Tuesday, November 19, 2013

An update on Me Part II

Since writing this post, things have obviously changed.  I of course, knew I was pregnant when I wrote that post, but felt I needed to address the issue, since that issue in general has been a big focus of my blog.  Things have gone from weight loss, to getting married, weight gain, and now I’m having a baby!  Such is the flow of my life.
So now what?
Honestly getting pregnant was truly a pleasant surprise.  When we first started trying at the beginning of the year I was overwhelmed.  I wasn’t ready to get pregnant, but knew that time was of the essence.  I joked with Chris that it would be just like us to get pregnant right away, especially since we’ve met things have gone full speed ahead without moments to truly reflect.  Meet.Date.Engaged.Married.House.  The next logical thing = baby. 
I remember similar conversations with Chris throughout the beginning of the year each month when I would find out I wasn’t pregnant, about wondering if I could even get pregnant.  I mean I had never tried to get pregnant before.  What if I couldn’t?!  Chris was of course the cool calm collected man that he is, and he knew it would happen.  He just knew, that having a baby was a for sure thing.  I put pressure on myself, I mean this was a man who wanted to get me pregnant before we were even engaged.  He’s wanted to be a dad for so long.  Each time I would take my birth control, he would always pester me and ask “Why do you keep taking that?!”  I of course, told him about my need to be married.  How everything with us was already so fast, let’s just be us for awhile.  In my mind I always wanted to be married for at least year before trying for a baby.  But also in my mind, I was married in my 20’s so my age wouldn’t really be a factor.  Well I got married at 32, and I knew my child-bearing years were pretty much coming to a close.  After we got married we compromised and agreed to start trying after 6 months of marriage.  That would have put us in April.  But then I ran out of birth control in January, and I figured what’s a few months?  And of course everything worked out exactly as it should.  We conceived in August, and now baby Sweat is due mid-May 2014. 
In my opinion it happened so easy, even though we had been trying for 8 months.  But I truly pictured myself going to the doctor in January and having the whole “Ok, so I’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year.  And it hasn’t happened yet, what’s next?” conversation.  I pictured drugs, and tests, and many more months of trying.
But now here I am almost 15 weeks along.
I have spoken to my doctor about my weight, and how I am concerned being overweight and pregnant.  My goal is to gain no more than 15 pounds, but hope to gain hardly any.  And as of right now, I’ve actually lost a pound. 
I have found out that I’m pre-diabetic.  Something I’ve been in denial about.  This wouldn’t be an issue if I wasn’t pregnant but I am.  Basically I have to watch my diet, and cut back on carbs.  I’ll also have to log my blood sugars, which I am really not looking forward to.  We’ve been sent to Obstetrix, a specialists that specifically focuses on all and any pregnancy complication you can imagine.  The big fear in being pre-diabetic is having a super big baby.  So I’ll do what I’m told, and pray and hope that baby is healthy.  We go back to Obstetrix for our 20 week appointment and ultrasound on 12/30, and then a few more times throughout the pregnancy to make sure baby isn’t getting too big.  I really like it there, and their ultrasound rooms are much nicer than the regular doctor. 
Once baby makes his/her appearance, the main focus after getting a grip on the whole mommy thing will be to lose weight.  I know that none of this will be easy, but I also know it’s for the best. 
I’m so disappointed in myself for gaining the weight that I have, that I know I’m probably never going to look pregnant.  In fact, I’ll probably just look even bigger.  So you won’t be seeing any cute baby bump pictures.  And that just takes away from my pregnancy experience, which just sucks.  We gotta get through this baby first, but hopefully in a few years we’ll get to do this all over again, and baby number 2 will be on his/her way and my goal is to be much healthier than what I am now for that experience.  Not only for myself, but for the baby too! 
Overall I’m trying to put myself in a happy place.  Becoming a parent is a big deal, and my life as I know it is about to drastically change.  I need to focus on being positive, and know that everything will work out.  There are so many things I am super scared about, but try not to think about.  I’m trying to go with the flow, and not plan out every single moment like I usually do.  I’m working on putting my trust in God and know that He will take care of all of us.  I have countless blessings to be thankful for, and giving God the weight of my worry is just one of them.


Emily Foley said...

You will look pregnant, you really will. You may have gained weight but you didn't gain back the 80 pounds you lost. You can do a belly shot. :)

Here's the other thing: Read "A Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" and take what she says to heart. It took you 9 months to get the baby here, give your body 9 months to get back to where it was before. I lost all the weight I gained from the baby with all 3 kids within 2 or 3 months from nursing, but my body has never been the same. It changes fundamentally after childbirth and that's okay! But don't put too much pressure on yourself after the baby comes. I know you want to ose weight and that's awesome, but it's also okay to just enjoy your baby. And if you plan to nurse, dieting isn't always easy. For me, I was starving all the time when I nursed, and when I started eating less and counting calories, my milk dried up and I had to formula-feed Zoe for 3 months. Just a few thoughts. :)

Nikki said...

Take one day at a time and enjoy the things that are wonderful. Give yourself some grace. Love you!

Summer said...

I loved that book - I actually read it before I got pregnant. Definitely worth the read and super cheap if you get the digital version for kindle or ipad or whatever.

One of my friends who just had a baby posted this article -
I read it and it actually just made me cry and cry. It scares me alot that my body will be so different after this.

Andrea Ryall said...

Try not to idealize what it will be like with the next one and focus on this one!!! The beautiful moments you are having now you cannot get back. The beautiful way your body is changing won’t be the same ever again so love it with all you have. It was not that long ago, as you mention, that you were worried you could not have a baby at all. You don’t know what it will be like in the future. Today is the day that’s the most beautiful one. Not being at your ideal weight does not mean you won’t look pregnant. You do already look pregnant….because guess what??.... you are pregnant!!!!! Your honesty is raw and real but your reality is shaped by what goes on in that smart brain of yours.

Anonymous said...

April you will look pregnant!! I was not a small woman by any means with Rhiannon and you saw me... I had a belly and I looked pregnant! With Jaxon I looked even more pregnant =) Be happy, breathe, you are beautiful and you will have a beautiful glowing baby belly!! =)
love, Bobbie