Thursday, May 26, 2016

Bennett: One month!

Little dude turned a month old yesterday.
Seriously why do the last 30 days of pregnancy go by so slow, but the first 30 days of a newborn life go by so fast?!  Time is evil.
We have a happy and healthy baby boy on our hands!

Height: 22 inches (75%)
Weight: 10 lbs 6 oz (75%)
Head: 40cm (98%)

As his doctor stated, he just has a big head.
This month was crazy.  I've been beyond emotional and have zero patience for Helena.  This week seems to be going ok though, which makes me think that I'm not going crazy.  I've seriously thought I have PPD numerous times, but I feel it is difficult to distinguish the difference between PPD and just being emotional and upset because of the lack of sleep, the crazy things your hormones do post baby, and just life adjusting in general.  How do you know the difference?  I guess for me, I just feel like I'm struggling a hell of a lot more than what I remember with Helena, but that's obviously a big difference this time, is I'm not just caring for a newborn, I have a toddler too.  So in regards to me, I'm a work in progress.  It seems like most days I'm just in a sad blur, but then I have days like I've had this week where I feel like I'm ok.

I've had a lot of help. In fact I have yet to be home a full week with both kids.  The first and second week my mom was here.  The third week my in-laws were here.  The fourth week my mom was here again (because Chris was out of town - to Denver!).  And this week my sister-in-law has been here.  I'm extremely lucky that I've had the help that I've had!  I truly appreciate it.

Bennett is extremely handsy.  Even the nurses, right after he was born nicknamed him "hands" because he is constantly moving his hands.

He has a bad case of baby acne, that he got just after turning one week old.  It's clearing up some and some days are worse than others.

He has two birth marks on the back of his head.

Like with Helena a big struggle with Bennett is breastfeeding.  He latched on in the hospital, and was breastfeeding great that first week, but he was gaining any weight, but rather losing weight day after day.  So the doctor suggested we supplement and sent us home with formula.  We supplemented and did the SNS system, but it was a struggle, and honestly just a pain.  Having him scream and cry trying to eat for 10+ minutes was extremely difficult, that I finally "gave in" and gave him a bottle.  I have tremendous mommy guilt over this, because now he won't latch.  He just won't.  After his 2 week appointment when I heard how much weight he had gained and I knew he was getting stronger I thought breastfeeding would be easy.  But he just won't latch.  He literally screams and cries and screams some more while I'm tried to feed him, that I usually end up crying with him.  So then I "gave in" again and just this week got a nipple shield.  He won't take that either.  I'm struggling so bad because it wasn't like this with Helena.  She would at least latch and feed.  Not Bennett.  Even when I go to lay him to have him latch he gets upset.  I seriously thought the nipple shield would do the trick, but no.  So now i'm pumping and pumping and pumping.  And my supply is low.  He usually gets about two 4 ounce bottles from me a day.  I know that Bennett is the one who can bring it up the most, so we are still trying.  But I hate it.  I hate every single aspect.  There is of course the pumping.  Horrible, painful, and boring. The bottles.  Cleaning the bottles.  The formula.  It isn't cheap.  None of this was part of the plan.  I'm just so frustrated because I WANT to breastfeed, and I know that he CAN breastfeed.  He just won't.

Bennett is extremely observant.  In the swing he'll look up at the turning cows, and the lights.  Helena never even noticed something was above her head!  We already have a little bit of a routine down.  He loves his mornings, and is super alert and awake from about 7am - noon.  He loves his bath, and loves the water.  He hates getting out of the bath!  He gave us the longest stretch of sleep last night, and slept from 10pm to 4:30am!  It was so nice.  He is usually up anytime between 1am and 3am, then again anytime between 5:30am and 7am.  Sometimes he'll go right back down in the middle of the night, sometimes he is awake and wants to be held.  A few nights ago I was up with him from 3am to 4:30am.  Helena loves him and wants to play with him so badly.  When I lay him on the floor she goes over to him and wants to lay with him.  She'll show him her toys and I can tell she wishes he would interact with her.  He's going bald on top of his head.  His hair is literally falling out, it's weird.  Overall the month has been crazy.  Some good times and some sad times.  I feel like I can cry and/or go crazy at any given moment.  I'm still healing, although going to the bathroom isn't as painful as it once was, but  I still can't go pee like normal.

He's in size 0-3 month clothing and graduated to size one diapers at two weeks old.

I'm truly enjoying getting to know Bennett and seeing how different he is to his big sister.  He's a joy and I love him.


Summer said...

It such a big adjustment. It is so hard with a toddler. I remember going ca-razy with TJ. It always seemed like he was too needy and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't be more independent. Poor kiddo, looking back I feel so bad about it. Eventually he kindof figured things out and Helena will too. Just keep going, it gets better, I promise! This stage just really sucks.

Breastfeeding is so hard. It took Eli about two months to figure it out, and even then I still hated it. Around four or five months is when I finally started to like breastfeeding. Now I'm glad I stuck it out, but every single day for the first two or three months I told Tyler I hated it and wanted to quit. I'm so, so sorry April.

IMHO, if you think you have PPD, even a little, it's worth trying something. I wish so much that I would have. It would have saved my family alot of grief.

Emily Foley said...

I say if nursing is causing this much grief, it's not worth it. I know formula is expensive and you feel guilty, but there is no reason. Breast milk may be best but formula is NOT bad for him. Save your sanity and your sleep! Or do whatever you want. :) I just don't think it's worth feeling guilty over.

He is sarong April, I'm so happy for your family!