Bennett Martin

Please welcome Bennett Martin!
Born Monday April 25, 2016
Weight: 8 pounds 5 ounces
Height: 20 inches


Here is Bennett's birth story:
I feel that his birth story should start off with the birth of his sister.  Helena was born via scheduled c-section at 39 weeks in fear of big baby.  At her 36 week growth ultrasound the tech advised she was already 9 pounds, and with 3 weeks still to "cook" we were looking at a 10 pound baby.  At that moment I wish I had gone with my gut in knowing that this baby would not be 10 pounds.  Even though I am a bigger person I am small boned...I have small wrists and fingers, and Chris is small boned too.  My gestational diabetes was insulin controlled and I just knew this baby wouldn't be 10 pounds.  But I chose to believe my doctor and the ultrasound tech when they said the c-section would be best, even though my doctor knew I desperately wanted a vaginal birth.  As a first time mom you just believe what you are told.  Now I know that the further along you are the less accurate those growth scans are and now know that at the very least I should have been given the option to at least go into labor. At the time I prayed and prayed I would go into labor, but that didn't happen and the scheduled c-section went as scheduled.  Helena was born weighing 7 pounds 15 ounces.  Nowhere close to her 10 pound prediction and I was extremely disappointed, as was my doctor.  But it was too late.
Jump forward two years and I'm pregnant again.  The beginning of my pregnancy with Bennett was in Denver where I went to go see the doctor who delivered Helena.  I advised her I wanted to do a VBAC and her response was supportive but then advised she herself wouldn't do a VBAC (she's had two c-sections herself).  In my gut I knew I would need to find a more VBAC friendly provider but put it off.  Then we found out we were moving.  To a small town with no big hospital or resources.  I took my prenatal care to a doctor here in Alamogordo starting at 14 weeks to 32 weeks.  They were VBAC friendly, but would not induce.  So I either had to go into labor on my own or I would have another c-section. In my gut I had a feeling that this doctor was just telling me what I wanted to hear and in the end would end up with another c-section.  Plus the hospital in Alamogordo didn't have the care available and had a nasty VBAC consent form, plus no NICU, so if something were to happen to baby, baby would immediately be airlifted to El Paso.  I just didn't want to do that.
After meeting lots of mom's and almost immediately after meeting asking them "where did you have your baby?" I was referred to Dr. Reddy at Mountain View hospital in Las Cruces (an hour away).  I saw Dr. Reddy for the first time at 33 weeks and was immediately more confident in his approach to VBACs.  He advised I had a 70% of having one and that the number would dramatically increase or decrease depending on if I went into labor on my own.  I was so much more comfortable with him and felt that he was really going to give me a shot at this whole VBAC thing.  I of course, hated the drive and the feeling of the unknown, but knew this was where I was suppose to be.
Deciding to do a VBAC in and of itself is scary.  Chris and I prayed a lot.  It's so easy to just schedule another c-section.  With that scenario I knew what to expect.  There was no guess work.  Plus I kept telling myself, What if I do this and just end up with another c-section anyways?  It was an extremely emotional decision to make, and honestly one I doubted until they brought the doctor into the room to deliver my baby (more on that later).
I had one last growth ultrasound in my 39th week and the ultrasound tech said he was 9 pounds.  I took that information with a grain of salt and went with my gut that I should have with Helena, that this baby wouldn't be "big".
The Tuesday before my due date (4/19) I thought I was in labor.  That morning I thought my water broke, and was having contractions all day.  Chris called my mom at 5am to have her come down (she was scheduled to come down the next day).  Chris went to work and my mom arrived by 8:30am.  Chris was home by noon, I did a lot of bouncing and rolling on my exercise ball, went for a long walk, but nothing ever became regular about my contractions.  I had advised my doctor that I thought my water broke, so by that evening he said I needed to come get checked out.  So we made the hour drive to Las Cruces said good night to Helena (that was SO hard).  I got checked at triage just to find out my water was still intact and that my cervix was still closed and post-terrier.  I was devastated.  I immediately started doubting my body and what in the world labor was.  Every woman says "Oh you'll know what a contraction feels like."  So every time I thought I was having a contraction, but didn't know that it was indeed a contraction, I dismissed it and told myself it wasn't a contraction.  I was playing mind games with myself and I hated it.  At that time I already had my induction set for the evening of my due date.  So we were discharged from the hospital and drove the hour home.  The rest of the week was normal.  I continued to do things that I had hoped would put me into labor but nothing.  So we made the drive again to Las Cruces Sunday (4/24) night.  Upon arrival I was checked and still nothing.  My cervix was shut.  I spoke to Dr. Reddy and he advised that at 40 weeks pregnant and to not even be at a 1 my chances of a VBAC were decreasing.  As the nurse said: My cervix was unfavorable for a vaginal delivery.  At that point I called my doula.  I asked her if she had ever seen someone with an "unfavorable" cervix go forward and have a successful VBAC.  She said no.  At this time I was not hopeful.  I was given three options: go forward with the induction (all they could give me was pitocin), get a c-section, or go home and come back in another 3 or 4 days.  I immediately ruled out the last option.  I was ready to have this baby and didn't want to drive back home and have yet another good-bye with Helena.  Plus emotionally I didn't want to deal with all of that.  So in my mind it was either be induced or have a c-section.  Chris and I prayed about it and decided we would do the induction and if I hadn't progressed by morning then a c-section it would be.  At this point I was already mentally preparing for a c-section.  By 9:30pm the pitocin drip was up and running.  Mild contractions started immediately along with the shakes.  