the return of: ~all kinds of crazy~!!!

so i gotta say i'm really enjoying reading
"the hunger games". i don't know why i resist
all of these books that my friends recommend.
but wow, they are SO creative.

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i make some awesome
guacamole.

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a new love of mine is riding
the shuttle bus to/from work
along the 16th street mall.
because i get to pass by the spot where
chris proposed.
gives me goose bumps every single time.

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why does peeling an orange
have to be so messy?

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for my bridal shower we're going to do a fun fact/q&a
thing about me, and chris, and me and chris.
any fun facts and/or questions you can think of that
i should list?

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it's taco thursday!

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denver restaurant week
is back!

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i need to vacuum.

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i'm so over the snow.

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did anyone notice the fun
ticker at the bottom of
the blog?!

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I have a blog

I've become that person. The person who has a blog but doesn't write in it! I've become my own worse nightmare. Am I being a little bit dramatic?, yes. But still, I never really thought I would be the person who would go to writing 5x's a week, to once a week (if that). Sorta like working out. I never thought that after having the habit of going to the gym 20x's in a month for two straight years, I would be the person to only go once a week (if that).
It's obvious that my life is changing, has dramatically changed. But does that mean I should let two things that I enjoyed doing in the past, be reflective of my present, and almost take notice in my future? For me, the honest answer is, no. Will some things take a shift in priority?, absolutely. I miss my workout's, and I miss my blog. I know that I won't be able to go to what I used to do: blog 5 nights a week, and workout 5 times a week. This isn't realistic. I have a new life, and I need to bring these two loves into this new life with the right amount of balance.
A new month is coming. Spring is coming, the time change is coming. Warmer weather is coming! I can not even tell you my excitement about this.
I have a plan, and have had a specific plan for awhile now. March will be the month of actual execution.
Chris and I have been living together for 7 months now. Things are great, we're getting married in another 7 months...wow doesn't 7 months ago seem like a lifetime ago?, but that the next 7 months are just going to fly by?! Crazy.
Anyways. I have some serious goals that I need to accomplish. When I ordered my wedding dress at the end of January, I was sized between a 16/18 (keep in mind wedding dresses run small), I ordered a size 14. The dress is due to arrive at the end of May/beginning of June. Which leaves me March/April/May to get down to that size 14. Once the dress arrives in the store I have 15 days to go in, try it on (make sure it is the right dress), and pay off the remaining balance. I want my dress to fit me when that happens. The actual alterations of the dress don't need to happen until end of July/beginning of August. ...which at that time, I'm hoping to be even smaller.
This is my first step of change. Admitting that I need to ...have to lose weight. Putting it out on my blog for the world to see, to hold me accountable. It's ridiculous really, because just about every time I go to eat something I have mantra go off in my head "wedding dress, wedding dress, wedding dress..." Unfortunately that mantra running in my mind has yet to be completely effective, but I can confidently say that I'm mentally ready. Ready to get back on the horse and finish what I started three years ago, and truly reach my goal of an ending weight of 150/155. I still have dreams of saying "I've lost 110/115 pounds". For my own mental well-being I need to complete what I've started, and finish what I set out to do so long ago. I need to be able to say that I did what I said I was going to do. Actions speak louder than words, and it is time to take action.
I have a blog and I'm going to use it!

my valentine

this year's valentine is extra special. i am celebrating it with my Valentine for life! and well for me there is a lot to celebrate in that. even more special is that we're pretty much extending the "holiday" to be a week long event. it started last night when i did this and made him this. then today he sent me beautiful roses (love the different colors...red roses are just so easy). tonight we're going to a benefit for Chris' work called Hearts of All Ages. followed by a date night Saturday night! i am so loved and oh so lucky to have this man be my valentine.
here is a just a glimpse of some of the things i love:

he's funny

he's patient

he lets me cuddle with him every night

he's simple

he's motivated

he's forward looking (plans for the future)

he's open and honest

he likes Michael Jackson

he's a nice dresser

he gets me roses for Valentine's day

he loves me for me, completely

Happy Valentine's Day <3!!!

