Monday, January 6, 2014

Being a Grownup

what was waiting for me when I got home from work
I’m almost 34, and am having my very first real feelings of being a grownup.  Sure, I’ve been an “adult” since 18…whoever thought of that age is crazy, but I think there is a big difference between being an adult and a grownup.  Sure I’ve done grownup things, moved out, bought a house, took care of myself, got married, got pregnant.  All of those are pretty adult things to do, but this week will be a very grownup week for me.  Chris has officially started his new job, with his new shift: 3pm – 1am.  Chris and I have been spoiled since we met, having the same schedule, and getting to spend all of our free time together.  But now my fun loving time with my husband, will be a quick weekday lunch here or there, a quick kiss in the morning (if I happen to wake him up), a quick kiss in the middle of my night (if he happens to wake me up), with no real quality time until the weekend comes.  This is going to be a huge adjustment for me.  Specifically dinner time, watching TV time.  Last night I cried like a baby (I’ll blame the baby for these out of whack hormones!) as I got ready for today, having to put my clothes out in the bathroom to get dressed compared to the bedroom, in preparation to not wake my sleeping husband, and as Chris tucked me into bed and kissed me good night.  I cried and cried.  I suppose a part of me will enjoy my evenings to myself, cooking at my leisure, going to the gym, bonding with baby.  But mostly, I’ll miss Chris.  Cooking dinner with him, eating dinner with him, cuddling on the couch watching TV with him, going to bed with him, waking up with him.  I realize that our schedules are about to be dramatically changed come May, and I also realize this schedule could be ideal once we go to put Baby Sweat in daycare, because with this schedule baby will only be in daycare part time, compared to what would most likely be full time if we worked the same hours.  So, I do see the positives, but right now I’m just documenting how much I’ll miss our evenings together.  I feel like this is a very “grownup” thing to do.  I feel like this is the first time I'm really having to work at our marriage.  I hope that makes sense.  Over the past 15 months that we've been married, we've both worked at it, but this is just different.  This change to our marriage and schedule, and to work through it.  And to value our time together even more.  I also know that this schedule isn’t permanent.  Hopefully Chris will get a “normal” work schedule, and we’ll be back on the same shift.  This will require a lot more work, and not that I’m fearful we won’t put in the work, I think the opposite in fact, I just think it’ll be different.  Our love is solid, and if anything this little challenge will make us stronger.  Especially now, as we prep for baby.  Life is always an adjustment, especially when it involves two people, and this is definitely an adjustment.  I accept the challenge and look forward to the growth it will give us.

4 comments:

Summer said...

Ouch! That shift is a bummer. It will be awesome for him to have some daddy time with the baby in the morning though! How's the daycare hunt? I've read in a few places that daycare costs are so ridiculous that sometimes (like if you live in NYC) it's actually more cost-effective to lose the second income and stay home. Hopefully it's not like that in Denver!

April said...

The search for a daycare has just started. I've found a couple of places that'll take a newborn, but haven't done anything beyond that. Next step will be phone calls.

Sarah Zook said...

I second the comment about if day care is worth the cost. Sometimes you end up paying to work! How little are you thinking you'll put baby in? 3 months? The places you actually would even consider putting an infant may not be cost effective for part time day care. If Chris' schedule doesn't change when baby is born, that'll be another adjustment. You guys will figure it out. It never ever gets easier...how well you communicate can though!

Emily Foley said...

If Chris doesn't go to work til three and you get home at 5 or 6, 3 hours of day care shouldn't be too bad. But man that's a rough schedule! I'm sorry you're so sad! When I got married Dave and I were still full-time students with jobs. He worked for a wholesale florist and worked 3 am to 1 pm, then he had class. I had class in the mornings and worked as a server at red robin from 3 or 4 until 11 or 12 am. We never saw each other! It got better after he graduated and got a real job but it was hard for that first year. You will be okay! It just gets a bit lonely after a while, but soon enough you'll have your sweet baby to help with that. :)