Oh the shakes, the horrible horrible shakes.  I got checked at midnight and was at a 1 (or maybe a 2 I don't remember).  The cervical check was horrible and incredibly painful.  The nurse advised that if I couldn't handle the cervical check I wouldn't be able to handle the foley bulb (now an option to get me dilated more, now that I was officially progressing).  She suggested an epidural.  My first thought was I must be a chicken to be getting an epidural so early in the laboring process!  Also knowing it was so early in the process I knew getting an epidural would mean I would be stuck in bed.  Then the nurse told me that if I did get an epidural it would help me sleep.  That sold me.  So I got an epidural.  Dr. Reddy came in and put in the foley bulb, and just as he was walking away I told the nurse, "Something just fell out".  The foley bulb fell out immediately.  So she called back in the doctor and they discussed putting in a bigger one, which I guess is something they don't keep on hand because they are rarely used, but then eventually found a bigger one, and put that one in.  That got me to a 4 or a 5?  And Chris and I were able to sleep some.  I got checked again at 8am and was at a 6 I think?  At 9am they broke my water (I had meconium) and I called my doula and she arrived by 10am.  At this point I was in disbelief that this was really happening.  That I was really dilating, that I was really in labor, that I was really progressing.  Everything was pointing to a vaginal birth, not a c-section.  I honestly couldn't believe it.  The whole morning I had my eyes closed.  I think that was my zen.  I wanted the room silent.  Whenever one of our phones would get a notification it just bugged me.  So I had Chris turn our phones off.  I just kept my eyes closed and breathed.  I thought about having some music on, I had specifically thought about Mercy Me, but I never got around to asking.  I got sick at some point in time which was horrible.  And I kept telling everyone I had to poop...because of the epidural they also put in a catheter.  Carrie (my doula) kept telling me that was the baby descending.  They let me know the baby was already at a + 1 station and that meant less pushing for me once that time came.  I felt so much relief knowing my body was responding to being induced!  When I got checked at 1pm I was complete!  I can't tell you how it felt to know I had progressed all the way to a 10!  I remember the doctor telling the nurse to come get him when I was two minutes out.  I had the go ahead to start pushing which I wanted to do right away!  It took a few contractions for me to get the feeling of pushing correctly and my doula had advised that first time vaginal deliveries the woman pushes for 2 to 3 hours.  I immediately told myself no way am I pushing for that long.  Even though I was thrilled to be progressing throughout my whole labor I doubted myself.  I tried to back out probably more times than I care to admit.  Both Carrie and Chris had to remind me constantly why I was doing this.  I wanted to give up many times.  Once I got the right sensation of the pushing things were definitely a "go".  I had the nurse in between my legs, Carrie holding one leg, Chris the other.  I was so hot that I had wet cloths on my forehead and behind my neck.  Between contractions they would be fanning me.  I knew that things would get serious once the doctor was called.  I of course had to sense of time but I knew it had to be close.  Then finally the moment I was waiting for: the nurse called the doctor and they brought in the table with the vacuum and forceps etc...and everyone was telling me "It's real.  The doctor is on his way."  It really wasn't until this moment that I truly believed I would be having this baby vaginally.  I think I had 3 or 4 contractions with the doctor and I remember him looking at me telling me you're going to have this baby.  I had no desire to touch his head or to watch with a mirror, but I could see the reflection of everything going on from the TV in the room.  I rarely opened my eyes, but when I did I couldn't help but look, and in that moment of him coming out that moment of pure ecstasy I saw my baby leave my body and be put on my chest.  It was so euphoric.  Honestly the feeling of him coming out didn't really hurt all that bad.  It was like this pressure gone.  I pushed for a little less than an hour and baby was born at 1:54pm.  He was placed on my chest but only for a few moments as they had to take him to check on the meconium, but he was right next to me and I got to see him the whole time.  I immediately started crying.  I couldn't believe it!  I got my VBAC!!!  While baby was getting checked the doctor kept working and I asked a few times if things were ok.  He said they were.  I got a 2nd degree tear inside.  Which I've been told is better than an external tear, and that internal tears heal easier and quicker.  Before too long my baby was back on my chest and we did an hour of skin on skin and he latched for the first time.  Then Chris got to hold him and named him Bennett Martin.  It was such an amazing moment.  Then baby got cleaned up, my doula left, and we were now a family of four.
Today honestly has been a turning point in my recovery, because just two nights ago I was questioning if this was all worth it.  All I can say is that I'm in pain...down there.  It is horrible.  I can't go to the bathroom like normal and as the day progresses it gets worse.  But today, today isn't as bad.  I'm 9 days postpartum and my stitches will be gone by Monday (2 weeks) and hopefully everything will be back to normal.  I know that a 2 week recovery is much better than a 8 week recovery.
I still can't believe it.  It feels extremely empowering to do something you say you are going to do.  And I honestly feel like this is the first thing in a long time where I actually did what I said I was going to do.  Bennett came out beautiful and the nurse even said my cervix was meant to birth a baby.  How crazy is it to go from a "unfavorable" cervix to a cervix that's meant to birth a baby?!  The doctor immediately told me I could do it again if I wanted to.  Now knowing what I know I feel so robbed of my birth of Helena.  And even the doctor said at the very least I should have been given the opportunity to labor with my first pregnancy regardless of size.  I obviously can't change the past, but I feel amazing that I was able to have my second baby vaginally.  We were able to go home the next day and Helena is a great big sister.

