random thought thursday

i really think Helena must have

this vest.

hint hint grandparents who read this blog.

******

i need to start reading again.

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i really need a mani/pedi.

my toes have been "naked" since last week and 

it's driving me crazy.

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aren't you glad random

thought

thursday

is back?

let's hope i keep it!

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we (chris) found a dead rabbit

in the backyard last night.

ew.

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i've been having a really good hair

week!

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i need an eye brow wax.

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so really all of my needs are wants.

but i could totally go for some pampering.

******

i love the summer.

pool time.

the heat on my skin.

getting a tan.

the colorado summers are too short.

******

my newest guilty pleasure?:

unReal.

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speaking of TV.  chris and i are

binge watching

breaking bad.

good stuff.

******

am i the only one that thinks it's weird the

nick cannon and

mariah carey

have never officially divorced?

i'm extremely curious.

****

i could totally go for a 

facial

too.

******

a lot

I have a lot going on in my mind as of late and I need to let it all out.  So in advance I apologize for the diarrhea of the mouth that is about to happen in this post. Same regards for any big grammatical errors and huge run-on sentences that I know I write.

Being a parent is scary.  I’m sure each generation has different worries and my current generation is no exception. 

I remember when I was 19 and Columbine happened.  I felt it hit “home” because Colorado was a neighboring state.  I immediately thought of parents dealing with this unquestionable situation.  How do you explain a classmate entering school and going on a shooting rampage?  I remember thinking that if I was a parent I would never let my kids go to school on April 20^th again.  Then 9/11 happened.  I feel like when 9/11 happened a certain innocence went away from our society.  That anything bad can happen at any time.  That you are no longer safe where you thought you might be safe.  Then shooting after shooting after shooting.  The first action that prompted these thoughts were the verdict trial readings from the James Holmes case a few weeks ago.  I’m referencing the Aurora Theater Trial, where 12 people were killed and 70+ injured.  James was found guilty.  Chris and I watched the judge read off the first 100 counts…the first 24 were specific to the actual deceased victims, the later were the living injured victims.  Each guilty count that was read was identical except for the name.  I would imagine if I were a victim or relative of a victim hearing your loved ones name being read would lift some weight from your shoulders, that the person who did this is being held responsible.  Then another theater shooting recently in Tennessee.  We can’t go to the movies anymore?!

I think the positive out of all of this is the awareness it is bringing to mental health.  It is real and people need to be aware of the warning signs and recommend the appropriate help as soon as possible.  I’ve suffered from depression before and take no shame in that.  It is very real and super scary.

My biggest worry is about how to be a mom is this type of world.  How do I explain these types of actions to Helena?  I know there will be questions she’ll have that I won’t have answers to.  Having her go to school, go to the movies, etc…it scares the crap out of me.  I know I can’t live my life in fear and I don’t intend to, and my daughter will go off to school etc…but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry.  I think my biggest fear are the questions she’ll have.  I know that someday she’ll have US History and learn about 9/11 and she’ll wonder why there are people who would do something like that.  I just don’t think I’ll ever be prepared for those questions that I know will come. 

Then there is history happening that I’m proud of.  I’m so proud and happy that Helena will grow up knowing it is ok to marry whomever you want to marry.  At the end of June the US Supreme Court made the decision to make Gay Marriage legal in all 50 States.  I think this has been a long time coming!  Everyone knew it was just a matter of time, not so much a question of if but when.  Just how we think it was crazy that there was once a day when women couldn’t vote, or a African American women couldn’t marry a White man, one day people will think it is crazy that we didn’t allow a Man to marry another Man.  I can’t even imagine wanting to marry someone and being in love with someone, but not being allowed to.  I try to put myself in other people’s shoes to try and empathize with them.  And I think about my own journey of wanting to find love for such a long time.  Wanting to find that person that I could experience life with.  To marry.  Then finally finding that person and being unable to make it legally binding?!  I imagine that I would have been heartbroken all over again.  But, thankfully now, that is no longer the case.  Now it is no longer a factor.  So that person who is out searching for their person can marry them if they want.  It is no longer an issue, and for that I feel grateful. 

I think the biggest lesson this shows is that change will happen.  Some change is good some bad.  In my opinion this change is good.  And I’ll teach Helena that.

