Monday, September 26, 2016

Bennett at 5 months

he enjoys tummy time for about 2 seconds

20 weeks
Isn't he just so cute?!  It's crazy to me how Helena and Bennett look nothing like siblings, but how they are both just so cute!  Bennett has changed so much!  His laugh is crazy, and Helena makes him laugh like no other.  There relationship is so special and it just warms my heart, and I look forward to seeing there relationship grow and blossom as time goes on.

I've thought about this post for some time now.  About how to write it out.  Ideally I wanted to do a separate post on it, but time works against me.  So I'll just start from the beginning.

At the beginning of the month Bennett had his 4 month appointment and the pediatrician was immediately concerned with the fast growth of his head.  The growth was off of the charts.  He had a RN with a neuro background come take a look.  Both thought he was fine because he's meeting all his baby milestones and shows no symptoms of having an overly big head, but they wanted to be safe rather than sorry, and suggested a CT scan.  We thankfully were able to get a CT scan right away.  On the drive home the doctor called me and asked me to pull over.  I immediately knew something was wrong.  He advised that Bennett has fluid both in and on his brain and that we need to plan to be in Albuquerque early next week because he was going to send a referral to a pediatric neurosurgeon.  There was more conversation, but I was numb during most of the conversation.  The next day we got a phone call from the doctors office in ABQ and got an appointment scheduled for the following week.  I immediately started sending out prayers request because I'm so scared.  My mom was amazing and dropped everything to come be with me (Chris was out of town at the end of the week) since I was an emotional wreck.  The next day I had to go pick up the records from his doctors appointment along with a CD of the CT scan.  Looking at the paper work I read that his pediatrician diagnosed him with hydrocephalus.  That's when I Googled "hydrocephalus".  Bad idea.  It was so scary.  I immediately started over-analyzing all of Bennett's actions.  I prayed and prayed, and prayed some more.  I prayed for this to be a nightmare and that I would be told my baby boy is fine.  After a long few days we drove to ABQ and met with the pediatric neurosurgeon.  The doctor said almost immediately that she doesn't think Bennett has hydrocephalus!  She is concerned about the fluid in his brain and the growth of his brain, and we'll be back in ABQ for an MRI on October 11th.  An MRI will give her the clearest picture of his brain, but we hope to rule out anything else.  For now she just wants us to keep an eye on him and make sure he meets all his first year baby milestones.  She seems confident that our relationship with her will be short.  The journey isn't over, but I'm hopeful for a positive outcome.
I immediately put blame on myself for Bennett having this issue.  I thought having a vaginal birth was the "trama" to cause this.  I've been told that's not what caused it, but as a Mom I think you just immediately find a way to put the cause on you.
It's been beyond scary and I know it's cliche to say but hug your healthy kids.  And if you have resources available to you within driving distance be thankful for them!  Having to drive to ABQ is not ideal, yes we have family there and it could be so much worse, but overall it's just inconvenient.
I truly believe in the power of prayer, so please pray for baby Bennett.  That he is healthy and continues to meet his milestones.  


Emily Foley said...

That is so scary April! I like the hopeful words of the neurosurgeon though. My mom had hydrocephalus and it was temporary and she's totally fine brain-wise since then, so even if it is that it might not be as scary as you think. Either way I will definitely keep you all in my prayers. Thank goodness for vigilant doctors. And btw, it was NOT YOU or his birth. Don't ever let yourself think that!

Melanie said...

So very scary! I will pray for you and your family that this continues to be as hopeful as the ABQ neurosurgeon thinks! And I agree with Emily. There is no one to blame for this, so just stay vigilant, and enjoy both those beautiful babies!

Summer said...

Sending love and prayers, April! I know a thing or two about sick babies and I am nothing but sorry you, Chris, and Bennett have to go through this.

I had to fight so much with myself over the sick-kid blame thing. When TJ was hospitalized as a baby, it literally was my fault. It was my medications making him sick. Both of my kids were born abnormal, and it was most likely caused by having to take steroids while pregnant. It's better to just let go. You are the best mom to him, and (unlike me) you probably had nothing to do with what is happening right now. Let go of the guilt. It's so wonderful we have modern medicine, so that your doctors noticed something off and you have so many resources to watch or fix it.