checking into the hospital to be induced at exactly 40 weeks

End of Pregnancy

38 weeks

my entertainment at Mondays NST

The end of pregnancy is so hard to describe.  It is truly filled with every single emotion possible, especially since I have knowledge of this feeling as this is my second pregnancy.  How it seems like time is at a stand still as the days go by wondering when this little dude will make an appearance, but then knowing that once baby does come these last few days (weeks) of pregnancy will be a distant blur.  Having the realization that pregnancy doesn't last forever even though you feel that way, and that one day (soon, but who knows when?) it'll be over.
The huge difference this time around, of course, is truly not knowing when I'll have this baby boy in my arms.  With Helena's birth as a scheduled c-section I knew when I would be holding her.  This time I have no clue.  I'm definitely at peace of not knowing, but that doesn't mean I'm not curious and anxious.
Last week was super rough.  There was a play date last Tuesday at White Sands and I think climbing up in the sand and then going to Walmart in the afternoon where I had some contractions I just pushed myself too hard.  By early Wednesday morning I had some horrific hunger pains, although I wasn't hungry, and then I just had a horrible horrible stomach ache.  I kept having to go to the bathroom and felt extremely weak.  Thankfully my mom was on her way down for a visit to help with my last two most recent doctor appointments, and I called Chris to come home since I seriously couldn't move (besides from the couch/bed to the bathroom).  I then started throwing up.  I had no clue if I was in the beginning stages of labor (I obviously wasn't) or if I was just sick.  I seriously had zero energy and slept all day long, and if I wasn't sleeping I was on the toilet.  I couldn't even keep down gatorade.  I had a fever and felt absolutely horrible.  The worse I think was just feeling so weak.  I thought "If this is labor, no way can I do this."  I had both my mom and Chris worried about me since I was so out of it.  Thankfully baby was active all day, so I knew he was ok.  That was reassuring.  By Thursday morning I was able to eat some, and baby looked great at the doctors appointment on Thursday morning.  Who knows what it was, but thankfully it was short-lived and I feel fine now and have my energy back!
Now it's just a waiting game.  The doctor told me to do lots of walking and to sit on my exercise ball, which I've been doing both of.  While my mom was here, we prepped 10 freezer crock pot meals and I'm doing lots around the house this week in preparation of going into labor at any moment.  Plus lots of praying that this little babe will put me into labor so that way I don't have to be induced.
Helena handled her transition without the rocking chair super easy...almost too easily.  I cried like a baby.  She had one rough night, but she knows that the rocking chair is in her little brothers room.  Plus she likes all of her toys in her room...we moved her toys into the space where the chair was.  She's fascinated by baby brother's room, and wants to go in there all the time.
Now we wait.  My mom predicts that baby will come on 4/22 because it is a full moon.  And that date works fine for me, as my mom will be back in town on 4/20 (if she doesn't come sooner) and that gives my family one last weekend to enjoy as a family of 3.  I really do like my new doctor, and baby boy is happy and healthy and is passing all of his NST's and BPP's.  His heartrate is always in the 150's to 160's.  Some big differences with this pregnancy and Helena's: I got much more gasy much earlier on, with burps and stuff.  And his movement is not as consistent as what Helena was.  But now that I'm further along I of course feel him more.

