Halloween 2014

Helena and I had a super fun Halloween.  Helena was the cutest little owl you ever did see!  I can't remember where I got the idea for an owl.  I originally wanted her to be a turtle, because Chris called her turtle way back when she was only a few days old, and it kinda stuck with me.  But all of the turtle costumes I found were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle themed.  Somehow I randomly thought owl, and then when I saw this uber cute costume and its big eyes, I thought it was perfect.  Plus she'll be able to use the hat through the upcoming winter months, so its multifunctional.
We had a great day.  She played and took a nice long nap, and then this afternoon we went down to The Mamahood, where they were having a Halloween celebration.  This place is just great.  I wish there was a place like this near where I live.  Helena has had this habit over the past week or so where she only poops while on car rides, a stink move if you ask me!  So once we got there I changed her diaper and we got in line for the professional photographer they had for the event.  After Helena got her picture taken we played on the floor with some toys and met some new friends, including another little owl whose name is Vaughn.
Then tonight we handed out candy to all the kiddos.  Overall it was a great day!

Happy Halloween!

Four month pictures

Helena had her photos taken at the end of September, as part of our baby plan package through BrynMaRae Photography.  We had a great time, and Bryn captured Helena's personality beautifully!  The first one is my favorite!  Helena looks great in blue!

October Randomness

This was taken at story time, right before we went to admit Chris to the hospital last week.  Officially sitting up!

The day Chris got discharged.  She was so happy to be with daddy at HOME!

Playing with Grandma!  I'm so thankful she was able to come out last week.

Just hanging out on the couch.

October has flown by.  I can't believe it is almost November.  I like to think I'm pretty aware of my time but I feel like October has seriously passed in a blink of an eye.
I have so much going on in my head, that I need to arrange my thoughts.  That if I at least, don't let some of it out I won't be able to sleep tonight.  So I apologize in advance if this is vague.
I have a post that I need to write, that I've been meaning to write for the past month about something new.  It has nothing to do with Chris or Helena, just a new thing I'm doing. 
I also want to write about last week.  About Chris' stay in the hospital.  But I don't know what I can write.  As previously expressed, this isn't my story to tell, its his.  At the very least I want to write about last week from my view point. 
I want to write about Helena and all of the big milestones she's recently accomplished.  How she is such a joy.
I recently read an article that was posted on babycenter I believe about the stresses of being a mom.  How something like 1 in 4 woman cry a week about trying to do it all.  I surprisingly haven't cried (I thought I would cry a lot more in my motherhood role {all 5 months of it}) as much as I thought I would.  I'm trying to find things that will make the stress easier.  A big challenge with this is how I communicate with Chris.  I think a lot of this comes from how I was raised, but I also know that I can only blame so much on that.  I have difficulty expressing myself, until I just explode.  Which isn't good.  It's this cycle I have of having something I want to express or try and change, and I tell myself rather than express it I'll just either forget about it or try and take care of it myself, and by doing that my thoughts and feelings about the subject will just go away.  But of course, they never do.  They eventually come out, and when they do, it is not productive.  The conversation usually always ends with Chris telling me that I should have just told him to begin with, and that I can always talk to him.  Deep down I know this to be true.  And I always tell myself that the next time I want to talk to him about something, I'm just going to talk to him about it.  Things are easier said than done.  It's so hard to break a cycle that you are so used to.  I hope and pray that soon, I'll break this circle, and the circle will come to an end.
Another thing I'm looking into to help with the stress of motherhood is a house-cleaning service.  I've never had this before, or looked into it before, but I know it would help extremely.  We have a relatively large house, and to have someone come in and help would be huge.  I have talked to Chris about this, and I've already gotten a couple of quotes.  We're going to sit down and see if this is really a possibility when we do our November budget this weekend.
I hate that even finding the time to blog is hard.  I really love my blog and all of the memories it holds, but after I put Helena down for the night its the last thing I want to do.  Ok, so not that last thing, but when Helena goes down I just want to sit and do nothing.  I try and give myself about 45 minutes a night before I get up and do the dishes and titty up the house a little bit before I go pump.  Speaking of pumping, I want to write about that too.  And just breast feeding in general.  I'll add that to the list too. 
I'm also trying to decide if I should do a 5k on Saturday.  It's for my church and an organization they support.  I'm scared to do a 5k.  I was thinking about it while I was on the treadmill today at the gym and realized that even if I walk the entire 3.1 miles, it'll take me almost an hour to do it.  That alone makes me want to cry.
Speaking of the gym, I take Helena to the infant room at the daycare inside of the gym.  I have many friends who utilize the daycare and have used or are currently using the infant room, and through them I've been informed about some the "rules" about the infant room.  When I signed Helena up to use the infant room at 3 months I received no paperwork about the infant room, and the various rules.  I thought I would get something, but I got nothing.  So the past few times I've taken Helena in, I've asked.  And the ladies look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language.  They say they'll try and find something, but nothing is ever found.  Today I was referred to my original contract when I joined the gym.  I told the lady, "Who knows where that contract is, I joined this gym in 2008."  So then she sent me up front to speak to one of the member advisers.  They did give me something, I just find it crazy that when a place enforces rules and procedures, they don't document those items and have them be readily available for people who use the area on a somewhat continuous basis.
Lastly, I'm so ready for this election to be over with.  Honestly, this is the first non-presidential election I've voted in.  And I almost feel like I was bullied to vote.  All the horrible ads, people knocking on my door, calling me.  I need to put a note on my front door that says "YES I VOTED."  Ugh!
As my randomness comes to an end I know I'll look back at this time and remember the stress but also all the happiness and blessings that surround me everyday, because there are just too many to count!

