Bennett at 4 months

 I'm a couple of weeks behind on posting Bennett's 4 months stats because his appointment wasn't until last week.  At his sister's 2 year visit back in May the doctor was concerned with her growth and wanted her to come back 4 months later, so we just had back to back appointments for both kiddos.

Here are some highlights from Bennett's last month.
He's 16 pounds 7 oz (62%) and 26 inches (73%).  Last weekend while we were in Carlsbad I was asked if he was 8 months old.  I think he looks bigger than what he actually is.
He's rolling over, but still hates to be on his tummy.  He rolled from back to tummy on 8/23, and rolled from tummy to back on Thursday 9/8.
He loves his big sister, and she makes him laugh like no other.  The other night at dinner she had him cracking it up, and I'm absolutely loving seeing this sibling relationship grow.
Bennett has pretty much put himself on a schedule, much to my surprise.  His nap times and length changes day to day, but he definitely has a morning nap and an afternoon nap.  The morning nap is usually short- around 30 to 45 minutes, and the afternoon one usually a couple of hours.  And thankfully as of right now, the afternoon one is around the same time as Helena's.  It definitely fluctuates, but that is the average.  On a good night he'll sleep from about 8:30pm - 8am.  But lately he's been getting up between 4am and 5am for a bottle, then he's usually up again for the day in the 7 o'clock hour.
Overall he's such a happy baby.  Just like Helena he'll play, talk, and hang out by himself in his crib in the mornings, just waiting for me.  Once he sees me peak over his crib he gets the biggest smile.  Not too sure how I got to be lucky enough to have both my kids be such happy babies, but I feel truly blessed because of it.
The only time he gets really really upset and just cries and cries is when he is tired.  There are times when he just fights sleep like no other.  And it's just gut-wrenching.  There will be days that go by when he doesn't do this, but then there will be back to back to back days where he just screams before nap time or bed time or both.  I'm just thankful it isn't every single time, and I'm thankful that this really is the only time he cries.
He's in 6 month clothes, and size 2 diapers.  He has some horrible dry spots on his legs and he loves his bath.  He is showing no interest in food, so he just on his milk diet.
I love him so much and I'm so incredibly happy to be his mom.

photo courtesy of Blanca's  Photos

I wanted to highlight this picture.  At the beginning of August we drove to El Paso to get some mommy and me pictures that a photographer was doing for free.  I wanted to do this just to have some pictures of my kids and I.  Since I'm usually the one taking the pictures I'm hardly in them.  It was a fun experience.

Labor Day Weekend 2016

Great Grandpa Lenny's dress

 Things here have just been crazy.  I have lots to write about, so let's start with Labor Day.  After going back and forth we decided to take a trip to Carlsbad Caverns over Labor Day.  Chris's Aunt Mary was in Albuquerque visiting a friend and was kind enough to make the 3-hour drive to stay with us for a night and meet baby Bennett.  She brought this beautiful dress that was originally worn by her father 100 years ago!  It's a beautiful dress and looked gorgeous on Helena.

Chris, Aunt Mary, Helena, and Bennett

 Saturday morning we packed up and left for Carlsbad.  We stopped in Cloudcroft, a mountain town about 30 minutes away and on the way to Carlsbad for breakfast at Rebecca's at The Lodge.  Helena enjoyed it and it's so much cooler up there!

 Roadtrippin'!  Helena is now constantly asking to go on a trip.

 My parents met us there and they are always such a big help with Helena and Bennett.

 That night we had a nice dinner out and Helena had a blast with the chocolate dessert!

she loves her chocolate

 The first night was interesting.  Helena was so super excited to be in a different big girl bed.  She laughed and giggled and didn't fall asleep until after 10pm!