 
Being a parent is a scary thing.  And each parent is different because each child and each mom and dad are different.  But yet, we seems to always compare.  When really there should be no comparison.  I pray to God daily that He’ll guide me to be the best Mom to Helena that I can be.  I give Thanks that He has trusted me to take care of one of His children.

my back

A post isn't a post without a picture of Helena.  7/4/15 day after I hurt my back.  I look happy but I'm in pain.

Thankfully my injured back from 2 and half weeks ago seems like a thing of the past, but for documentation sake I want to remember the details.

It was Friday July 3^rd, I had the day off as the holiday for July 4^th.  I was super excited to go to Dance Jam in the morning!  The gym was overly crowded from the holiday (that’s what I think anyways) so I had to park even farther away (further than normal) from the entrance to the gym.  I had Helena with me and I didn’t want to carry her all the way to the daycare so I carried her into the gym in my Beco carrier (this was the first time I’ve done this).  

It was the last 10-15 minutes of class and we were doing my current favorite song: “Centuries” by Fall Out Boy.  This is one of the songs that I know all of the choreography to, so I always look forward to it and just jam out in my own little world since I don’t need to look at Sarah (the instructor) for the routine.  And since I know all of the moves to this song I jam out hard!  There is part of the song where you do a squat forward while head banging your head, and that’s when I felt it.  I immediately felt the pain and discomfort in my lower left back.  This was about half way through the song, and I somehow completed the song.  I tried to do the next song (another favorite: “Your lips are moving, your lips are moving…”) but I couldn’t.  I could barely bend down to pick up my water bottle, and when I tried to get my towel off of the floor I got tears in my eyes.  I walked out of class.  I was scared.  Who knows if it looked “off” but I felt like I was walking funny, and I had to take the stairs one by one to get down to the locker room and to get Helena.  It was a weird place to all of a sudden be injured and moving so slowly while all of these people are moving swiftly going along their day. 

Anyways I got to my locker and put on my carrier while thinking I was so thankful I brought it, as I know that had I not had my carrier with me I would not have been able to carry Helena all the way back to my car.  I go get Helena from the daycare and ask one of caregivers to hand her to me as I couldn’t bend down to get her, all while I’m fighting tears.  I very slowly walk to my car and basically throw Helena into her car seat, at which she started crying.  I felt so bad, so then I started crying.  I got her all buckled in and called Chris to advise him of my injury.  Upon my arrival home Helena was asleep so Chris came to get her and put her down, then Chris came back to the car to help me into the house.  He got some ice and I plopped onto the couch.  It hurt so bad.  Later that afternoon my in-laws arrived.  The pain was agonizing.  Chris had to help me do everything, and so it was also incredibly embarrassing.  The only things I really remember about being home that day is keeping my back iced and Chris having to help me go to the bathroom.  I think at some point I contacted a friend who is also a instructor at the gym and also a physical therapist, seeking her opinion on my back. 

The next day was the 4^th of July.  After a painful night’s sleep (I did get some sleep) I woke up with the brilliant idea to take a cold shower and that the cold water pounding on my back would be good.  I had previously heard Chris get up and assumed he would be in the house if I needed to yell at him for help.  I screamed myself into the shower and once I got in and realized I couldn’t lift my hands to do my hair I knew I had made a mistake.  I seriously couldn’t take my hands off of my hips.  So I stumbled out of the shower, somehow got a towel around me and fell to the floor while I screamed and screamed for Chris.  When I succumbed to the fact that the house was empty I did the next logical thing: cry.  Chris finally came into the bedroom to see what I assumed look like a big dead whale on the floor.  I can’t remember how exactly I got up off of the floor but we eventually solved the puzzle and got me to my feet.  I knew I wanted to get out of the house for the holiday so that afternoon we made our way to the 4^th of July festivities.  This was the day I found that getting up and moving was much better than sitting.  