Letting It All Go

We all have issues we need to deal with. Our past and history and how to intertwine them with our present. Pieces of us that we will always be, but wanting those parts to leave us for forever. I have lots of these issues. The most evident one is the fat girl in me. To me I’ll always be this person, even though I honestly want nothing to do with her. Obviously this issue is all in my head. And I can only hope that with time my issue with this will get less and less. The most recent example with this happened at the shop where I found my wedding dress. When the consultant lady was explaining to me the lay-out of the store and what was where she pointed to rack that specifically had dresses sized 20 and above. She was immediate to point out and tell me to NOT look at that rack, she basically said “this rack won’t have anything for you, because obviously you aren’t that size.” Now, of course she didn't say it like that, but I'm sure you get the point. The way she said it was very matter of factly, but when she first pointed it out my first thought was “well I need to go look at that rack.” The perception of myself is still definitely a size 26. But by the end of having that thought and hearing the end of statement of “you don’t need to look at that rack” I was brought back to reality of “oh, she’s right, I don’t need to look at that rack.”

The other issue I’m having lately is of my relationship. To be completely honest I haven’t let all of my walls down with Chris. I’ve had this timeline in my head for as long as I can remember of meeting my husband, having him propose, planning my wedding, getting married, having babies. This vision has always been with me, even during the time when I thought marriage might not ever be in my future and when I grew completely happy with that. But my reality is that my dreams and my vision have all come true.

Meet someone and have this undeniable connection. Have someone who communicates with me, and is honest with me. Fall in love. Proposal around the six month time frame. Plan a fall wedding.

My dream is my reality. When does that ever happen in life?! How did I get so lucky?! What makes me so deserving?! Since when do things happen, exactly how you’ve always envisioned them?! Right now this is my big struggle. I’m basically complaining about having everything I have ever wanted. How screwed up, am I?! I find myself saying “If it’s probably too good to be true, it probably is.” So, I have this huge fear that one day Chris will wake up and decide he doesn’t want to be with me. That he’ll find something in me that he doesn’t want in a partner/wife. I’ve let him know many many times that for me marriage is a onetime thing. I want one life with this one person. That’s it, the end. I don’t want one life with someone a couple kids, just to start over, and have to write a whole other book. I want one book, with lots of different chapter’s with the same person.

I’m in full on wedding planning mood…and I don’t think I’ve let it sink in yet. At times I feel like I’m planning someone else’s wedding. I haven’t let go. I need to let go. For my own mental health, for the health of my relationship with my future husband. I don’t know if it is because previously I was single for so long. Not used to having to answer to someone always being able to be independent and do my own thing. Or if it is because I’m scared. Even though Chris has done nothing (seriously nothing) to make me thing I have something to be scared of. He reassures me constantly. I suppose it is probably a combination of all the above. The issue is truly all with me. And it is a problem for me to deal with, and Chris to be aware of. …which he is and we both know that in the end everything will be fine. I just wish that I could figure out what I need to do, because I think once I do completely let go I’ll be so much happier, and will be able to enjoy this time so much more. A lot of me is focusing on relishing in this time in my life. This once in a lifetime time. I know it is going to go so fast, so for now I'm going to work on all parts of me. The person from a couple of years ago, to over-coming depression, working hard and losing 90-pounds, being happily single, all the way to happily engaged. One person.

wedding planning 102

alright friends and readers, advice seeking in regards to the wedding registry. this is one of the wedding "to-do's" chris and i have on our agenda for the month of february.

the etiquette books say to register at two to three places. chris thinks that more than one is too much, i think two is just right, and that three is too many. but i keep going back and forth on this. right now we have plans to register at both macys and target. although i kinda like the idea of also doing a registry at a more "specialty" place, like crate and barrel. what are your thoughts?

secondly, what do we register for? now i do have some items in mind, and i'm sure we'll find things to register for and come up with a good list. but we are both in our 30's and have the bulk of what it is that we need. we even have two of a lot of things since he moved in.
plus, i think registering will be hard. we obviously won't be in this house that i bought for forever, and i can't help but think that i'll want to register for items that will be used in the future. but that seems silly, because then those items will just go unused until we do move. and what if when we do move that the items i selected don't fit right with the house? so even though it seems like a good thought in theory in the long run, it couldn't be that great of an idea and end up just being a waste.

