Friday, January 25, 2013

married life

my blogger friend Summer commented wanting to hear more of my married life.  and that comment made me ponder my thoughts on my married life, and how things have changed. 
since chris and i lived together prior to getting married, i honestly didn't expect much to change.  i had heard the "first year is the hardest" and i had just assumed that was for couples who had never lived together, because well i can see how cohabitating with someone can be cause for a big adjustment.  but living with chris really wasn't that big of an adjustment, now that i think about it.  i made it super big deal at the time, just because i had never done that before (live with a guy), and i told myself if i were to live with a guy it would be because we were engaged and planning a wedding.  now of course that did eventually happen, and if i were to take away my stupid crazy emotions, having chris move is was easy.  ...even only after 2 months of dating!!!  but hey, when you know you know.  each couple and relationship is unique and their own timing is their own.  and for me everything has worked, so i should really learn to just go with the flow, and stop questioning everything.  especially now that we are married.  it would create a lot less emotional freak-outs on my end, and probably a more happy household.  anyways, i'm rambling....
sometimes it is still weird to me that i'm married.  honestly i'll look down at my hand just for the reminder i am married, and that i have this amazing man in my life...forever.  another weird thought i have is that this will be the longest relationship i'll ever be in.  which makes me think back to the only other relationship i have been in, and that was 21 months long.  what's super weird about that is chris and i have only been together 20 months!  i can easily categorize those 20 months with chris.
months 1 - 6 we dated
months 6 - 17 we planned a wedding
months 17 - 20 we're married!
a lot in a short amount of time.  and some more change coming!
so in 21 months with my ex we dated and it ended in heartbreak.  20 months with chris, and we're married!  i know they say not to compare, but i just think it is interesting.
i do a feel a sense of comfort knowing i'm married, and knowing chris will be by my side.  what i'm trying to reestablish, are some of my friendships.  i definitely feel like i'm in this "married life" bubble.  and it's great, but it's too much.  does that make sense?  my life was pretty awesome prior to chris, and i miss some of those aspects of my pre-chris life.  i'm working on incorporating everything together, so that i don't get too much of any one thing.  my friendship, my gym life, blogging.  i miss all of those things.  now they haven't gone completely to the waste side (or at least i feel they haven't), but i definitely need to create more of a happy medium.  all of those things make me happy, and because i haven't had a lot of my friendships, gym time, and blogging in my life it has started to affect my happiness, and my own mental state.  which makes it hard for me to accept chris' love, because right now i don't love me - all of me.  i can't put all of my happiness and love into chris, i don't think that is fair to either one of us.  so for right now, one of the biggest challenges of my married life is trying to find some room for what was my single life.  of course i don't mean the dating scene etc...i strictly mean my friendships, gym time, and blogging.  all of those things have significantly decreased, and i miss them, that's all.
so that's a small glimpse into my married life.  what was one of your post-married life differences?
happy friday!


Summer said...

I heard that about the first year too. Our anniversary is coming up, and this year has been nothing but fun! There were fights and tears, but I loved all of it.
Even now, alot of my single friends don't seek me out anymore. It makes me feel a little isolated, so I try to plan shopping trips and girls nights with them so they know I'm still a human being!
Living with a man was a huge post-marriage difference for me. And bills. Ew bills.
Good luck with the balancing act! You've got so much on your plate.

Anonymous said...

Yay! I have time to read your blog, real time, now that I am not scrapbooking it or doing other stuff that has kept me from making the time! It's a constant balancing act - marriage, family, career, fun, girl time, domestic responsibilities, "me time," etc. You'll get it all figured out.... I can tell you that balancing all these things is a constant struggle in my life and I think that is normal. The important thing is that you recognize it, therefore can make adjustments where needed!...Dont forget about "cousin time" every now and then!! :)

Love Kari

Emily Foley said...

The hardest part for me was that Dave is an introvert and hates crowds and I've always been more outgoing and love parties and being with people. My first year of marriage was lonely. Dave and I had fun together but we didn't have any married friends and my best friend didn't like Dave so I never saw her anymore. But he graduated and we got some friends and it all got easier. I hope you find your balance!

sarahlove said...

I am spot on with Emily! It's about balance. If you start to feel like your social life is too high, adjust to more time with your love. And likewise. It will never be 50/50 no matter how hard you try. It's a swinging pendulum. Once I realized that and accepted it, things are swinging must more freely.