Easter Weekend

 We had a great Easter Weekend.  I'm really truly trying to treasure these last handful of weekends while we are a family of three.
We went to a local park for a little Easter parade, the Easter bunny, and a Easter Egg hunt.  It was a lot of fun.  The day before we were blessed with getting a beautiful dress in the mail from Grandma Sweat!  These dress is beautiful, and the second one (like it) that Grandma Sweat has made.  Helena wore the first one for my maternity photo shoot!  I'm so thankful she has such a crafty Grandma to make her these truly special items!
Saturday afternoon we had another meeting with my doula.  It was a great meeting, and I'm feeling more and more at peace about this baby and birth, and feeling comfortable that he'll let me know when he wants to come.
We went to a special Saturday afternoon Easter Service at a new church (we're still church shopping).  The service was ok, Chris and I were distracted as Helena accidentally got called from the day care.  So I think we need to give this church another try.

Easter Egg Hunting

 Helena didn't get a visit from the Easter Bunny last year, so we made sure he made a stop this year.  She got some hot wheels cars, stickers, and a little fish rubber thing.  And a stuffed bunny that we got from the daycare at church last week.  She really enjoyed all the goodies!
We then went up to Ruidoso to Inn at Mountain of the Gods for some Easter Brunch.  We thankfully got there right before there were done serving breakfast.  We walked around the property and had a great time.

 When we got home we colored some eggs which Helena really enjoyed, and was worried about making a mess!

 Then right before bath time Chris "hid" the eggs in the backyard, and we did another Easter Egg hunt.  She had a great time walking around saying "looking eggs".  Chris hid the eggs twice and it was a lot of fun.  She's now obsessed with eggs.

It was a great weekend.  Chris and I even watched a movie (over two nights) The Martian.  It was a really good movie.

Helena at 22 months

I want to try and document as much of this month as possible.  Mainly because this is Helena's last full month as an only child.  I specifically remembering after I had her that if I were to have any more babies, she would be the oldest.  She would have us as her parents the longest.  It's weird knowing how drastically her role in our family is about to change, and that at the same time she doesn't even really know it.  She of course knows of baby brother and there are times he kicks her while she is in my lap, and she just ignores it.  She knows where the babies room is and that mommy has a baby in her belly.  She's fascinated by his pictures on the refrigerator and likes to kiss and hug the baby.  I know that she'll be a great big sister.  I am concerned about her listening and how she'll react to the crying.  But we'll all be making adjustments.

I'm hoping that within the next two weeks to do a "day in the life" post just so I can remember all the details of only having one child.  It's crazy how things are about to double.  Like at the end of my pregnancy with Helena I find myself doing things right now because I know I can do them now much easier than what life will be like post baby.  I suppose that is what nesting is all about. Doing things now while I still can.  Without having to get two kids in and out of the car, without splitting my attention, taking my time with Helena.