The next day was when we went to the pool.  This is where I took advantage of being “weightless” and tried to stretch out my back as much as possible.  On Monday 7/6 I booked a morning appointment with Lori and she advised me I strained my back in three different spots.  She showed me some stretches to help increase my mobility and advised me that I will get better.  Going into work was horrible.  I felt like I was walking like a stick was up my a$$ and to the side.  One co-worker looked at me and said “You look crooked.”  On Thursday I even went and got a 90 minute massage hoping that would help, but it didn't really.  By Friday 7/10 morning I was over it.  Who knows if something did get worse or it was just living with this chronic pain, but Friday morning I couldn’t get comfortable.  Every position I would try and sit in was uncomfortable so I kept adjusting and out of frustration and pain I just kept crying.  I thankfully had Friday off since my parents were in town.  I called my doctor’s office and got an appointment for that afternoon.  The doctor again advised me I would feel normal again and he advised giving me a shot.  I do not like needles.  The last time I got my blood drawn I passed out.  So I opted for the shot to me administer in the butt….and wow am I glad I did.  It took some convincing from the doctor to get this shot, and I’m glad I finally said “I guess.”  This shot seriously took away all of my pain!  I was able to get down on the floor and fully do all of the stretched that Lori told me about and I was able to feel “normal” again!  

Since then things have all been up hill.  I’ve had some discomfort but the past two days I’ve been essentially pain free!  I haven’t worked out yet but I’m super anxious to get back into the gym!

I gotta give a special shout out to my hot husband who was there for all my “fits” and emotional outbursts!  And for truly seeing me at my worse, and for massaging my back for a week straight!  Thank you for taking care of me, I love you.

This injury brought me a glimpse of what it could be like to live with chronic pain, I honestly don’t know how people do it.  It even hurt to sneeze or cough (the closest thing I can describe it to is the pain you experience when you have a c-section and it hurts to laugh/sneeze/cough, this was the same type of pain but in your back).  This injury as given me new motivation to get all of this extra weight off.  To be healthy and to not take my moving pain-free body for granted.    

more visitors!

The Sweat household has been extremely busy!  Let’s break it down.

My in-laws arrived Friday 7/3 and left to go on a Western Colorado vacation (they visited Steamboat Springs and Aspen) on 7/6 and 7/7.  They came back to our place on 7/8 and left Friday 7/10.  My parents arrived Thursday  7/9 and left Monday 7/13.  PHEW! 

The photos are extremely out of order! 

Lovely dinner!

We all went out to dinner and had a great time.  Helena loved all of the attention!  This was the first time Helena has had all 4 of her grandparents at the same time!

Friday morning was pretty casual as we awaiting my parents, and I went to the doctor for my back (more on that later).  After Helena’s afternoon nap we ventured out to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science.  We got there around 4:15pm, just to find out they close at 5pm.  But the last 30 minutes of the museum is free so we just hung out until we could enter at 4:30pm.  The museum has an amazing “Discovery Zone” just for kids to run free!  So that’s where we took Helena for 30 minutes.  Afterwards we went to dinner at LoHi Steakhouse.  It was just ok.  The perk was its location near Little Man Ice Cream! 

@ Little Man Ice Cream

@ Coors Field for a Rockies game

Saturday morning we went to a nearby library where a symphony was playing just for the little kids!  It was a lot of fun and Helena got to play with lots of musical instruments!   

After her nap it was downtown to Coors Field for a Rockies game!  It was SO hot and we were right in the sun that we only watched 3 innings before going inside (thankfully we had club seats!).  Helena had a blast walking around saying Hi to everyone!

Out and about with Grandpa (they were chasing two rabbits)

playing the piano

Sunday morning we went back to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science to actually explore the museum!  It was a lot of fun, and we of course ended the visit back at the kids Discovery Zone for Helena to run around some more!

Sunday afternoon we went to the pool! 

Monday morning we to Carpenter Park where Helena playing in the swing and for some reason was afraid of the slide…she’s gone down in before!  It’s so nice taking her to kid friendly places where she can truly just wonder and I don’t have to be too concerned or worried about her getting into something she shouldn’t get into!

having fun on the swing!

Discovery Zone

Discovery Zone

Discovery Zone

Mythical Creatures Exhibit at the DMNS

at the pool

she loves the water!

One of the things I love about this age is for the most part Helena is predictable.  She has her one nap that is usually taken around 12noon so our days are split up into “morning” and “afternoon”.  It makes outings so much easier because Helena as a schedule!  I love seeing her soak everything in!  It’s so much fun seeing her see things for the first time.  
Her latest development is dancing.  You ask her dance and she'll shake her little bum and it's the cutest thing you ever did see!

