It's not real, until it is real. It's becoming more and more real.
My life is drastically changing and I'm still in denial about well, all of it. There are a lot of positives that this move brings, but I'm just not ready to look at all of the good, until I am totally done grieving the things I'm losing (have lost), and that will probably be awhile.
We traveled to Alamogordo (about 3 hours south of Albuquerque) at the end of September for Chris to have an in person interview and to check out the town. Similar to Albuquerque, Alamogordo is super spread out and dirty. I wasn't impressed. It's a military town of about 30,000 and near White Sands National Monument, and about 90 minutes north of El Paso, TX. By October 1st we had decided to move. We met with our pastor to discuss this move and all of the fears that I have...mainly Chris not being able to keep this job. Pastor Ken advised to look at it as a adventure, just one of life's many curve balls. Ultimately with me not having a job, and Chris not having a job, I feel like this is the right path for our family. After lots of endless praying, I can't help but feel and hope that this door is opening for a reason.
I'm still grieving the loss of my job, although thankfully I've been super busy since being unemployed. But having that security for 12 years I'm still going through an adjustment.
Now I'm grieving what I know I'm about to lose: my house. I love my house. Even though when we bought this house Chris knew there would be a time we would move again, I had a small dream that this house would be our forever home. I knew I would want that "forever home" for my family, I'm used to that stability. My parents still live in the only house I ever lived in, in Albuquerque. I had hoped to provide that for Helena. Now that is a dream I have to say good-bye to.
I'm losing my friends, my church, my gym. It's a lot, and I don't want to go.
But.
Isn't there always a but?
I am gaining a lot.
With the cost of living being much cheaper in Alamogordo and Chris' new job, another dream of mine will become a reality. I will get to stay home with Helena. Obviously, this is huge, and I'm extremely grateful for this opportunity to get to stay home full time with my daughter.
We will also be much closer to family. Being only 3 hours away from my parents, and majority of my extended family is a luxury I haven't had for the past 13 hours, and one that I know Helena will gain a lot from.
I'll be near other families with kids. Since Alamogordo is a military town, I hope to be able to easily make new friends with Mom's who have kids.
It's only temporary. Chris is working for Aramark a worldwide company, and his new employer knows he has no desire to live in southern New Mexico for the rest of his life, and ideally we want to end up someplace more metropolitan.
I never thought I would be moving back to New Mexico, let alone Alamogordo, New Mexico. And although I know this is a step forward for our family, part of me feels like it is a step back.
I've been highly emotional and sobbing just about every single day. Everything has been moving at lightening speed, Chris starts his new job 11/2. Getting the house ready, seeing friends, it's been hectic and overwhelming.
There are so many things I'm going to miss about Denver. I'm not even going to attempt to list it out as I don't want to start crying.
2 comments:
Wowza. Oh man. Such a big change! I'm so glad Chris found a job. At least it's somewhere a little familiar. We've been praying for you guys. I hope you find peace! Being a SAHM is a BIG adjustment, but I'm sure you will love it. Good luck selling the house!
This will be a big, hard adjustment I'm sure. It was for me. It's taken me years to be at peace with living in Gallup. But I have made the most wonderful friends and found that I love living in a smaller town in general, especially since there is NO traffic. Ever. I really appreciate that. I have a friend that just moved from here to Alamogordo and she LOVES it. Like, totally totally loves it. You're so close to a lot of fun things. I know selling the house you love sucks and leaving the people and places you love SUCKS. But one thing I found when we moved here was how it brought Dave and I even closer. We didn't know anybody, we didn't have any friends, and we had to rely on each other and he became my very best friend, even though he already was. So good things can come from this move, but I won't preach to you. Right now it's hard and it sucks, and I'm sorry.
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