the other thing

 The "thing" that lives with me

I have known this “thing” existed for over three and a half years, but truly have only lived with it for a little under two. This “thing” is something that worries me, keeps me up at night, and makes me wonder if I am going to be okay. It is also the greatest “thing” I have ever lived with.

In November, 2012 shortly after a wedding, my wedding something happened that caused this “thing” to come back with a vengeance. A car accident woke the “thing” up. Roughly a year and a half into me living with the “thing” that I knew, I finally got to say hello.  It was the scariest most awkward introduction you could ever imagine. It was so scary that I cried and cried and never wanted to meet this “thing” again. I was so mad that I was forced to meet this “thing”. It had been on vacation for three years, why did it have to come back now?

Ever since I was introduced to this “thing” it won’t go away. It’s like you’re in laws.  It’s great when they visit but no one wants them to stay…It comes and goes as it pleases. It shows up once a month or sometimes three times a week, completely unannounced, with no regard for your privacy.  At first when this “thing” decided to live with me I wanted to change my way of living and how I planned my day around if it would show up. I soon learned that you can’t wait around for something to ruin your day so I decided to live my life, as my life. I take the “thing” with me because I know it’s going to show up any way so why not just plan to have fun with it. I’ve realized that makes things much easier for me.

This week, the “thing” is going to the hospital to be studied again. To be controlled, removed, reduced, ect…This is a week with mixed emotions, you pray for the best while expecting the worst.  No matter the outcome with this “thing” I am so glad to have been part of this journey. It has given me the opportunity to overcome fears and believe that things always happen for a reason. This “thing” has also shown me what true love is like, I mean how could you truly love something that you hate?

This “thing” Is Epileptic Seizures

It lives with my husband

He lives with me…

***********************************************

The above was written by Chris.  I went to him last week to ask if I could write a post about his epilepsy.  I'm obviously very open on my blog, but this wasn't my story to tell.  I wrote a post, and in response he wrote the above.  It's his interpretation on his epilepsy through my eyes.  

He told this story simply as a fun way to let people know he has epilepsy, not to ask for sympathy. This is something that lives with him, lives with us.  I specifically wanted to share this so that I could ask for prayers and happy thoughts as we enter into what will be a hard, difficult, and emotional week. 

For the most part I've dealt with Chris' epilepsy by myself.  It feels good to let it out, and if anything it opened up an even bigger line of communication with my husband, and for that I'm grateful.  I pray nightly that God will take away Chris' seizures, and I feel He has opened this door to help us onto a journey so Chris is back to being seizure free.

5 months

Helena turned 5 months on Friday!  Can you believe it?, because I know I can’t.  A couple of weeks ago my friend Erin who also has a 5 month old said to me: “Can you believe we have 5 month olds?”  It seems unreal.  Now I tell Chris, that her getting older, is just a sign that we’re getting older too!

Helena is so much fun!  Although we had a rough end to our week last week as baby girl got a horrible case of diarrhea.  She was pooping every hour for about 2 days straight!  It was not fun, for either of us.  Her poor little bum was so red.  And she hated being cleaned.  Thankfully she stayed hydrated and is now doing much better! 

