Two Weeks

taken 5/1/16

My baby boy is 15 days old.  I'm trying to stay in the moment as much as possible as I know this is most likely my last baby.  I'm now fully aware of how quickly time passes, and how his newbornness will be so incredibly short lived, but then at the same time wanting to sleep through the night and have a routine.  It's a mental struggle and time is such a blur that I want to remember these moments because I know how short lived they are.
Bennett for now is proving to be more high maintenance than his big sister.  Although I'm trying to tell myself that he is indeed only 2 weeks old and that things can change so so quickly.  When we got discharged from the hospital his jaundice levels were near the borderline of being able to be discharged or not.  But they were technically under, so we went home, and were advised to make an appointment with the pediatrician sooner rather than later.  So I made an appointment for the next day.  On Wednesday 4/27/16 we saw the doctor and he immediately told us he has jaundice and to go get his levels checked again.  He also lost more weight.  So we went to the lab for them to collect some blood and it was horrible.  They poked his right arm and were basically fishing for a vain with the needle inside of this arm!  That was unsuccessful.  Then they did a heal prick and were collecting blood that way.  By this time I left the room, which was a good thing because I found out after the fact that the nurse collecting the blood dropped the vial and the blood went everywhere, so they had to start over.  By this time another, more experienced nurse came over and collected the blood from a vain in this right arm!  The doctor gave a prescription for a blue-light blanket to help with his jaundice and we started that right away.  Thursday we were back at the doctor with another weight lose and his jaundice levels only slightly up (which was surprisingly good), along with another visit to the lab for more blood...thankfully we got the more experienced nurse right away, and got his test with just one poke.  Friday was another doctors appointment with his jaundice levels now decreasing (!!!!!!) but his weight also decreasing.  At this point he was down to 7lb 2oz (he was born at 8lb 5oz).  So we were sent home being told to supplement to try to get him gaining weight.  This was heartbreaking for me.  At that point breastfeeding Bennett was a struggle but we were working on it.  He was latching but wouldn't really stay latched (specifically on my right side).  We were so much further along compared to what my breastfeeding journey was with Helena when Helena was not even a week old.  I felt like I was going to get the breastfeeding experience I wanted, and being told to supplement almost broke me.  So the doctor sent us home with formula and a SNS to use, and a follow up appointment for Monday (thankfully no lab work was needed).  The trouble of using the SNS system and both of our frustrations from getting Bennett to latch with the SNS system was extremely trying.  I can't remember which day, but I eventually caved and had Chris make Bennett a bottle, and we got out the pump.  I cried and cried.  I didn't want my baby to have a bottle, and damn it, I didn't want to pump.  But that is what happened.  It seems all worth it as last Monday he weighted in at 7lbs 8oz!!!  At that appointment we were given the "all clear" of having a happy and 100% healthy baby boy!  Over the last week breastfeeding as still been our biggest struggle.  Like Helena did when she was given a bottle, Bennett is now a lazy sucker.  But today (for the first time) he has gotten more of me, and is latching much much much better!  At yesterdays 2 week appointment he was 8lb 12oz!!!  Officially over his birth weight and getting stronger!
It's so easy to have this tunnel vision with a newborn, to be so focused and upset about every little thing.  Thankfully things change so quickly with a newborn that a worry from today could easily be forgotten about by tomorrow and replaced with something else.  I'm constantly trying to remind myself about that.  That one day all of these worries will be gone and new worries will be in their place.  That's what I'm really hoping about my thoughts on Bennett being "high maintenance".  I'm hoping that before too long he'll transition into this laid back easy go-lucky baby.  For now I enjoy staring at him and enjoying my newborn regardless of his demeanor.