so any ideas you have please feel free to share and provide your input!

just right and all things white

it's too plain, it's too much bling, it's too different, it's too white, it's too puffy, it has too many pleats, it doesn't have enough pleats, it's too much.
trying to find the right wedding dress is hard. after my first wedding dress experience in albuquerque over christmas, i felt i had a good direction. then followed my second experience in denver. i found a dress that made me feel like a princess. this was a feeling i was not searching for, and i was very surprised when that was the feeling that dress gave me. please note: the princess feeling dress isn't the dress, but i still got that feeling with the dress i did select.
this past weekend was literally three full days of wedding wedding and more wedding.
the MOT-B and i spend the most amount of time in search for the wedding dress. we went to five different bridal salon's all over denver. i selected four of these shops based on looking at various wedding dress websites and reviews.
the first one was saturday morning. the shop was beautiful and probably the biggest we went to. my consultant was very nice and personable and at first i had a lot of fun. then we left, and realized that i didn't try on any of the dresses on my list. you see while looking at the websites and shopping for dresses i made a list of designers and specific styles that i liked. and the previous experience i had, the consultant searched for the dresses on my list. this consultant didn't do that. lame. so i honestly felt that the time we spent at the first shop on saturday was a waste of time.
second shop was in downtown denver. we arrive, and nobody ever approached us. i had made an appointment. so we walked around browsed the dresses, and found that nothing really stood out and most of the gowns were either right at my budget or way above and beyond. there really wasn't anything that i felt i had to try on, so after scoping out the whole store, we left. lame.
third shop was at a shop that i had been to previously. so i knew what to expect. and already had dresses that i knew i would be trying on. the consultant at this shop was super nice. and the rapport was already there since we had worked together when i was there two weeks prior.
fourth shop was first thing monday morning. i had high hopes for this shop. we arrived right when it opened. i was immediately disappointed as i was selected to be with a woman who was easily in her 70's. i knew right away this wasn't going to be the experience i wanted it to be. i tried on four or five dresses, and left within an hour.
since my expectations weren't met with that first shop on monday i decided we had time to go to one other shop before taking my mom to the airport. on a whim we went to a shop that out of all of them, is the closest to my house. this shop originally wasn't on my list to try because they don't take appointments. and i knew my mom and i would be on borrowed time so i didn't want to bother. but since it was in the middle of the morning on a monday, i figured why not? while on the drive to this shop, i had a little bit of a break down.
i felt defeated. i was questioning everything. i was wondering if i even knew what it was i was looking for in a wedding gown, because nothing seemed right. i was looking for the perfect experience of finding my wedding dress. in a word: i was emotional. on top of all of that, i was rushed. we only had an hour before we had to be off to the airport. upon entering the fifth bridal shop in three days i immediately started looking at gowns. a consultant approached me and i told her that i was flustered, and that i was in a hurry, and that i had a list. she took my list, and pulled what she had, while i shopped. we had our own private room with room for my mom and a pedestal for me to stand on, and this immediately helped with time, because we just didn't have time to waste. i tried on a few dresses and then somewhere somehow in all of this madness all the stars aligned and

i
found
the
dress!

i had my "say yes to the dress moment" and it was magical, and it was the perfect moment to share with my mom. we burst into tears and hugged and cried, and cried some more. then we got out of there once the dress was ordered and rushed to the airport.
here are some of the NO dresses.

maggie sottero ~ dixie

maggie sottero ~ desirae

mori lee ~ 1658

maggie sottero ~ naomi

maggie sottero ~ mirin

alfred angelo ~ 848

i guess it's true that you find what you are looking for, when you aren't even looking. i had no intentions of going to this shop, and even the dress i did select wasn't one that was on my "list". so i definitely believe that it was just meant to be. just how chris and i were: meant to be. (let's all have a collective awww moment!)
what does my dress look like you ask? well in my opinion it's the perfect combination of all of the above. it's beautiful, and romantic, and detailed, and a little bit different, and flattering, and has all the right pleats in all the right places, and most importantly it's mine!
i've decided to not share my specific dress with the world until after the wedding. right now the only ones who know about my dress are the MOT-B and my bridesmaids. everyone else will just have to wait until october.