 The hike down the caverns was ...interesting.  My dad immediately went ahead of us which was frustrating because I really wanted us to stay together as a family.  Chris wore Helena in the beco carrier on his back and I work Bennett in my ring sling.  About half way down Bennett had a meltdown which resulted in me also having a meltdown.  It wasn't fun.  He was tired and just wouldn't give in to sleep.  Eventually Helena was moved to my dad's back, and Chris just carried Bennett until he finally fell asleep.  It was nerve-wracking and I didn't really get to enjoy the view, but it was an experience.  

 We had to wait almost an hour to catch the elevator back up and I got Bennett to fall back asleep in the ring sling.

Everyone sleep much better the second night, and Helena crashed at around 9 (I think?).  We left the next day (Monday) back for Alamogordo.

Life Lately

i have so many things i need to write about, but my thoughts are just not organized and i need to get something off of my chest.  so this well be a post all over the place.

helena's been in her big girl bed since friday night.  it was horrible putting it together and caused me to leave the house unannounced to chris and two crying babies.  night time as proven to be easier than nap time.  i say this just because today is the first day i've put her down for her nap and she still isn't sleeping (i'll need to go get her in 30 minutes).  saturday we decided to go to las cruces (an hour away) for dinner and when we came to wake her from her nap she immediately said "mommy daddy go on date night?"  i assume this was because i was wearing a skirt.  i guess when we go on a date i wear skirts?  it was pretty cute.

i'm so over the hot.  it is so hot here.  there are no splash pads, in fact the huge improvement the city did make this summer: covered parks.  when we first moved here there was only one covered park.  now there are 5 or 6!  we have a bunch of water toys in the backyard, but we don't maintain the yard, and when helena was in the backyard a couple of weeks ago when my parents were visiting she got so many mosquito bites that i really don't want to take her back there.

bennett and helena have the same bedtime and it's so nice.

i've gotten obsessed with LuLaRoe.  i bought a few pieces back in january, and now one of my best friends will be selling it, and that has just added to my obsession.

i'm doing ok with not breastfeeding.  expect when i read blog posts from 2 years ago about how much i loved nursing Helena.  then i get super sad.  i'm seriously entertaining the idea of having a 3rd child just so i can breastfeed.  speaking of a 3rd child, i would have a 3rd if i were younger.  and i hate that my age is such a factor.

helena finally fell asleep...20 minutes before i have to go get her up.  wonderful.

i just realized i never wrote about my night away without the kids.  at the beginning of the month i went on an overnight retreat for MOPS.  it was amazing.  it was great to be with other moms, to share stories, to pray, and just talk about the different paths we are on.  we went on a short "hike" to see a beautiful waterfall, we got our food cooked for us, and cleaned after.  it was a dream.

this months Younique kudos is so amazing.  beautiful makeup: eye shadow, eye liner, and lipstick.  plus it provides awareness on how to talk to your kids about sexual abuse.  so important.

i really like watching the olympics.  it's fun to watch something different.  did you see how hot the men's gymnastics team was?

helena has started going to a music class on thursdays.  it's super fun and reminds me of a class we did in denver.  in october i hope to take her to dance classes.

i've been so tired lately, and sick.  both kids had a running nose last week.  i had a sore throat over the weekend, and today i'm just super stuffy.

i'm still not used to doing laundry for 4 people.  it is probably one of the biggest adjustments.  when i bring all the dry clothes and dump them onto our bed to organize i still think to myself "i'm doing laundry for 4 people!"

i told chris yesterday "one of the things i hate most about my life right now: now taking a daily shower."  it's true.  it's weird how showering daily just used to be part of my normal life.  now it's like a luxury.  i don't even remember the last time i took a shower two days in a row.

bennett hates tummy time and therefore nowhere close to rolling over.  at this time 2 years ago helena was already rolling over.

i really hope to get a good nights sleep tonight.

just a cute picture from last week.  helena always asks for me to put bennett down in her crib (when she had a crib anyways).

Bennett at 3 months

Bennett turned 3 months old on Monday!

He's becoming such a fun baby, and laid back.  Laid back mainly because he's a second child.  That's what I think anyways.