Helena is changing daily.  It's amazing how quickly she picks things up.  Mainly in the world of her vocabulary.  She can carry on a full conversation.  She'll come into a room and say "hi" or "how are you doing today?", I'll respond with "good" and she says "good day today".  Or in the morning or after nap, I'll ask her how she slept.  And she'll say "sleep good".  You ask her to do something and she'll respond "oh sure".  Not too sure where she got that, because neither Chris or I say "sure".  She says "I love you too, Mommy or Daddy".  Or just "I love you too".  She loves to give hugs and kisses, by saying "mommy hugs or mommy kisses".  ...she's usually all about the kisses when she is doing something she knows she's not suppose to be doing.  She says "sorry" instead of "stop".  Like if we're washing her hair in the bathtub she'll go "sorry sorry sorry".  She loves that she can make anything into a hat, by putting it onto her head.  If you are reading a book and you ask her "where is the apple?" she'll respond and say "looking" while looking over the page and then pointing to the apple, or whatever it is you asked her to find.  She says "delicious" and it's the cutest thing you ever did hear.  Although she's been doing this for some time now I've never documented it, she pushes her hair back.  For the longest time she would just let her hair be in her face.  I think shortly before we moved she finally figured out she could use her hands to get her hair out of her face.  When I let her know she's going to the daycare at either church or MOPs she'll say "play with friends" or "toys".  In the bath she'll go swimming and make bubbles.  She knows all of her body party, animals and animals sounds.  Can count to 3.  Knows her ABC's with prompting, but will sometimes say 3 or 4 letters by herself.  She loves lotion.  She's sprouting two more teeth, her bottom canines.  Teething was really rough last week.  She hardly ate and was super clingly.  One big transition we're in the process of is eliminating the rocking chair before nap and bedtime.  Mainly because it's getting uncomfortable with me, and we need to move the rocking chair into baby brother's room.  I know the chair won't be used right away, but I would love to be able and just put Helena down without rocking.  Although truth be told this transition is taking a lot longer because I do know I will miss it.  When we do go down for a nap or are leaving the house to run some errands she'll say "bye toys".  Or specifically "bye owl" if we aren't taking him with us.  Everything is on repeat, so we have started to really watch what comes out of our mouths.  She's great at saying "please" and "thank you".  When we pull into the garage she'll say "here" or "home".  She's confused by up and down.  She knows what up is, but often if she wants down, she'll say "up" so usually she'll just say both until she gets what she wants.  She also definitely has her own language.  There are times she's talking complete gibberish and she knows what she is saying, but I don't have a clue.  There are also times where she's saying something and I should know what it is, but I don't.  But thankfully I'm learning how quickly her vocabulary is growing and changing, so I hope there aren't too many language challenges, especially with baby brother coming in the next few weeks.  She really is awesome.  And I pray that her little brother will be a nice laid back easy baby!

I read an adult book

One new thing living here in Alamogordo is meeting new people, and creating new friendships.  One of the first Mom's I met: Laura invited me to her book club.  I've been to one so far (in January) but it was a blast, and definitely want to continue to go!  I've never been part of a book club before, but one thing I really like about this one, is even if you don't read the book you still get to go.  The book for February was "Room" (I just finished it, and I missed February's meeting because it was while I was out of town).  I was excited about book club and really having an excuse to read a book.  It's easily been 2+ years since I've read an adult book, and I really enjoyed it.  Now I want to see the movie, which I think will be a little bit more tricky to do.
I much preferred the last half of this book, as the first half I had a hard time getting into it.  The book is told from a 5-year old boys perspective, so getting adjusted to that dialogue and writing was a little difficult for me to get into.  But once I was used to it, his point of few definitely made the book more interesting.  The topic of this book I think would be difficult to write from an adults perspective just because of the issues involved, having the book told by Jack kept it's innocence, since Jack doesn't know anything else.
The book is about a woman help captive for seven years, with her soon, whom she gives birth to after 2 years of being held captive, and their escape.  I would recommend this book just because of the different narrative and to give yourself the view of how a 5 year old boy sees the world.

