Saturday, November 14, 2015

Poppy Seed II

we're moved, but haven't gotten the computer set up, which is why
i haven't been blogging.
i know i'm behind.
i'll be trying to catch up.



written Monday 8/17/15
Dear Little Poppy Seed II,

Here we go again, and I’m still in a little bit of shock!  Thus far this pregnancy is completely different than my previous one.  One of the big differences was getting pregnant.  It took Chris and I 8 months to get pregnant with Helena.  This time we were barely trying, I guess I should say we were “not not trying”.  Make sense?  We both knew a second baby would be in the works, and in my “planner” mind my goal was to have a baby sometime in 2016.  And now that sometime is: April 2016!  I don’t know if I’ve ever publicly put it out on my blog, but let me just say that the idea of two under two scares the crap out of me!  And now I’m going to be THAT mom!  Granted it’ll only be few weeks, but still.  My “ideal” timeframe would have been to get pregnant between October and March.  So the gap would have been closer to 2 ½ years.  I planned, and God laughed!!! 
And here we are.  Pregnant.
Unlike last time, I didn’t know.  Last time I knew I was pregnant.  I knew I would take a pregnancy test, and I knew it would be positive.  I had gotten to know my body so well.    This time I had no clue, and I kept going back and forth about the whole thing.  This time I didn’t know my body, in fact I feel like I’m still getting to know my body, post pregnancy from Helena.  July was only my 3rd normal cycle since getting a normal period back after breastfeeding, going off of the pill etc…. So I had no “signs”.
My patience finally gave in on Thursday 8/13 when I took a pregnancy test in the middle of the day.  It was negative. I was expecting my period either Friday or Saturday.  Friday morning I told Chris about my negative pregnancy test and to rant to him about all the thoughts going on in my head.  I was completely confused as to why I hadn’t started my period while at the same time convincing myself I wasn’t pregnant, but then a split second later convincing myself that I was indeed pregnant.  All while trying to decide when I should re-test.  I even convinced myself that I had cramps Friday night, so surely my period was about to start!  As Friday and Saturday passed with no sign of my period I was mentally exhausted!  I woke up early Sunday morning while having the same conversation in my head trying to decide if I should take another test.  I finally decided to take another test because I knew it would calm me down.  I thought for sure it would be negative. 
But it wasn’t too long before that second line showed up.  I seriously thought I was seeing things.  I kept doing a double take.  Look at the test then look at myself in the mirror with a question on my face.  Back and forth back and forth.  I thought: No way can this be real.  Am I really pregnant?!  Obviously the answer is in those two pink lines.  I went out into the living room to grab my phone and take a picture of the beginning of this little life. 
When I saw the negative test on Thursday I could feel a missing piece of my heart.  And I knew I wanted to try for another baby, soon.  Then seeing the positive on Sunday it was almost disbelief that the missing piece was filled so quickly after realizing I had it.  I crawled back into bed a little after 6am, Chris awoke shortly after.  Thinking that this might be our last pregnancy I wanted to do a special “announcement”.  …which of course had been planned in my head for months.  Chris asked if I took another test and I lied and said “no”.  Even going on explaining to him that I really think my period is about to start. 
Once we realized we didn’t have any food for breakfast he left to go get breakfast burritos, and I put my plan in place: A bun in the oven!  Once Chris got home I asked him to check in the oven for something.  He immediately asked if it was a bug?!  I kept prompting him to look and when he did he asked why there was bread in the oven.  I could tell he had no clue what I was trying to tell him.  After a few seconds of him starring at the bun he looked at me, and I could tell he had figured it out.  After hugs and kisses I took him to the positive pregnancy test.  After more hugs and some tears he tells me that he knew I was pregnant after not getting my period.  Ha!  We shared our excitement and extreme shock at how quickly this pregnancy came about. 
Although this pregnancy is sorta a surprise I feel extremely blessed.  I feel super excited to be making our family bigger and to be making Helena a big sister!  Sunday August 16, 2015 was a life changing day.  To go to bed the night before just thinking about me, then the next night my thoughts are about this baby.  Like last time it is extremely hard not to tell people this life changing news. 
My first prenatal appointment is set for September 28th, when I’ll be 10 weeks.  I have the same feelings of last time and repeating in my head nonstop: “Please Dear Lord let this baby be ok” “Please Dear Lord let this baby be healthy”.  All while feeling very “wonder woman” like walking around with thoughts about the fact that I’m currently growing a human!  What’s your secret super power?!
As much as a shock at the ease this pregnancy came I feel so blessed and excited to have another little baby!  I’m honored that I’ve been trusted to be a Mom to this little Baby Sweat #2!
Thank you Baby Sweat #2 for making your home with me.  I promise to love you unconditionally and always look after you.

Love,
Mom

here's my letter to Helena

2 comments:

Emily Foley said...

So exciting. Even when we weren't trying, negative pregnancy tests always made me cry. Ha! You're so lucky your kids are close together. A built-in playmate and friends for life. It's hard sometimes but they grow so fast those hard moments will go by in a flash.

Summer said...

Me too Em -- except the negative test I took last week. I breathed a sigh of relief on that one. Heh.

Don't worry April, two under two is fun. I promise.