She’s still in size 2 diapers, and size 6 month clothes, although her 3 month onsies still work, but the pants are just too short.  She growing more and more curious about food, so I think that’ll be on the menu once I know her diarrhea is completely cleared up.  She loves grabbing at things.  She moves so much!  It’s most comfortable for her to nurse when she is tired, if not she moves her head and tries to take my nipple with her, and that’s a little bit painful.  As difficult as nursing has been, I’m sad that it’ll soon be over.  She’s working on sitting up.  She can sit up “gorilla” style with her arms in front of her for a long time, and has a couple of times completely balanced on her own, but only for a few seconds.  She’s a lot more steady holding up her bottle when we bottle fed. 

She loves her play saucer thing.  She’s managed just about everything on it, but doesn’t quite get the turn seat.  Before long she’ll master it!

She loves to move, and changing her diaper at times is definitely a challenge. 

She loves to laugh and to talk.

She love is when I sing and sign to her.  Specifically the ABC's and numbers.

She has uber sensitive skin.  We took her to the pediatrician at the end of September because she had a horrible all over body rash.  We’re now using a baby eczema lotion, and that is helping, although her skin is still super dry. 

my current favorite picture, after bath time 10/12/14

2 years

Beautiful anniversary flowers!

they smell so good

Chris and I had a great weekend.  Nothing major happened, but I do want to take the time to document it just so I can remember.

Saturday was a bum day.  It was well past 12noon before either of us took showers.  We had a super lazy day, and it was perfect.  Chris made super delicious pancakes, and we got somewhat caught up on our TV shows.    We hung out and played with Helena, and overall it was just a good day.  Chris even had the most beautiful and huge arrangement of flowers delivered to the house to begin the celebration of our 2^nd wedding anniversary!  The flowers are simply stunning, and I love them!  Chris truly knows how to make me feel loved and put a smile on my face. I am blessed.

On Sunday we actually woke up sorta early (7amish) and decided to head to church.  I had started to really miss church, as we hadn’t been in at least 3 weeks!  I gave Chris his anniversary card, we got ready, and made a grocery list and menu for the week.  Of course on the day that we are up early, Helena decided to sleep until we needed to wake her to head to church…we got her up around 9am, and she probably would have slept longer!  (I think she’s going through a growth spurt, as she’s been doing a lot of sleeping.)  Chris fed her on the way to church, and she was such a super happy and calm baby during the entire service!  After church we went to breakfast and grocery shopping.  We got home just in time to prevent Helena being super fussy in public, to feed her, and get her down for an afternoon nap.  She fell asleep right at the start of the Bronco game, and slept until about 4:30pm!  During the first part of the game I did something’s around the house (laundry, put up Halloween decorations) then at halftime Chris and I sat down for the first time since Helena arrived and did our budget.  Prior to Helena we had done a great job of doing a monthly budget and doing our finances together every weekend.  But having a newborn, the last thing I wanted to do was look at the money.  Chris, being the rock star husband that he is, took the finances off of my plate and has been handling all of it since we became a family of 3.  It felt great to reconnect with our finances and get back on board with our budget, and go back to making it a true partner effort.

After that was done I pumped and then our babysitter arrived.  I can’t even describe how lucky we got in finding Chendra!  Prior to the whole childcare thing, in my mind the perfect scenario was to somehow find a college aged woman who could watch Helena on the afternoons I was at work.  To have her schedule work perfectly with our schedule.  And that’s exactly what we found!  It’s sorta long story, but I found Chendra on Facebook, and she is a godsend!  Not only now do we have someone to watch Helena during the week, we now have someone who can watch her if Chris and I want a night out.  And last night was one of those nights!  Chris and I had our first “typical” date night since Helena, with the classic dinner and a movie!  We went to go see “Gone Girl” then had dinner at Rock Bottom.  Not fancy, but just what we needed.  I constantly tell Chris how happy I am that we continue to go out even with a baby at home.  Since Helena’s arrival we’ve been out 4 times and I feel so blessed that we’ve had those times to just be husband and wife for a few hours out and about knowing our daughter is at home and well taken care of. 

Yesterday we talked a lot about the past 2 years.  Being married, our anniversary trip last year to Steamboat, and now being parents.  We talked about our future and what we pray and hope for. 

The weekend in general was just a couple of days I want to remember. 

and of course a cute picture of Helena