Tuesday, March 19, 2013

later

Chris and I went to church on Sunday.  It was our first time there since moving, so it was long overdue and oh so welcome.  There is something so uplifting about going to church.  I love our pastor.  He approached us and said hi, who knows what it is but having him come up to us, definitely made me feel special.
I always think of things to "discuss" on my blog while in church.  My time in church is definitely reflective, and forces me to think about things, pray for things, and be grateful for the things that I do have. 
Pastor Ken spoke about the term "later".  How we use that term as a drug.  We'll say: "I'll get to that l a t e r..." and before you know it years have passed. 
I, of course, related to that term, and immediately thought about my weight loss (or lack thereof).  I've been trying to lose these last 25-30 pounds since October 2010....and now I've gained 30 pounds, so now I have 60 to lose.  I think about how October 2010 was 2 and half years ago!  And how had I lost a pound a week I would totally be there already and not complaining about this gain.  How a pound a week is totally doable.  I ask myself: What has triggered in my head to now do it already?  Why do I keep saying later?  I suppose finding the answers to these questions doesn't really change anything.  If anything, I want to change my outlook.  This current transition I am in, I don't like.  I feel weight loss is all or nothing.  And right now I'm going at it very half ass.  Which doesn't really result in anything, so I'm hoping eventually I'll go all in
I think I'm doing good on my goal for March, of working out 10 times.  I've worked out 4 times thus far, and packed my gym bag for the first time in who knows how long, to hit the gym right after work. 
I need to find my motivation again.  I think that is what's so frustrating about this whole thing.  When it comes down to it, I know I'm the only one who can motivate me.  That responsibility only belongs to me. 
Later might never come, so now is really the only time to do anything about it.  I hate that this is my lifelong struggle, and that I know on some level it will always be hard.  But I know it could be worse, and I know I need to make the most of my time now that I have it.

4 comments:

Summer said...

Ug, I hate wake up calls about my gym attendance. Once we get going, we are total gym rats. But if one of us gets sick, we miss a week or two, then it takes us two months to get back on track! I hate that we are so easily thrown off. Good luck, April! I don't think it gets easier for anyone.

sarahlove said...

What would happen if you told yourself, I am not going to struggle anymore? Instead of looking at it like a battle to fight or win, what if 'the struggle' was accepted and turned into something else. Like one of the things you decide to be thankful for. What if it's something that was only disguised as a struggle but really all this time it was a chance to be thankful for the challenge.

Emily Foley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily Foley said...

I like Sarah's comment. I know you don't read the Book of Mormon but one of my favorite scriptures is in the book of Ether and it says "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." I feel like that's what Sarah is saying, just in different words (but maybe not, and if not, then it's what I'M saying. :) It's a hard thing to wrap my mind around, that all the things I'm bad at can become things I'm good at--and you too. I like this post, I'll have to think more on the concept of "later."