He can do raspberries, and is such a drooler!  He soaks the front of his shirt.  He loves to talk, and while we were in Albuquerque his first full on belly laugh came out.  So now we spend lots of time trying to get him to laugh because it is such an amazing and beautiful noise.  He is starting to put himself on a schedule which is so amazing to me, because it seems so early for him to be on any type of "schedule".  For about a week now he's been sleeping from about 9pm to about 6am.  Even better when he does wake up he just wakes up and talks.  I'll hear him playing and talking in his crib.  He doesn't even cry.  Usually if he does cry it's because he is super tired.  He definitely has moments when he fights sleep and that's when his cries are the worst.  Thankfully when I find the right rock position he'll usually easily fall asleep.  He has an amazing smile and his face I feel is changing again.  When he is awake he is constantly moving.  He loves to kick his legs and flare his arms.  If we're holding him he likes to be upright to be looking around.  He does really good in the car and usually if he is upset the movement of the car calms him down.  Helena loves reading to him and tickle his toes and kiss his head.  She'll take his arm when he is laying down and "stretch" him.  He really enjoys laying on the play mat but doesn't really like sitting in the bumpo.  He's in size 3 month clothes although some brands are too tight.  And size 2 diapers.  Overall he's just so much fun.

Earlier this week I had decided to stop pumping.  I'm pumping so little but pumping every 3 hours.  Living my life in 3 hour increments has been exhausting.  And every time I try and get Bennett to latch he just screams.  It's been emotional and hard.  I know he can do it, but I feel too much time has passed for him to relatch.  I feel I'm ending the journey on a high note though, which is giving me closure.  He did latch yesterday, even if just for a few moments.  I tried and stepped out of what I normally do.  I took him into the bed with me, and basically laid over him and he did latch.  It's been a rough few days as I keep going back and forth between still pumping and trying to breastfeed, and stopping.  I desperately wanted that relationship with my son, but I'm thankful for the short journey that we did have.

Week in ABQ

my mom taking care of Bennett while I pump

hanging out

at the aquarium

The kiddos and I traveled to ABQ last week.  My good friend Tina and her family traveled to ABQ from Florida to meet her sister-in-laws baby...Bennett and Olivia are a little more than a month apart!  So I took the opportunity to go up and see her and her family.  I was so super anxious about this trip.  Little people need so much stuff!  Overall the kids did great, and thankfully Bennett does wonderfully in the car!  I wish I had taken more pictures.  As I didn't really take any until the last day.
Here's a run down of our week.
Once we arrived on Monday we went to dinner with parents to Padilla's.
Tuesday morning we met my friend Sarah and her daughter Clover at the park for a super short play date!  We then met my friend Emily at Chick-fil-A!  It was "dress like a cow day" and Helena was super entertained.  When the cow came out she wanted to say hi, as it got closer she wanted nothing to do with it.  As it got away again she wanted to give it kisses!  I was super thankful as my mom took over caring for Bennett Monday night, but Tuesday I was still exhausted.  So I took a nap Tuesday afternoon and slept until dinner time!
Wednesday morning we met the Witty family for a good breakfast and Cinnamon Sugar and Spice Cafe, we then all hung out and there vacation rental house.  Max was so good playing with Helena it was precious.  Then Cammie came over with her little one month old Olivia.  The babies slept opposite times!  Wednesday evening all of my aunts came over for a pizza dinner and to meet Bennett.  He slept the whole time, it was his only real nap during this trip.  After about 2 hours I finally woke him up.
Thursday I met my cousin Kari for breakfast at Jimmy's Cafe, we then hung out at her place.  Thursday evening I drove to my family friend Chris' cigar shop for a gathering after his father's funeral.  Chris is my age and he lost his mom, Mary about 5 years ago.  Mary was a good family friend, and she grew up with my mom and all of her sisters in Santa Fe. His dad, David suddenly passed away the week before and it was important to me to pay my respects since I was in town.  I obviously didn't want to take the kids to the funeral, but I was happy to go see Chris afterwards give him a hug and tell him how sorry I am.
Friday morning my parents joined us for a fun adventure to the Albuquerque Aquarium.  Helena loved saying over and over "go see more fishies".  She loved that fishies were everywhere, and now askes daily to go see the fishies!
After the aquarium we headed back home.
Overall the trip was great.  By the end both kids were pretty cranky, I think from just being on the go non-stop and constantly leaving the house.

