Wednesday, February 20, 2013

my first session

it feels so good acting on what it is you say your gonna do.  however scary and hard it maybe, the feeling of putting your words into actions always gives you a feeling of accomplishment, however big or small.

last night i had my first therapy session. 
this lady seems pretty awesome, and wicked smart (of course), and i already have my second session scheduled.  i had originally scheduled time to see her the week that we moved, which got moved to yesterday, and my second one isn't for two weeks.  in a situation where you want that instant gratification, i'm learning to be patient, and this will be a work in progress.

i'm relying on myself, and it feels great. 
i recognize that i feel weak: emotionally, mentally, and physically.  and that this will be a great stepping stone to feeling strong again.

i had prepared myself into thinking that the first session would just be emotionally draining.  and although i did get teary eyed, no tears were shed.  where do you start with someone brand new to your life and give her a 60 minute peak into your 33 year old life?  we definitely got two out of the three major points i want help in, and left with some marriage homework, and some lifestyle homework. 

i feel good about her, and the fact that she wasn't quick to put me on any drugs, rather she made the point that three-45 minute workouts in a week equals the same as a daily anti-depressant for most woman. 

it's difficult deciding what to share.  i obviously have somethings and issues to work out that aren't topics on the blog, and at the same time i question why i even need therapy?  there hasn't been one big catastrophic event to bring me to this place, so why seek professional help?  am i that damaged?  but then it's those thoughts that make feel like i'm going crazy.  how can be sad or depressed, when i truly have everything that it is that i want?  i often ask myself, what's wrong with me? 
the therapist was quick to point out that getting married, and buying house are two big things.  and although positive they do create stress, and that talking it out getting therapy can help decrease the stress level. 

i'm definitely learning who my true friends are, and where my support system is, which i think is all part of this process. 

chris has been awesome, and very supportive.  asking if i want him to join me.  and i'm just not there yet.  this isn't our problem, but rather my problem.  i need to fix me

right now i'm definitely feeling like i'm moving forward, compared to back.  chris and i have some future plans that i can't wait for!  we're going to see Ron White in May, and FUN! in August (at Red Rocks!).  i also have two 5k's that i'm registered for, one in April and the mother's day 5k in May.  just having these things to look forward to puts me in a good mood. 

there is a lot of energy into feeling negative and sad, and it truly is so much easier to be happy.  and i'm in the process of focusing my energy into that happy place, rather than sad. 

roses from chris on valentines day


Sarahlove said...

There are two types of people in this world: people that need therapy and people who are getting therapy

Anonymous said...

GREAT READ April! Glad to hear you are talking to someone, guess what? That makes you NORMAL (haha)! Take each day one at a time and always remember you are and will never be alone because your BEST FRIEND in life will never leave your side. YOUR best friend being your husband! So don't worry about anyone else or try to figure anyone else out because in the end it becomes a waste of energy, focus on YOU and the rest will all fall in place. Have a good day :)

P.S. typing on my phone so I hope this all makes sense. tmf

Emily Foley said...

EVERYBODY needs therapy. Everybody. We need to learn how to communicate. We need to learn how to respond to stress and even happiness. We are not taught these things! I am trying so hard to teach my kids how to feel their feelings and deal with them, but not let their feelings take over their lives. It's a hard thing to teach, and I think going to therapy, even if there wasn't one big "I was molested" or something along those lines in your life, there are always things we can learn about ourselves that help us live more authentic lives.

Sarah Zook said...

I think everybody needs therapy too (just like Emily said!) My choice is Reiki, as you know. We can all benefit from an objective, well-trained medical mind calling us out on our shit. :) Our lives are a series of little blips that can cause earth-shattering moments later. Good luck!