October Randomness

This was taken at story time, right before we went to admit Chris to the hospital last week.  Officially sitting up!

The day Chris got discharged.  She was so happy to be with daddy at HOME!

Playing with Grandma!  I'm so thankful she was able to come out last week.

Just hanging out on the couch.

October has flown by.  I can't believe it is almost November.  I like to think I'm pretty aware of my time but I feel like October has seriously passed in a blink of an eye.
I have so much going on in my head, that I need to arrange my thoughts.  That if I at least, don't let some of it out I won't be able to sleep tonight.  So I apologize in advance if this is vague.
I have a post that I need to write, that I've been meaning to write for the past month about something new.  It has nothing to do with Chris or Helena, just a new thing I'm doing. 
I also want to write about last week.  About Chris' stay in the hospital.  But I don't know what I can write.  As previously expressed, this isn't my story to tell, its his.  At the very least I want to write about last week from my view point. 
I want to write about Helena and all of the big milestones she's recently accomplished.  How she is such a joy.
I recently read an article that was posted on babycenter I believe about the stresses of being a mom.  How something like 1 in 4 woman cry a week about trying to do it all.  I surprisingly haven't cried (I thought I would cry a lot more in my motherhood role {all 5 months of it}) as much as I thought I would.  I'm trying to find things that will make the stress easier.  A big challenge with this is how I communicate with Chris.  I think a lot of this comes from how I was raised, but I also know that I can only blame so much on that.  I have difficulty expressing myself, until I just explode.  Which isn't good.  It's this cycle I have of having something I want to express or try and change, and I tell myself rather than express it I'll just either forget about it or try and take care of it myself, and by doing that my thoughts and feelings about the subject will just go away.  But of course, they never do.  They eventually come out, and when they do, it is not productive.  The conversation usually always ends with Chris telling me that I should have just told him to begin with, and that I can always talk to him.  Deep down I know this to be true.  And I always tell myself that the next time I want to talk to him about something, I'm just going to talk to him about it.  Things are easier said than done.  It's so hard to break a cycle that you are so used to.  I hope and pray that soon, I'll break this circle, and the circle will come to an end.
Another thing I'm looking into to help with the stress of motherhood is a house-cleaning service.  I've never had this before, or looked into it before, but I know it would help extremely.  We have a relatively large house, and to have someone come in and help would be huge.  I have talked to Chris about this, and I've already gotten a couple of quotes.  We're going to sit down and see if this is really a possibility when we do our November budget this weekend.
I hate that even finding the time to blog is hard.  I really love my blog and all of the memories it holds, but after I put Helena down for the night its the last thing I want to do.  Ok, so not that last thing, but when Helena goes down I just want to sit and do nothing.  I try and give myself about 45 minutes a night before I get up and do the dishes and titty up the house a little bit before I go pump.  Speaking of pumping, I want to write about that too.  And just breast feeding in general.  I'll add that to the list too. 
I'm also trying to decide if I should do a 5k on Saturday.  It's for my church and an organization they support.  I'm scared to do a 5k.  I was thinking about it while I was on the treadmill today at the gym and realized that even if I walk the entire 3.1 miles, it'll take me almost an hour to do it.  That alone makes me want to cry.
Speaking of the gym, I take Helena to the infant room at the daycare inside of the gym.  I have many friends who utilize the daycare and have used or are currently using the infant room, and through them I've been informed about some the "rules" about the infant room.  When I signed Helena up to use the infant room at 3 months I received no paperwork about the infant room, and the various rules.  I thought I would get something, but I got nothing.  So the past few times I've taken Helena in, I've asked.  And the ladies look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language.  They say they'll try and find something, but nothing is ever found.  Today I was referred to my original contract when I joined the gym.  I told the lady, "Who knows where that contract is, I joined this gym in 2008."  So then she sent me up front to speak to one of the member advisers.  They did give me something, I just find it crazy that when a place enforces rules and procedures, they don't document those items and have them be readily available for people who use the area on a somewhat continuous basis.
Lastly, I'm so ready for this election to be over with.  Honestly, this is the first non-presidential election I've voted in.  And I almost feel like I was bullied to vote.  All the horrible ads, people knocking on my door, calling me.  I need to put a note on my front door that says "YES I VOTED."  Ugh!
As my randomness comes to an end I know I'll look back at this time and remember the stress but also all the happiness and blessings that surround me everyday, because there are just too many to count!