4th of July weekend

how cute is this onsie?  courtesy of Grandma Sweat, of course!

hanging out outside

super cute 4th of July dress!

sparklers!

she loves her grandma

My in-laws were in town for the 4th of July, and I'm just so appreciative that they have made the drive to come see us.  It truly means so much.
We had a great time.  On the 4th of July we drove up to Cloudcroft a small mountain town about 30 minutes away and at least 10 degrees cooler!  We checked out the Apple Barn Store, had lunch, and walked around the town.  It was a lot of fun.
I love seeing how my in-laws interact with Helena and Bennett.  They both love the attention!  Helena had a lot of naked time playing outside with the little pool and water toys!  We tried to watch the big fireworks show from our house on the 4th, but we couldn't see it.  I was sad Helena didn't get the experience, so we did fireworks in the driveway the next day.  She loved the sparklers.
Right now on repeat is Helena asking "what's that?" "what's that?" and "what's that noise?" "what's that noise?"  over and over and over again.  And it was nice to have other people respond!

CS vs VBAC

 I've been meaning to write more about my birth experiences lately since I'm fully recovered from Bennett's birth.  Comparing is hard because every birth is so different.  And what happened for me obviously can't be duplicated.  But I write for me and because I want to remember.
I feel like both of my births were pretty classic textbook births.  Helena was a planned c-section.  Check into hospital go to room for surgery get baby.  Bennett was induced on his due date.  Start pitocin, contractions start, break water, get to 10 centimeters, push baby out.  Truly that's about it.  Of course there are a LOT more details, but that's the condensed version.
My main motivation for deciding on a VBAC was to have that instant skin on skin and to not have the struggles with breastfeeding that I did with my first.  With a c-section your milk is delayed and I didn't want that.  There were of course other reasons, but those were the two big main ones.
I feel like the big thing that isn't talked about at ALL is the recovery from a vaginal birth.  I had the idea that it would be easy.  There is a lot of talk about the hard recovery from a cs because it is a major abdominal surgery, but nobody talks about the hard recovery from a vaginal birth.  You hear about women tearing; having a 2nd degree tear all the way to a 4th degree tear.  But what does that mean post baby?!  It's weird that with a cs all the talk is about healing and your scar healing, well with a vaginal birth you birthed your baby out of your vagina!  Simply put, no the recovery is not any less.  I was "lucky" I only had a 2nd degree tear inside (supposedly those heal easier than an external tear).  I still bleed for 5 weeks and couldn't pee like normal until about 6 weeks.  For about the first 3 weeks by the end of the day I was in tears going to the bathroom.  I desperately wanted to just go to the bathroom like normal.  After about a week I found laying on my side in the afternoons helped tremendously.  The other big difference is not really having the ability to "hold it" now that I've had a baby vaginally.  I loved having that immediate skin to skin connect with Bennett.  And being present with him the whole time and having my arms to myself.  I was able to hold him and talk to him right away.  I hated being separated from Helena while I got stitched back up.  I definitely liked that my recovery from my VBAC was quicker than my CS, but I gotta be honest, I liked the predictability aspect of a scheduled CS.  I think if I were to have a third baby (no more baby plans, FYI) I would go for another VBAC.  For me there was something super powerful about delivering Bennett.  Now that it is over talking about Bennett's birth is something I love to talk about and share.  And I love to hear other versions as well.  During one of our post-partum meetings I asked my doula to share her version of Bennett's birth story.  And I probably ask Chris to share his version every few weeks or so.