Pregnancy Update

Baby Boy Sweat 30w4d 2/17/16

Chris is working on a dresser in baby boy's room and soon to be big sister is sleeping, and I read this yesterday, so I feel like an update right now is important as I have lots of feelings and emotions going on in my head.  I unfortunately got too far behind on my weekly updates that when I would think about trying to update I would just get overwhelmed.  So this child already has less recorded from his big sister, and I'm trying not to feel too guilty about it.  I started getting overwhelmed at the beginning of February when an appointment with my preferred doctor got changed to another doctor that I could tell was not VBAC friendly.  And I feel like since then there has been some different issue going on almost daily.  It's been a lot to try and keep up with, but I will try and document as much as possible.
Since our move at the beginning of November I've mentioned my blood sugars at every single doctor's appointment, with no real action, until the beginning of February.  I had an appointment set for (another) 3 hour glucose test just to find out that my insurance wouldn't cover another 3 hour test until I failed a one-hour test.  So after mentally preparing for a 3hr test, I did the one hour test.  At this appointment the doctor asked about my birth plan, which I stated (again) VBAC.  ...when we met for the first time in December and I told her I intended to VBAC she responded that I still had time to change my mind.  Which indicated to me that she wasn't really a VBAC friendly provider.  At this appointment in February she asked again, and I advised VBAC, then out of nowhere she asked if I was getting my tubes tied.  This shocked me.  My first thought was "wow, this women really wants to cut be open", as her point was, if I did want my tubes tied, that the procedure is pretty easy follow in a c-section.  But to present it that way, especially after voicing my desire to VBAC I truly felt like she wasn't listening.  And then to assume I'm done having kids, I was just speechless.  Especially because Chris and I haven't had this conversation, and for her to give me a permanent solution to birth control, truly seemed out of left-field.  I really just wanted to get through this appointment.  I (of course) failed my 1 hour glucose test, and get the 3 hour scheduled for the following Monday.  I fail the 3 hour and I'm officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes and am put on insulin.  That was the Wednesday prior to leaving for my trips to ABQ and Denver.  Long story short, my insurance declined the prescription that the doctor wrote for the insulin....Who knew they could even do that?....I do not recommend Blue Cross Blue Shield!  So after a lot of back and forth I finally get some insulin my first night in ABQ.  Once I get it, it's not the dosage that I had reviewed with my doctor, in fact it wasn't even my doctor who called in the new prescription, it was from a doctor I hadn't even ever met!  So then I was really confused and upset and decided to not deal with it until my return to Alamogordo.  Finally 2 weeks after I was prescribed to be on insulin I was able to talk to my doctor this past Tuesday and get everything settled.  In addition to that, there were issues with the glucometer.  And I'm sure other things that I'm forgetting.  Once I was diagnosed with GD the doctors office finally started giving me the care that I felt I needed, but at that point it was too little too late.  I had started the process of possibly having this baby in Las Cruces with a highly referred doctor.  Chris and I met with a doula and really looking at all of our options.  We toured both hospitals (the one here in Alamogordo, and the one in Las Cruces), and made an appointment to meet the doctor in Las Cruces.  From the beginning I've felt the doctor that I somewhat like here in Alamogordo was basically just telling me what I wanted to here in regards to my VBAC wishes.  It was a similar feeling with the doctor I had Helena with.  I was also feeling extremely anxious about the birth of this baby, and where we were going to have it.  On Friday we drove to Las Cruces and met with the doctor (thankfully Chris was able to come and meet him, too).  It was really good (although he was running extremely late, which was frustrating).  He's much more aggressive in his VBAC approach, which makes him a lot more confident, which in turn gives me more confidence.  He has a higher success rate, and the hospital itself gives me huge peace of mind, as it has a NICU, is baby-friendly, and a 24-hour anesthesiologist.  And Chris liked him.  So we have a decision!  We are having this baby in Las Cruces and I'll be canceling all of my appointments here tomorrow!  I feel like a huge weight is lifted that at 33 weeks pregnant I know where I'm having my baby.  But that doesn't mean I'm not nervous and anxious, because I am.  And part of me is sad and feels bad to "fire" my doctor here.  I thrive off of what I know.  And this is the doctor's office that I've known since we moved, and that is where I'm comfortable, but I truly feel that Las Cruces is going to be best, and is going to give me and my baby the best start!  In addition to that we've hired the local Doula, and I'm really looking forward to that relationship growing, and having a great labor and birth!  We still need to figure out the details in regards of what to do with Helena, but we have some options to discuss and we'll hopefully get all of that figured out soon.
I've been feeling really behind this pregnancy.  This time two years ago Helena's room was ton, clothes were washed, car-seat installed, and I wasn't even this far along.  As I get bigger and more and more uncomfortable as baby boy takes up more space and as slow the last few weeks of pregnancy can seem, I'm also highly aware of how quickly they will go, so when I think about having a newborn baby here, I don't feel ready.  Which makes me feel uneasy.  Chris assures me that everything will be ready and set to go by next weekend, and I know that'll make me feel much better.  Then there is the love.  Every single time I get to see baby boy, or even just feeling me move throughout the day, I start to get overwhelmed by the love.  I wrote about the love that I felt for Helena and how it wasn't this wam bam type of love just because I didn't know what to expect as a first time mom.  But as I got comfortable in my motherhood role and as I got to know Helena it was amazing the immense amount of love you feel.  Now that I know what to expect, I love this little boy.  I am brought to tears every time I get to see him and the moments I get to see him move I immediately giggle and get teary eyed.  Just because I now know the love this little boy will bring, and it is so exciting to think about.
I truly can't wait to see him and love on him and kiss him, and I know how quickly the rest of this pregnancy is going to go, I just hope I'm ready!