4th of July weekend

Overall the holiday weekend was a lot of fun.  The big downer was my broken back.  Well, not really a broken back, but I hurt my back Friday morning in Dance Jam.  It was the end of class and one of my favorite songs came on: “Centuries” by Fall Out Boy.  Since I know this song and dance so well I jammed out and went hard.  Too hard.  There is a move where we head bang forward while doing squats.  And that motion tore my back in three different places.  After the song I escorted myself out.  I tried to sit and tears came to my eyes.  I thankfully brought Helena in with her carrier because the parking lot was more crowded than normal because of the holiday and I didn’t want to carry her all that way.  So I went to the locker room put on the carrier and went to the daycare to check Helena out.  I was a little frustrated as I called and made a reservation for the infant room (for babies 3 months and older)the day before.  The week prior when I dropped her off they advised she was still a little too little for the toddler room and was in the infant room (which you have to reserve at least 24 hours in advance).  And well when I picked her up on Friday she was crying like crazy in the toddler room, when I had a reserved a spot for her in the infant room!  I was too hurt with my back to make it a deal, so I just had one of the caregivers lift her so I could buckle the carrier and out we went.  Once I got home Chris got Helena from the car seat and put her down for her nap, and I just cried and cried.  I hate this type of pain because you can’t see it.  I had plans that afternoon as my in-laws were on their way.  But all I could do was sit with some ice on my back.  Chris had to help me go to the bathroom, everything.  Talk about embarrassing.  It was and is horrible.  I am obviously thankful that Chris is there to help, and it was good timing with my in-laws coming into town for even more help.  But not being able to pick up Helena out of her crib, and get on the floor to play with her is heartbreaking for me.  Thankfully she crawls up onto my lap for a few kisses and cuddles, and for me to read to her.  The big advantage of not being able to get down to the floor?  No diaper changes!!! :)

Because she doesn't have enough toys!

Her own basketball hoop!

Her own lawn chair!

and of course, bubbles!!!

 Saturday morning we just hung out at the house, Grandpa and Grandma Sweat came with a new toy: a green John Deere Tractor for her to ride, although she’s much more interested in pushing it.  Marty and Mary went to Target and came back with a basketball hoop!  Saturday afternoon and evening we went to Carpenter Park for the 4^th of July festivities!  It was a lot of fun.  Once I get up and walking around I can more much easier.  The mornings are the worst.  We set up “camp” and Helena had a blast walking all around.  So many people were there!  They estimated 50,000 people!  Helena got spoiled yet again with a fun light toy that she can’t get enough of!  There was lots of food and a band for entertainment, and just the people watching was entertainment!  Around 8pm we changed Helena into her pajama’s and for the rest of the night she just hung out on Grandma’s lap and fell asleep around 9pm. At 9:30pm five parachutes jumped out of a plane and put on an awesome show with sparkler like lights, I don’t think I had ever seen a parachute at night and it was amazing!  They all came flying down and landed in the middle of the park that was blocked off for their arrival!  Once the final parachute landed the fireworks show started!  I was super nervous that the loud noise would affect Helena, but she slept through the whole thing!  I think the show was about 30 minutes long and then we made the journey back to the car.  I expected a delay getting out with so many people, and this park is only a little bit more than two miles from my house.  But it was crazy…it took us an hour and seven minutes to get home!  In the future we’ll definitely park in a different lot and plan better. 

Happy 4th!

Showing off her new light toy!

Hanging with Grandpa

Sleeping with Grandma 

Fireworks!

Sunday morning we went to the indoor pool at the Broomfield Rec Center.  We all had a blast!  Marty, Mary, and Chris enjoyed the slides!  And Helena loved the little toddler area!  I myself floated around the “lazy river” a couple of times, and can’t remember being so relaxed!  After Helena’s long afternoon nap we went up to the Orchard for Helena to play in the little outdoor area (she wanted to go through the splashpad so bad!), followed by dinner. 

Playing

It was a great weekend, I just really wish I hadn’t hurt my back.  I went to go see a physical therapist this morning and got some exercises to do and was told I tore my muscles in three different areas!  My in-laws are currently vacationing in Steamboat Springs and Aspen and plan to come back on Thursday which is when my parents come into town for the weekend!  So I really hope to start feeling better soon!

I hope your 4^th of July was colorful!