Although I gotta be honest, you are a pleasant surprise.  I thought it was going to take a lot longer for you to make your arrival.  I know some Mom’s out there who are a lot healthier than I am and a lot younger than I am, who took a lot longer to get their little poppy seed.  I think it goes to show that sometimes it just isn’t up to us.  I feel so happy and so blessed that you have found your home with us after trying for you since January 2013. 

At the beginning of the summer we bought our first home pregnancy test, that just stayed put for awhile.  Over the past 8 months I’ve gotten to know my body pretty well, and knew what symptoms to expect before my period, and so whenever those symptoms would start, I knew better than to take a pregnancy test just see a negative result, when I knew I would start my period.  But the beginning of this week was different.  My parents (your Grandpa and Grandma Madrid) were in town at the end of last week, and left Saturday afternoon which was a good distraction from the dreaded two week wait!  Saturday 8/31 night I slept about 13 hours, I was exhausted.  Who knows if it was because of your presence or it was from lack of sleep from when my parents were here, but that could have been my first indication of your arrival. 

 On Sunday 9/1 I was expecting my first signs of PMS symptoms, to get ready for my period that was due at the end of the week.  But nothing happened.  For the first time I had a true conversation with myself that resulted in the fact that I could indeed be pregnant.  All months in the past when I would even question if I were pregnant or not, I immediately told myself I wasn’t.  But this month was different.  This month I felt there was a chance.  I struggled back and forth all day Sunday if I should take a pregnancy test Monday morning.  Come Sunday night I knew I wouldn’t be able to shut my brain down and decided to just do it.   On Monday 9/2 I took my first ever pregnancy test.  And there was the faintest of lines.  But convinced myself I was seeing things, but also knew that in the back of my head a line is a line.  From the research I had done on home pregnancy tests, I knew that regardless of how faint the line was, if there was a line the test was positive.  I showed it to your dad, and I could tell he saw something too, but that he didn’t want to get my hopes up.  I left for the gym that morning to privately celebrate my news in Dance Jam, but still feeling so unsure.  I felt great.  Most of Monday I had convinced myself to hold off a couple of days before testing again to confirm what I felt was a sure thing, but by Monday night I knew I was going to test again Tuesday morning. 

The same thing happened on Tuesday 9/3 morning.  A faint line, but a line.  I showed your dad again, and got the same response.  He was convinced that we couldn’t “call it” until my period was officially late/missed, which was in 5 days!  …do you know how long that is?!  I knew there was no way I could wait 5 days.  For a couple of reasons.  One, I knew I was pregnant, I just needed to get your dad on board, and two my parents are leaving tomorrow 9/7 for a week long Alaskan cruise and I knew I wouldn’t be able to wait until my parents returned to tell them about your arrival! 

So, Tuesday afternoon after work I bought a digital pregnancy test, that tells you loud and clear either: “Not Pregnant” or “Pregnant”, plus how many weeks you are!  I was steadfast on getting your dad on board!  Once I got home I took the test and while explaining to him all these crazy things about the female body what popped up on the test?  Yup, you guessed it: “PREGNANT: 1-2 weeks”!!!  We talked, laughed, and cried about your life changing presence in our lives and expressed our love for one another as we feel so blessed to make our family bigger! 

After we let it sink in we called your Grandpa and Grandma Madrid to share the news.  We got them both on the phone and I asked my parents: “What are you guys doing in May?”  My dad’s response was: “Who knows?!”  And I advised them: “Well I was thinking you guys would become grandparents!”  To say there were elated is an understatement.  I know they are going to spoil you rotten! 

Next up was your Aunt Alice.  Her response was: “About time!”  Plus she was so excited!  Last up was getting your Grandpa and Grandma Sweat together.  This was a little tricky.  Grandma Sweat was at a HS baseball game selling tickets, and Grandpa Sweat was at home sleeping.  Your dad called his mom to see when she would be home and that he had something to discuss with both his mom and dad.  He made up an excuse in regards to his health.  Your grandma effortlessly tried to get Chris to say something, but didn’t.  Once he got off the phone, he felt so bad!  He didn’t mean to cause his mom undue stress with worrying her that something was wrong with him, but I confidently told him it would be worth it.  Once we were able to get them on the phone at the same time Chris immediately started apologizing to his mom reassuring him that nothing was wrong, and while Chris was explaining himself, your Grandma Sweat interjected and spilled the beans by shouting: “Are you guys pregnant?!”  They were over the moon ecstatic!  There was so much energy on the phone with them, you could literally feel the excitement!

You are already so loved!  You’re the first grandchild for all of your grandparents, and I know they have waited for you just as long as your dad and I have, if not longer!  In fact I’m pretty sure you’ve already been in contact with your Irish Great-Grandpa Egan, and that the two of you had a say as when you would appear on this earth.  The birthstone for May is Emerald which is green and represents the Irish in your Great-Grandpa Egan very well.  In fact I had a green stone in my wedding day jewelry for the sole propose of representing your Great-Grandpa Egan and the close relationship we had.  I truly believe he is up watching over you and will make sure you stay put for the next 8 months, and come out happy and healthy next May! 

It’s so hard keeping your presence a secret!  I have my first prenatal appointment and ultrasound on October 10^th, and I’ll be almost 9 weeks at that time.  I’ll reach that crucial 12 week mark on 11/2, and can’t wait to tell everyone about you!  It’s so crazy to think about how much my body is changing at this moment in time, but that none of the changes are really outward physical changes.  They are all internal changes happening on the inside.  So even though I’m changing, nobody can tell.  I just want to go yell it from the roof tops: “I’m PREGNANT!!!” 

I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be pregnant, and now that I am, I just want you to be ok.  I obviously can’t feel you, but I do know that you are there.  For the most part I feel pretty normal.  I haven’t been overly exhausted even though sometimes at night I lay awake being anxious about your arrival.  I know change will come soon enough and I’m here for you and to enjoy this new experience, and make your home as safe and healthy as I can between now and May!     

Oh little poppy seed, I’m so excited for the next 8 months.  To hope you grow and become exactly who you are meant to be!   I can’t wait to meet you and hold you sometime next Spring, and love you and kiss you! 

Thank you for making me a Mom!

I love you,

Mom