Two Trips

Over Christmas my childhood friend Michelle offered to throw me a Baby Sprinkle.  So we picked out a date and made it official, for the end of February.  Then I figured if I was going to make the drive to Albuquerque, I may as well take advantage of the airport in town, and fly somewhere.  Denver was the easiest choice.  So we made it a girls trip and packed up me, my mom, and Helena and headed to Denver.  My main motivation was to see Andrea and Grayson.
So last Tuesday Helena and I drove to Albuquerque.  I got to have a nice late lunch/early dinner with my cousin Kari.  It was great to see her.  Then Wednesday we flew to Denver.  Helena did really good on the flight.  We had difficulty with the car seat at the car rental that was a mess, but finally got it installed.  We stopped by Andrea's and picked up a pack 'n play they so graciously let us borrow.  We then went to a fire station to get the car seat installed correctly, and the firemen were super nice and they let Helena and my mom go back and look at the shiny new fire truck!  We then went downtown to have dinner with a couple of old co-workers.  It was fantastic going to a non-chain restaurant and enjoy good food and good company!  I loved it.  I knew I missed the food options but actually being there made me jealous that there are all of these options right at other people's finger tips.  Helena did really great.  It was a little rocky once we got to the hotel, because she knew she wasn't in her element.  And I had prepared for a not so smooth night.  We set up the pack 'n play, gave her a bath, and made sure she was super tired when I put her down.  She did wake up in the 11 o'clock hour (and she did the same the next 2 nights a well).  Thankfully each time she did wake up she just needed to be comforted, and then she would go back down and sleep the rest of the night.  The next day we had breakfast at Cracker Barrel then met up with Andrea and Grayson at the Broomfield Rec Center for some swimming!  Lately Helena has been "swimming" during her bath, laying on her belly and making bubbles.  It's so much fun, so I was excited to take her to a pool!  After the pool we got ready and went up to the play area in the rec center.  The play area is an area where Andrea and I used to take Helena and Grayson when there were just itty bitty crawlers, and to see them now is so amazing!  After the rec center we had lunch at Mad Greens, and I dropped off Helena and my mom at the hotel, for Helena to take a nap.  I then went to go see Erin for an eye-brow wax.  We then went to Flatirons Mall for Helena to play at the play area and for dinner at the Village Tavern.  It was a good day.  Friday we got up early and met Chendra for breakfast at the Huckleberry Tea House.  Chendra was Helena's babysitter, and I really wanted them to see each other.  After breakfast I went to Dance Jam at the gym!!!  Man oh man, I miss that place, those people, that energy, so much!  It was a blast.  After the gym we went back Andrea's house to drop off the pack 'n play and hang out with Grayson a little bit longer before heading to the airport.
Overall it was a great trip.  It was short, although I did that on purpose because I was really only willing to sacrifice two bad nights of sleep.  Plus it was a good farewell trip, as I honestly don't know when I'll be back to Denver.  It was a great opportunity to take while Helena is free to travel and plus I know that traveling with one child is easier than what it will be with two children.
I miss Denver and what it has to offer, but I've met some great people in Alamogordo, and this is where my life is (for now).  I truly pray that one day we'll be back in some sort of metropolitan city, and I know that I won't take it for granted.

  Saturday was a beautiful little Sprinkle thrown by my wonderful friend Michelle.  It was a really nice get together, and I'm so thankful for all of those who came.  Baby Boy Sweat got some great stuff!  And I'm finally feeling a little more prepared for this little dude.
Planning for two trips was crazy, and a lot more stressful than I had anticipated.  But I'm so happy I did it and that I took the opportunity to go.